Three Best Stocks To Own After A Nuclear Attack

“It’s not the money, it’s just all the stuff.” – The Jerk

Biden wanted to emulate North Korea’s experience for COVID – Biden liked the way Kim implemented a lockdown.

I was on hold with Tech Support working on site issues (again) when I came up with the post name.  I couldn’t resist, because that’s exactly the sort of headline that I see when I flip through financial pages.  Oh, sure, I could have just as easily gone with “How A Zombie Holocaust Can Help Your Portfolio”, but the nuclear attack seems a wee bit more timely.

As I’ve written before, a big part of wealth isn’t just cash.  It isn’t money.  Queen Elizabeth II may have had a much fancier funeral than I will, but just like Generalissimo Francisco Franco, she’s still very dead even though there are rocks worth hundreds of millions of dollars on top of her coffin.  Money could buy her a lot of stuff and allow her to avoid Markle, but it couldn’t buy her one more minute on the planet than she had.

So, wealth means more than just money.  And as the world seems to be shifting ever so fast under our feet, what are the true components of wealth?

I did hear about one king that was exactly 12” tall.  He was a horrible king, but a good ruler.

First on my list would be having a horde of skilled fanatical barbarian soldiers that do my every bidding.  That’s pretty cool.  Sadly, I can’t find a wizard who’s willing to narrate things like the following every morning when I get out of bed and get ready to go to work:

“Between the time when the oceans drank Atlantis and the rise of the sons of Aryas, there was an age undreamed of.  And unto this, Conan John Wilder, destined to wear the jeweled crown of Aquilonia Modern Mayberry upon a troubled brow.  It is I, his chronicler, who alone can tell thee of his saga.  Let me tell you of the days of high adventure!”

That would be nice.  I guess second on my list would be a wizard-bard to narrate my life, throwing in things like, “And despite having had one too many glasses of wine the night before, John Wilder bravely got up as his alarm went off, brushed his teeth, stared into his mirror, and began the noble process of finding socks to wear today.”

An illiterate wizard is useless.  He can’t spell.

What would be third on my list?  I mean, I’ve already got a fanatical army and a wizard-bard.  Some people work a whole lifetime and don’t get either of those.  At one point, I would have said “Immortal Life” but then I realized that if I lived too long, that would probably void the factory warranty.  So, that’s out, unless those random calls I get on my cell phone about getting an extended warranty aren’t a scam.

But I still need to have a number three on my list.  I’d say food for my fanatical barbarian army, but I think they’d be fine feeding themselves – that’s the advantage of having a barbarian horde – they make their own sauce.  I guess I’ll have to live with surgically altered doubles that look and sound exactly like me.  Why?  If I have a fanatical barbarian army, why wouldn’t they send James Bond® after me?

I always invite Bond over to my BBQ.  He’s got a license to grill.

For my fourth item, I suppose the boring thing would be to look for would be a lair hidden deep underneath a volcano suitable for launching my spaceships.  The big problem is demand.  First, I think Elon Musk has the market cornered.  Second, if James Bond© saw what Great Britain looked like in 2022, he’d probably join up with Blofeld™ because he and Blofeld© probably share more actual British values than Britain does.

I’ll be serious – I wouldn’t turn any of those things down except the doubles.  As irritating as I am, I can’t imagine what it would be like to live with multiple iterations of myself.  And I can’t even imagine the number of socks that would be in the living room.

But what is real wealth outside of money?

I’m going to start with family.  The Mrs., for whatever reason, is on board with my nonsense.  And, as I wrote recently, we are building the people that will take us into the future. They are our children. We build them for the future, so that they can build the future. Of wealth, there is absolutely none more precious.  Except the fanatical barbarian horde.

Yet, more battles are won by infantry than by adultery.

Second on the list is health.  I can only buy this a little.  The rest I either have due to genetics (on one side of my family, I have heard that the only thing that can kill us is gravity), or hard work.  I need to spend a bit more time on the hard work.  And that’s an easy way to invest in myself that has amazing dividends.

Third on the list is skills.  Skills are yet another way of investing in myself.  What kind of skills?  The basic ones are the best – and there is depth required in some of them.  If I garden, it’s not just planting a seed and then walking off to come back later and eat.  Nope.  There are millions of ways to kill a plant, and I know most of them.  Many skills come from simply knowing how to not screw it up.  So, picking the right ones is one way to get to the future.

I debated putting reputation up higher, bud decided that I’d leave it here.  In the world, leadership is a way to multiply yourself.  And that leadership is a function of reputation.  Known as a liar and a cheat?  No man will follow me or trust me.  Known to be a man of my word?  I can have influence far above my level of skills or health.  When General Patton took over the II Corps in North Africa, he had a few weeks to turn them into a fighting force.  That he was able to do so was built on skills, sure, but more than that on his reputation for having an amazing force of will.

The last thing on my list for today is a variation on the first real thing.  Just as my children take me into the future, the inheritance that I got from Pa and Ma Wilder allows me to know what to send into that future.  It is the inheritance of values that I speak of here.

I heard she never carried cash – who wants to carry around pictures of their ex-mother-in-law?

So, on this day, I’m certain of one thing:  I’m wealthier than Queen Elizabeth.  And in better shape, too.  I wouldn’t trade her family for mine.  I’m certain I could beat her at Uno®, so I have skills covered.  Reputation, though is difficult.  I mean she couldn’t hit 100 before she died, though I think she made sure Diana did.

Author: John

Nobel-Prize Winning, MacArthur Genius Grant Near Recipient writing to you regularly about Fitness, Wealth, and Wisdom - How to be happy and how to be healthy. Oh, and rich.

42 thoughts on “Three Best Stocks To Own After A Nuclear Attack”

  1. John, I think you main skill is coming up with puns. With an endless hunger, we always come back here post after post to read your next one. That makes we readers gluttons for pun-ishment.

    I think maybe the three best stocks to own after a nuclear attack are chicken, beef and vegetable. That way, Putin can maybe say no gas for you, but he can’t say no soup for you.

    So go, er, stock up now while there’s still some left on the shelves. Vlad has announced a partial mobilization of Russians to defend the Ukranian Oblasts of Luhansk, Kherson, Zaporizhzhia and Donetsk that are gonna vote not to become independent nations but instead to actually join and become a part of the Nation of Russia in a referendum that the Ukranian counterattack has moved up from November to literally this Friday. Apparently they’re gonna use mail-in ballots delivered by artillery shells instead of envelopes.

    https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/putin-signs-decree-mobilisation-says-west-wants-destroy-russia-2022-09-21/

    Vlad specifically said quote “This is not a bluff” that nukes will be on the table to defend these new Russian comrades. And Vlad has got plenty of stocks of those.

    Get your T-shirt for next week’s game day while they’re still in stock…

    https://libertasbella.com/products/embrace-the-doom-t-shirt-mens

    2. The provinces already held votes to secede from Ukraine and form independent nations, years ago.
      Just like Kosovo did after we occupied it. And yet Serbia must bow down before the will of the people, or NATO will continue bombing their capital city.

    3. Now, hang on Ricky. I have an entire shirt (The Mrs. bought it for me) with nothing but puns on it. I admit, I LOVE ’em. A good pun makes the paint in the room bubble and fall off. That being said, I think my best skill is editing. I can even edit me. I wish I was a photographer, though.

      https://youtu.be/i48kD6uQrp0

  3. Most real wealth doesn’t appear on a bank ledger, corny as that might sound. The wealth that matters is about to matter a lot more as we are looking at the need for a 2022 remake of “Wargames” with a 60 year old Matthew Broderick. Crap Ferris Bueller is 60?!

  4. And I’ll quit for the day with a link to what truly was one of my most formative books I read as a kid after my parents brought it home from CD training. Stock up on batteries to keep this alive in your laptop for future generations. Just like Jiminy Cricket said, sometimes dreams, er, nightmares do come true.

    https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED062591.pdf

    1. Okay, I remember (barely) when a person came to OUR HOUSE and brought a “surviving nuclear war” book to us. I wish I had it – it was amazing. Pictures on how to shelter (we were covered by mountains on all sides, so, whatever) and other skills. IT WAS LIKE THE MAD MAX BOY SCOUT HANDBOOK!

      Too cool. Wish I still had it.

  5. That last sentence about Diana hitting 100 just killed me!
    Three best stocks: Livestock, soup stock, rifle stock

  6. Guns, gold, groceries.(and-ammo)
    The Sitzkrieg phase is soon ending and Franco has left the building.
    Burning it all down better to build CCCP West will proceed by any means necessary.

    1. In 10 years, (sadly) we won’t recognize the place. I’ll admit I love the comfort, but that’s gone soon enough.

  8. “I’m certain I could beat her at Uno®…”

    Oh, sure you could, now.

    Queen Elizabeth can’t beat you at UNO, because she’s playing a Dead Man’s Hand.

    She’s also the reason Schrödinger used cats instead of queens: with Elizabeth, unlike cats, we simultaneously know where she is, how fast she’s going, and we know she’s dead whether or not we open the box. Theoretical physicists call this a dead end for a reason.

    And your title’s answer is too easy.
    The best stocks to own after a nuclear war, are the ones in which to put the idiots who started it.
    https://i.imgur.com/UaBXkSQ.png

    1. So, Schrödinger’s queen? Are you sure she’s not teaching shop class in Canada?

      I love the meme. And I think telephone poles will take on a whole new purpose in the future.

  10. Laughing along Seoulfully from the beginning, somewhat shaken at the MJF reference until the epifunny hit me.

    “No Infantry”? Please. Stop! You’re killing me…And Then? The White Glove Treatment.

    Best IMHO? As Noted by ‘Mark’.
    Just Words.

    Sure the speedometer was most likely digital, NOT like an analog needle that may become/be ‘frozen’ at impact speed.

    Watched too much Tv, Movies, etc. over time. No actual idea what i’m talkin’ about.

    Read THAT?

    Det-cord on the brake line(s). FAR from a Mechanic…Hey! Now THAT was a Good Movie! ‘Uncontrolled’ acceleration like the Toyota’s? that were all the rage for a minute.

    My ‘belief’ system currently? Disbelief. In THIS World.

      1. NO IDEA as stated, but your reference, F.P.S. , made me look. Holy cow! VERY versatile stuff!

        Not sure if it’s all the same. NEVER gonna win a Nobel Prize™. NOT like my name is barry or sumpin’. and one of them thar medals be valid in all 57 States!

        Think there is 528.0 feet in a mile, but THIS link said 4 miles/sec, which seems much more reasonable than Your guess, which works out to not quite 28.5 mi./sec.

        Just by itself, it can CUT all kinda stuff, like WTC columns.

        Didn’t figure You were too good at the gaff maff. Writing is definitely Your thing though. Thanks! (Your math in several posts notwithstanding)

        In a show of Good Faith? (Please, don’t tell) Higher math? take your work boots off.

        For Your own edification…

        https://military-history.fandom.com/wiki/Detonating_cord

        P.S. if my math is wrong, don’t blame me. Got a little nippy last few mornings and i’ve been forced to wear socks again. kinda lazy, so just goin’ by feel.

          1. OHhhh…So now Yore gonna go all Beth Dutton Decimal on me?

            That was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea having a cupola wraps o’ Det-cord ta replace my belt. Merely ‘accessorizing’ these days.

            Note ta self:. 5:45 a.m. local

          3. Mr. John, Sir. Good Morning. 7:15ish a.m. here.

            Seem ta recall LH in a bathing suit at some point. Gerbil Boy richard gere movie maybe? Haven’t even had time to read Your last few posts and see if i could find anything to comment on. DID get an email ‘alert’ that you had ‘Responded’. VERY cool feature, WordPress©, babe in the woods i bee.

            Sorry to ramble on here. Thing Is, I Have Been Things have been Nuts! all my life.

            The Boss informed me that it was in fact some kinda vegetable slicer, AND the correct spelling was in fact…’Mandoline’. Depending on Whom ya purchase it from it appears. Truth be told, i’m only passably proficient at picking my nose, ears, etc.

            Know/Knew a dude who played the Banjo very well…kinda famous in a 4 state area, @ least. Dead now.

            Won’t get into my little Drummer boy experiences. Asked for A Yamaha® when i was very young.

            “Be Careful WHAT ya wish for”… 6 years of piano lessons!

            Thanks for taking the time to respond. eye’ll try ta find some time to Ketchup. Or was it pickles. Or Mustard? Those zany dudes in The Boys From Brazil.

        2. Yes, det cord can cut steel columns.

          IF you punch thousands of giant holes in the wallboard to get to them, wrap about a dozen turns around them, and continue stringing 500 miles of det cord and electrical wiring around on every floor, including taking out key structural members, a demolition process with average buildings that takes a couple of months after the building is unoccupied and gutted.

          So now, tell the class how you suppose all those gaping holes in the plaster walls on 100+ floors in two fully-occupied buildings seen daily by tens of thousands of people, and 500 miles of thick detonating cord and electrical lines snaking everywhere down corridors, into offices, and down stairwells went totally unnoticed for the months of necessary prep time leading up to 9/11 at the WTC, if that was how it was accomplished.

          https://i.imgur.com/i0CwRtb.png

          Show all work.

          Or stop offhandedly suggesting rampant silliness as if it were even remotely plausible.
          Just saying.

          cf. Emily Litella
          “A little learning is a dangerous thing…”
          “You play ball with Reality, or she shoves the bat up your @$$.“

          1. ” Better to Pray for Forgiveness than to ask for Permission”

            A 4 word post in its entirety. “Don’t drop Acid” Ya would think that my reply would be commensurate. “If @ 1st ya don’t…Whatever. Spelling NOT my thing. Either.

            Ahhh… The Fabled AS…$#@!…Sorry! aesop.

            Dude, Ya need ta like Netflix®-n- chill. Shaped Charges. Wireless Detonators. For Your own edification, NO electricity needed for det-cord. it doesn’t ‘Burn’, it explodes at that rate. I never could afford to stay at a Holiday Express™, but i’ve managed ta talk to a few people. Typically, some kinda ‘Ignition Device’ that was spring-loaded, easily activated by a Tripwire. Used Over ‘There’. Again, ya need ta watch some TV.

            The WTC? ‘Unique’ construction. Great Insurance though.

            Central support. Perimeter Support Columns. Wagon-Wheel like layers. A Sappers’ Dream. (Think they are More P.C.ly referred to as Combat Engineers these days)

            Visibility? i’ll keep it simple for…my own benefit.

            Picture Public Restrooms in ANY Bldg. Typically, there is a ‘Janitors Closet’ twixt the MENS & WOminz room. At the very least, there is an access panel, if not an actual door in the back wall of this J.C.

            Pipe Chase. SURELY you have seen those @ the movies/on TV? The Stink gas (Hydrogen Sulfide one component) goes up the Vent/pressure equalizing pipe. Other stuff goes down. The Area ABOVE the Drop ceiling? COULD be equal to the perceived Measurement A.F.F. (Above Finished Floor) to the ceiling. Steel grate walkways installed for access to the various air handling units, among other things. Even ‘old’ bldgs. w/plaster ceilings? Those were nice. Could actually crawl on the exposed Base-Coat ‘Keyed’ through the expanded steel mesh…(Not her to teach construction techniques)…Suffice to say, Ya could get places the walkways did not extend too. Wear Knee-pads And gloves if Ya don’t wanna bleed. Somewhat lighter in those days as well.

            Oh Dear! Just noticed the time here! ’bout 20 ’til 7am.

            Unfortunately…for someone, gotta run! a few gentlemen wanna buy me breakfast! ALL i gotta do? Place A peel-n-stick label. Got my name on it even!

            Did ya see the recent video released where one of the planes’ wings flies THROUGH a different Bldg. before it hits?

            P.S.
            “A little learning is a dangerous thing…”
            “You play ball with Reality, or she shoves the bat up your @$$.“

  11. Been busy. Good write up Mr. Wilder. Yep, can’t have enough stock at all times.

  12. BTW, the first recorded use of infantry in an army was 1212 A.D., in the Children’s Crusade.

    The first recorded use of adultery by an army was about 15 minutes after the first city was conquered which included women among the subjugated population.
    While adultery didn’t win many battles, it was a powerful motivation behind starting them.

    cf.

    1. Okay, sad fact. My Aunt (who is passed) said we were related to the King of France who did the Children’s Crusade. I mean to make amends by sending the Chuck and Amy to do the Traitor’s Crusade. I don’t care what they do, as long as they leave.

    2. “For a modest consideration, you can participate in a very private production of ‘The Rape of the Sabine Women.’ Or rather, woman. Or rather, Alfred.” – Rosencrantz & Guilderstern Are Dead

    3. 🤣* Funny Vid, Thanks!

      https://www.worldviewweekend.com/news/article/ben-franklin-hellfire-club-and-his-view-jesus-christ

      Didn’t actually read the link…similar before though… Hellfire© related. Lifelong VICTIM! of free association.

      * So. When i got home yesterday afternoon, The Boss was Pan-Frying the remnants of a local drawn & quartered baby dinosaur. Fancy schmantzy splatter guard, towel on the floor. (Took a call inadvertently from her boyfriend once, said Williams Sonoma on the caller ID. Musta been a tranny, she sounded hideous! like rachel levine) The Boss can be kinda lazy sometimes, but i still love Her. The Baby Dino? Soaked in a Ziplock™, Buttermilk and 34 secret herbs & spices, previous 2 days. (Working on her time mgmt. skills for her, LEAST i can do. It’s literally all i can do, what with trying ta keep up with the garbage, the grass, feedin’ the animules, etc.)

      Did hand cut the cabbage for the slaw Thurs. Afternoon. $100’s (maybe more, but math NOT my thing) of kitchen equip. Eye’m PERMITTED to use the box grater. Fairly proficient and a marvel of dexterity…NO fingernails. Or Blood. In quite some time. (Women can be somewhat squeamish) Perfect for the white onion and carrots.

      “Soon”, she said. “You’ll be READY to try the angled Mandolin”. Please. i can barely sit on the porch and play the banjo, CERTAINLY no time or place to learn a new instrument.

      All worked out for the best. My Baby had previously located an alleged ‘disgruntled employee’ website…speaking of ‘Secret Recipes’.

      Slaw dressing. LJS or KFC. Unsure. i look @ the pics. The Boss does the reeding. Anywho, it seems unseemingly sweet upon mixing, despite copious amounts of vinegar. 24 Hrs.? Purty darn close. Indistinguishable from the Real McCoy by the 2nd. 3rd Day seems to be the sweet spot, no pun intended. i often have to feed myself, she is always ‘Working’.

      Please. Again. i ain’t know dummy! More of the same, ‘meetings’ with various other members of The Secret Sisterhood Inc. Registered® in Delaware most likely. Try to be helpful, started calling ’em SSI, as a helpful attempt towards a catchy acronym. NOT well received for some reason.

      Enuff! had ta wake up and hit the little boys room. Thought of the aforementioned. 💡 Might as well look for some pictures while i’m munchin’.

      Now i’m gonna have to kiss her butt. Bum one of those make-up removal pads and break out the alcohol for the Keyboard.

      Think i’ll kiss it right before she wakes up. Not Sure if it’s just incredibly lucky timing on my part, or the result of it. It always works out in the end.

        1. “The Food Fight is On!”

          ” Don’t drop Acid.”

          Stay Away from the Mini-Barrels! Ya never know what’s in them. And as you’ve clearly experienced, they have a tendency to bounce/roll… well…NEVER did find a few of ’em.

          Tried the 4-way a few times, Fractions an issue. Too. Single Serving, as it were.

          Hearsay, but the liquid -25 in the corner of the eye was supposedly mind blowing expanding to the Nth °.

          https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/197076.Euell_Gibbons

          Could Not Wait! Ta see his specials on the TV! Totally ‘Organic’, before organic was cool. Solar Power Pioneer as well. STILL can see the water dripping drop by drop into my Recycled! Slurpee™ Cup, at the bottom of the hole i dug. Clear plastic sheeting, Rock in the middle to create a collection point for the condensation. The excavated soil sealing the edges, holding the plastic in place, just enough sag permitted to get the rock weight collection point directly above, and very close to the cup. Tasted like Lemon-Lime as well! my Favorite! Might have been because i didn’t have any water to rinse out the cup though. As an Added Bonus? Absolutely NO brain freeze!

          Would use black plastic now though, guaranteed ta be more efficacious. Deeper hole, bigger collection vessel. After years of practice with the tape measure, i wouldn’t actually need ta see if everything was ‘Just Right’

          Mushrooms. Totally organic as well. Holistic to say the least. One memorable weekend walkin’ around in the woods @ https://wvstateparks.com/park/coopers-rock-state-forest/
          With a chick from the Cleveland area. Rappelling was extra special that day.

          For some reason, i reeked of fish when i woke up the next morning.

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