“I have people waiting for me. They don’t know what I do, they never will. They’re protected. But I do what I do so they can have a better life. And if I live or if I die, it doesn’t make a difference to me, as long as they have what they need. So when it’s my time to go, I will go knowing I did everything I could for them.” – Better Call Saul
If you press your gas and brake at the same time, your car takes a screenshot.
I tend to like writing my Friday posts the most. Why? Most generally, I get away from the reality of the present situations that we are living in. That’s nice.
Why do I feel like I can do this?
Because nothing is done yet, and nothing is settled yet. I’ve written posts about regret. I still feel that regret is a wasted emotion – the past is done. Of course, I try to learn from my mistakes. But I can’t spend my life being upset about them. The real question is how can I incorporate the mistakes so I have a better future? I even told The Mrs. that she should embrace her mistakes, too. She was so happy she hugged me.
Especially of note are those mistakes I made that weren’t mistakes I made based on a lack of virtue. If I did the right thing, for the right reason, the result is the result, and I will live with the consequences. Sometimes bad things happen when you do everything right. I mean, when the doctor told me I had a rare disease, I asked, “How rare?”
“Well, you get to pick a name.”
Those are the breaks.
Firefighters in Athens have it tough – you’re not supposed to put water on Greece fires.
A similar emotion is dread.
I read a quote when I was a kid – Heinlein? Twain? A fever dream while on laudanum writing about Xanadu? – that stuck with me. “Worrying about what might happen is paying interest on money you haven’t borrowed yet.” It’s a good quote.
Regret is looking at the past, dread (or its cousin, fear) is about looking at the future. But they’re the same. Neither of those two things are real. One once was real, and one might be real.
I’ll admit that when I look out at the future, I do see dark days ahead. But right now, I’m sitting in my basement, The Mrs. had gone upstairs for sleep, the basement is perfectly comfy, and all is right with the world. Something might happen next week. Next month. Next year. The price of tires is up. The price of gasoline is up. Heck, Hunter Biden can’t even find decent meth nowadays. It will get worse.
So?
I fell down at the airport once. Almost missed a flight.
I think that often we are more upset by the thought of potential future discomfort than actual, present discomfort. It can be consuming, and all for something that hasn’t happened yet.
And, it used to be me. I used to do the math – how many months could I make mortgage payments if I lost my job? How many days could I feed my family? And, it’s one thing planning for that, but I was also sometimes scared.
Until one day I just decided to not be scared – I’d go through life and do my best, and let the chips fall where they may. I decided that it was fine to plan, it was fine to economize to save money, but it wasn’t fine to worry.
So I stopped.
It was weird – one night I was worried, and the next night I decided that I wasn’t going to worry anymore. I just made the conscious decision I wasn’t going to worry anymore about that. It was the last significant worry that I gave up. I also worried about my short attention span, but that problem seems to solve itself.
The Kamikaze instructor to his class: “Now, class, pay attention because I’m only going to do this once.”
And it’s not like I live in a world where bad things don’t happen. I know bad things happen – horrible things. But today, I can choose not to worry about them.
Heck, I can pick something that is real and we can be certain that is going to happen – death. The shadow of death looms above us all. But to be consumed by it so that it causes a life lived in fear? That’s like already being dead.
It might surprise some people, but death is something that isn’t new. Seneca, the (very dead) Roman stoic philosopher, said:
“No man can have a peaceful life who thinks too much about lengthening it. Most men ebb and flow in wretchedness between the fear of death and the hardships of life; they are unwilling to live, and yet they do not know how to die.”
Kelvin and Celsius interviewed for a job, but Celsius got it. Kelvin absolutely didn’t have a degree.
Reflect on death – if you knew that you wouldn’t wake up ever again, what would you do with your remaining hours? This reflection on death has multiple values to you and your character:
- It reinforces that which is important to us, here today.
- It exposes the frivolous that consume too much of our time.
- It shows what’s really of value – the money you made will be less important than the lives you’ve changed.
- You don’t have to worry about returning that library book.
Today is pretty good. Enjoy it. Skip the regret, the worry, and the dread. While you’re breathing, live.
What can you make happen today?
Don’t let the stupid, insane, EVIL, fake and gay Clown World get to you.
Laugh at the necrophobic face panty wearers and the terminal Peak Stupidity of the lowest common denominator egalitarian Cuba/Venezuela/Zimbabwe Idiocracy.
If some comrades of the glorious unity collective are getting snappy over the prices that increased thirty to fifty cents overnight at the Sack-N-Save just say…welcome to Costco, I love you.
I’ll never let it get to me. That’s simply not in the cards . . . but we haven’t seen the worst, yet.
Wow John, it seems the ghost of my father is using you to tell me the things again, that he told me when he was alive. Or maybe… is that you Dad? Ghost writer on a favorite blog.
Besides using almost the same verbiage “regret is the most useless thing in the world” (He passed in 2000, so he didn’t see Biden as VP or worse) and “worry is paying a debt you may not owe” he had a fun illustration I’ll share in his honor (PG language warning).
The jack handle story.
A man was driving along a country road at night when his car tire went flat. He pulled over and began to change the tire because this is when men were men and cars carried their own spare parts and tools.
He retrieves the jack from the trunk, but realizes he is missing the handle with which to operate it. He looks around to try to find a suitable substitute. But nothing. He notices a farmhouse in the distance. It’s late, the house is dark, but his options are limited so he walks toward the house. Along the way he starts his inner dialogue. “There’s probably nobody home. If they are they won’t have what I need and they’ll be mad I woke them up and they won’t want to help me anyway. Probably get a shotgun stuck in my face just for asking.” Etc.
The man reaches the farmhouse and knocks on the door. A light slowly comes on and he can hear footsteps approaching. A kindly old farmer opens the door and says “you must be having some kind of trouble to come around here this late! How can I help you?”
And the man says:
“You can take that jack handle and stick it up your ass!” And walks off.
Exceptionally good puns and wisdom today, John, on two topics I struggle greatly with often – regret and dread. Thanks for such sound advice! I wish I had followed it in the past, and I’m afraid I may not be able to follow it in the future. But I’ll try hard to do so today!
Funny you should open with a quote from Better Call Saul. I am running through all its past episodes on Netflix currently as I row in the garage, refreshing my memory and reliving the highlights in anticipation of the release of its final season this week. I had forgotten how overwhelmingly brilliant this show is during its two year COVID break, an absolutely epic story on the topics of regret and dread from the insightful mind of Vince Gilligan and his crew. Better Call Saul / Breaking Bad / El Camino are one gigantic story that is American Shakespeare. If you have not seen this corpus of dramatic work, you should. The only question is whether or not you should watch it in BCS-BB-EC or BB-EC-BCS order. The answer to that question won’t be known until the final BCS episode in August, and the ultimate fates of Lalo, Nacho, and and especially Kim are revealed. And Gene, the absolute epitome of regret and dread…
Highly, highly recommended if you have never seen these series.
I never use a quote from something I haven’t seen. In this case, it was going as I was getting ready to find the quote and Mike said that. Work done.
“It will get worse.”
Left the house at the end of the world (2 miles from it to the east, the next land is Morocco) to have a drink or three in town. Talked briefly to a young couple about being IDed about how I was 17 all of my frosh year and was never carded. Their opinion “wish we we young back then. Things pretty much suck now”.
Times are tough, but perhaps there is a glimmer of hope.
There is always hope. And some of the kids are alright.
You and me both! Let me tell you from experience that, as you get older, it will get better and better at solving itself.
Now, a physics quibble: the heat death of the universe won’t be zero K. It’ll be a handful of Kelvins. The trouble will be that everything will be at the same temperature. The energy’s still there, but all of it is unavailable for doing work.
Happy Easter! “He is risen indeed!”
“energy’s still there, but all of it is unavailable for doing work”
So the end of the universe is much like the typical liberal arts college?
So, at least that will stop climate change.
He is risen indeed!!!!
But, but, but, without the holy triumvirate of regret, worry and dread, what would I do with those wakeful hours between 2 and 4 am, hmmm? This is typically when I indulge some of my most persistent insomnia. Not being selfish, I will often choose to share with the wife, prying her eyelids open with a cheerful, “Are you awake, too? Wanna play Parcheesi?”
At which point she regrets the fact of my conception, worries (again) that she may have to kill me, but dreads having to explain my sudden and complete disappearance to suspicious nosey parkers, such as the kids.
However, a little regret on the part of those 81 million Biden ‘voters’ and dread of the coming Day of The Dangling Nooses would not be a bad thing, in my opinion.
Glad to see you back on the positive terminal of the bipolar battery, JW. The doom-and-gloom shtick was wearing a little thin.
I was always going to be back to the positive terminal – just had to get a few bits out. And the positive terminal is where I live, mostly.
But I can see . . . .
“…back to the positive terminal”
Anode you’d get there.
It keeps me charged up?
I learned a long time ago, “where there is life there is hope.” Even as the world around breaks down in very slow motion, I continue to have a positive outlook and firmly believe if it doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger. I do have some regrets of things I could have handled better in life but living in the past is never healthy, so keep pushing forward there is no going back (at least not until some genius invents a time machine and we all perish due to some dumbass causing a paradox).
Today is a day to remember the ultimate sacrifice made for we sinners of the world, and the resurrection that took place on the 3rd day and the promise of everlasting life. Have a blessed and happy Easter!
I have made my way through multiple no-win scenarios and . . . won. So, giving up is something that doesn’t come easy for me.
The ride never ends . . . .
Easter is indeed near. Soon folks will be saying for a morning, maybe the day “He has Risen”.
Meanwhile as spring arrives please plant a few hills of potatoes. Simple to do and worthwhile in experience and healthy calories. I’ve hidden them in HOA flower beds before, so you can do it.
Tempus fugit
He has risen, indeed.
The Mrs. has a garden full of plants she hasn’t killed yet . . . tomatoes went in yesterday.
Happy Easter, everybody! How fortunate we are this year that Russia has added a new Station Of The Cross…
https://www.yahoo.com/news/russian-warship-sunken-ukraine-war-091746009.html
Speaking of Easter Eggs that are worth hunting for…
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/fears-russian-flagship-moskva-nukes-26718389
And on the subject of regret and dread…
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/captain-russian-flagship-moskvas-killed-26720452
Own your own memento…
https://www.ukrposhta.ua/en/news/57619-ukrposhta-issued-one-million-postage-stamps-russian-warship-fk-you
Ahhh, Russia. I might have a post on Russian naval history coming up.
Who says it doesn’t do any good to worry? I want you to know that the vast majority of things I worry about never happen, so it must work!
Indeed! That’s why planning helps – to turn them into non-events.
Wifey told me thusly, and we’ve been through a lot in 23 years:
“The things we worry about never came to pass, and the things that came to pass, we never worried about.”
Like the bleeding cerebral aneurysm and misdiagnosis that ALMOST killed her.
She is so freaking awesome at “living in the moment “ it’s like living with another species. Oh wait, she is woman.
Amen!
Well said. A good old-fashioned pep talk when I didn’t even know I needed it.
Most recognize today as tax day. 13 years ago, it took on a whole different meaning at our house. April 15 was my mother-in-law’s birthday. And 75 years later, to the day, it was her death day. Obviously, it was hard to swallow such an early departure, especially since she was my wife’s mother, confidant, best friend and business partner.
It was also that year that we put on our YOLO t-shirts and started doing things we never dreamed or considered. We bought an airplane and flew all over the country. We did more diving. Then we got a boat. We took those road trips we only just talked about. We saw Europe. Turns out some really great living came out of my MIL’s death. And the message remains clear: It shouldn’t ever take a death to remind you to live life to its fullest, dread/fear/worry-free.
Then I gave my wife a big hug.
It’s up to us (mostly) what journey we will take . . .
Wise words on a Good Friday.
Thank you!
John, once again I think we are having some kind of weird cosmic connection.
I struggle with regret – less than I used to, to be sure, but I still do. I have done some stupid things in my life (who has not, of course) and somehow in the past I was always trying to unwind them. Then, I am not sure how long ago, I simply stopped.
Iaijustu helped. One of the things we learned early was “What is the symbolic meaning of drawing the sword quickly? When you have made a decision, act immediately and without hesitation” and its counterpart “What is the symbolic meaning of sheathing the sword quickly? To have no regrets for what you have done and to take complete responsibility for your actions”. It is funny how 13 years of training starts to sink in. A decision is just a decision, the consequences are the consequences. The important thing is making the decision and following through.
Oddly enough, I suffer much less from dread. No idea why.
” A decision is just a decision, the consequences are the consequences. The important thing is making the decision and following through.”
Perfectly said. I’m gonna steal that.
Steal away, sir. Even for me, a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while.
Oh, no, I read your stuff! It’s daily that you bring out gems.
Regret and fear are twin thieves that will rob us of today.
And peace.
I already basically died once just a few short years ago, which more or less ended a pretty good career. I’m not scared. I don’t want to die, ever, but that is part of life. I will go knowing God awaits to show me home.
Yes, the ride never ends . . . just new phases.
Better late than never. I to like Ricky was going to mention the new season coming out but you must be a fan quoting it and know this already.
You give me good laughs, “I even told The Mrs. that she should embrace her mistakes, too. She was so happy she hugged me”. My wife may do something different if I said that.
I have learned through age and experience to give up more and more regret and worry and just live for the day. Especially since I am still alive, every day is bonus.
Thank you for what you do.
And thank you for commenting! Yes, The Mrs. and I were getting ready for the final season. Looking forward to it . . . s’all good.