Wilder Weekly News, War Edition

“Because I am good at three things:  fighting, screwing and reading the news.  Now, I’ve already done one of those today.  So, what’s the other one gonna be?” – Anchorman:  The Legend of Ron Burgundy

Breaking news:  huge accident at the day care while playing peek-a-boo.  All were rushed to ICU. (all memes, clips as-found)

Even though it took longer than one of my usual posts, I thought I’d do another weekly news recap like I did last week.  The last one was fun.  This won’t be an all the time thing, but I’m going to continue it from time to time on Fridays.

Top Story

It’s war!  Or not.  No one can seem to figure out if it’s war.  Regardless, many Americans have mixed feelings, since approximately 80% of Americans don’t want war with Iran.  After really looking at the map, I can see the point of the 20% who want to bomb Iran into oblivion, send all of its citizens home, and cut it off from the Internet and international commerce.

Say what you want, I think this war has legs.  And yes, I know that a woman wasn’t in command, because if Trump asked a female commander where to bomb Iran for the greatest strategic impact, she would have said, “I don’t know, you choose.”

China has jumped out to positively indicate that in some cases that if the situation is right that they totally, completely support Iran in a moral sense if it’s okay with everyone else.

China had previously provided support to Iran, giving them a cunningly designed set of targets designed to look exactly like air defense missiles.

It turns out that Iran bought them at a discount, so at least they were a bargain.

Best Korea is waiting on the bench, still trying to get the coach’s eye so they can be sent in.

A United States Navy submarine put an Iranian frigate to the bottom of the ocean.  The Pentagon released the footage (below) and described the torpedo trajectory as one of the best attacks from ever, describing it as sub-optimal.  Iranians cried foul, since they felt it was unfair that the United States would sink one of their harmless warships that’s filled with guns and missiles.

Wall Street pundit Jim Cramer has invoked the Cramer effect and notes that this will be a short war.

Moving away from war, the United States shocked Canada by having learned how to play hockey for the first time since the Soviets were in charge, and won the gold medal.  Canadians were furious, and very upset at the loss and if we could speak Hindi we might be able to understand their pain.

India has plans to introduce an additional 60 million Indians to Canada, but the good news is that will only mean they need 17 apartments and two more toilets.

Thankfully, the GloboLeftElite and the ChamberCommerceElite have decided that everyone is a natural American and their policy was leaked on /pol/.

Great Britain has already adopted a variant of this policy.

And from the “How did The X-Files become a training video?” desk, we find that The X-Files was again a training video:

The moderation group of Black People Twitter, a Reddit© subreddit, got together for a meetup, showing that black culture has produced a great group of keyboard warriors!

And Gavin Newsom continued his outreach to black people, meeting a group of them for some blunts and purple drank prior to going out to shoot up a hookah bar.  From Gavin, “I just can’t wait to go shoot up some Juneteenth parties!”

In another shameful display of trans-hatred, a magazine posted the picture on the left instead of the actual picture of the stunning and brave trans-woman who was forced to swim with men instead of actual women.

And, Sydney Sweeney certainly was outclassed by a woman, Grugdra the Hungry, made entirely of adipose and Play-Doh® who showed Ms. Sweeney what a real woman was like.  You sure showed her, Grugdra!

In political news, EyePatch McCain was defeated in his primary race by someone who had not seen coming.

In other news, a woman voting for the Leopards Eating Faces Party was surprised when, in fact, a leopard ate her face.

Finally, a solution for one of the most vexing questions related to medically assisted suicide has been solved.  Who should decide if a person can end their life?  A.I.  Specifically, Tay®.

Author: John

Nobel-Prize Winning, MacArthur Genius Grant Near Recipient writing to you regularly about Fitness, Wealth, and Wisdom - How to be happy and how to be healthy. Oh, and rich.

35 thoughts on “Wilder Weekly News, War Edition”

    1. I work in the industry and we do not have stock. Production time for e.g. Tomahawk is 32 weeks.

    2. We’ve got low interceptor stocks, and the question remains how many missiles Iran has. We have a lot of bombs,

  4. Looks like Newsom is channeling Jim Jones. But he forgot to use grape Kool Aid™.

    Love the Crenshaw post – “…blindsided…being eyed…lost sight…”

    1. That was pretty funny. Almost as funny as video of him hiding from a guy heckling him about it.

  6. In regard to the Defund the Police activist, I don’t know why she is complaining. She got what she wanted.

  7. Bomb bomb Iran and they still aren’t happy.
    LOL at Pajeets in the Canada meme.
    Gas up almost a dollar in one week local.
    Fweedom Fwies are going up in cost.

  8. After decades of tyranny, I wonder if the Iranians have enough gumption to take control, rid their country of Sharia Law, and protect their country from corrupting influence. We’ll find out, but the past reveals such endeavors in getting rid of dangerous character leads to more dangerous characters.

    1. You really need to learn some history.
      Start here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ldDdDJO4pw
      Work your way back to Mossadegh, 1953 Shah/CIA takeover and the subsequent 1979 revolution against the Shah, 1980 Iran/Iraq war in which we funded Iraq, and provided them with the precursors for chemical weapons (which they used), and helped them kill almost 500,000 Iranians.
      Iran is a 3000 year old culture, technologically advanced, and well capable of bombing us back to the stone age. In fact, they are doing it right now.
      The level of ignorance in this country about geopolitical events is mind boggling.

      1. Sh’yeah.
        One Day One, Iran launched 100 retaliatory missile shots.
        Yesterday it was eight. All day.
        We’re about to deploy Bones and B-52s, and start expending dumb bombs on them like they were Japan the summer of 1945.
        And contrary to your narrative expectations, the Iranian citizenry was so stupid, they were dancing in the streets when they heard Khamenei was dead.
        Iran hasn’t had a culture that was significant on the world stage for 2000 years. It’s not 500 B.C. anymore. They have oil and goats, and a navy that rivals Russia’s Black Sea Fleet for Most Surface Combatants Turned Into Permanent Submarines in the current calendar year. At this rate, even the US Coast Gurad is going to start smacking them down and counting coup. It only gets worse for Iran after that. By the end of the week, their primary strike force will be canoes with satchel charges, and battle kites. If the Marx Bothers and The Three Stooges formed a military, it would look like Iran’s right now. Russia and China are sucking wind for drones and oil, respectively. BRICS is dead. This is geopolitical chess against people playing geopolitical tic-tac-toe. And comedy gold.

        Stock up on cold drinks and popcorn, and enjoy the show.

        1. Are they still paying you $7000 for each idiotic post?
          I’ve been following you for over 15 years and you’ve been wrong pretty much all the time.
          Try to keep up.

    2. After a couple of centuries of tyranny, I wonder if Americans have the gumption to take control, rid their country of anti-White “government,” and protect their country from corrupting influence.

      On second thought, I don’t wonder. Americans aren’t even trying. At least the Iranians are fighting the Kosher Empire.

      2. Here’s a thought on Israel / Jew hatred is the reasoning jealously? How would you like to belong to a people that ONLY promotes their own, wins all their wars using their heads not their treasure. While being the most hated folks on the planet. And if you happen to be a Believer your God and Savior is and always will be Kosher.

        1. “And if you happen to be a Believer your God and Savior is and always will be Kosher.”

          Shut your demonic mouth.

          1. Mr. 99 cent novel. Do you deny the Jewishness of Jesus? If so read a Book instead of writing one LOL

        2. You are not saying this to say something about genealogy. You are saying this to identify Jesus with modern-day Jews . . . who hate him and hate Christians. This is wicked. Your words are wicked. Did you know that a Jew who becomes a Christian loses the “right of return” to Israel? They hate Jesus and his followers to the point that it is a defining feature of their identity.

          1. You need to add fool after great. You know what I am thinking, how dare you. You hate Jews and Israel and that is Christian? Read Romans and maybe think about how Jews have been treated by “christianity”.

        3. ‘Read Romans and maybe think about how Jews have been treated by “christianity”.’

          And how did Jews treat early Christians? Are you a Christian at all? Confess that Jesus Christ is Lord and God has raised him from the dead.

          1. My Lord and Savior is Jesus Christ of Nazareth. And you are everything a Christian is not supposed to be. Have you even read the Bible? Did Jesus say treat people like they treat you? Greatness you are as phoney as a 3 dollar bill.

        4. So you justify Jewish hatred of Christians by the Jews being mistreated, but when I point out Jews murderous tendencies towards early Christians, you say I’m being a bad Christian. Apparently some people are allowed to hold grudges. I guess they’re just better people like that.

          And although it’s been a while, I’ve read the entire protestant canon of the Bible. Have you read Matthew 21? Who do the tenants in that parable represent? What is done to them? What would be done to any who side with them? Have you read Matthew 3? What does John the Baptist, inspired by God, say about ancestry? Have you read I Thess 2? Who killed Jesus and persecuted the early Church? Who still hates Christians to this day?

          1. Early Christians were ALL Jews. Did Jesus say hold a grudge and do unto as you were done. And as you have called me wicked and demonic I am not calling you a Christian at all.

        5. I confess as my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God, who was betrayed to his death by wicked Jews, who died, buried and rose again on the third day. Am I a good Christian? Probably not. I could extensively talk about my own failings. But I am a Christian.

          I don’t know what your religion is, but it apparently requires a certain attitude towards Jews and Israel. That’s not Christianity. There is no such requirement there.

          1. And now you have said I am not a Christian. Jesus said no one takes my life, I give it. There is no requirement in Christianity for burning people at the stake but i am sure you are ok with that.

    3. Jess-

      Remember, the Persians invented Chess. My guess is they’re doing a “rope-a-dope”.

    4. Decades? Pretty much forever, like the Russians. But they probably don’t want to do anything like that.

Comments are closed.