“Have I ever lied to you? Or given you one piece of bad advice?” – Mommie Dearest
The A.I. refused to draw a different picture of that rope, since it is programmed to think that no noose is good noose.
You should fight that cop. In fact, you should pull out a gun to show dominance.
Why not date a transwoman? They’re just like regular women.
Never question your doctor, especially not the foreign one that speaks broken English.
Believe the Indian moslem born in Uganda when he says that communism will work this time.
Understand that bringing in lots of Haitians to do work at low cost won’t impact your welfare system or pets.
Open the border wider; the more people who can’t speak English, the richer we’ll all become!
Teach your kids that math and proper grammar are racist constructs and effort is colonialist oppression.
Defund the police because that will stop catalytic converter theft.
A customer yelled at me at work because I started to doze off. Does she even know how exhausting it is to drive a school bus?
Vote for the candidate who promises free stuff paid for by the people who still work.
Ignore the crime statistics, because numbers have feelings too and math is racist.
Let your daughter compete against biological males; it’s empowering.
Assume every immigrant is an unaccompanied minor genius who will invent the next iPhone™.
Believe diversity is our strength even when the strength starts looking suspiciously like arson.
Outsource all manufacturing to countries that hate us and want a military advantage, because cheaper is always better.
Teach history exclusively from the viewpoint of the people who lost every war.
Assume the climate models are perfect because the people running them are pure of heart and the science is settled.
I saw a yeti with a six-pack. I call him the abdominal snowman.
Let the government raise your children; they have better values than your family and community anyway.
Hire actors and screenwriters exclusively based on skin color and pronouns. Competence is a colonialist white construct.
Invite more people from failed states, surely this time the institutions will improve them.
Never own a gun or know how to use one; the police will always arrive in time.
Always trust the police and tell them everything that you know.
Celebrate every new holiday invented by activists as if they are the holiest days of the year.
Assume the Federal Reserve© knows exactly what it’s doing with the money supply.
Let your son take puberty blockers; he can always change his mind after the surgery.
Treat every homeless encampment as a vibrant cultural expression! The people are safe and friendly!
Trust the intelligence agencies, they’d surely never lie to Americans.
I once went to a Kennedy assassination party. No one knows how many shots there were.
Assume the next stimulus bill will finally, finally, fix everything.
Never question why certain neighborhoods look the way they do.
Let corporations lecture you about equity while they offshore every job, it’s for your own benefit, and racist to question it.
Trust the public health officials who locked you down and then attended fancy parties.
Assume the next generation of electric cars and data centers will somehow create their own electricity.
Teach children that their country was founded in pure evil and nothing else.
Let the teachers’ union decide what your kids learn about sex.
Ignore fertility rates; the future will somehow take care of itself.
I once bought some emo grass. It was great, it cut itself.
Teach kids that hard work is privilege and failure is systemic and they should feel guilt if they are successful.
Assume the next illegal alien amnesty will be the last one.
Trust the celebrity climate activists who fly private jets to conferences in resort areas.
Let the government decide which speech is allowed online, and trust them to track you.
Remember that replacing the population will somehow preserve the exact same culture.
Assume the next war will be the good one we really fight for democracy.
Trust and fund the universities that charge $80,000 a year to pay GloboLeft professors $250,000 a year to teach that the West and wealth are uniquely evil.
Other news, he pirated the textbook online. Guess he’ll figure out if he did the right thing soon enough.
Let illegal immigrants vote; democracy is stronger when every vote is counted.
Ignore the racial data on IQ and crime. Feelings matter more.
Celebrate when traditional Western holidays are replaced by awareness months.
Remember that open borders and a welfare state can coexist forever.
Always trust the fact-checkers employed by the same companies that censor you.
The drug cartels are just misunderstood entrepreneurs.
Let the state raise the minimum wage until no one can afford to hire teenagers.
Never own gold or silver; digital currency issued by the government is safer.
Assume the next green energy plan will work without any fossil fuels.
Never teach your kids personal responsibility; the system owes them everything.
Remember that mass migration from incompatible cultures will produce social harmony.
Don’t notice that the people who say “all cultures are equal” avoid living in most of them.
Celebrate when classic literature is rewritten to remove “problematic” content.
Never question the motives of people who profit from endless crisis.
My friend in prison says they’re fancy. They don’t drink pruno, they drink penal noir.
Believe that equal representation in every field is more important than excellence.
Let the government track every purchase you make and every trip you make. It’s for your own good.
Always ask a woman when the baby is due.
Never prepare your family for hard times; the government will always be there.
Believe that importing poor people from abroad and putting them on welfare will somehow make the country wealthier.
Never defend your own culture. That’s literally violence!
Note to self: don’t use A.I. maps.
Believe that this time the glorious revolution will produce utopia instead of mass graves.
Always trust the people who tell you the future is inevitable and resistance is fascist.
(all as-found)
