“You were looking for a way to change your life. You could not do this on your own.” – Fight Club
My Chinese friend gave me an iPad. I just love homemade presents!
I can tell when I’m really ready for change. I don’t think about it. I don’t plan it.
I do it. I become it.
Instantly.
How can I tell when I’m not ready to change?
I think about it. I plan it. I consider ideas like, “starting Monday, I’m going to . . . “
Then Monday comes around. Meh. There’s always next Monday.
Change is instantaneous, it’s a drag racer (I mean cars, not men in dresses that for some unspecified reason like to read to children) after the pedal has been pushed to the floor and the car is launched. The desire to change? That lingers and hangs around on the couch, eating curly fries and thinking about what it one day might do.
Shame on you if you haven’t heard of Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute, who offers professional hygiene, discretion, and animal gratification.
One of my friends when I was living in Alaska shared this story:
Wife: “I’m leaving.”
Husband: “What, what the hell? You’re leaving me?”
Wife: “No. I’m leaving Alaska. I’m moving.”
Husband: “Why? I thought that, while we had our ups and downs, our marriage is pretty good.”
Wife: “No. I’m not leaving you, I’m leaving Alaska. It’s fine if you want to come, too.”
My friend (who I will call Tim since that’s his name) said that this was a constant pattern that he had seen. Perfectly happy couple, and then one day, bam, the wife said she was outta there, done with Alaska except for the rearview mirror. He said it generally happened about 20 years after the couple had moved to Alaska. Sometimes 19 years.
Do mimes with invisible walls have obstacle illusions?
He had no idea why it happened, but it was frequent enough that he’d seen the pattern play out again and again.
Now that, my friends, is change.
Another example more relevant to me is biking. I used to bike a lot, and I know from experience that the only thing that is as insufferable as a gay vegan-Democrat-Crossfit® enthusiast is a bicyclist. But when I decided that I was going to use biking as an exercise to get into better shape (which worked) I went all in. No, I didn’t buy the silly jersey or the clip on shoes or a bike that weighed .03 ounces (351 kiloPascals), but I did buy the gear I needed to be good enough to lose some weight. Hell, I wasn’t racing, I wanted a heavy bike so I had to work my fat ass harder.
So, after 5,000 plus bike miles a year for two years, I found I lost approximately 10 pounds.
Why didn’t the bear go to college? Because bears don’t go to college.
Hmmm, I guess I can’t ride my bike faster than my fork, but when I was on my bike, even though I was far from a world-record anything, I was training as hard as any world-class athlete. Just not as long, and just without the talent that they had. I mean, I was dedicated, but there was no way I was gonna cut my testicle off like Lance Armstrong.
But, again, the change was instantaneous. Just as instantaneous as when I decided to stop biking because I noticed it was causing some damage to my body, and having a bad ankle wasn’t worth losing 10 pounds.
One day, bicyclist.
The next day?
Not.
So, change itself is instant. And also predictable – it always has and always will require just three simple things, as Ludwig von Mises (who is dead) wrote:
A Vision of a Better State
A Path to Get to the Better State
A Belief That My Action Along the Path Will Get Me to the Better State
If you have Vision, Path, and Belief, you change. If I don’t have them, even if I’m missing just one of them, I don’t change. At all. I just sit on my couch eating curly fries.
Anyone can want to change, in fact I’m sure we all want to change. But until we get those three simple keys, we won’t.
When my youngest was five, The Mrs. and I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, he said, “Batman”. Now he wonders why we won’t take him to the theater.
Why do people who have heart attacks sometimes become fitness devotees? Because they now have A Vision of a Better State – not being dead next year. They have A Path to Get to the Better State – exercise and eating right. They now have A Belief That Their Action Along the Path Will Get Them to the Better State – their doctor told them, and now they’re paying attention.
That’s a rather extreme example, but it’s one that gets raised all the time.
I think the reasons that more people don’t make changes comes from a few simple reasons:
Despair: They don’t believe that anything that they do can change the situation that they’re in so they don’t even dwell on a better state or look for a path. They’ve given up.
Not Looking: They simply won’t open their eyes to the possibility of something different, or feel guilt, and also can’t see a way, even if it’s abundantly clear to others.
Apathy: They don’t care. Curly fries are easy. Work is hard.
Sometimes change is a conscious choice, but I’ll also admit that sometimes change is forced upon you like the Alaskan husband from Tim’s story above.
If you have something you want to change, change it. You can’t make yourself younger, but you can make yourself stronger than you are today. If you want more money, you can’t write yourself checks based on an IOU that you wrote to yourself (like the government does) but you can earn more or save more or both. I guarantee it.
My grandfather once told me it was worth it to spend money on good stereo speakers. That was sound advice.
Once I asked a friend (not Tim) to write a sentence of their choice as small as they could. They did. Then, I said, write it again, and make it smaller this time.
They did. Generally, the power is within us to do amazing things, but we have to first believe. You can choose change, or it can choose you.
But what you and I do with that? It’s up to us.
Your definition of ‘change’ implies improvement, but there is another kind. Women in particular are eager to force ‘changes’ on others when they are dissatisfied with themselves. A woman will look at a prospective mate, for example, much the same way that she evaluates a house for sale. “Hmmm. He needs some updates, but I see potential here. Frilly curtains, a splash of paint, a few doilies and this one could be a winner.” Then she calls in the wrecking ball.
I guess what I am saying is that positive change emanates from within and cannot be externally applied. Every time my employer announces “changes” in policy or procedure I know it is going to involve more paperwork, lowered productivity, and a thumb in the eye to morale. Especially if the edict filters down from HR.
Spontaneity is great, when it works. Some of the best changes are shock treatments (quitting booze cold turkey, walking away from a toxic relationship, cutting up all of the credit cards). But mere impulsiveness can backfire spectacularly. Listen to coach Herm Edwards: A goal without a plan is a wish.
MG
Cold shock is the best, but none of my shock treatments were without a lot of thought before – I just had to get to the point where I was ready to go.
“A Vision of a Better State
A Path to Get to the Better State
A Belief That My Action Along the Path Will Get Me to the Better State”
Sounds like a Californian on his way to Texas.
Maybe Elon should get the tattoo.
I’m in a location that gets drought every summer. I’d like to make a change, like Tim’s wife, and move to a place where it rains. My wife, whom I love dearly, is dead set against making any more moves. I defer my desire for this change, to my desire for her happiness. Sure, I could force the issue, like Tim’s wife, but that would be the wrong thing to do. Pass the curly fries, please.
Hey, I’ve got cheeze dipping sauce! Want some?
I stopped rowing a while back. I’ve also gained weight. I’m currently on the warpath cleaning my garage to make it a fit exercise area again – it’s got mice. Not for long. My path back to rowing includes pulling everything away from the walls, a scrubdown with bleach, laying down a veritable minefield of mousetraps in the garage and attic, getting my butt back in that hard, hard seat and start pulling that chain again.
Sadly, the hardest part is finding interesting video to watch daily on the TV I’ve got in front of the flywheel.
Vision, path belief. Thanks for bringing that into three-word focus for me, John. Wish me luck.
No, I wish you change – the change you want. Luck has nothing to do with it. You’re on this!
Try my podcast.
Hello. Agreed Mr Wilder. Fascinating. That moment where thoughts are turned into actions or not. They say that guy Vincent van gogh was mad wae tha absinth but at some point he must have dragged his ass out of bed and got the shit together to paint. Me i want to build a boat,
nothing fancy , say a 12 ” with an 11″ mast coastal/camper and saill off into the sunset. Yeah maybe its time.
LETS GO!!!
Ok i like Reznovs plan.
1 Secure the keys.
2 Ascend from darkness.
3 Rain fire.
4 Unleash the horde.
5 Skewer the winged beast.
6 Wield a fist of iron.
7 Raise Hell.
8 Freedom.
Again thank you Mr Wilder.
That 12″ boat with an 11″ mast will fit nicely in the bathtub. Have you ever seen the Spinal Tap movie?
Lathechuck
My pleasure! I like both of those plans!!!! Freedom!
Change is on the way…and choices will be live or die. Then the King takes over
I am professionally in the “helping people change” business and would say there is often an underlying, deep seated resistance to change that people are unaware of, yet their patterns show clear evidence. Freud’s contributions to understanding people are largely ignored these days, but his idea of the “dynamic unconscious” simply has too much explanatory power to ignore.
What boggles my mind is how readily, how easily people have been brainwashed to believe all of this transgender crap! Truly astonishing, but clearly it gives people an excuse to “drop out” from normality. And for Algerian men, get medals for beating up women 😉 Why “normies” who have no desire to be play trans games themselves applaud the crazies is beyond me.
When people stop believing God is real…they will worship and believe anything
10/10.
Totally makes sense. I had worn a beard for about 10 years and then, one morning a few weeks ago, I woke up, realized I no longer liked having a beard, and shaved it off.
Exactly! When you’re done, you’re done!
Woke up one morning, and realized that I didn’t need to shower every day, but three times a week would be enough. A few years later, I woke up and realized that I could do ten minutes of intense exercise before the shower, and I’ve doubled my original move count in about three weeks. Sometimes, it just happens.
Lathechuck
Nice!
Grab ahold of Papa and the King, when you gotta change something difficult. Then do that other stuff that John said.
Yup.
Your use of, 351 kilo Pascals, is incorrect. The dimensions of a Pascal, a measure of force over area does not equate to mass; Which varies with density and gravitational force.
One pascal is equivalent to 1 newton (N) of force applied over an area of 1 square meter
You’re right, I should have used milliCuries.
I forget where I saw it originally, but a phrase about dieting that’s stuck with me: “When you want to lose weight, no method will work. But when you decide to lose weight, any method will work.” I have seen that kind of sudden about-face in my own life; the real trick is being able to trigger it on demand.
The book “Switch” by Chip and Dan Heath was a great read on the topic. They used a fun analogy for change I am going to butcher, about steering an elephant. The rider is our rational mind, in charge of organizing and long term planning. The elephant is our emotions, whether conscious or not. The little jockey can yank at the reins and haul the elephant around for only a brief while before getting exhausted; but lasting progress towards a meaningful change only happens when rider and elephant are moving in the same direction. (They introduce a third component, of a road to travel, and spend a good chunk of the book explaining how to get all three in harmony. It was originally aimed at organizational change, but since businesses are made up of people it works on an individual level too.)
I think your three-part approach is excellent for diagnosing where obstacles are, and making sure you are prepared to pursue that avenue. Writing that one down in my notebook. Thanks!
Excellent! Hoping we all get better than we are today. But with nachos.
If you want to put on strength, do Starting Strength. Just eat a lot of protein and make rapid progress. After making several months of progress, you might find yourself a little fatter that you’d like. Or still overly fat as in my case. Take that base of strength and do the Wendler 5/3/1 program while eating to drop some weight. It works folks. Just my five cents for people looking to make a change like I was.
Thanks! Me? I just need to fast more.