“Sam, your bed-buddy, Alice.” – Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
During my first marriage, I had an affair with a mime. She did unspeakable things to me, and I haven’t heard from her since. (most memes as-found)
Your chips need coolin’
Baby I’m not foolin’
Your Chinese hips left Huang droolin’
Jensen Huang is, at least currently, the CEO of Nvidia®, the company that makes graphics chips bitcoin mining chips artificial intelligence chips. In reality, his name is Huang Jen-Hsun, but that makes him sound too much like Kim Jung-Un, and nobody can really hold a candle to Dear Leader, not even Jen-Hsun.
Jen-Hsun has led Nvidia© for about thirty years, and married to Mrs. Huang for over 40 years. So, a long-term marriage, nearly $200 billion in cash, a couple of kids that also work for Nvidia™, even though his daughter looks a wee bit too much like Jen-Hsun.
But his daughter, though a Huang, is not the major Huang that that Jen-Hsun was interested in. That was Alice Huang, which isn’t really her real name. Her real name is reported to be Huang Le. And this Huang is supposedly at all related to Huang Jen-Hsun, which is good, because he’s been banging her for a few years.
Man, that’s a whole lotta Huang.
A whole lotta Huang.
A whole lotta Huang.
A whole lotta Huang . . .
Way down inside,
Woman,
You need,
Huuuuuuuuuuaaaaang
My take is that rather than needing a sexual affair with Huang Jen-Hsun, what Alice (Huang Le) really wanted to feel deep down inside was a reported $7.5 billion in Nvidia© chips. Oh, sure, she had cash to buy them, and then tossed them over the fence to China.
Ed Zitron hints that illicit Nvidia© chip sales may be more than $43 billion, and 20% of Nvidia’s™ 2026 fiscal year revenue.
There’s an obscure technical term for what would happen if you or I sold these cutting edge Nvidia© chips to China. It’s “being arrested for a federal felony”.
I guess that’s what makes some Huangs are more equal than other, right? If you sell them by the billion, well, you can get out of felonies with . . . volume! Maybe it’s not the money, maybe what keeps people from being arrested is having a fancy Asian girlfriend (like Eric Swalwell’s Fang-Fang) which makes people immune from being arrested.
One of the sadder parts of this is that Jen-Hsun really should have figured this out. If you happen to have nearly $200 billion, she’s really not into you for your personality, or even your odd signature leather jacket. But I repeat myself.
Wait, did I say nearly $200 billion?
Nah, that was before the stock tanked after his affair became public. Since a lot of that was Nvidia© stock, I’m sure that this affair has already cost him, oh, $50 billion dollars as a guess.
Yeah, that’s pricey for Huang. It’ll cost him
A whole lotta yen,
A whole lotta yen,
A whole lotta yen,
A whole lotta yen . . .
I mean, it’s pricier than the $38 billion Jeff Bezos spent turning in MacKenzie Bezos for The Joker™, but Jen-Hsun’s actual wife could probably take him for half of whatever’s left after the market finishes cratering.
Poor Jen-Hsun might be down to a few billion by the time this is all over. The irony, of course, is that the Nvidia® chips he sold are doing overtime now making videos and images poking the Huang.
Is this the final pin that punctures the A.I. bubble? I mean, I certainly didn’t have that on my BINGO card, yet here we are. We’ll see if the market rebounds. It might: markets tend to not break until the investors are ready to break. And, as Micheal Burry notes: market tops are rarely needles.
But there are always exceptions. Besides, what would happen if Jen-Hsun’s actual wife decided she wanted to dump $60 billion or so shares of Nvidia© into the market just to mess with Jen-Hsun?
That would be hilarious. I mean, it might crater the stock market, but that would still be hilarious because it might be the first economic depression started by an angry Huang getting revenge on a wandering Huang for Huang engaging in a Huang bang.
As I said before, that’s a whole lotta Huang.
Keep the data centers coolin’ baby
Keep the data centers coolin’ baby
Keep the data centers coolin’ baby
Ah, keep the data centers coolin’ baby
This would never work on Elon.
