Dead Romans Agree: Don’t Let The Small Stuff Bother You

“Happy premise number three:  even though I feel like I might ignite, I probably won’t.” – Bowfinger

I hear that Marcus’ wife was a perfect X.

Mike, the proprietor over at Cold Fury (LINK), is going through a very difficult time.  Big Country has set up a gofundme for him here (LINK).  Much more information at the gofundme site.

Now to the post . . .

I woke up this morning just irritated.  No particular reason.  In all fairness, it was entirely an internal feeling, and I imagine most people never noticed.  I was nice and polite to nearly everyone I interacted with.  And why not?  None of them were my ex-wife.

I wasn’t irritated with them, I was just irritated.  There were no issues.  I wasn’t in pain.  No one around me was in particular trouble.  Thankfully I’m not an electrician – people might dislike me not being positive at work.

As I thought about it, what was irritating me?  I couldn’t quite put a finger on it.  There was no rational reason at all.  During a conversation tonight, though, I had a reason to quote Marcus Aurelius:

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

Not mine, but I couldn’t resist.

Sure, Marcus Aurelius’ kid was an utter tool, but when you become Caesar at 18, well, it might tend to go to your head – think of Commodus as Miley Cyrus, 180 A.D.  Back to Marcus, though.  Marcus genuinely did his best for the Roman Empire.  As near as I can tell, Marcus was a pretty good leader.

And that little quote above wasn’t written for you and me.  It was written for Marcus, by Marcus.  He was reminding himself that the external things in the world had only the power he gave them.  He was giving himself a pep talk.

Marcus Aurelius was right.  In the conversation I was having tonight, the person was very upset (most of you don’t know the person, though specific readers in California and Indiana do – hi guys!).  The reason she was upset?  Nothing rational at all.  So I quoted a dead Roman emperor.

Who says that Stoics aren’t compassionate?

Did it help?  I don’t know.  I’m beginning to see a pattern where crying people don’t stop crying when I quote dead Roman emperors.  I’m beginning to see why the kids call The Mrs. when they want actual human sympathy.

My irritation (I think) came from the same place.  Nowhere.  I felt fine (except for my right knee which is much better now) and the day generally went fairly well.  I realized that the advice I gave was meant just as much for me as for the person I was talking to.  I was just being irritated because I let myself be irritated.

Once I was done and realized I didn’t have to be irritated?

My hands disappeared today, but I can’t really point my finger at what caused it.

My irritation disappeared.  I know that the way I feel is (generally) my choice.  I can choose how I feel:  salty, Wednesday, or even drunk.  The only reason that I’m not happy every morning is if I choose not to be happy on some particular morning.

Are there actual reasons why I might have different feelings?  Sure.  If I had mental problems (other than an unseemly affection for awful jokes and a desire to consciously be able to make my fingernails grow absurdly fast) that might be a reason to have a feeling other than what I choose.

Don’t know.  I do know that there are people with actual mental problems.  There’s proof:  some people actually voted for Biden.  But, going back to Marcus, that’s not external.  Being sick or goofy enough to vote for Biden isn’t external.

Marcus Aurelius might have voted for Biden – Marcus is dead, after all.

Physical pain also is an internal source that can destroy moods.  I once (for a few months) had sciatica.  I was irritable enough every morning to chew nails and spit bullets.  Then I discovered that I could work out for a few hours on an elliptical trainer to make the pain go away.  A week later?

I was fine.  My irritation vanished along with my sciatica, never (hopefully) to return.

That was nearly 15 years ago.  Sure, I’ve felt pain since then, but most of it was the good pain from a hard workout.  Heck, most days the worst thing that happened was the crisp morning breeze running through my back hair.

My mood depends on me.  My attitude depends on me.

Does that mean that I can’t see the actual situation we’re in?  Of course not.  I see a nation tearing itself apart.  It’s worse:  it’s not just a nation, Western Civilization seems to be happily thrashing about as it marches down a path to extinction.

Is that good?

Of course not.

Does it mean that I should walk around every day being sad?

Of course not.  I am doing, I assure you, everything I can think of to stave off that darkness.  I mean, those memes won’t make themselves.

Never buy a sculpture of Bonnie Tyler.  Every now and then it falls apart.

And I am doing it cheerfully.  I laugh every day.  I smile because I know that most of the things that I worry about can have no power over me unless I give them that power.

Make your choices, and understand that while you might wake up irritated – it’s your choice if you wish to stay in that mood for a minute or an hour.

Me?  I like being happy, so I choose that, even in moments where it might not be appropriate.  I might even need to stop high-fiving people at funerals.

So, I got started late typing this after a day I chose to just be irritated.  And, I’m going to choose to end now.

With a smile on my face.  Go and have a great day.  Most of the time, having a great day is just a choice.

Choose wisely.

Author: John

Nobel-Prize Winning, MacArthur Genius Grant Near Recipient writing to you regularly about Fitness, Wealth, and Wisdom - How to be happy and how to be healthy. Oh, and rich.

33 thoughts on “Dead Romans Agree: Don’t Let The Small Stuff Bother You”

  1. Unfortunately we live in a world with constant negative stimuli. We see all of the worst things happening, all day, every day. We would all benefit from less time seeing the world burn down now and again.

  2. John – – You touched upon one’s ability to control what he responds to, be it positive or otherwise.

    Lotta value in that viewpoint. We let others push us into feelings that we can control but don’t. We flame out when a bit of stoicism or even benign neglect would take the “edge” off of our enraged passions.

    Your ideas are universal in application and reminded me of an important quote by Frederick Douglas:

    “The limits of tyrants are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppose.”

    Frederick Douglass

    Nutter good-un….. Thanks.

  3. And sometimes you just have to laugh! These days more often than not, I treat a lot of what I read as entertainment.

    Ary you not entertained?

    Just over here waiting to hit bottom so we can start clawing back to the top.

    I have a book or two from the Stoics on my reading list. Need to hunt those down and start.

  4. A psych tome I read ages ago (The Road Less Traveled, perhaps?) made mention of ‘free-floating anger’. It apparently leaps spontaneously into being in one’s tortured psyche and then seeks something, anything, on which to attach itself. Since the thing we see most often in our daily life is the s.o., that poor slob is usually the unlucky recipient of our unfocused wrath.

    My wife says that I am a bear first thing in the morning, grumpy and growling, full of aches and pains. She does her own ‘kinder, gentler’ version of grumpy and growling from time to time as well. But then I just tell her to ‘Calm down’ and everything is fine thereafter. (No. No, it isn’t. And my thoughtful suggestion only fans the flames.)

    As swiftly and mysteriously as free-floating anger appears, it also dissipates, just another fart in the wind. Repairing the damage left in its terrible wake can take considerably longer (or so I am told).

    The capability to wrestle down your emotions and deliberately alter your mood for the better is a gift that you give yourself. To date, I have not found myself to be quite so generous. And sometimes a really good rage is cathartic.

  5. “My hands disappeared today, but I can’t really point my finger at what caused it.” Reminds me of my favorite Steven Wright quote: “I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.”

    1. I love it! I used to be able to shave with both hands (really) at the same time. Then I wondered why I was shaving . . . .

  6. Good advice! Here is a joke to lighten the mood:

    A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and hurls it as far as he can. Three years later, there is a knock on the door. The guy opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, “What the hell was that all about?”

    1. “I’m beginning to see a pattern where crying people don’t stop crying when I quote dead Roman emperors.”

      Once at a management meeting, I pulled out a copy of “The Wealth of Nations” and read them a passage that showed their new plans were known to be foolish in 1776. It went over about as well as your advice to crying people.

      But to the main point: I once had an autoimmune condition that attacked my joints. VERY painful. I’d been on the couch curled up like a dead cockroach for weeks. I cracked a joke at my own expense in a raspy voice. My wife asked how I could joke about that. I told her when I stopped joking, she should check for a pulse.

  7. Watching Bombs and Bants while dinner is in the oven..

    Codex: IDK, Preppers Only sounds like a nice place to meet people…

    Q: That city in the first story just needed to put up MORE gun-free zone signs.

    Glyph: “Isn’t the Hallman Xmas Channel just Die Hard 1 & 2 on endless repeat?”

    Good show guys!

  8. Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo – Juliet Oscar Echo – Bravo India Delta Echo November…….

  9. I have been known to quote the great Japanese sword masters and Sun Tzu in meetings. The response is, as you suggest, less than optimal.

    John – It is a great meditation and very well taken. As The Ravishing Mrs TB would tell you, I can often get irritated for no other reason than I walk and think on the state of the world, which sets off my whole day. I am angry (as angry as I get, I suppose) at the sheer lunacy of people who seemed bound and determined not only to sink the ship, but drive it into the mud. But, as you say, I control none of that. I only control myself.

  10. “As I thought about it, what was irritating me? I couldn’t quite put a finger on it. There was no rational reason at all. ”

    I get the same thing but usually with some weird sense of foreboding rather than irritation. Feel like I missed something important and then I get this odd and inexplicable depression. It helps that I now recognize it and can say to myself that it will just go away.

    On the humor topic, here’s one I saw that I think you might like.

    “My girlfriend said she is breaking up with me because of my obsession with the Monkees. I thought she was joking.

    Then I saw her face”.

    I’m still laughing and it’s been at least a week.

    1. Ha! Love the joke. My sense of foreboding is really, really strong. I feel better today. I have my fingers crossed . . . .

  12. I’m always trying to learn how to be stoic…
    OT: when i was in the 7th grade i had a English teacher (a very good one) that used to play pop music while we read the lyrics. The goal was to learn how the words were pronounced and the meaning of some idiomatic expressions. One of the first songs played was “Total eclipse of the heart”, cringe i now, but i like it.
    Cheers!

  13. 1989.
    Sacramento, California.
    A matched pair — AM and FM — 24/7 radio stations broadcast WINNERS NEWS NETWORK, snippets of motivation talks by all the biggies:
    Earl Nightingale
    Zig Zigler
    Jerry Gillies
    and a hundred others, including
    that cheesy blowhard tony robbins.
    .
    One Jim Rohn story describes stuck in traffic on the way to the airport.
    He says he realized he could choose — be frustrated… or be fascinated.

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