“In an emotional address at the state capitol, Nebraska Governor Paul Burmaster made a public apology for his state being so flat.” – Hot Shots! Part Deux
If I could have a steak dinner with any historical figure, it would be Gandhi. More steak for me.
The Family Wilder was having dinner out a few weeks ago. We generally do that every Friday. Pugsley has OCD so he insists that we give the waitress what we want starting with the highest priced item first. It’s an extremely rare dish order. Of course, I kid.
As is our custom, before we go out for dinner we toss all of our cell phones on the table. We literally party like it’s 1999. Discussion takes place without the constraint of Internet-enabled fact checking. Rather than argue the facts, we agree to table that discussion until later, and can talk instead about pure ideas, like when The Boy decided that giving up spreadsheets forty days before Easter was an Excel® Lent idea.
Our conversation often travels into weird subjects, like it did that night. This is actually the combination of several conversations we’ve had over time. Being married for years means that a lot of what’s included in this conversation was said weeks or even years earlier, so it’s not exactly our dinnertime discussion.
John Wilder: “You know, part of the problem is Washington, D.C. is just in the wrong place. Sure, when the nation was founded it was smack in the middle of the 13 states. Now? It’s stuck on a seaboard, three thousand miles away from California, and 1,500 miles away from anything that could plausibly be called the center of the country.”
I want to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. Together, we can make America grate again!
The Mrs.: “Yes, plus all the lobbyists flock there. They spend huge amounts of money wining and dining Congress. Gotta get that bacon-wrapped shrimp.”
JW: “Yes! Plus the population there has just grown to love government. Heck, in 2016, 90.9% of the folks in Washington, D.C. voted for Hillary. Donald Trump got 4.1%. This doesn’t have remotely resemble the nation as a whole. It also explains why the Left was so surprised when he won. They probably don’t even know someone who voted for Trump. Though you could have made a fortune mining the salt from their tears.”
The Mrs.: “Perhaps there’s a better place for the capitol?”
JW: “Perhaps. How about Sioux Falls, South Dakota? I think it gets hot there in the summer, but also cold in the winter. If we just made sure the new capitol building had substandard heating and air conditioning . . . .”
The Mrs.: “And made sure that no hotel better than a Holiday Inn Express® could be built . . . .”
JW: “And made sure that all fancy parties had to be catered by Sonic®?”
It would be so nice if Sonic added an “e” to its name.
It was a fun thought – fancy lobbyists forced to eat chili-cheese tater tots instead of the previously mentioned bacon-wrapped shrimp. Perhaps the reason is that I, as an American citizen in the southern part of Northern Midwestia, have no real connection to the level of luxury and power that our Congresscritters experience on a daily basis.
It’s not just that. The power in Washington, D.C. has proven to be as attractive to Leftists as Jeffrey Epstein’s plane was to Bill Clinton.
I recall back in 2000 when some sort of group on the Right was thinking of marching on Washington, D.C. In the comments, one person asked, “Why would you want to go there? There is no one from the Right there. You’re travelling into enemy territory. If you want to protest, try Wyoming.”
Make no mistake about it, Washington, D.C. is enemy territory. Although everyone there isn’t a Leftist, it’s Leftist enough that wearing a Gadsden Flag t-shirt in a public location is probably not conducive to long term oxygen use here on Planet Earth. There’s a reason that Trump “inspected” the bunker as fires and riots were raging outside of the White House. I mean, riot season so early? I still have my COVID decorations up.
There were riots in Detroit, too. They caused $7 million in improvements.
Would that riot have happened in Sioux Falls? Or Hastings, Nebraska? Or Missoula, Montana? Or Bismarck, North Dakota? I think not.
Since the conversation that night, I had the idea that there’s no real reason that the United States needs to have a fixed capitol at all. Put the thing into a group of double-wide trailers and move it around from state to state – each state gets a shot to have the capitol for six months or so.
To make it even spicier, make sure that the cities the capitol lands in have populations of less than 300,000 or so and are more than two hours from a really big airport. Heck one month they could skip telling the New York delegation where they were going, just for giggles.
I tried to think of a social-distancing joke, but this was as close as I could get.
It wasn’t long after this conversation that I got an email from a reader suggesting exactly this same idea. “Defund D.C.” was the suggestion. I’d name them, but I didn’t have permission, but here’s a direct quote (with minor changes – style only):
“On January 21, 2021, start moving all Federal offices out of D.C. and Northern Virginia. Leave only small legislative liaison staffs, and establish new offices in currently red states. All national monuments in the area will continue to operate, if they charge admission and become self-sustaining without National Park Service funds.”
I’d add that we don’t want to burden Red States with a batch of imported Leftists, so the offices would be moved, and we could pick up new staff at the new locations. We could house most of them in empty big box retail stores and malls. Plenty of locals would like the jobs, but I worry that they’d be more efficient than the Leftists they replace and we might actually get the government we pay for.
All in all, I like the idea. Heck, anything we could do to reduce the power of the Federal government at this point, I’m for.
I once pushed a female mathematician into a swamp. She ended up with algae bra.
But I worry it’s too late.
When I look at the way that both sides have been spending money over the last twenty years, I am fairly certain that all of them go to parties where “deficits don’t matter” is written out on the buffet table in prosciutto ham wrapped asparagus. Beyond the financial stress, the political stress has been built up. To be clear, this political stress was built up when things were relatively good in the country. When things go bad financially?
Look out below, it’s a long way to drop.
Given that, it might be too late. But I will admit that it does make me smile when I think about Congresscritters bathed in rivers of sweat in July and having to give speeches in overcoats and mittens in November in double wide trailers on the Great American Prairie.
It might not solve anything.
But it sure would be amusing.
There was a proposal not too long ago to move a bunch of staff from one of the cabinet departments to Kansas City. Maybe the Dept of Agriculture or something. They had an absolute fit about it. The idea of living among the peasants was terrible but worse yet was the idea of being away from the center of power. There is something about D.C. that draws certain people, making even low level and unimportant people feel special because they are in the vicinity of power.
Having said that, notions like yours make perfect sense but are never going to happen. However it is a good reminder for when we rebuild that the government should be much smaller and should be among the people.
I think the location to move the staff should be the location that causes the greatest commotion. Send the ATF to . . . Pluto?
I have had some interaction with the ATF since obtaining my FFL and the guy I work with locally is a pretty decent dude. The people at HQ? Not so much.
And that’s good to hear. I recall Mr. Ross’ fictional ATF folks as not so nice. Also, I have a friend who speaks up for his buddy who is an ATF agent.
But like the t-shirt says, it should be a store, not an agency.
What if we make it like the Olympics and MOVE the capital every four years? While the hundreds of thousands of Federal employees would cry a river of tears, the Military would say, “What, move ONLY every four years! I am in”
Or every four hours – some of them might not be smart enough to cross the street?
On a warm summer day like this, a flurry of puns is most refreshing. You’ve been hoarding them again, haven’t you?
Indeed! And more this morning, too! Or two?
Congress doesn’t need more locations, it needs more people. The main problem of the changes that have occured over time in America is that they have concentrated power in the hands of a very few people. This was never intended to happen.
https://history.house.gov/Historical-Highlights/1901-1950/The-Permanent-Apportionment-Act-of-1929/
https://www.vox.com/2018/6/4/17417452/congress-representation-ratio-district-size-chart-graph
https://www.thirty-thousand.org/
But…diluting the current power of Congresscritters? Ain’t…gonna…happen.
At least not until a solemn, thoughtful bipartisan Constitutional Convention occurs to respectfully redefine the rights of all of our current patriotic citizens.
What a hoot THAT shindig would be.
I *LOVE* that idea. And let states pick Senators again.
1. Eliminate elections and select officials by lottery. $10,000 per ticket. If you are currently a congresscritter, you aren’t allowed to play. And neither is your immediate family.
2. At the end of every congress, randomly select three congresscritters to win $20 million. And one to hang. Broadcast it all on live TV, on every channel.
3. Eliminate the bureaucracy by instituting a 5% funding cut per year, along with a hiring freeze. Those have to be absolute cuts, not cuts to anticipated increases.
Sold. Where’s your campaign fund?
The spreadsheet pun was so good I’ve already used it twice this morning.
Opie Odd
Well, it is an Excel Lent joke.
Like the EU does? Holding sessions in Brussels because the politiicans like it there, but still holding sessions regularly in Strasbourg to keep France happy? I have not done any research about the cost of the fun and games, but it is probably in excess of 5 dollars for each move.
This is the problem; you might think they should be happy to use secondhand trailers for accomodation and meetings, but in reality they would send huge sums of money building new palaces, I mean, of course, meeting halls
More like how Yugoslavia did it post-Tito’s death.
The collective presidency changed locations like the old token ring topology.
Until that didn’t work anymore, and then…
Hey, they could meet in the movie theaters – sticky floors and all!
Since you are thinking big, you should add term limits to the list.
Yes. Three months should be fine. And term limits for the bureaucrats, too. They can have a year.
Forget relocating congress within CONUS…..they are a pestilence…..I would relocate them on one of those huge idle cruise ships…….Tell them it is a ‘retreat’ at government expense and their staffers can come. They will board like lemmings off a cliff.
Once at sea, tell them there is a deadly virus on board and then refuse to let them dock or disembark as the entire ship has been QUARANTINED. . Imagine the stink and slime that would be generated by these slimy political types in just a couple of weeks. It would be fun to watch almost pay per view worthy.,….
Meanwhile, bulldoze most of DC except for the historic structures and statues. As mentioned, charge admission and the place will thrive as a must see for true patriots who do not want to be tainted by the political stench that emanates from that herd on the cruise ship.
Do we have to give them fuel for the ship? I mean, much more than to go a few hundred miles?
I like the idea. Buses, trucks, and private vehicles wandering this great nation. They would have to stop at all scales, eat in truck stops, and anyone caught lobbying would automatically be thrown into the local hoosegow for two weeks. Congress critters would only serve for two years, regardless of being in the House, or the Senate. Air force one would be an armored Peterbilt with antiaircraft missiles, a wet bar, and room for only three reporters. The President would be forced to take advanced survival training, have either been in the military, or private business, and a college education optional. All hired employees would have an annual exam on the Constitution, and failing the exam would bring automatic termination.
I’d sit by the highway, my sign ready, and wave as they passed….or thumb my nose.
Within a week it would look like Road Warrior.
I love the other additions!
The idea has historical merit. Charlemagne traveled around his realm and in order to rule better, he held Frankish assemblies. “At these assemblies, he heard their complaints, accepted their advice, gained their assent for his policies,” (Encyclopædia Britannica) In today’s world, legislators should be required to live and work in their districts, perhaps after some inaugural in-person congress, as mandated by the constitution. All subsequent business can then be conducted over dedicated servers. The various agencies and departments should be moved to an area most logical to their function. The district itself should be returned to the neighboring states and monuments be National Monuments only.
Washington D.C. what a beautiful wasteland it would be
And if we went 100x on the number of representatives, then the job would be meaningful again . . .
For years, folks on the right have wanted to burn the place down. Now, it seems like folks on the left have caught up to the zeitgeist. It seems an easy compromise is within reach…
And I talked to a buddy in the middle. He wants it to go, too.
Swap –> Swamp. Excellent punnage. Every taco Tuesday we make the Daughter Product grate again.
And then there’s the antics when we haul out the U.S.S. Enterprise-shaped pizza cutter. 50 quatloos on the pepperoni-!
We should get Pugsley and the D.P together to commiserate.
Indeed! I haven’t heard quatloos for a long, long time. Nice!!!
Yeah, I think there would be a lot of commiseration!
This country is like a great big chicken just waiting to get plucked.
Don’t worry the bestest government that money can buy will be caught flat footed and slow moving when our external enemies make their move.
They probably won’t have to make any move with the fifth column of traitor rat scum that occupy the swamp.
A wretched hive of scum and villainy indeed.
It really is. Why would they interrupt us when we’re busy making mistakes?
OK, I see the value in a shifting federal capital…
…except I want it in a constantly-moving 1970s travel-trailer towed by a 1960s brownish-yellow station-wagon with bubbly window-tint and a bent aerial.
And the Tenth Amendment strictly prohibits federal bumblebrats from using state maps.
They have to stop and get out and ask a local for directions.
Oh, and minimum wage.
Let’s see how fast nancy pelosi can accumulate a quarter-BILLION dollars on minimum wage.
I bet it would take her all week!
And no air conditioning. Or, better yet, really bad air conditioning.
John , perhaps you should send Bison a thank you note…seems as if you’ve gained several of his loyalists.
Spud, I will. And we’ll keep the seat warm for him until he comes to his senses and returns!
Just as a matter of interest, I had to check the cost of moving the EU parliament every month. We are talking of “at least” 114 million Euro per year.
What, they don’t have high school gyms that they can use? Plus tents.