“Yes, sir! That’s exactly who I am and what I am, sir. A victim, sir!” – A Clockwork Orange
Someone in London is stabbed every 37 seconds. Poor guy – he’s got to be getting tired of that.
One of the greatest sources of trouble in my life has been . . . victims. You know the type. They never create the situation they’re in. Every bit of trouble that the victim has ever had has been somebody else’s fault. Pa Wilder was the first to tell me to not find faults – he was horrible at geology.
I’ve even dealt with relatively well-off victims. They had nice houses, but the houses could have been so much nicer if only they weren’t being kept down. People have done them wrong. Generally, if you listen long enough, you’ll hear the list of every bad thing that happened to them.
And I mean “happened to” since nothing, no matter how small or large, is ever their fault. Even if they’re lazy, they’ll say that’s not their fault – they’ll say it walks in the family. As a general rule, when I find a victim, I steer as far away from them as possible. They’re dangerous in several ways.
If you’re not aware of what they’re doing, their attitude can be poisonous. They’re the guy at work who complains that the company they work for makes a profit and that their share is never enough. I avoid them because if I’m not part of their pity-party, soon enough I’ll be in the crosshairs as someone who has done them wrong. As we’ll see – that’s a dangerous place to be.
What does a vegan zombie eat? Graaaaains.
Yesterday I read about a study that was released in the journal Personality and Individual Differences. No, I don’t have a subscription, but I did read about it here (LINK). The study defined a character trait that the researchers named Tendency for Interpersonal Victimhood (TIV). TIV was defined as “an ongoing feeling that the self is a victim, which is generalized across many kinds of relationships.”
TIV? Sounds like living with an intolerable martyr to me.
The researchers found four factors that were pretty much always there with the insufferable losers:
- Moral Elitism
- Lack of Empathy
- Need for Recognition
- Unable to Stop Thinking About Their Problems
This wasn’t sometimes there – it was always there. Imagine living a life where you were torn by these sorts of feelings on a consistent basis. Certainly, I’ve written about it before – these traits are 100% the traits of . . . a Leftist.
What does it take to start a riot to destroy a city? Certainty you are right. Lack of empathy for those individuals that own businesses or property. A need to be seen as being virtuous – they must be visible.
Congratulations! You’ve made it through 343 months of 2020! Only 11 more months to go!
And lastly, they cannot stop thinking about every little thing that has ever been done wrong to them which in the end causes them to be filled with nothing but hatred. And hatred has been popular with the Left all year – it’s quite the rage.
Because they constantly felt like victims, the researchers found that the TIV idiots:
- Were more likely to make another person suffer loss, even when it didn’t help them personally.
- Felt more intense negative emotions, and
- Felt entitled to behave in an immoral fashion.
Now, the last three bullet points are a lot more normal. If someone broke into your house and stole your antique yak knickers, you’d probably experience each very one of those last three bullet points – they broke into your house – you want them to pay. What’s not normal is this is the way that people who have TIV feel this way all of the time.
They’ll call him the Grim Sweeper. (Not my meme – as found on the ‘net)
TIV isn’t just the hatred of people, it’s the hatred of all of the systems that those people created. Ever notice that the victim class generally intensely hates the United States?
Why?
Because they want everyone to suffer loss, and they feel that any means whatsoever are justified, especially since they are morally superior. They don’t want to watch the United States fail – they want to watch it burn.
But this victimhood isn’t just a hatred focused outside of self. TIV is, at its core, the hatred of self.
Thankfully, there’s good news:
- TIV is a choice.
I have and do maintain that many of the things about ourselves are entirely under our control. Attitude is one. We can always control the way that we feel about something.
I’m not saying they keep the thermostat control hot at my in-laws, but two hobbits came and tossed a ring into their living room.
The start of being a victim is allowing it to happen. I was fortunate. When I was feeling sorry for myself, my parents and brother absolutely wouldn’t allow it. Was it tough love sometimes? Sure. But at least in the Wilder house, I was mocked mercilessly when I tried to play the victim.
That was one of the best gifts ever. Because they wouldn’t let me be the victim, some of the results were:
- I felt my destiny was in my own hands. My actions help to create my future.
- I was responsible for my own successes, along with the help I’d had.
- More importantly, I was responsible for my own failures. This was generally a solo trip. My successes generally had help – my failures were generally due to my own weakness.
- Revenge was less important than getting better and winning my own game.
There were some downsides to this. When everyone is playing one game, and you’re playing another sometimes people don’t understand your motivation. If their goal is a brand new car, and your goal is no debt, you’re not playing the same game at all. They see you driving a ten or fifteen-year-old car and think, “Weirdo.”
One of the best examples I ever saw of not being a victim was at a corporate training session. We had discussed victimhood, and the trainer had a large metal pin-on button that said “VICTIM” on it. When one of the participants in the training session leveled a (very valid) complaint about a company practice, the instructor tried to give that participant the “VICTIM” button. The participant refused it.
I tried to steal his boots, but they wouldn’t fit me. I guess those boots were made for Walken.
It was a great moment to watch. The trainer didn’t know what to do, but it was clear to everyone in the class that particular participant was not a VICTIM.
But it’s easy to not be a victim:
- Moral Elitism Understand that each of us falls short of our own moral goals. Each of us.
- Lack of Empathy Have empathy for your fellow man, but not a poisonous generosity that destroys civilizations.
- Need for Recognition Understand that recognition is fickle. It may be the best thing you ever do for mankind will be utterly unknown. Be good with that.
- Unable to Stop Thinking About Their Problems Give it a rest. As Twain said: “Drag your thoughts away from your troubles: by the ears, by the heels, or any other way, so you manage it.”
Yes, sometimes bad things happen to us.
How long we wallow in victimhood, however, is entirely up to us.
I can’t say anything other than this is excellent. well done.
Thank you!
“Someone in London is stabbed every 37 seconds. Poor guy – he’s got to be getting tired of that.”
You could’ve stopped right there, sir, and still made my day. Glad you didn’t, though. I can always use more.
I see there’s another James (commenter #1). I’ll keep capitalizing mine; confusion avoided, without bringing back the “Son of Thunder” thing, which takes 15 additional keystrokes (how lazy can I be?). #1 and I have not only a name in common, but good taste in blogs as well.
Thank you, James! Hope you got a chuckle.
The other James (007) was arrested in the park – he kept saying he had a License to Grill.
Good thing our mass media doesn’t specialize in telling people how victimized they are and that nothing is their fault. Or the flip side, the same people are endlessly reminded of the stuff they are entitled to. The drumbeat of commercials telling people what they “deserve” always drives me nuts. This sounds very get off my lawn but when I was growing up it was understood that you weren’t entitled to anything and getting what you deserved usually meant getting punched in the mouth.
Ack! That’s the word I more than almost any other word. Deserve. Wouldn’t let my kids even say the word growing up.
100% agree.
Good advice, Mr. Wilder. Thanks for your posts,btw. I always read them first thing as soon as they hit the mailbox, and I’d have to say you are an inspired punster. For whatever that is worth.
Well, as long as I don’t do math puns. That’s the first sine of madness.
Its not easy, and I am not always successful, but I try to start each day with a great, big heaping helping of Get Over Yourself. No one is moved in the slightest by my petulance and self-pity. And no matter what kind of a lousy day I am having, I remind myself that someone else out there is really hurting. Suffer a papercut opening a love letter from a collection agency? Boo hoo. Compare notes with the wretched sod who sustains a broken neck when rear-ended waiting at a traffic light.
It is one of the four noble truths of Buddhism that Life is Suffering, the cure for which is letting go. You are not a special snowflake who somehow “deserves” an easy life, no matter how much you want one. Pinging back to a recent post of yours, JW, we make our own luck, good and bad.
Misery loves company, and don’t you forget it. Avoid miserable people like the plague, for your own happiness and well-being depends on it. Victimology (victimism?) is a special kind of toxicity that spreads like wildfire through entire populations amenable to projecting their own faults and weaknesses on others. Witness the left in this country today. The current witch hunt for scapegoats is only going to lead to war. A war in which no one wins and everyone loses. Then we are all “victims”.
100%. You are the average of the people you hang with. Which makes them partially bald.
Absolutely on target, John. Even the leftists agree with you.
https://www.rollcall.com/2020/12/10/trump-tidings-of-victimhood-and-revenge-for-a-holiday-excuse-me-christmas-season/
In other news, a summary of the TX VS GA MI PA WI mess…
Texas claims that the presidential elections as held (and as directed by government officials outside the legislature) in Pennsylvania, Georgia, Wisconsin, and Michigan all flagrantly violated their own election laws by materially weakening or doing away with security measures. Further, according to the U.S. Constitution, the legislature (representing the citizens) of each state has absolute authority and responsibility for how presidential electors are chosen; the will of legislature being expressed through state law.
Texas claims that the violations of election law in these states created an environment where ballot fraud was enabled and likely to occur. The lawsuit lists the violations of law in each of the defendant states and provides evidence of fraud (the number of ballots handled unconstitutionally) in each of the states sufficient to change the outcome of the ballot counts.
Pennsylvania
Facts:
Vote Tally: 3,445,548 for Biden and 3,363,951 for Trump – margin 81,597.
Requests for mail-in ballots 70% Democrats and 25% Republicans.
Mail-in ballots increased from 266,208 in 2016 to over 3,000,000 in 2020.
Violations of Election Law:
The Secretary of State unilaterally abrogated signature verification requirements for mail-in ballots.
PA supreme court changed existing deadline for receiving mail-in ballots from 8:00 PM on the day of election to 3 days after the election and adopted a presumption that non-postmarked ballots be considered as valid.
Election officials in Philadelphia and Allegheny Counties did not follow state law permitting poll-watchers to be present for the opening, counting, and recording of mail-in ballots.
The Secretary of State directed election officials to remove ballots before 7:00 AM on the day of election in order to “cure” defective mail-in ballots. This was done only in Democrat majority counties.
Election officials did not segregate ballots received after 8:00 PM on election day breaking the promise made to the U.S. Supreme Court thus making it impossible to identify or remove those ballots.
Evidence of Fraud:
Ballots with no mailed date: 9,005 (no evidence they were sent to a voter)
Ballots returned on or before the mailed date: 58,221
Ballots returned one day after the mailed date: 51,200 (Perhaps not impossible, but highly unlikely for the average voter to receive a ballot, fill it out, place it in the mail and have it returned the next day.)
On Nov 2, the day before the election, PA reports that 2.7 million ballots had been sent out. On Nov 4 that number had increased to 3.1 million — an increase of 400,000 mail-in ballots at election time with literally no reasonable chance of them being used by legitimate voters.
Georgia
Facts:
Vote Tally: 2,472,098 for Biden and 2,458,121 for Trump – margin 12,670.
Mail-in ballots: 65.32% for Biden and 34.68% for Trump.
Mail-in ballots increased from 213,033 in 2016 to 1,305,659 in 2020.
Violations of Election Law:
The Secretary of State unilaterally abrogated signature verification requirements for mail-in ballots.
The Secretary of State authorized opening and processing mail-in ballots up to three weeks before election day when the law prohibits that until after the polls open on election day.
The Secretary of State materially weakened the security requirements for ballot rejection based on signature verification or other missing information.
Evidence of Fraud:
Mail-in ballot rejection rate for missing or inaccurate information or for non-matching signatures decreased from 6.42% in 2016 to .36% in 2020. Rejecting 2020 ballots at the same rate as 2016 would have resulted in a net gain of 25,587 votes for Trump – twice the number needed to overcome Biden’s count. With a six-fold increase in the number of mail-in ballots, reason would indicate that the rejection rate would increase, or at least stay the same, with so many first-time mail-in ballots.
Michigan
Facts:
Vote Tally: 2,796,702 for Biden and 2,650,695 for Trump – margin 146,007.
In 2016 587,618 voters requested mail-in ballots. In 2020 3.2 million votes were cast by mail-in ballot.
Democrats voted by mail at a rate approximately two times that of Republican voters.
Violations of Election Law:
The Secretary of State unilaterally abrogated signature verification requirements for mail-in ballots.
The Secretary of State sent out unsolicited ballots to all 7.7 million registered voters contrary to election law which requires a voter to request a mail-in ballot through a process that includes a signature to be matched with the voter registration.
The Secretary of State also allowed absentee ballots to be requested online without signature verification.
Local election officials in Wayne County — containing 322,925 more ballots for Biden than for Trump — opened and processed mail-in ballots without poll-watchers present.
Local election officials in Wayne County also ignored the strict election law requirements of placing a written statement or stamp on each ballot envelope indicating that the voter signature was in fact checked and verified with the signature on file with the state.
Evidence of Fraud:
174,384 mail-in ballots in Wayne County had no valid registration number, indicating they likely resulted from election workers running the same ballots through the tabulator multiple times.
71% of Wayne County Absent Voter Counting Boards were unbalanced, where the number of people who checked in did not match the number of ballots cast.
Wisconsin
Facts:
Vote Tally: 1,630,716 for Biden and 1,610,151 for Trump – margin 20,565.
Mail-in ballots increased from 146,932 in 2016 to 1,275,019 in 2020.
Violations of Election Law:
The Wisconsin Elections Commission (WEC) positioned hundreds of unmanned illegal drop boxes to collect absentee ballots. (The use of any drop box, manned or unmanned, is directly prohibited by Wisconsin statute. Any alternate mail-in ballot site “shall be staffed by the municipal clerk or the executive director of the board of election commissioners…” “Ballots cast in contravention of the procedures specified in those provisions may not be included in the certified result of any election.”)
The WEC encouraged voters to unlawfully declare themselves “indefinitely confined” in order to avoid security measures like signature verification and photo ID requirements. Nearly 216,000 voters said they were indefinitely confined in the 2020 election, nearly four times as many as in 2016.
Strict laws requiring mail-in voters to certify by signature including the signature of an adult witness were ignored or circumvented by election officials.
Evidence of Fraud:
One hundred thousand ballots were supposedly missing and directed to be “found” after election day.
And just like that, it’s over…
https://www.zerohedge.com/political/supreme-court-tosses-texas-bid-overturn-election
Well, that part is.
Still more drama to come, I assure you.
I agree. Between now and January 21 is an exceptionally dangerous period.
I was struck by how terse the SCOTUS rejection was.
As part of the WWW syllabus, I am reading Rubicon by Tom Holland. Why? Well I want to better understand the similarities and differences between then and now. It was either read Rubicon or a much wider version by Plutarch, and I went with Rubicon.
Great summary. But the Supremes punted. On first down.
Not good.
I found it interesting where the paper did their study and “found” TIV.
Explains how it got to be so widespread in a formerly Western “boot-strapping” nation that has been reduced through “media” and “education” to expect participation medals.
Funny how this sort of “victimhood” coincides with the Frankfurt School aims and the “Ten Planks” that are almost laid down. If this is indeed a “life choice” and can be reversed by the individual, perhaps they can be “scared straight”…
If not, rivers of blood, of all kinds.
The irony is that the “victim” class is going to be first at the wall . . .
To summarize…. “Suck it up buttercup”
10/10.
Perfect summary.
Somewhere between the nonsensical EST notions (that declare you personally responsible for being on the plane that crashed,) and a general sense of victimhood in an environment one doesn’t control, there is truth. And that truth is largely set by “location, location, location!” For example, 70 years ago in China, there were precious few that didn’t have every right to identify themselves as “victims,” much as might be the case here soon if the unthinkable happens and our best efforts to UNRIG the great Fraud by China and their Democrat accomplices that we witnessed at the top of November.
That’s a good point – I try to make the point that, yes, there really are victims.
But if I have a choice – I’ll default to more, rather than less personal control.
We’re in a pickle, aren’t we?
Best way to avoid being a true victim is to apply the left’s own “by any means necessary” to keep them from gaining ANY control over our lives.
But I should add I greatly enjoyed this and most all of your fine content.
Thank you so much!!!!
Learning to laugh at yourself is key. Remember the old song “Nobody likes me, everybody hates me”-?
The worst part of the victim mentality is that it is a self-fufilling prophecy. Your paraoia and resentment make you unpleasant to be around. You get less support, are not chosen for project teams, do less well… Which makes you more paranoid and resentful.
Even when folks really are out to do you serious dirt, cheerful indifference is your best bet.
(Ahhh… Here it is: https://youtu.be/XrFViBSYPtQ)
That’s true.
I simply won’t allow my kids to wallow in that – regardless.
One day they’ll thank me for it. Or not.
But I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t.
While the residents of London can no longer dine at their favorite restaurant due to the chinky-sniffles I remember a time when they could although…. https://imgur.com/73zUhTP
Ha! Excellent!
So free, right?
A related piece of advice is, avoid unlucky people. They tend to make their own luck and it’s contageous.
Agree. When I see a black cloud of gloom, I run. Therefore, when I have one over me, I try to get rid of it as soon as possible.