“We’re on a mission from God.” – The Blues Brothers
I thought this guy looked like a werewolf. If he bit me, I’d go to the doctor to see if I had a beast infection.
The proprietor over at Adaptive Curmudgeon (LINK), who goes by Adaptive Curmudgeon, Hank Curmudgeon challenged me that he’d only type naked until I did a post where all of the memes come from a particular web page, specifically this one (LINK), which documents Victorian beard styles.
(Update: Do go visit Adaptive Curmudgeon! I’m sure I have already confused him with several comments, so I’m owing him big time!)
It’s getting cold, so I thought I’d allow him (Update: Hank) to at least get a blanket. Since this isn’t normally how I do my memes, we’ll see how it goes. But I’m concerned for him – I hear it’s so cold where he is that you can get soft-serve straight from the udder.
(Update: So, yes, as usual, the problem exists between my keyboard and my chair. I was thinking that Hank Curmudgeon was Adaptive Curmudgeon sharing a first name and didn’t want to share that name without permission. So, it turned into a big Frasier episode where Frasier doesn’t know that Daphne spiked the eggnog, and then he spikes the eggnog, and then Miles spikes the eggnog, and then they catch Martin on fire.
All error belongs with me. End update!)
On to the story.
My dog has ESP. Well, that’s not really true. It’s not my dog. It’s The Mrs.’ dog, MacReady. I’ll do in a pinch when The Mrs. isn’t around, but I’m not the preferred person – that’s The Mrs.
That’s understandable. The Mrs. feeds MacReady and pampers it. In my world? Dogs get kibble and (once in a while) leftovers. In The Mrs.’ world, dogs get canned dog food. So, yeah, MacReady probably picked the right person.
This particular dog is a miniature pinscher, so it’s supposed to be about eight pounds of misplaced aggression. The Mrs.’ has currently “overserved” MacReady, so he’s currently about sixteen pounds of misplaced aggression and high self-esteem.
I can hardly remember when I tried to get into optometrist school. It’s all kind of blurry now.
By misplaced aggression, I mean the dog is sixteen pounds, yet it barks like it thinks it’s a linebacker for the Chicago Bears® when someone rings the doorbell, and will bravely waddle to the door to defend the house as fast as its little legs will carry it.
When MacReady jumps off of the bed, I’m constantly in fear that his legs will collapse up into his body and we’ll be left with a sort of dog/sandworm mix that will only be able to wiggle around the floor. If that happens, we’ll keep still keep him. You know, for the spice.
The Mrs. is worried MacReady might rupture like a bag of soup. If so, we’ll toss him in the compost heap. Then he’ll be min-pin soup for the soil.
Anyway, MacReady has ESP. By ESP, I mean that he has extra-sensory perception.
I was going to make a joke about his eyes, but I worried that would be two cornea.
And my phone is the cause.
See, whenever my phone isn’t on mute, it makes a particular noise when my front doorbell senses motion. It’s like a set of not-annoying wind chimes. The Mrs. used to have the same app on her phone, and somehow MacReady associated that sometimes when the wind chimes played, there would be a person, like a UPS® guy evil eldritch horror or monstrous alien threat* (LINK) at the door.
So, MacReady has figured out that whenever my phone makes that chime noise it means that bad men, perhaps wearing hats are lurking outside to ring the hated doorbell? He clomps his huge min-pin butt to the door and barks, as threatening as a feather duster in a biker bar fight.
But, as fat and as tiny as MacReady is, he is fit for purpose. He has two jobs: be warm and cuddly, and be annoying when someone rings the doorbell. That’s really it.
Maybe he grew that to cover a neck brace? If so, he never looked back.
As people, though, we have a purpose, too.
Are we fit for it?
And, that’s the question I have for you today.
I can’t tell you your purpose. I can only give you ideas on how I found mine. But I assure you that you have one even if you don’t know it.
I once read that you should write down things that you could do and do it until you break down and cry with the beauty of what you have written. I think that smells kinda bogus, and really doesn’t fit well with reality as I’ve found it, and I haven’t cried since Hornady developed the 6.5 Creedmoor.
Me? I’ve found my purpose (as I know it now) by trying things. First one, then another. I’ve found a few things that I’m good at. Sleeping. Eating Ruffles®. I’ve even found some things that I do that are useful. Putting laundry into the dryer is definitely one of those things.
His girlfriend left him, too. She found out he was seeing someone else.
But I’ve found far more that I’m awful at. Singing. I love to sing. People love it more when I don’t sing. Playing guitar. People like my guitar playing better than my singing, but not by much.
If you have no talent in a subject (or, like me an aggressive anti-talent in music) it’s rarely going to form the basis of a purpose. Finding those talents that you have, developing them, and then combining them (Scott Adams calls it a talent stack) is really the basis of a purpose.
A purpose is, in the end, the reason that you exist. And eating Ruffles© and sleeping, no matter how good I might be at those things) is not it. This blog is part of that purpose. And my purpose is constantly evolving, not because I’ve lost focus, but because I’ve learned more about who I am and what I can do.
And a purpose may not have anything to do with your job. Often it is. But in the end, you do the job you need to do so you can feed your family, even if it sucks. Of course, if you don’t need money, that rule goes right out the window. But most people who have jobs find them distasteful from time to time – that’s why they’re not called hobbies.
His other hobby was taking pictures of trout wearing clothing. He said it was like shooting fish in apparel.
But if you do have your purpose, especially if it’s a special purpose, I can tell you that you need to get fit for it. Even as MacReady’s purpose is pretty easy to meet – be a warm furry throw pillow and be a tool by barking like a chopper door machine-gun two dozen or so times a day – I bet yours isn’t that easy.
So what is it that you have to do to fulfill that purpose with all of the impact of a fat miniature pinscher impacting a carpeted floor accelerated by gravity at 32.1740 ft/s2 (6.62607015×10−34Js)?
- Is it physical? Get in the best shape you can.
- Is it mental? Practice improves everything.
- Is it spiritual? There are many folks that can help you there – who knows what you might find.
- Is it courage? Is it scary?
It might be. Actually attempting to fulfill a purpose can be daunting. What happens when you fail?
Not if. When. If the purpose is big enough and worthy of you, you will fail – that’s the basis for learning. And you will fail until you don’t. You have to be strong enough to keep going, building yourself up layer by layer.
I like having lots of layers on my bed – that’s a blanket statement.
You’ve got to bark at that door every day, if that’s your purpose, even if you don’t have ESP.
*I went with the spelling from the 38 year old movie – I figured it was more commonly known than the spelling in a story written over 82 years ago.
You are saying we are hair for a porpoise. Since porpoises are mammals, and mammals have hair, so, avoid Dusty.
https://www.thejournal.ie/swimmers-doolin-dolphin-1015314-Jul2013/
Groan . . . that’s a good one.
We’ll keep him we need the spice. Damn you’re slick! Duncan Idaho salutes you sir
Thank you! I was grinnin’ when I wrote it.
It was interesting hearing the contestant say the word evil. I have stated for the last few years that that word rarely crossed my lips in the past but now it is a common statement. Those people are EVIL, so stay vigilant. Sociopath fits them better than psycopath.
Evil does exist . . . and explains more than we might want to admit.
Loved how you worked physics into the blog. But then, I’m a geek. At this point the only attractive force I possess is gravitational in nature as I’m twice the man I used to be..
Thanks for your link on beards. I stopped cutting mine when we were forced into hermithood 9 months ago due to the Wuhan flu. There is only one that kind of matches mine, although I really have more of a half a duck dynasity one. That link also lead me to a really impressive store of photos with a Renaissance Era look. Outstanding photos. Most of which I wish I would print. https://designyoutrust.com/2020/11/50-times-people-took-a-photograph-and-realized-its-accidental-renaissance/
John, I agree that you have a calling to blog. I look forward to your emails. Keep’er up. I keep looking for when you will have advertising so that I can add some support by clicking them. Until then you will have to do with my occasional toast to you. Years ago we wanted a way to fax a beer to someone. Never figured it out.
Thank you so much! More to come. The next phase shows up as soon as Tuesday!
Phase 2 . . . as soon as Tuesday . . . . !
My purpose used to be combining technical skill, art and sarcasm in the service of organizations’ marketing plans. I was a graphic designer. I still am, but the industry seems to have passed me by; it’s not so much about the individual anymore, everything is done in teams now because it’s so internet-focused. My expertise was and is print work. It served me well for the last 35 years, but it’s a shrinking industry.
So I’m in the process of searching for a new purpose, one that I love so much it will carry me into retirement and beyond. I’ve only got a couple years before I buy myself a gold watch (being self-employed I handle all HR duties – it looks like I’ll be Employee of the Month again, for the 420th month in a row). When it comes to retirement, I’m not the sit-on-the-beach sort of fellow. I expect to be doing something fun, mentally intriguing, and (hopefully) financially rewarding, until the day I croak.
My sense is those of us who work for ourselves tend to not understand the concept of “retirement”. If we’ve learned anything, it’s that “work” doesn’t kill you. It makes you stronger.
I think in the end, the best “purpose” one can discover is the ability to turn “work” on its head and make it “fun”.
P.S. Speaking of fun, I received 8 or 9 pet portrait orders as a result of your promo, John. It’s been a super busy month, and I’m grateful to you and your fantastic readers. It’s too late for any more Christmas orders, but gift certificates are still available.
After 40yr, I have found that is not entirely correct. The work has become tedious due to the bureaucracy and the general lack of most everyone caring about the quality of their work. The programs really are just pointless white collar WPA/CCC programs that unlike the depression era programs have no intent to actually produce anything. I just could not take it any more. So I retired and said screw it. Government programs are designed to not succeed, and yet destroy the people’s soul at the same time.
The idiots in favor of the expanded government (Biden and Harris) will ruin everyone. For a free lunch, they sell their souls.
I am retreating to solitude.
Abe;
I totally understand that point of view. In fact I probably would have shared it had I not broken away from the corporate world 28 years ago to strike out on my own. Having direct ownership over your work is a great motivator.
Your graphic skills are wonderful, as is your art. And I’m thrilled that there were some more orders!!!!!!
John, I also agree you have an impressive calling for writing blogs.
I use this blog as a different type of school where the reader must build the syllabus. So I’m going to at least two schools now. There is a third school, but for a different venue.
From this blog’s improvised syllabus, I just finished reading about the 1876 election “Fraud of the Century”. When I compare 1876 with 2020, I don’t believe 2020’s election gets resolved like the 1876 election with 12th Amendment, dual elector slates and electoral commission games. I’m sure there will be more to say later.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure my purpose is not physical. It’s both mental and spiritual. It requires a little courage. Being in a classroom with young peers and being older than the professors is a little awkward for me. But I’ll live.
My speed is a little slower because I’m committed to excellent work and my goals are different from when I was younger. To get an A in a life science class with a few motivated peers with or without a grade curve requires a lot of hours.
And yes, in keeping with the no debt philosophy, the class is very inexpensive. The textbook was more expensive. Everything must be pay as we go.
Awkward is the first step in real growth. Inexpensive classes – that’s perfect.
I’m greatly interested in hearing how this journey goes!!!!
Even as a man with a magnificent beard of my own, that might be too many bearded guys and too few girls in bikinis.
Well, it was a one-shot.
About two decades ago, I think I discovered My Latest Life-Purpose.
Apparently, it has something to do with writing comments on blogs on TheWorldWideWeb.
So far, so good!
And every time you comment on this one? You make me smile.
Dear Readers,
Twas I, and NOT Adaptive Curmudgeon (no relation…I think), who suggested the beard thing and related link to our amusingly befuddled but still lovable author, the one, the only… John “Pun-tastic” Wilder. Even so Adaptive Curmudgeon has an excellent blog and you should go there and read it anyway. And I’m quite sure Adaptive isn’t smoking Pez™ at 10PM next to the Stop-N-Rob mini-mart over on You’ve Clearly Got The Wrong Curmudgeon Rd. like some bolgsters we know.
Kind Regards,
Hank Curmudgeon
Certified Master Curmudgeon
P.S. GET OFF MY LAWN!!!
Dohhhhhh!
I was Curmudgeoned!!!
And what a privilege it was…eh?
Yup!
Thanks for the Adaptive Curmudgeon link and the intriguing facial hair archives. There’s definitely a cornucopia root vegetable character fodder there!
My wife reports that my dog ( 110 lbs but a German Shepherd, not a min pin- that would be a sight to see) actually does have some form of ESP.
Working in the health care field my workday ends at different times daily. However my wife reports that the dog jumps up and goes to the window exactly 30 mins before I arrive home. I could have a smaller caseload and be done at 2 PM or a longer day and not arrive until 6. Either way, my dog somehow knows when I have walked to the parking lot and have started my 25 min drive home…
You know, I’ve heard of experiments run exactly like that with dogs that showed the same thing. I’ve got an explanation/theory, and maybe I’ll blog about it some week . . . .
John – – You have pun-ished us enough….
As they say in In-jaa (India)……….Pun-jabis are pun-ishing all of us !!
True to the centurion look of your missive’s photos, there ain’t a hair on my ass that ain’t combed and waxed imitating the hirsute gents from your photo lineup….
All of them…..
You won’t find me in the Infirmary suffering from Frost Bitten Ass this winter………
Although Elvis ain’t looking too good anymore, even as a Pez dispenser, his ass was well waxed…or so the story is told.
Ha!
There will never be enough puns!