Make Haiti Great Again: Send Haitians Back

“Promise me that you’ll never go to Haiti.” – Anchorman 2

Give an alien a fish, and you feed him for a day.  Deport him, and you can keep all your fish.

I think that, before anyone is admitted to the United States – even to visit – that we evaluate their home country.  If it is awful, they can’t come in.  Ever.

The point is that if we allow a significant number of people from horrible places into the country, they’ll merely replicate that culture of failure right here.  The United States isn’t a magical place with Magic Dirt (thanks, Vox Day for that term) that suddenly transforms a Haitian cannibal into a virtuous, upright American in an afternoon.

Or in a lifetime.

Trump’s administration just announced that the “temporary protected status” is ending for half a million Haitians in the United States and they’ll have to go, well, somewhere.  It doesn’t have to be Haiti, but as the bartender says:  “You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.”

The idea that importing almost five percent of the population of Haiti makes Haiti better or makes the United States better is laughable.  If it were true, why not bring them all?

Okay, that would make Haiti better.  The real reason for that is that the thing that makes Haiti bad isn’t its climate, location, or even history.  The thing that really makes Haiti awful is the Haitians.

If I bring you breakfast in bed, just say “thanks” – that’s enough.  Not, “Who are you?” and “How did you get into my house?”

The people leaving Haiti to try to leech of the United States are, probably, the very best Haitians.  I know that’s not saying much, but it really is the cream of the crop that would be trying to get out.  They won’t improve the United States in any way – the cream of the crop of Haiti is below the average American in every single measurable human attribute.

Yet, they are probably above the average Haitian in every single attribute as well.  The elite of Haiti coming to the United States observably makes both places worse.  The United States gets a population that’s fundamentally unsuited to live in a first world environment with first world expectations and with behavior compatible with, say, living in a suburb and not eating the neighbor’s pets.

Eating the pets that Americans won’t.

They have no skills that would be of value to the country that would outweigh their cost.  Remember, someone has to pay for their food, housing, clothing, education, and medical care.

That someone who pays is you.  And your children, who end up in a poorer world and a violent classroom peopled by people for whom society is a vague concept that doesn’t apply to them.

But these are the best Haiti has to offer.  There are very few people in Haiti as it is that have the mental acumen to lead the nation – and stripping them of those people makes sure that Haiti will actually get worse.  It’s a brain drain from a place where brains are in short supply.

And I don’t think any honest person could disagree with me.

I said “honest person”.

Yet they do.  Any differences in human performance are explained away as racism.  Sadly, if you tell a dumb person that the reason that they can’t achieve isn’t because they’re dumb, it’s because they’re being discriminated against, they’ll believe you.

Most dumb people don’t know that they’re dumb.  To tell them they’re just as smart as everyone else is therefore one of the cruelest things you can do to a dumb person.  Instead of there being no reason that the dumb person that can change leading to them being dumb, a lie about a vast conspiracy to keep them down is invented.

So, if the lie is about to be exposed, like when Trump called Haiti a “shithole”?

The GloboLeft must then double down on their lie.  For instance, I have been told by Conan O’Brien and every other member of the GloboLeftElite that Haiti is a paradise.  No need to make it better, because it’s already great.  Oh, and you’re a hypocrite if you’re a Christian and don’t want all the Haitians coming here.

A GloboLeftist walks into a bar.  “I’ll have a standard.  Heck make it a double.”

Which is why other members of the GloboLeftElite then whine and complain that sending the best and brightest Haitians back to Haiti is sending them to certain death.  And who would be responsible for making Haiti awful?

Haitians.  But if we send them back, well, we’re talking about sending the top 5% of Haitians who might, with help, be able to turn that “paradise” into a place that Haitians might like to live in.

Oh, sure, you say, that hasn’t happened in the 233-odd years that Haiti has been a free and independent country, but I’m sure the Clinton Foundation™ provide enough guidance to get them on the right track.  Why, of the USAID awards to Haiti, you might scoff and note that 2.2% of that money was spent in Haiti while 56.5% was spent in the D.C. Beltway (source – LINK).

I hear that GloboLeftists claim that when Trump donated to a charity for blind children that those kids never saw a dime.

But the Haitians have to go back.  It’s time to make repatriations great again.

Next, let’s move on to Somalians and Ilhan Omar.  Since Ilhan divorced her husband, does that mean they’re no longer brother and sister?

Author: John

Nobel-Prize Winning, MacArthur Genius Grant Near Recipient writing to you regularly about Fitness, Wealth, and Wisdom - How to be happy and how to be healthy. Oh, and rich.

24 thoughts on “Make Haiti Great Again: Send Haitians Back”

  1. If I bring you breakfast in bed, just say “thanks” – that’s enough. Not, “Who are you?” and “How did you get into my house?”

    John, I laughed so hard at that joke that I spilled coffee on my couch. If I can’t get it cleaned up, I’m telling my wife that it was your fault.

    JBird

  2. Haiti occupies the western third of the island of Hispaniola. The rest is the Dominican Republic. The game shows give vacation trips to Dominican Republic. What’s the difference?

    1. The Dominicans are great! In Cleveland, we’ve recruited quite a few over the years, and, aside from them being terrific baseball players, they’re wonderful assets to the community. On this year’s team alone, we have pitcher Emmanuel Clase, third baseman José Ramírez, center fielder Angel Martínez and right fielder Jhonkensy Noel.
      ALL outstanding players, and good team members, too.
      Jose Ramirez missed 2 games to be with his wife at the birth of their third child. Can’t ask for greater family values than that.
      And, the Dominican Republic, while a poorer nation than ours, is stable politically. Unlike Haiti.

  3. To paraphrase Edward Longshanks from Braveheart: The trouble with Haiti is it’s full of Haitians. I’ve been there and I spent years urging people to donate to “mission work” to aid Haiti but it would have been quicker to simply light bags of cash on fire. Haiti is a disaster with no solution other than mining the harbor, bombing the airport and letting nature take over.

    1. The Haiti situation is an absolute nightmare. There is no good solution. Period.

      https://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/immigration/article309579660.html

      Instead of sending Haitians back to Haiti, the best option may be to (grease some political palms and) send them to Rwanda.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rwanda_asylum_plan

      https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/what-to-know-about-rwandas-talks-with-the-u-s-about-taking-in-third-country-deportees

      https://www.worlddata.info/country-comparison.php?country1=HTI&country2=RWA

      There is no good solution. Period.

      2. “There is no good solution. Period.”

        What about Siberian gulags? They worked for the Russians and could work for us. Most illegals come from hot/tropical climates so the threat of being sent to an icy climate would scare the hell out of them. Even the Haitians.

        The US merely needs to set up detention center north of the Arctic circle and require all detainees to stay there while awaiting their day in court. The detainees could opt out at any time and be sent back to their home country, but only under the condition that they never return to the US again. Illegal immigration would end overnight.

      3. “ There is no good solution. Period.”

        Sure there is. I can think of a brave, plucky little ethnostate desperately in need of some racial diversity.

  4. Deport them to NYC, LA, the Twin Cities, SF & Chicago. And Baw-ston. Cut off their WIC and all other subsidies. Let the chips fall where they may in those.

  5. I think Jared Diamond spent some time explaining the difference between the Dominican Republic and Haiti. Haiti was a French colony, managed by short-termers who rotated in and out. The DR was a Spanish colony, by people who came to settle there. They established civil institutions, and autocratic government that managed natural resources for its own benefit, which turned out to benefit most of the population. When Haiti threw off the colonists, it was every man for himself, and anarchy resulted. Also, the prevailing winds blow over the DR first, dropping rain on the upslopes toward the border, then the dry air pours down into the Haitian side.

    Lathechuck

    1. It is a little more complex and sinister than that. Haiti used to be the French Sugar colony of Saint-Domingue. When the white French colonists ruled it, it was the most prosperous of the French West Indies colonies. Contrast Haiti now with St. Barts or Martinique. I think your information about Haiti being the “dry side” of the island is untrue, It does not have a dry carib climate like Aruba, it is in the Hurricane belt, The Haitians have actually denuded the timber on their half of the island to the extent that it appears to be arid and you can see the political border from space because the Dominican Republic is still lush.
      When the French Revolution came along in the 1790’s, the revolutionary Jacobians in France actually encouraged the slaves in San Domingue to revolt and kill the aristocratic white colonists there. The slaves there did violently revolt and by sheer numbers killed every last white man, woman, and child in the colony by 1805. The French government stood by cheering this on and refused to aid the colonists in any way. The guerilla “generals” then established Haiti as an independent nation in the former colony, The Haitian flag today is red and blue because the commanding gorilla, (see what I did there?) crowned himself king in imitation of Napoleon and then symbolically tore the white out of the French revolutionary tri-color symbolizing the removal of whites. The Haitian Constitution bars white People from Haitian citizenship to this day.
      This large scale successful salve revolt and genocide of a white population was held up as an ideal by the anti-slavery movements world-wide and in the northern United States particularly so. Abolitionist radicals throughout America worked tirelessly to get such a slave rising and white genocide started in the American South. John Brown’s Raid on Harper’s Ferry is the best example of this effort. While Brown’s attempt to start and arm a slave revolution failed, it convinced Southerners that their northern white fellow citizens actually desired to see them all murdered at the hands of the negro race and would go to any lengths to assist in that end. When that realization sank in, it became obvious that the only course was Southern independence

  6. You’re overlooking the obvious.

    Before you send the Haitians back, set up holding camps for 1/3rd of them per camp right next door to Bill Maher, Susan Sarandon, and Conan O’Bullshit’s houses. Hold them there for at least a year, and make sure they’re upwind of their famous neighbors.

    Look the other way if they climb over the fence to go foraging for housepets for their stew.
    Or worse.

    The problem with conservatives is they don’t arrange for enough liberals to get mugged.

    We should end that policy forever.
    Start mandatorily paroling inmates to the houses of the judges and parole board members who turn them loose.
    Parole will become rarer than billion-dollar lottery winners after that.

    Game over; problem solved.
    Anyone caught marching for illegal aliens has twenty of them assigned to live with them pending their deportation hearing, with weekly bed checks.

    Put some skin in the game, and being liberal with other people’s freedoms and living conditions will end overnight.

    1. Aesop-

      Great parallel for you. During JFK’s push for integration in the early 1960s, a wealthy family friend from Boligee, AL, rented a Trailways bus, gave 50 black males $$$, and transported them to the Kennedy Family Compound out on Cape Cod in promise of employment.

      Entrance was refused. Zero mention on the nat’l news but was covered in the Deep South. The Kennedys paid for their return trip back to Greene & Sumter counties.

      Double standard.

      1. My grandparents lived just past Boligee (closer to Livingston). It’s a different world down there from a racial perspective as the blacks outnumber whites by significant amount. I wish the Susan Sarandon’s of the world would come stay there a while before mouthing off. Everybody gets along, but there is also a sense that a South Africa type situation could and would happen if things got out of hand.

        JBird

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