Progressive Public Education, The Thing, Stalin, and a brief visit from Jesus.

“That’s the plan. As long as America’s educational system remains woefully inadequate, I rule!” – 3^rd Rock From The Sun

Ahh, The Thing.  What better metaphor for American education?  I really liked the Peanuts® version:  “It’s The Thing, Charlie Brown.”  If only they had kept Snoopy© away from those Norwegians!

I had a crazy fever dream.  That The Thing wasn’t the perfect movie.  Spoiler:  It was.  But then I had a great idea:

How about . . . we abandon government public schools?  What if, at age 18, we simply gave each child $20,000 a year for seven years, about what it would take to educate them?

Sure, I know that the common name for these schools is “public schools” but the time when they were really public schools ended about 100 years ago when John Dewey was stirring up trouble and became the founder of what is known as Progressive Education.  I’m sure that’s just a misnomer, right, and he’s as American as apple pie?

He wrote, per Wikipedia:  “Impressions of Soviet Russia and the Revolutionary World (1929), a glowing travelogue from the nascent USSR.”  Yeah.  American.  Not at all socialist or fixated on communism. I’m not alone: another view of Dewey is here (LINK).

Dewey wasn’t really interested in education, he was more interested in molding students.  And, oddly, children have been the same-ish for, oh, the last 300 years.  But what worked for George Washington and Thomas Jefferson apparently had to be changed so we could have a Charles Manson.  Hmm.

So, let’s look at the things we’d get rid of if we got rid of government public schools:

Eliminates school as a dumping ground:  How many kids don’t graduate?  In California, it’s 77%.  Wow.  That’s lame.  In New York, it’s 81%.  If you can have between a quarter and a fifth of the students not graduate, how important is it?  And if you dig deeper into the statistics, many of the “graduates” are indistinguishable from smart fourth graders in 1880.

Eliminates school as a substitute prison:  When I was growing up, if you talked without raising your hand you would get electroshock therapy and 50 cc’s of Thorazine® until you drooled.  Subtle, but effective.  Now?  Actual assault against teachers doesn’t (in many cases) result in suspension.  Unless it’s suspension of the teacher.  It’s also true that many students also have a shadow career as international assassins because they cannot be punished except by James Bond.

Eliminates school as a financial blight:  Right now, teacher pensions are huge.  Here’s an example, from that fine state of fiscal restraint.  “Over the next three years, schools may need to use well over half of all the new money they’re projected to receive to cover their growing pension obligations, leaving little extra for classrooms, state Department of Finance and Legislative Analyst’s Office estimates show.” That story can be found at (LINK), it’s from this year.  Imagine if unemployment weren’t at all-time lows?  And the cost of schools goes up . . . while the quality of education . . . goes down.  There are way to many “goes down” jokes for me to make, so make your own.  Don’t share.

But schools teach a lot of junk.  One of the things that has been a big deal over the last 20 years is “incorporating technology.”  This goes hand in hand with “banning cellphones in class.”  You don’t have to teach kids technology.  They get it.  You have to teach teachers technology so they can keep up with the kids, which is a losing proposition.  Example:  The Boy configured the computers when he was in school during third grade.  He got in a fight with a substitute teacher who wouldn’t allow him to touch anything.  Pugsley?  He is regularly tasked with tech support.  For his entire school.  He started that when he was in sixth grade.  Kids know tech.  You don’t have to teach them.

Reintroduces money into the community:  There would certainly be lots of businesses lining up to help these newly rich 18 year olds figure out what to do with their money.  So, lots of new tattoos, blue hair, and weed.  Like every college campus.  Whatever.  I still pay the taxes, but I skip hearing about all the drama.

Dis-incentivizes welfare parents to make more kids:  If you had to watch every kid you had, if you were responsible for their education?  You’d make fewer kids.  Because they’re exhausting.  And you couldn’t fight to get your kid who is just a jerk designated as ADD so he can get zombie medication and extra stuff . . . so you don’t have to see him as much.  If you had to deal with jerk kids that you couldn’t pay for?  You’d not have, well, any.  Let’s pop the incentives so people who can’t take care of kids . . . don’t have them.

Can do 95% online – Faster:  Outside of shop class, physical education, flirting in the hallways and giving that nerdy, smelly freshman a swirly, you can get 95% of the curriculum online.  And the teachers that do that stuff, especially under what I’m now calling the Wilder Plan®, will be some of the best teachers of the millions of teachers in the country.  Even poor parents have the Internet, and lots of this curriculum is nearly free.  But, oh, my, parents would have to be involved and follow up, daily.  Or not.

Eliminate stupid deadtime:  We had a family friend who was home-schooled.  He did most of his work in less than three hours a day.  We haven’t done that with our kids.  I have regularly (in the past) heard about my kids watching movies in classes.  Do we need to pay for a multi-million dollar building with state of the art technology to watch . . . The Little Mermaid®?  No.  I could see it for Clockwork Orange™, but not The Little Mermaid©.

Eliminates school shootings:  Gun rights or education – which one is in the Constitution?  Eliminating Government Schools doesn’t require a Constitutional amendment.

Forces parents to parent:  It takes a village . . . to tell you to get to work and raise your own damn kid.

Forces Government Schools to become . . . Public Schools:  Schools become smaller, part of the community again if they can get support.  The one room schoolhouse worked.  The school board was small, local, committed, and tied into the school.  A high school of 3,000 kids?  Why?  How is that even human scale?  Is it a forced course in dehumanization?  Why do we wonder why kids get nutty?

Education can be better – it doesn’t have to force feed an education-industrial complex:

Can enforce real rules:  Without the Government School label, you can . . . kick kids out.  Parents have to become responsible for their children’s behavior.  If they can’t find a true public school that will take them?  They’re responsible.

Can enforce real learning:  Funding is from parents.  They will demand results.  Like in a capitalist system, bad schools will die.  Good schools will thrive.  And we can have education that fits the kids.

But what about?

Sports – Nothing has to change.  We have stadiums.  We have teams.  We can have them play as clubs.  Friday night lights?  Still burning.

Socialization – Again, schools can exist – but they don’t have to have the force of government behind them.

Prom – It sucks.  It’s expensive and silly.  Have one if you want, but don’t tax me for one.

Poor Kids – Society has come through for them, again and again.  Not government, but society.  And this is true – the cream will rise to the top.

Okay, I liked my time in public schools.  Because when I went there they’d kick you out for bad behavior.  And we didn’t have many of the societal issues we face in big cities today.  America became an ascendant economic power before Dewey.  Maybe we can bury him.

Or burn him with fire.