“No. Not like this. I haven’t faced death. I’ve cheated death. I’ve tricked my way out of death and patted myself on the back for my ingenuity. I know nothing.” – Star Trek II, The Wrath of Khan
“Vikings don’t worry about death – they know they’ll be Bjørn again.”
When I go to bed on Saturday night, I sometimes wake up before I intend to get up. That’s my favorite luxury of the weekends. One technique that I use after I wake up to get back to sleep is to think about the points I’ll make on my Monday post.
This hypnogogic state (that no-man’s land between sleep and being awake) is a wonderful place for me. I focus on a topic, and let my mind take the topic where it will. Often, it’s back to sleep. That’s okay.
But other times? I end up making connections I might not have made otherwise. I love that. That’s one of the reasons I love my Monday posts. I have that ability to really let my mind explore on the weekend. I’d do that during the weekdays, but if I miss and end up sleeping? Snoring is frowned on at work.
If you need to be creative and don’t use that hypnogogic state, I really, really, suggest you do. It’s a really peaceful sort of place, but I’ve found it’s also one where my mind strips out the pretty little lies that we tell ourselves every day and pops me full of reality. Plus? It’s a great excuse to The Mrs. that I’m doing something important when I’m busy nearly napping.
I hear when Jeff Bezos sleeps, he wears pajamazons.
Monday’s posts are, in general, about philosophy. They’re the “Wise” part of Wilder Wealthy and Wise. Wednesday is about economics. And Friday is about health, though more recently it has focused on clear thinking – which might be the clearest way to real health. I’m not sure anyone wants to come to this blog for nutrition advice, since my nutrition information belongs on Tide Pods®.
All of the posts allow me to think deeply about a subject, research, and learn. On more than one occasion, I started out believing one thing, and after my research for the post was done, I realized my original belief was horribly wrong. Those are some of the best posts for me, because when I do them well, they change the reader and the writer.
But Monday’s are special. They’re my favorite posts, though sometimes not the most optimistic of posts, because, like those transvestite superheroes that call themselves the “Ex-Men®”, reality is not always pretty.
This was a joke when this album came out. Now we call it male fraud.
I had a big post planned for today. Really, I have a big post planned every Monday. In my mind, I want them to knock the socks off of people. Figuratively, of course, because I have no idea what sort of foot hygiene you practice and would not want to actually have to smell your feet. I’ll do a lot of things for a successful post, but I won’t do that.
So, why do I write?
I write because, perhaps, the biggest way I can make a difference in this world is by serving, you, dear reader. If something I can write can make you smile on a bad day, make you think differently about a subject so your life is better? If the cause of Western Civilization is carried forward?
I win.
That’s really why I’ve devoted such an amount of time to writing. As The Mrs. has told me several times: “John, if I didn’t think what you were doing was important, you and I would have words.”
I don’t know if “have words” is fairly ominous where you come from, but here in Stately Wilder Manor, “have words” generally does not lead to a pleasant evening. But, I am happy to note, I have The Mrs. full support in my writing, even though she says, “well, I’m sure we’re on a list now.”
I went to the library to get a book on Pavlov’s dog and Schrodinger’s cat. The librarian said that rang a bell, but she wasn’t sure if it was checked out or not.
This week, however, I wasn’t able to slip my writing tasks off to my conscious/sub-conscious.
Life intruded.
It turns out that today there was a death in the family. It wasn’t one of the regular cast of characters that I’ve written about. Pugsley, The Boy, The Mrs., Alia S. Wilder, my brother, John Wilder? They’re all fine. Ma and Pa Wilder? They passed away years ago.
Actually, I’m fairly sure I have never written about the person who passed away today. But their passing provided the opportunity to talk about life.
The simple truth is this: we are born, we grow, we live, and all we can do is try to make the world better by the lives we touch. As Kierkegaard said, “Life can only be lived forward, and understood in reverse.” Of course, he was speaking Danish, so Kierkegaard probably sounded like he was describing a pastry recipe that involved using a commuter train to mash the dough because Danish doesn’t sound at all like a real language.
What’s the difference between married people from Denmark and Batman’s® parents? It’s simple: one is wed Danes and the other? Dead Waynes.
Death is, of course, inevitable. I’ve written about it on more than one occasion. I don’t expect that this will be the last time I write about it. Our inability to understand that death is a part of life horribly stunts the modern world, which seems to exist to deny that death is real.
Death has many different impacts on families. It can bring them closer together or tear them apart. The choice is, of course, tied to how the family deals with it. The best choice is honesty and transparency.
Some observations:
- How can you mess up a funeral? You can’t. So why do we worry so much?
- And why do we spend so much on a funeral? I think it’s a unique time where people don’t think straight at all.
- Making decisions after the death of a loved one is probably the third worst time you can make a decision. Or is it the fourth?
- Never, ever leave something unsaid between you and a loved one. When the ship sails, all debts should be paid, in full. The last thing you say to someone might be the last thing you say to someone.
- Death brings life into perspective – it makes people focus on what is really important. So why do we wait until someone dies to focus on what’s really important? Hint: we don’t have to.
- Avoid land wars in Asia. Those never turn out well.
- Most major religions and all of the atheists think we have one shot at life on Earth. Wasting time is then equivalent to wasting life. So don’t do that, either. Every minute you spend being bored and waiting for something is a minute of your life you wished away.
- Life is too short for regrets. Fix your regrets, or live with them. Spending a second regretting is a second you’ll never get back.
- Corollary: life is too short to spend it worrying about how long you’ll live. So don’t. Should we be prudent? But don’t let it stand in the way of you living your life. Is that an excuse to do harmful things to yourself? Of course not. But it’s not an excuse to be afraid of your shadow, either.
If I’m ever crushed by a falling piano, I want a low-key funeral.
During the ancient Roman triumphs, which were held to honor victorious commanders, a slave was chosen to accompany the commander. The slave would hold the wreath above the commander’s head. He would whisper in the commander’s ear: “Remember, you are mortal.”
We all are. The only difference is what we do in life. And what we write for our Monday posts.
Right now death would be preferable to listening to another minute of the opening statements of the Amy Coney Barret confirmation hearings. Why do I do this to myself?
Ha!
So the rest of us don’t have to. Thank you, sir.
Be gentle on yourself. Watching the hearings is akin to visiting Bedlam. Something to avoid
Could be worse. It could be Kavanaugh again.
Death is the final Audit of a person’s life. For the living, they are forced by the death to review their departed loved one’s life with them and their thoughts of their experience together. All the moments both good and bad are up for review without any opportunity to rectify the bad.
For the person who died, it is the closure of a long book of life. What comes after death will become known to them.
The living become obsessed with death if only for both the mystery and the ultimate nature it portends for them.
Sometimes death is a surprise and not something that seemed in the offing. Sometimes death is a part of the life being lived. Those in service to our nation understand that is part of what they pledge they make when they raise their hand and pledge to do the job they do. We should be very humbled by anyone who makes such a pledge.
When I was younger I feared death as I found living to be far more preferable. Now, I am older, having suffered many injuries and disabilities and now I do not fear death. I have come to realize that we are not meant to be immortal. Our bodies have an expiration date and we can delay it but we cannot avoid it. Eventually I will pass on and if my previous experiences are any prediction of my future, I will be grateful for the relief.
I have lots of regrets myself and I also know that I cannot relive my life or repair the ones I have not already seen to. If you get to your 60’s and have not already done an audit of your life thus far you might better get to it. You are at the short end of the trip you will take through life and even if you live 40 more years, the ones you might use to make amends and sort things out ‘easily’ are now.
Lastly, I have one thing to mention that I tell a lot of frustrated folks who think they should be doing better or that their lives are not any fun or good.
BE GRATEFUL. Be grateful for everything. For a good cup of coffee. For children and grandchildren. For the roof over your head and the bed you sleep in. Be grateful for friends and the times you have had and will have, Be grateful for the things you have come to learn and appreciate. Your life is a gift. It has been yours to live and your time has been largely up to you to make use of. With that you also know it was and is up to you so get over yourself and accept your life and your gifts and faults and get on with it.
Without gratitude, our lives as well as our loved ones are meaningless. With gratitude comes understanding and appreciation.
With gratitude, we can accept death, even when it is heart breaking, and find some comfort in having lived and known those we have.
I think that is the strongest possible message: gratitude. Living our lives with that mindset makes us focus on all of those who help us along the way, sometimes when we deserve it, sometimes when we don’t. Thank you for such a thoughtful and insightful comment.
I live an incredibly long life… punctuated by a series of embodiments on the physical plane.
The key phrase in my motto / slogan:
* “I live.”
*****
I read something someplace about recently ‘dead’ folk looking back and feeling pity about all the ‘living’ people working so hard at living.
*****
Stuff requires a lot of work to maintain it to ‘community standards’.
And a physical body is just stuff.
*****
A couple days ago, I saw a cartoon.
In the first panel, a dog is at ThePearlyGates.
The second panel shows TheImmaculateHand moving the dog-collar to a ‘halo’ position.
The caption says something along the lines of “it is easy for dogs to get in because they are almost angels already”.
Great points – all of them.
I’ll note that dogs are the way they are because we bred them to be that way. It’s wonderful how they can showcase so effortlessly the best of us . . .
I don’t fear death. I’ve already been dead for literally 13.7 billion years – so have we all. Life on Earth is just some kind of incredible under-a-century pitstop, the gist of which may well be beyond human understanding. I do fear dying….that blast down the acceleration lane to get back on the track I left to be here for such a short time. Hope that’s a smooth ride back up to speed. Until then, it’s fun to be here with all of you. Thanks for your company and insights!
Feeling alive? Then thank your lucky stars…
https://www.sciencenewsforstudents.org/article/we-are-stardust
I’m not even gonna get into black holes and the holographic theory. That the event horizons of black holes are where infinite nanosecond frames of reality REALLY resides, like a gigantic movie reel recording when we all fall in billions of years from now, and we are all just projections of “time” shining through those “frames” projected onto the “screen” of space. Sounds nutty, but that’s what the math says. We are all just a drive-in movie.
https://www.vox.com/2015/6/29/8847863/holographic-principle-universe-theory-physics
Aw, what the heck. It’s practically Halloween. As long as we’re talking about death, take two minutes to watch the highlight of director Irving Kirshner’s swan song in Robocop 2, a decade after he did his masterpiece work in The Empire Strikes Back – the best of the Star Wars films.
There’s some fates worse than death.
Ha!
I prefer to think we’re all in a USB drive, so at least we get the uncertainty of whether or not we’ll be plugged in upside down or not.
Okay, that’s a great perspective – spending 13.7 billion years before a shot. So?
Better give it your all!!!
One thing a close relative taught me which I shall not forget is how to live well while facing death. He didn’t stop line dancing, didn’t stop doing the things he loved to do until finally his cachexic muscles gave out. He died honorably.
And hopefully I will do the same.
On the same topic, a short story I’d recommend is “The Death of Ivan Ilyich” (1886) by Leo Tolstoy
We place such high regard for careerism and it was no different back then.
Didn’t matter then. Doesn’t matter now.
That’s true – I’ll admit on more than one occasion I put career in front of almost everything. But now? I don’t have those jobs anymore. But I still have family, right?
Perspective.
Me too.
Ditto.
Our lives can only be lived as a totality. Finishing well should be, perhaps, our goal.
It is odd how Christians frequently act so sad after a death. If they truly understood, it would be treated as if the deceased won the lottery. And then they followed Flats and Scruggs’s song lyrics “kinfolk said “Jed move away from there” Said “Californy is the place you ought to be”.
I want my funeral to be the often imagined Irish Wake with lots of music, dancing, food, and booze. Because I won the biggest lottery of all.
Friends of an atheist would have plenty to cry about, but not for me.
Dang, man. Looking Death in the face has made me so much stronger and confident. I have some cool medical problems that make me a minor celebrity in the hospital every couple years, and it cracks me up.
Few years ago, I was in for a relatively minor procedure, walking down the hall I passed one of my previous surgeons, who said “Rick? Shit, I thought you were dead!”
Yeah. Make your peace with God. Then, you can relax and know that whatever happens, is going to happen and you can’t change it.
If you have no God, then make peace with your ancestors, Ancient Aliens, or what EVER. Just, make your peace. It works.
Dang, man. Looking Death in the face has made me so much stronger and confident. I have some cool medical problems that make me a minor celebrity in the hospital every couple years, and it cracks me up.
Few years ago, I was in for a relatively minor procedure, walking down the hall I passed one of my previous surgeons, who said “Rick? Shit, I thought you were dead!”
Yeah. Make your peace with God. Then, you can relax and know that whatever happens, is going to happen and you can’t change it.
If you have no God, then make peace with your ancestors, Ancient Aliens, or what EVER. Just, make your peace. It works.
I’m nearer the end than the beginning (I’ll be 70 in March). Every day from here on is a gift.
I’m content with the family I’ve been responsible for; they have proven themselves worthy.
Life continues to deliver continuous surprises; this weekend, my husband found that he had a child before we met (thank you, 23 & Me). While it does cause some temporary upheaval in our lives, it is, as life always is, a blessing.
I’m cautiously hopeful about the election, but concerned enough to make some preparations for the worst case scenario, just in case.
I just hope I live long enough to see the Evil Empire of Leftists in Politics, their Groveling Lackies, the Media, and Soulless Bureaucrats destroyed. Never to rise again.
23&Me is a fountain of surprises. Let’s just say it expanded the Wide World of Wilders greatly as the data came in.
Each day is what we make of it . . .
The cat’s out of the bag: Now we *all* know that you don’t write your blog for the money and fame.
If you’re doing it because your blog helps some of your readers be a little wiser, stronger, or happier, then count me as one of them. You have my respect and gratitude–as I say from beneath my +3 Helmet of Punnery Resistance.
And if this comment helps keep the Mrs. from “having words” with you, it is my *very* small repayment for the effort you put into your posts.
Thanks for all the free ice cream.
My pleasure! The second paragraph is really it. The Mrs. is firmly onboard as of now . . . but I’ll share this one with her. Thank you!