17 Hilarious Things To Think About On Friday

“That’s just morbid thinking.” – Return of the King

Women are not good at multitasking. Just tell one to sit down and shut up and you’ll see what I mean.

It’s been a while since I’ve done a numbered listpost of random thoughts, so here it is. I spiced it up with memes, so here are 17 things to think about on a Friday.

  1. The Universe is vast, and it’s certain that there is life out there on other planets, in fact I’ve predicted that we’ll find it in my life time. I’m not sure if there is intelligent life out there, but if there is, I am certain that aliens are not vegans because they would have contacted us to tell us about that already. Besides, if the government tells me that aliens are real, in 2026 I’ll immediately think they’re lying.

  1. The U.S.S. Gerald Ford was stationed with strike aircraft ready to attack Iran, and then their plumbing failed. To make repairs, they decided to stop off at the island of Crete, which makes this the first plumbing clog that has been fixed by adding Greece.

  1. Some are applauding that an American-born Hispanic is now the leader of the CJNG cartel. I say that’s colonialism and am holding out until they have a trans or gay cartel leader.

  1. Blacks are upset that a white guy said a word they don’t like at an awards ceremony. It is wonderful to see the oppressed multi-millionaire blacks responding to that oppressor man with Tourette’s syndrome with all the hate they can muster. Imagine if he had been dyslexic. He could have offended the redheads as well.

  1. India has ordered its citizens to leave Iran immediately, proving that Iran has some advantages. Thankfully, if India orders them out of the United States, we’ll only need one train. Shhhh, nobody tell them there is no rail service to India.

  1. The Andrew formerly known as Prince has proved that they even like to keep breeding close after railing his nephew’s wife (allegedly) before his nephew did, but it’s okay because she only did it for money back then. Did you hear about Meghan Markle’s tragic car accident? I think they have it planned for next month.

  1. Gavin Newsom told a black audience that since he’s dyslexic, just like them, he can’t read. But if you ask Harvey Weinstein, Gavin’s wife sure can breed. Gingers can’t be reached for comment, but Gavin was quoted as saying he sure was hungry for some fried chicken and watermelon.

  1. Cats have amazing self-esteem, nearly as high as a Millennial, though I’ve never seen a triggered cat in therapy for past trauma.

  1. What does a GloboLeftist ask his wife after sex? “Is he going to go home now, or did you want me to make you two breakfast?”

  1. I went on the DOJ website and when I wanted see one of the files, I got the creepy feeling that the DOJ is recruiting for Epstein.

  1. Everybody is an arch-villain in at least one other person’s story. Make it count, and ex-wives don’t count. I say go big: alienate your children.

  1. Kim Jong-Un is a pretty snappy dresser and probably has some pretty radical tattoo sleeves, but what happens when he starts to lift and take Ozempic®?

  1. I’m just waiting for the wave of GloboLeftist parents killed in the middle of the night by their children. Why? Because think of the real estate opportunities!

  1. 90% of the GloboLeft’s political agenda is a series of sexual fetishes pretending to be a political party. The other 10% is self-loathing and tears of impotent rage.

  1. Europe may be in the process of being invaded by violent Arabs and Africans and scheming Indians, but they sure can make bottle caps that don’t end up in the storm sewer.

  1. People wonder if we will be able to communicate one day with an alien species. Some wonder if we will be able to communicate with animals. Me? I just want the Indian telemarketers to stop calling my cell phone.

  1. Almost every problem existing in the world could be solved by sending people back to their home countries and by telling women “no” to most questions. Okay, technically that solves all the problems in Western countries and still leaves the third world as the third world. But when we tell the women, “no, that’s not our problem” then those problems will solve themselves. Or it won’t. But I wouldn’t know about it because we’ll have cut those countries off of the Internet.

Author: John

Nobel-Prize Winning, MacArthur Genius Grant Near Recipient writing to you regularly about Fitness, Wealth, and Wisdom - How to be happy and how to be healthy. Oh, and rich.

25 thoughts on “17 Hilarious Things To Think About On Friday”

  1. The free grocery lasted one week after the rainbow stew bubble up ran out.
    The warmth of collectivism can melt the snow.
    Obama missed the photo op of feeding the 5000 free rainbow stew bubble up.
    Honk, honk.

  2. So glad that people grew a spine and now mock muh diversity and retarded commie horseshit from the 19th century.
    Some have been doing it all along.

  5. I’m surprised Cousin Eddie hasn’t been named the patron saint of the Indian Diwali festival. He’s the only person in history who can generate poop on the same industrial scale as an Indian.

  6. Matt Walsh is spot on. #13 proves that.

    #8: Cats do have self-esteem, no doubt about that. Just ask a fat one. And are smarter than your average Pajeet.

    And read the snippet of #11 to sweetie and asked her what movie is this? She had no idea and laughed back, “too funny” when I told her.

  7. ‘Almost every problem existing in the world could be solved by sending people back to their home countries and by telling women “no” to most questions’

    Put you back in God favor. Seeing it’s what got you ejected from eden.

    Have to destroy feminism including organizatinally and return to the primacy of the dad-son bond, which reflects the divine Father-Son godhead in heaven, and uncoincidentally allows civilization to function instead of fail. Females out of nearly all public position, authority and control. Wait, your precious is an exceptional treasure!? Sucks dont it.

    So, restoration — or in the case of America — origination of God’s Holy Patriarchy, from a culture drenched in the masonic and goddessy and occult from before its beginnings. Because what you’ve got now essentially is rule by satanic plutocrats selling and enforcing the old pagan matriarchies under new brands like liberation, equality, release from oppression and the annihilation of babies and family. The priests are the colleges and media.

    Telling wives and daughters ‘no’ is v hard and rare in the US., but then of course the place is a gyno-gulag, whatcha expect. It’s so dishearening to witness over and over the Male Grov.

  9. Why assume Harry didn’t know? Maybe the uncle gave her a good review? Maybe they visited an island resort and shared her?

  12. It’s already a tied three way race to the bottom for the NFL, ( All the participants are communists, or dupes), between darkies, skirts and homos. Some day soon, if we aren’t all busy waxing each other (the bloody kind of waxing), the only way to see a good football game will be to put one together, or see a high school game.

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