It Came From . . . 1990
“Alas, poor Yorick.” – Hamlet
I can’t really think of a worse interpretation of the instructions I gave the A.I., but yet, here it is.
I seem to recall we have one more year in the 1980s before we’re done with it, but I decided that we could zip along and move to 1990. VHS changed everything – of the nineteen eighteen movies on this list, I saw 11 on VHS tapes. I had to drop a movie because Ernest Goes to Jail is technically a sequel.
As I look through the movies that are on this list, only two of the top ten grossing films are on it. Again, the rules are that there are no sequels on the list, and the list is in no particular order. One of these I included because of personal reasons, and you’ll see that when you get to it.
With that, here’s the list.
Henry, Portrait of a Serial Killer – Wow. Picked this one up at the video store, and I had no idea how grim a movie could be, and then this one topped it. Looking back, the title includes the words “portrait of a serial killer” so I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. I’ve seen this one twice. The second time, I said to myself, “Nah, it can’t have been as grim as I remember.” It was.
Tremors – In every way possible, Tremors is the opposite of Henry. It’s a buddy comedy about two less than bright handymen who run into a bright scientist and discover a species of giant landwhales (this doesn’t refer to Democrat voters) that they have to outwit to survive. A good time filled with lots of firepower.
Well A.I., at least you tried. Here’s a star. Not a gold one. But a blue one.
The Hunt for Red October – The Cold War was already winding down and the end was near for the Soviet Union, but, hey, this is a pretty good story, told pretty well. Sean Connery’s Russian accent sounds like it came from the Edinburgh part of Moscow, but it still works. I rewatched this a couple of years ago, and it holds up pretty well.
Joe Versus the Volcano – This movie always seemed to me to be only slightly better than a TV movie of the time. The major difference was the cast, with Tom Hanks attempting to sell the silly plot, and Meg Ryan before plastic surgeons performed those bizarre experiments on her face. Brain cloud.
Blind Fury – Rutger Hauer as a blind guy who carries around a walking stick that’s also a samurai sword. What more do you need??? Technically, this is a remake which would make it invalid for the list. Meh. It’s on the list anyway.
I guess this poster describes the movie absolutely perfectly. If you were a blind person going to a movie.
A Shock to the System – Aesop suggested this one to me a few years ago. It’s about a guy with a midlife crisis that he solves with murder. Bippity, boppity, boo.
I Love You to Death – What’s funnier than a wife killing a philandering husband? A wife failing to kill a philandering husband by shooting him and poisoning. What’s even funnier? That it’s all based on a true story, and that the wife and husband are still married 40 years later.
The Adventures of Ford Fairlane – This isn’t a great movie, and I only put it on the list because I’m theoretically in it. Yup. In a crowd shot. At night. Maybe a pixel or two. I’m sure everyone wants my autograph now. Life forms on the left, next to the gift shop.
Quick Change – Most people like Groundhog Day better than Quick Change. They’re wrong. Quick Change is Bill Murray in a sharp, funny, very rewatchable comedy where a clown robs a bank and needs a monster truck to try to get away and where Murray’s character doesn’t grow or change in any way. Which is as it should be.
I guess Geena Davis is gonna be pissed by this poster.
Arachnophobia – This is a movie that simply disappeared. Why? I have no idea. I haven’t seen it show up on any streaming service. Regardless, it was what is mostly rare today: a summer popcorn flick that doesn’t promote any sort of agenda with the exception of “Auuuuuugh! Spiders!”.
Pump Up the Volume – What teen boy didn’t want a pirate radio station to blast his silly rants out to the world while having sex with Samantha Mathis? That was the best of all possible worlds. This was a fundamentally silly movie, sort of like if rabbits had an opinion. I blame this movie for all the teen angst of the 1990s.
Men at Work – Yes, another silly comedy, this time about brothers who are sanitation workers living on the edge, getting in the face of cops, and solving a crime involving illegal toxic waste dumping. Emilio Estevez both wrote and directed the movie, I think while on drugs, which was a net positive for him.
Since when did Fabio do sanitation work?
Goodfellas – Another movie based on a real story, this one involving the Mafia. You’ve seen it, so I won’t dwell on it, except to ask, does it amuse you?
Quigley Down Under – Tom Selleck as a cowboy who decides to not kill aborigines in the Outback in Australia and picks up Laura San Giacomo in the process. Alan Rickman plays the perfect villain. “This ain’t Dodge City. And you ain’t Bill Hickok.” One of my favorites.
Home Alone – Home Alone was the biggest money-making action comedy for decades, grossing half a billion dollars in 1990. So, you’ve seen it, you filthy animals.
If Keven was a Soviet officer attacked by Clint Eastwood and Peter Cushing. I guess.
Robot Jox – This was a huge box office flop, and really part of that was the production values. The story itself is fun. After a nuclear war, the major countries decided to solve all of their conflicts by having giant robots fight each other. Yes. That was the basis of international order, and I, for one, would like to dissolve the United Nations right now and have everyone buy robots. I would love to see the one from India – I imagine it would be steam powered.
The Grifters – This is John Cusack’s first attempt at a real dramatic role, and he does a fine job in this tragedy. It’s a shame that he turned into a horrible Leftist. This movie is a tragedy, and its not a lot of fun at all. I don’t suggest watching it, but I really do remember it.
Hamlet – This 1990 version is my favorite version of this tragedy. Mel Gibson was a bit long in the tooth for playing the sad Dane, but it’s fine because he plays the part with such verve. It was really lost on me when I was a kid, but now, alas, I finally understand his speech to Yorick.
Not gonna lie, this movie looks like the best movie ever. What a paragon of movies this could be….
At the end of the 1990s, there seems to be a difference in the way the movies feel. The 1980s were giddy with the challenge of coming together to beat the Soviets. The GloboLeftistElite propaganda machine owned television then, but movies had to make a buck, and Reagan won a resounding victory in 1984 not on a weak America, but on building a strong one.
So, what happened? Why did the victory sap our strength? Why did the brash, in your face sounds of Cherry Pie turn to the lament of Lithium?
Maybe, just maybe . . . a man needs a goal.