The Five Laws Of Human Stupidity

“Don’t call me stupid.”  – A Fish Called Wanda

I hear of you hold a pistol like that, you can hear the Rittenhouse.  Alternatively, this might be an Alec Baldwin gun safety video. 

Carlo M. Cipolla is a dead Italian economic historian.  So, not a dead economist, because we know that a dead economist was at least right one time.  I don’t know much about him, outside of:

He has ceased to be. He’s expired and gone to meet his maker.  He’s a stiff.  Bereft of life, he rests in peace.  If you hadn’t nailed him to the perch he’d be pushing up the daisies.  His metabolic processes are now history.  He’s off the twig.  He’s kicked the bucket, he’s shuffled off his mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleeding choir invisible.  This is an ex-economic historian!

Sorry, I went full Monty Python on you.  Never go full Python, unless of course, you’re pining for the fjords.

But, Dr. Cipolla is dead, as I think I have abundantly established.

About the only other thing besides his condition of demise is that Dr. Cipolla is most known for writing a goofy little essay called The Basic Laws of Human Stupidity.  He wrote this essay originally in 1976, which proves that he might have had time to meet Joe Biden before writing it.

What do you get when you cross an economist with the Godfather?  An offer you can’t understand.

Text in italics (and those in quotes) beyond this point are direct quotes from the former Dr. Cipolla, except the snarky things I say underneath the memes I have handcrafted in the Wilder Meme Lab.

The First Law:  Always and inevitably everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.

Tongue in cheek, Cipolla notes that “any numerical estimate would turn out to be an underestimate.”  So, it’s clear that there exists a nearly infinite and inexhaustible supply of stupidity in the Universe.  I have observed this in action:  I have been to the DMV.

The Second Law:  The probability that a certain person will be stupid is independent of any other characteristic of that person.  

Cipolla felt strongly that stupid people weren’t made stupid, they were born stupid.  And, just like the First Law would predict, they are numerous and everywhere.  They inhabit colleges (I think Harvard™ is full of them) the government, and the Pentagon.  Stupidity can also be found at McDonalds®, but that’s excusable.  If When someone is stupid at McDonalds©, an order gets screwed up and I get not a Sausage McMuffin® without the muffin, but just a warm muffin (this happened) at the price of a Sausage McMuffin©.

When someone is stupid at the Pentagon?  They get promoted after the cover-up.

It has also been my experience that if you ask the right questions and listen to the answers, it’s amazing where you will find intelligent people.  Just like there is no bound on where you will find stupid people, there is no bound on where you will find intelligent ones.

Roses are red, violets are blue; no one in Washington cares about you.

One personal example is that every time (not occasionally, but every time) I felt full of myself, soon enough an intelligent person from a place I’d least expect would correct me.  The lesson I learned?  Listen.  Ask questions.  Just as idiocy hides everywhere, gems of wisdom are often when you don’t expect.

Great stuff.  But what, exactly, is stupid?  That’s what the Third Law is for.

The Third (and Golden) Law:  A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of persons while himself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses.

The third law is what really caught my attention.  Here, Cipolla defines what stupid is – and this is an especially interesting definition:  a stupid person screws something up, and doesn’t get any benefit.  At all.  Here Cipolla constructs a chart to define it:

One of my girlfriends in high school was arrested for bank robbery.  She made out like a bandit.

Cipolla dices up the world into two parameters: do they help or hurt society, or do they help or hurt themselves?

Help Self, Help Society:  This is the quadrant that Cipolla reserves for the intelligent.  They end up creating a harmony where they help not only society, but end up helping themselves in the process.  Take the makers of PEZ®, for instance.  They make money by selling the sweet, sweet PEZ™, and society benefits, because, PEZ©.  In this instance it’s a win-win.  Society wins, and the makers of the product win.

These are the people that create the upward drive for society.  They make things better, and they make the people around them better, too.  This is SpaceX® Elon Musk.  He’s revolutionizing space transport and making it cheap to hit orbit ($25 a pound within 10 years???) while raking in piles of cash.

What next?  The helpless.  Helpless people, by Cipolla’s definition, are those that make bad deals.  The bad deals end up helping someone else (even society at large) but end up hurting the people making the deals.  Note:  this wouldn’t be people who help others and get joy from it – they’re getting a benefit.

The biggest group I can think of that represents the Helpless group in 2021 are Biden voters.  Man, I’m thinking they’d take that back if they could.

Joe Biden’s press staff is mainly women, I guess because he doesn’t have to pay them as much.

So, that’s two out of three.  That leaves most politicians bandits.  Bandits, according to Cipolla, come in two flavors.  The first is the net zero bandit.  A net zero bandit just takes $20 from one person and keeps it to spend on themselves.  Bernie Madoff and most conmen are net zero bandits.  They take money and then enjoy it themselves.  Society as a whole (outside of the trust and breaking the law things) isn’t hurt.

Bernie Madoff may make a lot of rich people angry, but he’s not going to create the fall of western civilization because his clients can’t afford to donate money to Harvard© so Harvard™ will let their third-rate children in.

The worst kind of bandits are the asymmetric (my term) bandits.  These bandits cause an outsized amount of trouble for a small gain for themselves.  I can’t think of any real-life examples, but what if some politicians subverted the monetary system just so they could buy votes for themselves while causing massive inflation?  Of course, something that crazy could never happen, right?

That, of course, leaves the subject of the essay:

Stupid People.

Most people do not act consistently. Under certain circumstances a given person acts intelligently and under different circumstances the same person will act helplessly. The only important exception to the rule is represented by the stupid people who normally show a strong proclivity toward perfect consistency in all fields of human endeavors.

Stupid people, Cipolla opines, are even more dangerous than bandits, because they screw everything up.  Stupid people take wonderful ideas, destroy them, and then hurt themselves in the process.  They’re the equivalent of a six-year-old sticking a knife in a toaster and getting knocked out, and then doing it again.  Repeatedly.

Think of it as evolution in action . . .

Again, from Cipolla:

Essentially stupid people are dangerous and damaging because reasonable people find it difficult to imagine and understand unreasonable behavior. An intelligent person may understand the logic of a bandit. The bandit’s actions follow a pattern of rationality: nasty rationality, if you like, but still rationality. The bandit wants a plus on his account. Since he is not intelligent enough to devise ways of obtaining the plus as well as providing you with a plus, he will produce his plus by causing a minus to appear on your account. All this is bad, but it is rational and if you are rational you can predict it. You can foresee a bandit’s actions, his nasty maneuvers and ugly aspirations and often can build up your defenses.

With a stupid person all this is absolutely impossible as explained by the Third Basic Law. A stupid creature will harass you for no reason, for no advantage, without any plan or scheme and at the most improbable times and places. You have no rational way of telling if and when and how and why the stupid creature attacks. When confronted with a stupid individual you are completely at his mercy.

And because there’s no rationality to the attack it’s impossible to defend.  How do you defend against a naked person covered in sex lube attacking you with a rubber chicken?  No, really, how do you do that?  I don’t ever want to be in that place again.

This takes us to . . .

The Fourth Law:  Non-stupid people always underestimate the damaging power of stupid individuals. In particular non-stupid people constantly forget that at all times and places and under any circumstances to deal and/or associate with stupid people always turns out to be a costly mistake.

This should be called the Rittenhouse Law.

Kyle was attempting to help society.  And, perhaps he did because I don’t think the world is a worse place off after he was done, but stupid people managed to ruin his night.

And, remember that stupid people vote.

Stupid that night, stupid on the stand.

The Fifth Law:  A stupid person is the most dangerous type of person.  Corollary:  A stupid person is more dangerous than a bandit.

Here is where Dr. Cipolla might have lost me, but only because, perhaps, he never imagined that bandits could operate on the scale that they do in 2021.  What if you could steal from everyone at once?  Just print money, and you can.

What if you could get yourself two (or six!) more years at a job in Washington, D.C. and all you had to do was bankrupt the country?  That’s banditry that, perhaps, aspires to stupidity.  The end of the system will end up being the end of their banditry.

See?  Stupid.  So, maybe he was right after all?

Author: John

Nobel-Prize Winning, MacArthur Genius Grant Near Recipient writing to you regularly about Fitness, Wealth, and Wisdom - How to be happy and how to be healthy. Oh, and rich.

55 thoughts on “The Five Laws Of Human Stupidity”

  1. It’s a little more nuanced than merely stupid/intelligent, methinks. There are degrees of stupid, just as there are degrees of intelligent. Consider it a stupidity continuum, along which most every thought and action will exist. Where a person or a notion exists along the spectrum is as subjective as anything else and depends heavily on the viewing angle.

    For instance, young Kyle’s decision to visit Kenosha on that fateful day can quite comfortably exist in both the intelligent (help society) and stupid (hurt self) plane. A veritable Shroedinger’s cat of a plan, both unselfishly noble and indefensibly ill-advised. His motivation to help others may well have been laudable, but there are better ways of fulfilling that high school community service requirement than taking your AR to an Antifa hotspot. Next time, volunteer at a soup kitchen.

    1. Defense of country is altruism, not stupidity. If looked at properly, defense of the nation is defense of the family and, ultimately, defense of the self. If nobody did it, we would all perish.

    2. No…What Kyle did, putting out fires etc and obstructing those groups (in this case, 3 Jewish convicted violent felons including a serial child rapist) was infinitely more valuable than feeding soup to overweight vagrants..If even 10% of the population were like Kyle, this communist insurrection would collapse overnight…

    4. That’s a very fair statement. And I could come up with ideas that many “helpless” people take great personal satisfaction in helping others.

  2. Sometimes the line between Bandit and Stupid just takes a little time to get across. Consider the local County Executive gloriously living beyond his means. He was a Bandit when he sold out the honest performance of his office, but it didn’t take long for the FBI to demonstrate that he was actually Stupid when they recorded him telling his wife “just stuff the money into your underwear; they won’t notice a few extra pounds”. Assumed that, if he knew the FBI wanted to talk to him, they weren’t already listening to his phone? That was stupid. Telling his wife that her underwear was big enough to hide their excess cash? Really, really, stupid. He just recruited a star witness for the prosecution.

    2. Heh, That’s a good pic, and it matches pretty well. Although you can’t argue she’s earned a LOT of money with her latest grift, so, probably a bandit.

  4. So much to rebut here… I’m almost inspired to do an entire post.

    1) Cipolla was stupid. Stupid people might be born but many, many, many more are manufactured.
    2) If Biden voters were capable of regretting their vote they wouldn’t have voted Biden in the first place.
    3) Stupid people *are* more dangerous than bandits. Bandits couldn’t operate at the levels they do if stupid people wouldn’t let them get away with it. Yay! Dumbocracy!

    A topic for another article? Perhaps. How many stupid people (as a percent) can a society harbor before the entire society is destroyed?

    1. 50% of people are below average intelligence.
      Which isn’t all that bright to begin with.

    2. We’re finding out as floods of extremely stupid 3d worlders are given the keys to the FUSA…

      1. I’m not sure that’s a fair assessment. If you could go to a country and loot it with no risk to yourself for 1000x the monthly wage you could make working 12-hour days at home, would you? Would you call that stupid?

        It’s why I believe Americans are the most stupid people on the planet: because they allow it.

    3. Ha! Actually my first exposure to him was Sunday, even though he is (as I established) dead.

      Well, it’s the votes at the margin – those people who really don’t decide until they’re in the booth.

      Yeah, stupid is bad. But isn’t Mao or Stalin worse?

      More to come – maybe a whole theory of the Law of Conservation of Stupidity?

  5. “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

    Albert Einstein

  6. If Biden voters were capable of regretting their vote

    –a large number of Biden voters were sincere, but misled. We talk every day about media manipulation, the ‘sheeple’, FB zombies, etc but then condemn those people for acting on the information they have- just like we do.

    Those people, the sincere but manipulated, are the ones who can be woken up, who can be red pilled. Their numbers are legion. It can and does happen, see also the Kyle R trial, and the (few but more than zero) people who are waking up. Tweets apologizing for pre-judging him, for thinking that his victims assailants were BLACK ! Yes, despite the video, despite the interviews at the time, people think he massacred black protesters.

    Our foes are POWERFUL and their techniques are honed and effective.

    If we write off those people who could be reclaimed we’ll never win.

    n

    (and consider taking a step back to at least explore the idea that we’re being played and led just as effectively as they are.)

    1. You are describing foolish people. Stupid people willfully choose the trough they feed at despite knowing full well it is poison and insist everyone else join them. The stupidest of all pay for the meal.

  7. “Stupidity cannot be cured. Stupidity is the only universal capital crime; the sentence is death. There is no appeal, and execution is carried out automatically and without pity.”

    ― Robert Heinlein

  8. Oooooh, that opening meme … that’s difficult to look at.

    On the other hand, that cross between an economist and Don Corleone … I’m stealing that. I’m sure my wife will find it very amusing. She just LOVES my jokes.

    Okay, I’m lying about that last …

  9. I’ve encountered many stupid people during my life. Some were degreed, and had important jobs. Others were run-of-the-mill stupid, and others would surprise me with their unexpected burst of stupidity.

    The most notable person was a prize fighter that fought occasionally at the local prize fights, where he would suffer more damage, and maybe walk away with a few dollars. His cauliflower ears, and smashed nose were evidence of years of stupidity, which he compounded with his occasional event at the local gym. He was intelligent, but the rattling around of brain matter left some loose connections. I expected stupidity from him, and was amazed to find equal stupidity with engineers in charge of multi-million projects.

    I learned to expect stupidity in many unknown places, and now am assured the worst of stupidity is in the mechanisms of government, and those that elect those in charge.

    2. True. Your words state the cure: make everyone suffer the full consequences for their choices. Sadly, votes are needed… by both sides.

  11. I wish I had some faith left in humanity so I could truthfully say this article destroyed my last bit of faith in humanity.

    ===

    “How do you defend against a naked person covered in sex lube attacking you with a rubber chicken? No, really, how do you do that?”

    This is a complicated question to answer, and requires more information. Is the attacker male or female? If female, is she good looking? If ugly, will your friends ever find out?

    ===

    I’ve heard it said that it is better to have a smart enemy than a stupid ally. A smart enemy will know ahead of time when he is beat, and offer terms to forestall more fighting. A stupid ally will force you to send troops to Afghanistan and Iraq, knowing there is no possible victory.

    Seriously though… The globalists are not stupid, everything they do has a reason behind it, even if we don’t understand it. Economic hardship may seem like a bad outcome, but as one of the ur-globalists said, “the time to buy is when blood runs in the streets.” Economic hardship means hunger and danger to us, but to globalists/ leftists/ commies (whatever the name, always the same) it means opportunity for investment and for ratcheting up their control levels.

  12. @ Quizzer,

    The bandits eventually have enough to take a break or go out celebrating after divvying up the hauls but the stupid and the we are better than you smug true believers never rest.
    Read a review about Idiocracy when it first came out that said…in a few years this will be a historical documentary for the crystal ball win.

    1. I acknowledge your point but you’ll never, ever convince me that either the US Congress or the Federal Reserve will take a break.

  13. It is self-evident that by definition half of people are below the median in intelligence. The problem is that even those with average intelligence are not all that smart and most have little capacity for critical thinking. On the other hand, I have known lots of people who were not terribly intelligent or smart but were full of wisdom, and not a few super intelligent people without a shred of common sense.

  15. Pingback: The question of OPSEC. – Dark Brightness

  16. This reminds me of the officer matrix attributed to Clausewitz.
    Officers are judged on two axes – smart/stupid and industrious/lazy.
    Smart + Industrious : Make a commander, because he’ll take charge anyway.
    Smart + Lazy : Make an executive officer, for hw will find the easiest way to do anything.
    Stupid + Lazy : Put somewhere they will do the least harm, like supply or personnel.
    Stupid + Industrious : Have them shot before they find more things to screw up!

  17. Theodore H White. To understand where we are, look to where we came from.

    But even more intriguing would be a dinner with deToquivill, Twain, Will Rodgers and George Carlin. Four men who showed the greatest understanding of the nature and heart of Americans in their times. Both to discuss what they see in our hearts as well as who is or will fill the hole.

  19. My Grandpa was cut from the same cloth as Yogi Berra.

    He used to say the price you pay for stupidity is the ‘stupid tax’.

    It could be money, a car, a job, pain from physical injury. You name it. If you or someone that could affect you did something stupid and there was a cost of any kind it was a ‘tax’.

    No one likes taxes. If you think of the costs as a tax it makes you want to avoid it on a visceral level. Especially the physical pain type (I say with a sprained thumb).

    He also used to say, ‘It’s better to get pissed off, than pissed on…’

  21. You know, I am not sure that I agree. I have had good experience with coworkers that were not the brightest sparks, but had managed to pass their exams by working hard. These people literally learned to work hard, otherwise they had no chance of keeping up. Great workers and usually successful in the end. The highly intelligent learn that they can afford to be lazy in school. They get good grades without trying hard and this becomes a pattern for their lives. They expect life to continue in this way, only it usually doesn’t.

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