“You blow it tonight, girl, and it’s keggers with kids all next year.” – Heathers
There’s also a neolithic monument to Dad jokes: Groanhenge.
FYI upfront: very likely I’ll not have a post at all on Monday – travelling for pleasure and won’t be back until the wee hours Monday morning.
Göbekli Tepi is back in the news. But first? What the hell is a Göbekli Tepi?
Göbekli Tepi is a location in the southern part of Turkey, right near the place you put the onion in, and later discover you forgot to remove the plastic bag with the gizzards and cooked it, and decide, “meh, it probably won’t kill me,” carve it up, and serve it anyway without telling anyone.
Oh, wait, it’s the country Turkey not the tasty bird. Göbekli Tepi is located right near the border with Syria, and is one of the most significant archeological sites. Ever.
Why? It’s made of huge stone structures, carved intricately and realistically, and showing more artistic skill than any post-modern artist. That’s not saying much, but, there it is.
I once read a very moving story in Braille. It was touching, really.
Original by Sue Fleckney – https://www.flickr.com/photos/96594331@N03/20385309880/, CC BY-SA 2.0, snarky comment by Wilder.
It’s old. Very old. 9,500 B.C. old.
That’s a really long time to try to even imagine. I’m not sure I can, since when compared to the lifespan of any human except your mother, it’s hard to conceive. I’ll never be able to put it in terms anyone can wrap their brain around, but let me give an example:
We’re closer in time to Jesus than Jesus was to the building of the pyramids. Göbekli Tepi is four times farther back in time than the construction of the pyramids was from the perspective of Jesus. This was so far back in time that pottery had yet to be invented, but, strangely, Tupperware™ was already in wide use.
Tupperware™ even made a casket with a clear lid. It was a failure, I don’t know why. They had a great slogan: Remains To Be Seen©.
Göbekli Tepi is old enough that it started being built around the time the very first evidence of agriculture shows up in the archeological record. This is such an early settlement, that most evidence indicates that it was made by hunter-gatherers for use only occasionally, like the cabin in the woods that they visited only on Labor Day. But why did they go there?
I know the answer. Why would hunter-gatherers meet up at the dawn of history?
To party.
I’ve written about this before – there is evidence of grain and yeast in big stone vats at Göbekli Tepi. This is evidence of the really simple answer to the question of why Göbekli Tepi was built – the guys got together, made beer, sang songs, told lies about the big aurochs that got away, farted, and got really, really drunk. Want more evidence? Over 7,000 grinding stones to mash the grain into something they could brew with. 7,000 seems like a lot, but they gathered there to party and get stoned for over a thousand years.
I go to the pool every day to try to get a swimmer’s body. But no one ever drowns.
Once a year, probably, because that’s all the beer they had because they hadn’t developed agriculture.
That last part is new and is in a paper by Dr. Martin Sweatman (chemical engineer) out of the University of Edinburgh (LINK). It turns out that a bunch of Scotsmen (I assume it involved grad students, having been an engineering grad student myself back in the day) noodled over the carvings and started counting. Scotland is boring, so counting the number of times a “V” (apparently the only letter the Göbekli Tepi residents knew) showed up was the only other thing Sweatman’s team could think to do after they drank all the booze in the lab.
Adderall© is dangerous. One of my friends took it, blacked out, and now he’s a grad student.
They found that there was a pretty cool pattern on the blocks (figure 12 on page 38 of the .pdf I linked above):
- One repeating set of the letter V (both right side up and upside down) that was either 29 or 30 days (depending on how you count the V). A lunar month is really 29.5 days, so 29 or 30 sounds right.
- 11 blocks, right under the 29 or 30 letter V. So, 29.5 times 11 (plus the original month above it) is . . . 354.
- Then, 10 more of the V letters. That brings us to 364.
- Finally, one more for the summer solstice (their guess), bringing us to 365.
My guess was that the last V? That was party day – the ultimate pre-dawn of writing stuff down beer bash. Since they only drank one weekend a year, I imagine these folks were the ultimate cheap date, sort of like a group of high school freshmen who had scored some near-beer.
I guess Cain was Abel. (meme as found)
And, by Crom Coors®, they invented mathematics, astronomy, sculpture carving, building craftsmanship, and agriculture in a short span of time.
To get more beer.
I’ll stand by that statement.
- Once planting started, had stick around to harvest it.
- So, we had to build a house.
- Since others might want our beer, we had to defend the house.
- We can’t do that alone, so we had to band together.
- Growing grain is a lot of effort, so, for the first time in history, humans had a use for slave labor.
- Work went from hunting and occasional fishing and gathering to back breaking farm labor.
- This meant greater complexity, which fed greater returns, and now beer was available all year round.
- We built cities, so we could support the beer industry, and had increased disease issues (COVID 8000 B.C., anyone?).
- Then, we created a division of labor, started the development of technology, and invented the fridge (the first one was in Germany, used for beer making).
- This led to the apex of civilization the 7-Eleven®, where one could buy beer, PEZ™ and pork rinds 24 hours a day, every day.
Society was created by and for beer drinkers. I’m not even kidding. People needed a reason to build all of this stuff, and men were the ones who did it. Have you ever been around men? We only do stuff for one of two reasons – one is beer, and you know what the other one is. Okay, three reasons. I forgot the PEZ®.
Wait until he tries to explain Netflix®. (meme as found)
In the end, Göbekli Tepi wasn’t destroyed. It was carefully buried. This, my friends, suggests a great reverence for the place. It was like the ritual burial of the frat house after all the fraternity brothers had gotten married and had a real job.
Which was probably the case, they were now all farmers and soldiers and bureaucrats that ran the small cities so they could eventually build breweries, convenience stores and refrigerators. They gradually forgot about the place.
Then we (modern humans) found it. Now, the people who found it were very serious people who have grown only more serious over time at university cocktail parties in the woke modern world. They can’t, for the life of them, figure out what this was, since they forget that this was a place built by and for men to party.
I think Dr. Sweatman is totally right (there’s more in his paper including a Time Lord™ and a possible record of a cataclysmic comet, you should RTWT)– the stone is a calendar. And it’s counting the time until the next party.
It’s the countdown to beer day. And who doesn’t like beer day?
Sounds like Gobekli Tepi was the first real man cave. I bet they covered it up to keep their wives from finding out about it.
John, on a different note…..I love the meme but having only 3 grad student coauthors on a technical paper is so last century. It’s now common to see 10+ co-authors, particularly in medical and biomedical related papers. Apparently if you are standing around the lab scratching your privates at just the right time, they make you a co-author (I’ve gotten listed on papers for doing even less).
Hahaha! And I never even got one citation!
There are two known OLDER sites than Gobleki Tepe in Turkey, Boncuklu Tarla and Karahan Tepe. And they are uncovering new sites all the time. The world was a lot warmer and wetter back then (melting glaciers), the so-called “Iranian desert” was largely lakes, and these sites pre-date the proposed “Black Sea Deluge” estimated to have happened around 7,600 years ago (around 5,600 BC). There is a LOT of things we don’t know about civilization which were, quite literally, drowned or buried. But the fact the globalists are now restricting excavation and analysis of these historical sites indicates there may be some inconvenient (to whom?) information they do not wish for us to know.
Also, there is a Mesopotamian GODDESS of bread and beer, Ninkasi. Her payer is the earliest known recipe for brewing beer.
Yes, so much in the Black Sea! Also: was that the first recorded “get me a beer, woman”?
Enjoyed this. I like your beer-origin theory. Lotsa truth in that very human motivation.
The henge sites around the world, sadly, are evil things whose purpose was practical (beginnings of archao-astronomy, firm dating of solar cycles, worship of their ‘benevolent god’ Chiun). At that time, Saturn probably was the north-star from perspective of Earth.
These were ritual blood-sacrifice sites dedicated to the ‘god’ Saturn. Evidence has been emerging at related sites in past decades. This entity is called ‘Chiun’ in Scripture. The U.S. archao-astronomy sites, like Mesa Verde and Chaco Canyon, have been confirmed as ‘priestly’ gathering areas for blood sacrifice, as this is how folks back then assumed good things (for themselves) happen.
Sorry to dump doody in your ale. Yes, those old boys did snorf theyselves a lotta brewski. No PEZ of course, but they soldiered forward anyway.
Remember, God did not want folks congregated in big town or cities, that’s what the thumpdown of Babel was all about. Because big towns would lead to far more than PEZ for humans. I would hope that a glance at modern NYC or S.F. is sufficient confirmation. Enjoy your holiday, you’ve earned it.
Thank you. It was a good time off. Maybe I’ll write about it someday.
Keep in mind: no evidence of sacrifice at GT.
Noted.
Göbekli Tepi (GT) is one of the most significant archeological sites in the world and I have followed the dig developments there for a long time. The site being the humanity’s birthplace of both brewing and frat parties is well established.
https://www.cambridge.org/core/services/aop-cambridge-core/content/view/A1AA4FB20657599F859860D94CCD090E/S0003598X00047840a.pdf/the-role-of-cult-and-feasting-in-the-emergence-of-neolithic-communities-new-evidence-from-gobekli-tepe-south-eastern-turkey.pdf
Dr. Sweatman’s research involving GT goes way beyond beer and even beyond humanity’s monumental (heh) invention of calendars. He is a ringleader in the 2007-present controversial “Younger Dryas impact hypothesis (YDIH)” movement that says a comet broke up in Earth’s atmosphere and scattered fragments worldwide, changing not only weather but the course of human history.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Younger_Dryas_impact_hypothesis
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-9725737/The-devastating-comet-hit-Earth-dinosaurs-likely-altered-humans-organize.html
YDIH is not the only controversy surrounding GT. If you’ve got 20 minutes, this video is well worth watching. The truth may be down there…and stay down there.
When Wikipedia goes to such drastic lengths to refute something, it’s probably true.
Yup, the Younger Dryas meteor event fits. I was familiar with Bright Insight’s note. He’s mad.
Well, when two or more are gathered in beer’s name…
It’s come a long way, from the ancients gagging on sour, fermenting bilge water to homeboys sprawled out on grandma’s stoop pounding fo’ties. But the results are, presumably, much the same. Get liquored up, do stupid sh!t. “Hold my flagon*” became the earliest known trope for a reason.
With just a little more research (and a bit of Disney imagination) some lefty academic will eventually infer a trannie connection from those Göbekli Tepi stone carvings. Perhaps a half-bird, half-human visage bearing a suspicious resemblance to Dylan Mulvaney. Or depictions of drunken, bearded Turkish men in skirts beating the snot out of Turkish women in some sort of Olympic-style “sport”.
*Really wanted to work ‘firkin’ in here, for sheer comedic value. But holding 1/4 barrel (9 gallons) of anything, including sour beer, is something of a stretch.
Oh, yeah, you know they’ll say they were two-gender or some damn thing.
The oldest known recipe for leavened bread describes it as a filter. After you used it to filter the sediment out of the beer, you could eat it.
Nice planning – don’t waste anything!
Yes, we’re fed BS about “history”. The Pyramids were tombs. HaHa. Hey, the Spinx has water damage. In a desert? Expain Easter Island, WEF. Megaliths in Syria, Lebanon, elsewhere in the Middle East…how did humans lift 20+ ton stones?
Everyone knows that Stonehenge was destroyed when Benny Hill backed into one of its stones, tipping it over, and caused the others to collapse like dominoes.
Truth on Mr. Hill, though I wish he had a doctorate.
I had a great, great, great, great uncle that spoke of how his ancestors would party at Gobleki Tepi. It was all fun, until the night somebody peed into the beer vat. After that, with the future parties definitely ruined, they decided to bury it all, wait a few years for people to forget, and then try to start the parties again. I guess they waited too long, and forget where it was buried.
Now that’s a party when you end up burying the party house and can’t remember where you left it.
And, what the heck, if we’re discussing Göbekli Tepi (or Tepe, as it is often called) let’s go all the way. Gobekli is just one of many Tepe sites in Turkey that are all somehow connected. And there’s a lot more that has happened at these places than beer, frat parties, calendars, comet strikes and World Economic Forum takeovers.
I refer, of course, to the p*nis controversy.
https://www.dainst.blog/the-tepe-telegrams/2016/10/14/of-animals-and-a-headless-man-gobekli-tepe-pillar-43/
https://www.mensjournal.com/news/11000-year-old-statue-clutching-penis-discovered-turkey
https://bianet.org/haber/the-controversy-over-the-phallus-in-karahantepe-285739
Now what’s interesting is that the motif of “hands carved below the waist” is common in many rock statue cultures and could be an important unifying theme in deciphering human migration patterns from Tepe to many other places in prehistory.
https://x.com/PrehistoricMojo/status/987068580477980673
I guess there’s a reason the punch had a bit . . . extra in it.
John, although we did not get to that part of the country during our tour this year, we did see some stones and artifacts from there in the Museum of Anatolian Civilizations in Ankara. Pretty amazing stuff. To give you an idea, the more “modern” stuff – Greco-Roman and Seljuk Turk – was relegated to an unremarkable hallway in the basement, there is that much.
So much history. Wish we had more written from that time.
Guess where this wall is:
https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Ftse3.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOIP.q0zMdktsAua4uosLGw7cDgHaEK%26pid%3DApi&f=1&ipt=0239dd283bbcab2139566c6442519b80f30a8b309a9084ce08188134751f293f&ipo=images
https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Ftse2.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOIP.PNEm-KA94yyNE8XdFLV2rQHaJ4%26pid%3DApi&f=1&ipt=3be114530cd3f4de00212f2db96cb1099e21a21c0bb49bc0f054002663ce3252&ipo=images
.
.
.
.
.
.
answer:
Wow. But is this close to Frank Zappa’s Dental Floss Plantation? And the Shetland Ponies with his cubic zirconioum tweezers to harvest it?
If true, I’m “Moving To Montana”. Especially if Phyliss Gartner(sp?) still lives in Kalispell.
Made Kalispell memorable 20 years ago.
So, this came up, tonight, on my YT feed, on an anonymous device. So, not so anonymous. Would like to see paelomagnetics on that one.