“I mean, people should be envying us, you know.” – This Is Spinal Tap
A friend of mine has a really jealous wife. She went through his calendar and wanted to know who May was.
In the second year of my career, I didn’t get a bonus. I had gotten one the previous year, but by my second year I had done some great stuff, and managed to save the company quite a few dollars – as in several hundred thousand dollars. Since I had gotten one the first year for, and I quote, “managing not to cause my computer to short out by drooling on it”, I was expecting even more money.
Nope. Zero. Nada. Nil. Empty set. Biden’s brain.
Several of us at the company were all hired at the same time, and we compared notes. Almost no one had gotten a bonus. One person in the group did get one, but he wisely didn’t advertise it. I think it was because he had good hair. He still does.
Pavlov’s hair was really soft because he conditioned it.
Of course, I got together with another co-worker who also didn’t get a bonus, and we had (really) a pity-party. It may or may not have involved more alcohol than it should have, as well as us complaining about a company that provided us more than enough money for a comfortable living, great benefits, and fun work. It was exactly like two kids complaining that their parents were meanies.
One thing I’ve tried to do in my life is to understand when I’m mad, why I’m mad. Was I being an idiot, or did I have a legitimate grievance?
In this case, I thought long and hard about it, and came to this conclusion: I was securely and completely an idiot. A self-absorbed one at that. And just like a German sausage that’s been left out of the fridge overnight, I came to realize: spoiled brats are the wurst.
Why?
Watching Willy Wonka makes me crave chocolate. Perhaps I should avoid Breaking Bad.
I was angry because I wasn’t recognized as a special snowflake and given a pat on the head. It was selfish. Beyond that, it was silly.
From that point onward, I decided to have the following attitudes:
- If the place I work gives me something extra above my base salary for free, I’m going to take it and smile. It was more than I had before. If you always expect zero, you’re rarely disappointed.
- If the place I work doesn’t give me something extra? Smile anyway. Life is what it is, and being mad only upsets me, reduces my performance at work, and makes it less likely I’ll get something extra.
- Don’t worry at all about what someone else gets. It doesn’t matter. At all.
Now, there is an argument about “fairness” but I’ve noted that fairness is entirely in the eye of the beholder. It’s subjective, especially in an environment where raises and bonuses are based not as participation trophies, but as an actual reward for performance.
Yeah, her ears stick out and she has a list of previous boyfriends tattooed on her back.
In reality, every second I’ve worried about someone else’s situation is a second of my life that was as wasted as Kamala Harris sounds whenever she talks. In fact, I’ve trained myself to not feel upset. An example: when I was in Texas, driving my (bought used) four-door mutant-ninja-turtle-green Taurus® and I saw a $120,000 Mercedes™ pull up alongside at a stop sign, I’d think:
- Nice car. Bet they haven’t paid it off. I recall reading that something like 70% of people who own a Mercedes© bought them with a loan. I assure you I owned my Taurus© free and clear.
- Okay, if they have paid their Mercedes® off, my Taurus™ was still far cheaper to insure.
I didn’t create these little mind games to elevate myself above them; that would be monstrous. No, I created them to kill any momentary envy I might have. I’ve been doing this for years now. It’s almost second nature.
How has it worked?
World hunger and Mercedes® have a lot in common. Princess Diana couldn’t stop either.
It’s worked really well. Now, when I see successful people I don’t envy them a bit. I try to learn more about them and how they got successful. Success isn’t about a competition against other people, success is the result of being the best that I can be. If I’m wallowing in self-pity or envy then there’s no way I can be the best that I can be, because I’d be spending too much time at Leftist protest marches.
I know that some groups advocate that “whatever you feel is natural, and you should totally go with it, dude.” And that’s utter nonsense. In most (not all – grief at the loss of a loved one comes to mind) cases I feel what I choose to feel. That’s right. I don’t have to feel whatever pops up into my brain.
I am responsible for my attitude. I am responsible for how I feel. These are not some alien being inhabiting my brain. These are my choices.
I can feel envy. I can feel self-pity. And if I choose those feelings? I’ll always, always be miserable.
Or I can reject those feelings, and feel pretty good about life.
Does that mean that I reject reality?
Certainly not. But I have no idea about the context of most people’s lives. To judge someone on a bonus, or a car? Nope – it doesn’t make sense.
I judge people rationally. By the size of their earlobes.
I spilled coffee on my keyboard. Now there’s no escape.
And one bonus I got later was stock. My boss apologized because they had authorized a certain number of shares, and the share price had gone down to $2 at the time he gave them to me. It wasn’t a lot of money.
I said, “thank you,” and really meant it.
I later sold the stock at $40.
See? Start with thankful. Good things will follow, except for the hair.
I do miss that.