It Came From 1983

“Oh, fishy, fishy, fishy, fish, that went wherever I did go.” – Monty Python’s Meaning of Life

What A.I. thinks 1983 looked like.  It’s not entirely wrong.

As we drift farther and farther from movies that have a great plot or are actually funny, I’m enjoying this look back every so often to review what we had in comparison to what we have now.  Sadly, the past seems to win, especially in comedies.  But here they are, in no particular order except chronologically by release date – movies that came from 1983.  Yes, your favorite may not be on this list, because as much as I like the horror, comedy, action, and science fiction from the time, most of the “drama” movies from 1983 were just plain unwatchable.  The Big Chill?  Tried to watch it twice, nearly died from boredom.  If you like that movie, I’m sorry, you’re just wrong.

Like I said, here’s the list:

Videodrome:  You could also title this movie, “Everything you want to know about sex but were afraid to ask David Cronenberg”, but that describes all of Cronenberg’s movies.  I didn’t see this movie in 1983 (too young) but when I rented it on video, well, wow.  This is an interesting take on the way that media is used to reprogram your mind, but very, very creepy.

High Road to China:  Tom Selleck tries to be a more realistic Indiana Jones®, and pulls it off.  It’s an action movie set in the pre-WWII era, and it’s fun.  Fun enough to go back and buy it?  No.

Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life:  It’s absurd, from the beginning insurance-pirate ship documentary to the end scene.  If you don’t like Monty Python®, well, you certainly won’t like this.  I loved each and every scene.  One of the things I really enjoyed was sitting in the seat with my popcorn watching people who really didn’t get the joke hating the movie and walking out.  Not a movie that could be made in 2023.

Return of the Jedi:  An acquaintance once remarked to me that Return would have been a better movie if, when the Emperor said, “Now, young Jedi®, you die,” and Luke™ did die.  And then the rebellion failed.  Can you imagine the sequel to that movie?  Wow.  Maybe he was on to something.

The Man with Two Brains:  Steve Martin.  Brain surgery.  Kathleen Turner before she turned all Wilford Brimley on us.  Good times.

WarGames:  Mainly included for nostalgia purposes.  I was only lukewarm on this movie since I thought it was a lot of Leftist propaganda.  Still better than anything in the theater here in Modern Mayberry in the last month.

I want to watch this movie, right meow.

Trading Places:  Ackroyd, Murphy, and Curtis all in top form in a hilarious movie that taught me about futures trading and what happens when you put a criminal in a cage in a gorilla suit.  The usual stakes, please.

Mr. Mom:  Micheal Keaton back when he was making comedies, which is what he was supposed to do.  Plot is simple, dude loses job, wife has to work.  Yeah, Feminist propaganda.  Keaton still makes it work because he’s funny and I was stupid and didn’t catch the propaganda.

I think Mr. Mom would have been a better movie if the characters were sea otters with robot legs.

Krull:  This movie was a weird mess of science fiction, fantasy, and maybe documentary of Al Gore’s childhood.  It worked for me, since I expected nothing, and the movie was sincere in what it was trying to do.  Krull also inspired a really cool pinball machine at the local arcade that Travis and I would go and pour quarters into.

National Lampoon’s Vacation:  A great theme song, a funny premise, and understated humor.  I’ve actually had a picnic lunch at the table where Chevy ate the urine-soaked sandwich, but with 100% less pee.  It is one movie that gets funnier with age.  Shout out to Cousin Eddie!

If only Vacation had been set in Rome.

Risky Business:  I didn’t know what a Porsche® was before I watched this movie since no one anywhere near Wilder Mountain owned anything more exotic than a GM® or Ford™ pickup – a Toyota© was an exotic car.  It’s the classic story:  boy meets girl, girl is a prostitute, boy runs bordello, boy gets into college, boy joins Scientology®.

Easy Money:  This is one many won’t remember – it was P.J. O’Rourke’s script based on Romeo and Juliet, where Rodney Dangerfield had to lose a bunch of weight and stop smoking to inherit millions of dollars.  Still funny on a recent rewatch.

Strange Brew:  It’s a movie based on a sketch comedy bit based on Hamlet.  Take off, eh!

Scarface:  I had no idea what I’d see when I wandered into the theater with this one, but I was not counting on people being dismembered with chainsaws and Al Pacino wanting people to say hello to his little friend.

What if Tony Montana had become the Mattress King of South Miami instead?

Sudden Impact:  This movie went ahead and made my day.  Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry.  Yeah, there was a time when they were new.  And glorious.  And horribly politically incorrect.

The Keep:  The Wehrmacht vs. H.P. Lovecraft.  I read the book before I saw this one, and thoroughly enjoyed the movie.  An Ancient Evil versus and Ancient Guardian all fighting together in an Ancient Crypt?  During World War II?  Only thing missing were tanks.

Okay, I liked The Keep, but this poster looks 100% more lit.

What do you see on the list above?  Two sequels, and those were earned:  Star Wars™ and Dirty Harry®.  Just two.  The rest was Hollywood rolling the dice and failing (Krull) or succeeding wildly, (Trading Places, WarGames, Mr. Mom, Risky Business, Vacation).

While there was propaganda about the Leftist world that the filmmakers wanted to create (WarGames, Mr. Mom, Trading Places, and one not on the list, Tootsie, were especially filled with it), it was a more subtle time – viewers were gently led to a conclusion instead of the 2023 version of being battered over the head with it.

They knew they couldn’t make money if the audience didn’t show up to see the movie, so they focused on making a good movie.  Yes, most of the people making films hated Ronald Reagan with a passion, but Reagan Derangement Syndrome wasn’t a thing, unless the person was John Hinkley, Jr.  The nation in 1983 was one where there wasn’t this current schism and near ideological war against the Right, since it was just one year later Reagan won one of the most lopsided victories in electoral history.

It was morning in America.  And we knew how to make movies.

What are your favorites from 1983?

Author: John

Nobel-Prize Winning, MacArthur Genius Grant Near Recipient writing to you regularly about Fitness, Wealth, and Wisdom - How to be happy and how to be healthy. Oh, and rich.

58 thoughts on “It Came From 1983”

  2. A Christmas Story
    The Right Stuff
    Class
    Deathstalker (so bad it’s good)
    Blue Thunder (inspiration for Airwolf)
    Eddie and the Cruisers
    Something Wicked This Way Comes
    Rock & Rule (not a Ralph Bakshi film!)
    Uncommon Valor
    Yellowbeard

    1. A great list! Yeah, whiffed on A Christmas Story. Deathstalker – I thought I’d be the only one who had seen it. Eddie and the Cruisers almost made it, but I realized I couldn’t remember anything but the final scene . . .

  3. Hey John,

    I had to go to Wikipedia to look up the list of films for 1983. The thing that amazes me the most was the sheer volume of memorable movies that came out that year. I was a paper boy then and always took time read the paper before I delivered it. Fridays were awesome because that’s what the entertainment section came out for the weekend and I would read the reviews of all the upcoming movies.

    I don’t remember seeing a lot of movies in the theater, but look at that list, brings back memories, some in the theater, others watched on the cable TV that we had or VHS. Superman 3, bad boys, deal of the century, all the right moves, blue thunder, Christine, Cujo, and many more.

    But how the heck did you forget a Christmas story?

  4. I, too, went to Wikipedia and looked.

    For the list above, I am sure I say Krull, ROTJ, Sudden Impact, and The Meaning of Life in Theaters. Krull was a hopeful for me (but as you write, kind of a mess). ROTJ was the least engaging of the Star Wars trilogy – certainly the worst acted. The Meaning of Life had it parts, but probably a lot of it went over my head. Sudden Impact was, well, a Clint Eastwood movie. Enough said (and, sigh, Sondra Locke).

    Vacation I saw at a later date.

    Of what was on Wikipedia that stood out, I will note as others have A Christmas Story although I would not have seen it at that time anyway (although as I have seen it now, I appreciate it for its writing). Octopussy – yes, I know, Roger Moore is not everyone’s favorite Bond, but I thought it was one his most enjoyable roles (and, the submarine crocodile). I had forgotten that Rumblefish The Outsiders, and Terms of Endearment came out that year (I have never seen none, but remember hearing of them).

    Your biggest miss? Valley Girl, starring a very young Nicholas Cage (and the first screen appearance, I believe, for Jim Carrey).

    And yes, there are no comedies now. The current social climate has killed the genre. Who know if it will return?

      1. John, Uisdean Ruadh gave me a ride home from the Airport to The Ranch yesterday and we had a great time looking at your list and recalling movies (and laughing. Hard.). Thanks for the good memories.

  7. I have “Easy Money” on VCR, watch it every 2-3 months. Pesci was hilarious in it, Nicki’s “Royal Flush Plumbing”. Other than “Caddyshack”, my fav Rodney film.

    The only good thing about “The Big Chill” is that it was filmed in Beaufort, SC. I wanted to see “Sudden Impact”, the b*tch wanted to see TBC. Gee, she won. Beginning of the end of our union. The same house in TBC was where Robert Duvall lived in “The Great Santini”, which was about Pat Conroy’s childhood in Beaufort. It’s been extensively remodeled and added on to. You can buy it for $3MM+.

    Have been to a cocktail party in the house Pat bought in the same ‘hood for $10K in 1969. Now? Let’s try $1.25MM. Maybe. “View-FERT” has gotten really, really expensive, a Mini-Charleston. Sad.

    1. Yup, sad how property values have gone stupid. That can’t last. Agreed on ranking – Caddyshack was a riot.

  8. Ever see a movie that baffles the hell out of you but you absolutely love anyway? That’s “Videodrome” for me.

    Long live the new flesh!

    1. Local Hero was quirky but well done. Burt Lancaster starred and played the Crazy Rich White Dude who loved astronomy. Ireland rural location.
      The Outsiders (Stay Golden Pony Boy !)
      Tex (Matt Dillon movie) had its moments
      You already named the others I like.

  9. Every sperm is sacred. Monty Python for the win. Honorable mentions to The Big Chill – great soundtrack, Christine, Cujo, and The Dead Zone – King is an asshole, but these were great film adaptations, Easy money – great Rodney Dangerfield performance, Local Hero, and The Twilight Zone.

  10. Another vote here for “Valley Girl”! If you like 80s new wave music, you’ll like this movie. And how about “Sleepaway Camp”? Classic B movie slasher flick – with a twist ending that most everyone can see coming.

    1. A terrific list that hit most of my favorites. The comments got most of the rest, but a few I haven’t seen mentioned yet:

      10 to Midnight: quintessential Charles Bronson that no one could accuse of being leftist propaganda. Great closing line and a pretty good premise and execution.

      My Tutor: not good, but if you were my age in 1983/4 it was welcome on cable!

      1. I only vaguely remember My Tutor . . . and haven’t seen 10 to Midnight at all. I’ll give it a look . . .

  11. At the end of High Road to China there is a short scene of the plane doing solo maneuvers. I always thought it was touching and a little sad.

    (Tim in B&B)

      1. Tom Selleck’s movie career survived career missteps like High Road To China, the poor man’s version of Indiana Jones, in every sense.
        You’re better off catching him in Runaway, better still in Lassiter, both from 1984.

  12. Never Say That Sean Connery Will Never Play 007 Again.

    Brainstorm was another of my favorites from 1983, but not as good as the similar Flatliners from 1990.

    3. I tried to rewatch Never Say Never Again and it was fairly flat. Maybe I’ll give it another chance.

      Never say never.

      1. It was the only Bond film where multiple parties retained production rights, and it’s just a very crappy schlock remake of Thunderball.

        Any “Bond” film where Mr. Bean belongs to MI6 has already stepped on its cinematic wiener.
        The only thing watchable in the entire movie was 29-year-old Kim Basinger.

  15. Flashdance. Period. The world’s first cinematic gay test. And even gay people liked it.
    48 Hours. Watch Eddie Murphy tame a redneck bar. Then go watch Will Smith in Wild, Wild West try to tame a bunch of crackers. Then wish Eddie Murphy would bitch-slap Will Smith, make him cry, and take his Oscar away.
    Blue Thunder. Then realize that John Badham, who directed this and War Games in the same year, got every single thing about both of them right.
    The Man From Snowy River.
    The Right Stuff. Three hours and 13 minutes, and still an hour too short for how much awesomeness it contained.
    Uncommon Valor.
    The Final Option. Euan Lloyd’s final masterpiece, after bringing the world Zulu, The Wild Geese, and The Sea Wolves. This movie was 110 minutes of plodding set-up, and 15 minutes of SAS terrorist ass-kicking that made it all worth the wait.
    Never Cry Wolf.
    Rocky III. Which as sequels go, was better than the first two combined.
    A Christmas Story. A friend and I took twin redheads to see this as a date movie. You haven’t lived until the entire theater is rolling in the aisles for an hour and a half, and you see little red-headed girls practically shooting popcorn out their noses from laughing so hard. This movie killed in the theaters, from Day One.
    Based on the year the Wizard Of Oz came out, and the movie that has come the closest to it in reaching permanent untouchable cult classic status.

    In 1983, you could go to see a new movie every single week, and see a truly great movie, every single week.
    In 2023, you’re lucky if you can find one per quarter-year.

    Hollywood’s first step towards sanity would be to start admitting out loud
    “The 1980s…when 98% of movies didn’t suck @$$.“

    1. ‘The Final Option’ was one of the movies that put the idea of going special ops in my wee mind back in the day. It’s out there and I watch it every once and a while… those final 20 minutes and the first use of “First Person Shooter” POV thru the gas mask of one of the SAS dudes was EPIC!

          1. Thanks! I’ll watch it. Nice of WordPress to give that back. (want to tell them to stop messing with stuff that’s not broken)

    2. Flashdance – haven’t ever seen it. Welder by day, dancer by night? I don’t want to date a welder, they just want to steal your chewing tobacco. You’re saying it’s worth a look?

      When I first saw 48 Hours, I was “meh”. That was on VHS. Perhaps I was more interested in what was going on next to me on the couch?

      The Final Option? Haven’t even heard of that one. I’ll give it a look. The Duellists was a beautiful, and okay movie.

      Never Cry Wolf shows (on my sources) as 1984. I guess I need to watch it before that post.

      Rocky III – agreed, word for word.

      Yup, I totally missed A Christmas Story.

        1. Ahhh, I picked up on the general release date. Wasn’t around the picture shows near Wilder Mountain at all.

  16. Seems like everyone is forgetting Private School, which, admittedly, was an awful movie, but had Phoebe Cates in a less revealing role than Fast Times, and whomever it was that played Jordan. Kudos to whomever was credited with providing her anti-gravity. By the time the local video store had it out of out of Reserve and on the shelf, there were a couple scenes that were almost completely worn out. Don’t know whether it would be worth finding now. All the glitches from other people’s VCRs eating the tape on those scenes added character to the film.

    1. Ha! Love it! And, just like I don’t want to see a picture of Phoebe from 2023, perhaps some memories are best left as memories.

      1. She’s 60 now, not 19. And still married to Kevin Kline, AFAIK, 34 years now.

        She’s still a better bet than seeing Karen “Cryptkeeper” Allen from Animal House or Raiders Of The Lost Ark, Let alone Kelly “Shamu” McGillis from Top Gun and Witness.
        No one makes strong enough eye bleach for that.

        Sadly, actresses age like fine milk.

        1. You forgot Margot Kidder. Saw her in a small production in Winston-Salem, circa 1989-90. Aged rapidly. Perhaps Peruvian Tap Dance Powder was a contributor.

          1. Last thing I heard about her was when she was apprehended crawling around other people’s back yards and deranged at 3AM.

            She had her 15 minutes 40 years ago, and that was the peak of her career.

  17. Silkwood… Smokey & The Bandit III… Flashdance… The Outsiders.. Valley Girl… Private School… Eddie & The Cruisers… All the Right Moves… The Man With Two Brains… Mr. Mom… War Games… Christine.. all good movies in my opinion!

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