âDonât call me stupid.â – A Fish Called Wanda
I hear of you hold a pistol like that, you can hear the Rittenhouse. Alternatively, this might be an Alec Baldwin gun safety video.Â
Carlo M. Cipolla is a dead Italian economic historian. So, not a dead economist, because we know that a dead economist was at least right one time. I donât know much about him, outside of:
He has ceased to be. Heâs expired and gone to meet his maker. Heâs a stiff.  Bereft of life, he rests in peace.  If you hadn’t nailed him to the perch he’d be pushing up the daisies. His metabolic processes are now history.  He’s off the twig. He’s kicked the bucket, he’s shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible. This is an ex-economic historian!
Sorry, I went full Monty Python on you. Never go full Python, unless of course, youâre pining for the fjords.
But, Dr. Cipolla is dead, as I think I have abundantly established.
About the only other thing besides his condition of demise is that Dr. Cipolla is most known for writing a goofy little essay called The Basic Laws of Human Stupidity. He wrote this essay originally in 1976, which proves that he might have had time to meet Joe Biden before writing it.
What do you get when you cross an economist with the Godfather? An offer you canât understand.
Text in italics (and those in quotes) beyond this point are direct quotes from the former Dr. Cipolla, except the snarky things I say underneath the memes I have handcrafted in the Wilder Meme Lab.
The First Law:Â Always and inevitably everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.
Tongue in cheek, Cipolla notes that âany numerical estimate would turn out to be an underestimate.â So, itâs clear that there exists a nearly infinite and inexhaustible supply of stupidity in the Universe.  I have observed this in action: I have been to the DMV.
The Second Law:Â The probability that a certain person will be stupid is independent of any other characteristic of that person. Â
Cipolla felt strongly that stupid people werenât made stupid, they were born stupid. And, just like the First Law would predict, they are numerous and everywhere. They inhabit colleges (I think Harvard⢠is full of them) the government, and the Pentagon. Stupidity can also be found at McDonalds®, but thatâs excusable. If When someone is stupid at McDonalds©, an order gets screwed up and I get not a Sausage McMuffin® without the muffin, but just a warm muffin (this happened) at the price of a Sausage McMuffin©.
When someone is stupid at the Pentagon? They get promoted after the cover-up.
It has also been my experience that if you ask the right questions and listen to the answers, itâs amazing where you will find intelligent people. Just like there is no bound on where you will find stupid people, there is no bound on where you will find intelligent ones.
Roses are red, violets are blue; no one in Washington cares about you.
One personal example is that every time (not occasionally, but every time) I felt full of myself, soon enough an intelligent person from a place Iâd least expect would correct me. The lesson I learned? Listen. Ask questions. Just as idiocy hides everywhere, gems of wisdom are often when you donât expect.
Great stuff. But what, exactly, is stupid? Thatâs what the Third Law is for.
The Third (and Golden) Law:Â A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of persons while himself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses.
The third law is what really caught my attention. Here, Cipolla defines what stupid is â and this is an especially interesting definition: a stupid person screws something up, and doesnât get any benefit. At all. Here Cipolla constructs a chart to define it:
One of my girlfriends in high school was arrested for bank robbery. She made out like a bandit.
Cipolla dices up the world into two parameters: do they help or hurt society, or do they help or hurt themselves?
Help Self, Help Society: This is the quadrant that Cipolla reserves for the intelligent. They end up creating a harmony where they help not only society, but end up helping themselves in the process. Take the makers of PEZ®, for instance. They make money by selling the sweet, sweet PEZâ¢, and society benefits, because, PEZ©. In this instance itâs a win-win. Society wins, and the makers of the product win.
These are the people that create the upward drive for society. They make things better, and they make the people around them better, too. This is SpaceX® Elon Musk. Heâs revolutionizing space transport and making it cheap to hit orbit ($25 a pound within 10 years???) while raking in piles of cash.
What next? The helpless. Helpless people, by Cipollaâs definition, are those that make bad deals. The bad deals end up helping someone else (even society at large) but end up hurting the people making the deals. Note: this wouldnât be people who help others and get joy from it â theyâre getting a benefit.
The biggest group I can think of that represents the Helpless group in 2021 are Biden voters. Man, Iâm thinking theyâd take that back if they could.
Joe Bidenâs press staff is mainly women, I guess because he doesnât have to pay them as much.
So, thatâs two out of three. That leaves most politicians bandits. Bandits, according to Cipolla, come in two flavors. The first is the net zero bandit. A net zero bandit just takes $20 from one person and keeps it to spend on themselves. Bernie Madoff and most conmen are net zero bandits. They take money and then enjoy it themselves. Society as a whole (outside of the trust and breaking the law things) isnât hurt.
Bernie Madoff may make a lot of rich people angry, but heâs not going to create the fall of western civilization because his clients canât afford to donate money to Harvard© so Harvard⢠will let their third-rate children in.
The worst kind of bandits are the asymmetric (my term) bandits. These bandits cause an outsized amount of trouble for a small gain for themselves. I canât think of any real-life examples, but what if some politicians subverted the monetary system just so they could buy votes for themselves while causing massive inflation? Of course, something that crazy could never happen, right?
That, of course, leaves the subject of the essay:
Stupid People.
Most people do not act consistently. Under certain circumstances a given person acts intelligently and under different circumstances the same person will act helplessly. The only important exception to the rule is represented by the stupid people who normally show a strong proclivity toward perfect consistency in all fields of human endeavors.
Stupid people, Cipolla opines, are even more dangerous than bandits, because they screw everything up. Stupid people take wonderful ideas, destroy them, and then hurt themselves in the process. Theyâre the equivalent of a six-year-old sticking a knife in a toaster and getting knocked out, and then doing it again.  Repeatedly.
Think of it as evolution in action . . .
Again, from Cipolla:
Essentially stupid people are dangerous and damaging because reasonable people find it difficult to imagine and understand unreasonable behavior. An intelligent person may understand the logic of a bandit. The bandit’s actions follow a pattern of rationality: nasty rationality, if you like, but still rationality. The bandit wants a plus on his account. Since he is not intelligent enough to devise ways of obtaining the plus as well as providing you with a plus, he will produce his plus by causing a minus to appear on your account. All this is bad, but it is rational and if you are rational you can predict it. You can foresee a bandit’s actions, his nasty maneuvers and ugly aspirations and often can build up your defenses.
With a stupid person all this is absolutely impossible as explained by the Third Basic Law. A stupid creature will harass you for no reason, for no advantage, without any plan or scheme and at the most improbable times and places. You have no rational way of telling if and when and how and why the stupid creature attacks. When confronted with a stupid individual you are completely at his mercy.
And because thereâs no rationality to the attack itâs impossible to defend. How do you defend against a naked person covered in sex lube attacking you with a rubber chicken? No, really, how do you do that? I donât ever want to be in that place again.
This takes us to . . .
The Fourth Law:Â Non-stupid people always underestimate the damaging power of stupid individuals. In particular non-stupid people constantly forget that at all times and places and under any circumstances to deal and/or associate with stupid people always turns out to be a costly mistake.
This should be called the Rittenhouse Law.
Kyle was attempting to help society. And, perhaps he did because I donât think the world is a worse place off after he was done, but stupid people managed to ruin his night.
And, remember that stupid people vote.
Stupid that night, stupid on the stand.
The Fifth Law: A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person. Corollary: A stupid person is more dangerous than a bandit.
Here is where Dr. Cipolla might have lost me, but only because, perhaps, he never imagined that bandits could operate on the scale that they do in 2021. What if you could steal from everyone at once? Just print money, and you can.
What if you could get yourself two (or six!) more years at a job in Washington, D.C. and all you had to do was bankrupt the country? Thatâs banditry that, perhaps, aspires to stupidity. The end of the system will end up being the end of their banditry.
See? Stupid. So, maybe he was right after all?