“Everything depends upon speed, and the secrecy of his quest. Do not regret your decision to leave him, Frodo must finish this task alone.” – LOTR: The Two Towers
A burglar stole all my lamps. I should be mad, but I’m de-lighted.
People rarely change.
Perhaps the only thing that makes people change is an intense, emotional, experience. Nearly dying is one of those. Losing a land war in Asia is another. Having a loved one pass away is yet another. How we react to those intense moments in life can be significant.
Why is this important?
For the most part, you are who you are. As I started this off, by observation I’ve seen that most people don’t change very much, at all, throughout their lives. There are several friends that I have known for decades that I only talk to every few years. Why don’t we talk more often? Not much has changed – we’ve gotten to the point in life where those bright and technicolor moments of childhood and young adulthood are behind us.
Oddly, I think many of those folks would jump in a car and drive a day to help me if I told them I needed it and it was an emergency. Now, I have no idea if they’d do it a second time if I just made up the emergency, or if the emergency was that I couldn’t find my car keys.
Yeah, there’s probably a limit.
But Jesus never bragged: “For I speak not of my own Accord.” John 12:49
One conversation I recently had with a friend was about those people we went to high school with that were either very ill or have already passed away. As I look around to the people I know, it’s getting to the point where I’ll be going to more funerals than weddings. That’s okay, I’m sure I can be the guy that puts the FUN in funeral.
When I talk to my friends, however, the things that brought us together rarely, if ever change. That’s not to say that that things don’t happen in our lives, but the core of our being stays the same. The character traits that made me admire them, or the personality quirks that made us laugh at the same jokes or love the same movies, or the shared experiences that bond us are still there.
I did a google search for “lost medieval servant boy” but it said, “this page cannot be found”.
Of course, everyone has tragedy in their life – experiencing the tough parts of life is what makes experiencing the best parts of life seem ever sweeter. Part of getting older is getting that perspective so that I can look back and see which of the things that were so important to me twenty years ago are still important. Some of them aren’t. Those are the ephemeral things in life, like my favorite songs.
Oh, wait, I’m still stuck at 17 with those. Darn. But I will say that I certainly care a lot less about what people thing – I guess I’m becoming a curmudgeon.
Which is also okay, since I’ve also learned that most people don’t think about me very much at all. That’s not a statement based on sadness – it’s a statement of reality. Unless I was Donald Trump. Then I’d live rent free in the minds of millions of GloboLeftists.
And she also falls way high on the Crazy axis and way low on the Hot axis.
I also know that, looking back, were there things I would go back and change, knowing what I know today? Of course! There is no fully human life that has ever been lived where mistakes weren’t made. But spending even a single second of my life in regret, kicking myself, is a waste of that second, and an emotion that will lead to nothing but despair, which is certainly an advanced form of Evil.
Why?
The past is gone. Unless someone develops a time machine or John McAfee successfully shows everyone how to drastically shift quantum worldlines, well, those major mistakes of the past are with us and will be with us until we shift off this mortal coil ourselves, moving from the washer to the dryer of life.
But we can’t let those events define us. Sure, they can change us, and any significant emotional experience will change us. Yes, we can work to atone for our errors. But when we have the time, why not focus that emotional experience into something good?
“When you’ve fallen down, and you’re lying there on the ground, pick something up and bring it with you when you get up.” – John Maxwell
When I was faced with my last major setback, I tried to see what aspects of that setback were mine and mine alone. Rather than spend time in regret or revenge, I really tried to focus on things that would make me better after the experience, not in anger or fear, but out of a desire to really get better as a person.
When a Venn diagram wants revenge, does it become a Venn dettagram?
Wilder, Wealthy, and Wise is part of what came out of that experience. The other part was I decided to file my teeth into little fangs. That part didn’t work out so well. Never file your teeth into little fangs.
My question and challenge to myself was to see what I could do to make myself and the world a better place. Do I always do that?
No! Of course not.
But I try. My perspective has changed. As much as I share about me in these posts, these posts are not about me. These posts are, when I do a really, really, good job, about the True, the Beautiful, and the Good.
Back to regret: I’ve got a simple question that I asked myself at my last big setback: “What price am I willing to pay to hold on to feelings of regret rather than channeling that feeling into something that changes the world for the better or to repair the wrongs that I’ve committed?”
That’s really a powerful question. I could have stayed with regret, which leads to despair, which leads to . . . nowhere. Unless it’s channeled to make changes in me for the better. My first marriage failed. The result? I resolved to never, ever lie to The Mrs. So, in return, she never asks me “does this pair of pants make my butt look big?” because I’d have to answer, “no, it’s the butt that makes your butt look big.”
A friend of mine married a trophy wife. Apparently, she didn’t win first place.
In one sense, it’s freeing. But it’s a change I made that made me better.
I think that, in the end, our efforts to better ourselves, especially morally, are a very big part of why we’re here. Human beings are really, really pathetic when they don’t have to struggle to achieve greatness. I have the receipts on this: Prince Harry, whose greatest trauma was that his brother once said something mean to him. But he’s paying the price: Meghan Markle. Perhaps Harry should feel regret.
It’s been said that God gives his toughest loads to his strongest servants, and it has been my observation that this is really true, since most people are actually better than me. Though I’m trying.
Again, people rarely change. If you’re in the position to change, pick something up when you get up.
Unless it’s Meghan Markle. You should leave that trash right in the gutter.
Indeed, people rarely change. But if anything in life would change you, burying a child would. Does burying a second change you more? I’ll let you know.
The experiences have definitely given me a perspective I’d have not otherwise had. People who have struggled very little in life tend to be a bit soft and tender. Little things don’t bother you so much when you’ve survived bigger things.
I hope you don’t have a chance to let me know, and that’s one I’d gladly avoid – children are the parts of us that we want to send to the future. I’m sorry.
“…channeling that feeling into something…”
This is the key. Emotions are bodily responses to what happens to you in the world, typically involving your heart rate, secretion of hormones including cortisol and adrenaline, and the pit of your stomach. (Sometimes testosterone and areas lower than your stomach). Feelings result from the conscious processing of these emotions and the various stimuli – including your own prior actions – that caused them. Emotions and the resulting feelings are totally internal. Channeling both emotions and feelings into external actions that make both you and the world a better place involves using various muscles. Legs to get you where you need to go, hands to do something when you get there…and more often than not, using the muscles of the mouth to say the right words that need to be said.
That last can often be the hardest muscles to use of all.
One thing I do know is that each of us is on our own journey, and that I can never really understand the pain another person is feeling – the best I can do is say I’m sorry.
1. >“When you’ve fallen down, and you’re lying there on the ground, pick something up and bring it with you when you get up.” – John Maxwell
“If you fall down once, do it again to make it look rehearsed.” ~ Alice Cooper
2. I’ve noted elsewhere that writing has changed me. 9.5 yr-ago me would hate current me; and vice versa.
My wife just bought me tickets to go see Mr. Cooper – second row, center.
I’ve learned so much, writing changes us.
We met him at a concert over a quarter-century ago. Quite the gentleman. Interesting how most rockers who “got clean” are so nice.
Speaking of concerts, we’re off to see Sabaton and some band I’ve never heard of, Judas-something, on Saturday. Hopefully we’ll leave after Sabaton; I’m old and need my rest.
Ha! Enjoy! Sabaton does the sound track for HOI4.
Some time ago, and from another voice, I recommended Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance to you and your readership. Many of your observations are eerily reminiscent of Robert Pirsig’s in his obsessive pursuit of ‘Quality’. The quest drove Pirsig to madness, which, fortunately, does not seem to be your fate. He wrote his autobiographical magnum opus back in the early 70s, well before the current cultural rot began to metastasize. But the main themes resonate today as well as ever.
The True, the Beautiful, and the Good is still out there, somewhere. But is anyone seeking it?
Yes, there are indeed those who seek it. The local charter school that two (and next year three) of my grandkids go to explicitly states that they are actively seeking and encouraging ‘The True, the Beautiful, and the Good’, both in their scholars and their recognition of these things in the world around them. To me, it’s a glimmer of hope in a seriously messed up world.
FWIW – we should be doing this too. 😇
I bought it and read it. Interesting book, bought a copy for a friend. Are we still seeking it?
Yes, yes we are.
Made a big impression on me when I was a teenager..I shpuld find out what the old coot veesion thinks.
Also, if you have not read The Screwtape Letters, give it a go. It is small but powerful.
Loved it, but that was a couple of decades ago . . . I think I’d be smarter now and like it more.
Yes I keep hearing that God doesn’t put anything on our plate we can’t handle, but it’s crossed my mind to ask for a bigger plate.
NO! He’ll just pile more. I need a tiny plate.
‘“When you’ve fallen down, and you’re lying there on the ground, pick something up and bring it with you when you get up.” – John Maxwell’
I’ve found that a nice, solid rock works! This Maxwell dood sounds pretty Smart.
Not unless you say, “Help! I’ve fallen and can’t get up!”
Amnd Chief would agree with me. But not KAOS.
Ha!
Anyone ever hear what happened to the weird crazy girl with the glasses in the meme above? I see that meme quite often as it is a very powerful one illustrating just how crazy the liberals can get. I wonder if she is embarrassed by it? Views it as a badge of pride? Or if her and her woke friends are so far up the CNN mindset that she’s never actually seen it (although one would presume that at least one of her friends would eventually see it and show it to her).
The internet can do strange things to the zeitgeist almost overnight…just ask anyone named Brandon or Karen.
https://youtu.be/byOlBCpNKeM
Good match: turns out she is the face of “Nah-ah-! Invading muslim men aren’t a rape problem for local Swedish women and girls” with the smug AWFL face because “statistically all American rape stats are more rapey than those Malmo migrants! Gotcha!”
Hard to tell . . .
I really do wonder – how many people have had their lives changed by being meme’d? I do know that “evil girl in front of fire” sold an NFT of that and did quite well . .. . .
In the movie “Groundhog Day”, Bill Murray’s character has to re-live a single day as many times as it takes for him to do the best thing he can in every situation. The more he tries, the more he realizes how much farther he could go the next day. (Spoiler alert: he does not come to this realization in the first half of the movie!) Suppose THAT was your standard: to do the best thing in every situation (including planning to do the best thing in the situations that are expected to come up in your day-to-day future, since none of us is actually stuck in the same day)?
BTW: I would hate to have had a small part in that movie, where every scene would have been shot and re-shot until Bill executed it just right, while the rest of us just do our easy parts over and over and over… 😉
Lathechuck
They also filmed it in reverse – they knew Bill would get grumpier as it went on, so they started with Happy Bill as the one who had been through the neverending stuff.
Hello. Thanks for the laughs.
In Defence of Prince Harry i think the whole Princess Diana thing
must have been tough for him.
From Mr David paton “It’s a beautiful thing”
And the divorce . . . I do think losing his mother was his signature event.
With age, you develop a perspective that’s far different from one’s younger days. At least in my case. More rational, calmer & disciplined. I credit most of that to the woman I’ve lived with since 12/31/18.
Congrats, you newlyweds!
Congrats!!!!
She has been in different positions & clothes in various one-panel comment-cartoons forever, it seems. Probably an actor who was paid woman-appropriate wages for her work.
Word on the street (OK, OK, my street) is that she has the title role in the TV movie “Me and Hillary” directed by Jeff Epstein. Note – I didn’t say Jeff was a very good director. I mean, his only words were “ga-a-a-ah” for his part in the beginning of the film. Beware – there are a LOT of ads for its 2-hour length.
Ha!
Not to be contrary but the triggered meme chick? I bet if she grew her hair to a normal length and dressed nicely, ditched those awful glasses, maybe after a year of getting some decent lovin’ from an actual man to fix her attitude….she might be kinda cute.
Rachel Maddow was actually very attractive in her high school photo but then morphed into what she is today. So I guess crazy meme girl could have done the same. Just not sure any amount of makeup or new hairstyle could hide the look of pure evil/crazy in her eyes though.
Come home earlier and slow down on the Vodka
But she chose to do things that make her look unattractive. Why?
Always. A silver lining.
But sometimes it’s harder to find.
True, Good, and Beautiful is God. And He changes people daily.
Harry’s problem is his Daddy not Charles.
The divorce was big as well, and I imagined her kids felt abandoned.