“There’s one in every car.” – Repo Man
Who knew that all the actors were Chinese? (All art via A.I.)
In 2024, you could go see Dune and Ghostbusters at the movies. In 1984, you could go see Lynch’s Dune (meh, Harkonnens were too stupid), and the original Ghostbusters, certainly one of the finest comedies of all time – probably top 10, certainly top 20.
Was 1984 peak movie? Maybe. The following list is certainly an impressive one, and many, MANY of the ones I left off the list would be in the top three movies as far as quality in 2024.
The list is in no particular order.
Repo Man – A movie about an alien in the trunk of a car being driven around by the physicist who developed the neutron bomb. In a weird twist, the movie was actually one of the favorites of the actual inventor of the neutron bomb. The movie still holds up. There’s one in every car.
This is Spinal Tap – Yes, Rob Reiner is a horrible idiot for whom Meathead would be an upgrade name, but in 1984 he put together a talented team of comedic actors who ad-libbed a very funny mocumentary. This one really does go to 11.
Romancing The Stone – “Joan Wilder? THE Joan Wilder?” Novelist meets up with Indiana Jones-wannabe adventurer and is chased by Danny DeVito over a looted emerald. Nowadays it would be misogynistic colonialists getting involved with colonialism and cultural appropriation.
Why is he holding the snake’s tail?????
The Bounty – I re-watched this last month. A wonderful production shot in New Zealand which was my first exposure to the story. “What, you mean this really happened?” Mel Gibson and Anthony Hopkins chewing up the screen just like the two amazing actors they are.
Sixteen Candles – John Hughes started writing for National Lampoon in the 1970s. He moved to film, and made about a zillion dollars. Sixteen Candles was his first “teen” movie, and the first movie he directed, and featured a character named Long Duk Dong, who had the best line of the movie: “No more yankee my wankee, Donger need food.”
That’s the way all the cool kids wear their cowboy boots when they turn 16.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom – The worst of the three Indiana Jones® movies. If only they would have made more of them! Imagine how good they might have been! More misogyny and cultural appropriation at work, of course. No time for love, Doctor Jones!
Police Academy – This movie was weirdly and amazingly successful. It cost $4.5 million, made $149 million, so it worked out pretty well. The first one really did have some funny moments, and didn’t let the plot get in the way of the humor. This movie also taught me to check the podium before I give a speech.
If Bollywood had done Police Academy . . .
Ghostbusters – In many years, there would be no argument that Ghostbusters was the best film of the year. In 1984, it might have been the best, but it has such stiff competition. Ghostbusters had the perfect cast, the perfect script, and was released at the perfect time.
Top Secret! – Skeet Surfin’? Your Skeetin’ Heart? Yes, we all remember the surf ‘n’ shoot craze of the 1980s. Good times. “What fake dog poop?”
There’s so much going on in this one . . . .
The Karate Kid – Ralph Macchio seems to never age. He’s 342 years old, but still looks like he’s in his twenties. I still recall when I figured out that Daniel was the bad guy and am still on team Johnny.
Conan the Destroyer – Okay, a sequel. But by far a better movie than the first one. There was supposed to be a third, but that ended up being Kull, which was a pretty good 1990s movie with Sorbo. Arnie was also starting to learn to an actor, rather than just being huge.
This one is actually kinda close . . .
Red Dawn – It’s Red Dawn. Nothing more needs to be said.
C.H.U.D. – C.H.U.D. stands for “Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers. It’s a B-movie, and suffers from all of the things that B-movies are known for. Except in this one case, there are actually a lot of good actors who somehow got talked into making this stupid movie.
Body Double – Brian DePalma having fun in a film-noir-ish thriller featuring Melanie Griffith before plastic surgery turned her face into an object that resembles a life preserver. I saw this on HBO® was especially interested in one or two scenes . . .
The Terminator – It’s The Terminator. Nothing more needs to be said.
If Chuck Norris’ hair was feathered like the wings of a majestic bird. Oh, wait, it is!
Missing in Action – This film helped Chuck Norris on his way towards mainstream success, and he certainly was invincible in it.
Beverly Hills Cop – Eddie Murphy was everywhere in 1984. I re-watched this movie a month ago, and Murphy was pretty funny in it, but it (sort of) had the quality of a made-for-television movie. Which was okay, it certainly wasn’t intended to be anything other than a buddy-cop comedy. With a little lemon twist. (I make it myself).
2010 – This is a direct sequel to 2001: A Space Odessey. I re-watched this one sometime this year (while blogging). It answers the questions from 2001, and ends the series nicely. It is a window on another time, since (list most science fiction of time) it presupposes that the Soviet Union still exists. It’s (still) full of stars.
Wow. This one is actually pretty good.
Dune – David Lynch reportedly is a pretty cool guy, but I asked the Internet if he ever read the book Dune. The Internet said “yes”, which surprised me a little bit. Were there good parts of this movie? Sure. The worst parts were the stupid “weirding” devices and the cartoonishly evil Harkonnens. But we all know, the spice must flow.
1984 – Based on Orwell’s book. It was dark and depressing, but well cast. Orwellian has become overused, but I think we needed to go through our Brave New World phase to get to 1984. Not sure you could make this movie today.
Runaway – A weird little “near future” film where Tom Selleck is the cop and Gene Simmons is the bad guy. As an actor, Gene is an okay bass player. The film was, though, enjoyable.
Okay, who’s the clown in the corner?
Johnny Dangerously – It’s not a great comedy, and probably isn’t in the top 100 of all time. But I’d be a farging isehal if I didn’t put it on the list. Michael Keaton was really good, and the fact that Keaton spends time doing drama movies should make us all sad.
There is only one remake on this list. There are only three sequels on this list. Studios took chances, and weren’t focused on franchises or (overly) the GloboLeft Narrative and the result? Crazy success. It was Morning in America, and Reagan was amazingly popular.
Was this America at its peak? No, probably America in autumn, when the harvest started, which is why all of the sequels started. It’s much harder to create new things than to just keep pumping profits off of the old. Seven of these movies spawned sequels, not including the ones that were already sequels.
These films compared to today? An embarrassment of riches.
