Three Wednesday Thoughts, But They’re Hilarious. Like Your Mom (No Your Mom Jokes Included).

“There have been many theories which say that life has been deliberately sent to Earth from another planet. Some experts ridicule these ideas. And such theories might have remained unbelievable, except for disclosures such as these, which continue to be found year after year.” – In Search Of . . .

Did you know all of the web addresses are piled up in Russia?  It’s called the URL Mountains.  (Not my meme.)

I’ll start with the apology.

I had not one, but three topics for tonight.  None of them (for various reasons) are cooked enough for my usual post.  I blame, (spins excuse wheel) hamsters in the wiring of my secret volcano lair.  Sure.  That works.  I mean, my secret volcano lair would work.

Except for the stupid hamsters.

So, instead of being focused, this one will start off with some bloggy news, have some actual real news in the middle, and end up with some silly commentary.  In a just and verdant world, filled with love and free Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup®, Sprite™, and Trump Antibody Blood© for battling the ‘Rona, well, this would be a unified post.

Not tonight.  Unless you can get me some Trump Antibody Blood©.  No, I don’t have the ‘Rona.  But, could Trump Antibody Blood™ hurt?

Trump just banned shredded cheese – he wants to Make America Grate Again.  (Not my meme.)

But the good news?  You’ll find we’re extra funny tonight.

First – bloggy news. 

I try not to write too much about writing.  I don’t want to feel like Stephen King, especially since The Mrs. has officially ruled him as “a hack.”  That happened about 1991, so according to The Mrs., old Steve has been a hack longer than Russia has been Russia.  See, kids?  If you’re a writer, never quit cocaine*.

*Assuming you’ve started.  I never did.  I get by based on my disagreeable personality, questionable personal hygiene and those U.N. war crime charges I keep dodging.  Who knew there was an international law governing nuns, orphans and free-range poodles?

Here’s the actual news:

I had so much fun liveblogging the first Presidential Debate©, that I’m planning on doing the second and third ones as well.  I’ll put up a post the night before, and use the comments of that post for the liveblogging.   I intend to start the show about fifteen minutes before the debate starts.  I fully expect Trump will transform on television into a trans-dimensional entity clothed entirely in sold gold and wielding the power of a thousand Suns during the third debate.  If he doesn’t, I expect that Trump will at least unleash a hammer wielding midget from the meth cage and sic the midget on Joe Biden.  The Mrs. originally thought the midget would be in a penalty box, but we both agreed a meth cage was better.

Further “behind the scenes” commentary:  The Mrs. and I started this joke even before we were married.  When New York outlawed dwarf tossing, The Mrs. (then The Miss) suggested that we just let them fight.  I suggested it would be more humane if we restricted it to midgets, but allowed them to have normal claw hammers.  You know, for the sake of the children.  Or something.

Midget machete fighting?  That’s for tourists.

Regardless, if there’s a midget in a meth cage, you’re already on his bad side.  (This had The Mrs. in stitches at Pugsley’s latest football game.  If you’re wondering, Pugsley tackled the quarterback and the ball popped up and one of his much faster teammates ran it in for six.  Since our team was 43 points up, that allowed them to add a 12th player.  You guessed it:  I suggested the hammer wielding midget from the meth cage.  So, now you know.)

I do not intend to liveblog the Vice Presidential Debate®.  Pence will do his job of being calm and collected and aware.  He’s like a potted plant:  he’s alive, there, quiet, and will live forever if you keep him watered and in the appropriate amount of sunlight.  That’s okay – it’s his job to be exactly those things.  The only real potential for amusement is if Kamala goes shrill and nutsy or tries to have sex with the moderator to get bonus debate points.  Regardless of whatever Kamala does, as long as Pence appears more like a fern or one of those hanging spider plants Ma Wilder fancied, he wins.

Second – real news.

Whoa.

The last time a Clinton clinched this hard involved an intern and . . . well, I’ll stop there.

This might be the first time you read this, which would give me a scoop.  I’ve had several other scoops, but most of them showed up when I was 75% complete with a post.  That means I got the news at 2:30AM.  I said, no, no scoop.  I may be a comedic genius who has nightmares about little people with claw hammers, but I have to get some sleep sometime.

This news should surprise no one, but yet it does.

Trump specifically told us back at some time I’m not going to look up because you have DuckDuckGo®, too that he’s saving the real fireworks for October, 2020.

The first of those firework shots is declassification of all documents, without redaction, related to the Russia Hoax.  I expect this to not be the biggest revelation from Trump before the election, only the first.  I expect the biggest one the week before the election.

National security and the Department of Justice.  Hmm.  Stay tuned.

My bet?  That revelation the week before the election will be film of Joe Biden personally sabotaging the space shuttle Challenger or John Podesta caught on a double date with Osama Bin Laden.  Their double date partners?  George Soros and Whoopi Goldberg.

Oh, wait.  Maybe the final revelation of 2020 is . . .

Bin Laden.

Biden.

Bin Biden?

Bin Laden and Bin Biden, brothers separated at birth?

Now that would be an October Surprise.

This is cruel.  They should at least offer him some spirit cooking for his last meal.  Also, (not my meme.)

Third – some commentary.

I don’t really expect that anyone of real power will ever be indicted on charges.  Why?  That would upset the system.  Obama is safe to go from corporation to corporation looting tens of millions in delayed payoffs.  The Real Rulers™ can do whatever they want and never face justice.  Why?

They hired the people that prosecute the cases that they’re involved in.  They know secrets that even more powerful people don’t want told, like who really killed JFK and where my remote control is.

I’ll take things that will never happen for $1000, Alex.  Also? (Not my meme.)

Regardless of that, there is no way that you’ve heard the weirdest thing yet from 2020.  I stand by that.  Trump, in the hospital for the ‘Rona?  Not even close.  We have 86 days left in 2020.  That’s nearly 25% of the year.

My bet?  We get 80% of the drama of 2020 in the last 25% of 2020.

What does that leave on the table?

  • Aliens buying San Francisco and replacing it with decent parking.
  • Dogs and cats, living together.
  • Elon Musk disclosing his wife is really a robot cat girl, and thus she is not eligible for alimony.
  • Places like Europe, Australia and New Zealand finally adopting reasonable, common-sense recreational nuclear device policies of no more than ten megatons per recreational nuke.
  • Justin Trudeau vows to one day learn the alphabet.
  • Kim Kardashian discovers that she is pregnant, and wonders if it is her baby.
  • Joe Biden admits he can’t dial 911 on the telephone because he doesn’t have an eleven key.

Well, none of those things are likely.

But was 2020 likely in the first place?

Author: John

Nobel-Prize Winning, MacArthur Genius Grant Near Recipient writing to you regularly about Fitness, Wealth, and Wisdom - How to be happy and how to be healthy. Oh, and rich.

43 thoughts on “Three Wednesday Thoughts, But They’re Hilarious. Like Your Mom (No Your Mom Jokes Included).”

  1. I have never understood why Trump waited this long for a full release of declassified data on Russiagate. That was always too important to be played just as an “October Surprise”. And I don’t think it matters, Gina Haspel isn’t gonna play ball no matter what. She’s pretty high on the list of having the most to lose, being right in the middle of it as CIA London Station Chief when Brit and former MI-6 Christopher Steele was hired by Hillary to start the witch hunt.

    https://thefederalist.com/2020/10/05/intel-sources-cia-director-gina-haspel-banking-on-trump-loss-to-keep-russiagate-documents-hidden/

    I am now gonna cross post something I just left at the tail end of Monday’s Weather Report. Technically this is relevant to today’s post as considering the “80% of the drama of 2020 in the last 25% of 2020”. In response to Glenda T. Goode’s excellent post on the importance of “unity and organization” in the days to come:

    What you have written is of critical importance – organization is the key to winning. There is several problems I see.

    Number one, when the SHTF the first thing that is gonna go down is cell towers / the Internet whether the electric grid stays up or not. And I’m betting it won’t. Do we even know how to organize in a world with 1920s level or even 1820s level of comms instead of a 2020 level?

    So we’re all gonna have some moment in the future where we’re all gonna say “Remember that John Wilder guy who did the monthly Weather Reports predicting this mess? And his crazy band of Merry Men who posted apocalyptic comments three times a week? I wonder who they are and where the are now. I miss them even though I didn’t really even know them. I wish they here and could keep watch on the other side of the house….wait a minute….what was that noise….AAAAUUURRRGGGHHHH!!!!”

    Number two, even if / when we get “organized”, then what? What do twenty guys or a hundred guys or a thousand guys with AR-15s do to “win” this? All the 21st Century has taught us is how to argue. We have forgotten as a people how to work. And especially work together. That’s the whole problem. People have expressed their hope for a “V-shaped” economic recovery from COVID-19. Ha ha ha. Likewise, this is not gonna be a “V-shaped” war where we “organize a fighting force” and clean up Antifa in a straight up battle lasting a week during the daytime, or they wipe us all out in a orgy of arson and rioting in the suburb during the nighttime. This isn’t an extra-length movie with popcorn and a happy ending. This is a plunge into an abyss of a black hole.

    Our incredible support infrastructure (Water! Food! Sanitation! Electricity! Internet! Cellular! Gasoline! Commerce!) and most importantly our unity as Americans are all gems that have become pearls before swine. I fear it’s gonna be a long, long fall and a long, long twilight.

    The bottom line: Who will be our John Connor? And how?

      2. Crazy biological mother? Check.

        Father selected almost via divine providence? Check.

        Time travelers always attempting to kill me? Check.

        Able to sing Guns ‘n’ Roses songs in key? Fail.

        So close.

    2. I’m torn between “stocking up for the festivities” and “selling it all since I’m likely to get steamrolled over and I’d rather not be used as a supply point for the enemy”.
      Coin toss I suppose.

    3. And to show you all that I do indeed appreciate and take to heart the teachings of Christianity, the complete quotation from Matthew 7:6 in Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount is: “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.”

      Jesus was without a doubt talkin’ ’bout us and Antifa today…

    4. For the first time, I found myself browsing shortwave radios a couple of days ago, as I expect the internet to be completely offline along with cellular service in the event of a massive problem.

      There was a book I read parts of some time ago called “Why Men Rebel” by Ted Robert Gurr. The summary is disappointed expectations cause social explosions.

      With polls from electionbettingodds.com and other sites, I am concerned about a calamity due to what Dr. Gurr described. Even the hills of the Sepulveda Pass next to the 405 freeway in Los Angeles were decorated with a 10 foot Trump sign styled like the Hollywood sign. That would not have happened in 2016.

      1. What do you expect to hear on a shortwave radio? The big international broadcasters all shut down years ago, scrapped the equipment, tore down the antennas (instead of waiting for them to collapse on their own, unexpectedly), and put their propaganda on the Internet. I guess there’s still WBCQ “Free Speech Radio”, in Maine, and plenty of religious broadcasters. Or maybe you’re thinking of amateur radio in the shortwave bands. The dirty little secret of amateur radio is that there are only dozens of RF channels* to serve the whole country. As long as hardly anyone tries to use them, it’s not usually hard to find one that’s free, but shifting modern comms to HF? A single microwave link has more bandwidth than the whole HF spectrum (3-30 MHz).

        * Yeah, I know that ham radio spectrum is not formally assigned to channels, the way CB is. But you can take the entire 300 kHz span of the 40m band, slice it every 3 kHz, and get only 100 simultaneous conversations… but currently, only about half of it is available for voice (and half for text), so 50 channels, if everyone plays nicely together.

        1. Didn’t entirely know what to expect out of shortwave. This is my first CW 2 rodeo.

          Thought shortwave might be a way to find out what’s going on here from other countries if our local communications and many companies behind those communications are completely out.

          After browsing and thinking about it, I decided against it for a bunch of reasons. Mainly that a hospital and a fire station are pretty close, and I’m sure they are much better prepared for communications loss than I could be.

      2. Yes – Trump voters have been hiding it even more this election. The Mrs. just hangs up on every poll that calls . . . .

    5. I think Ricky has brought up some good points. Among other things, we first need to get clear on what “winning” looks like. Like our forefathers, we need a vision of a society worth fighting for. So how about a thread devoted to that question? To begin, we know that there can be no perfect human societies, and this for two reasons. First, no human is perfect, much less a whole bunch of them. Second, and more importantly, every law, policy, or cultural norm comes with trade-offs. There are many good things in this life, and no good society can maximize any one of them, much less all of them. Thus, every society will have its benefits and drawbacks. Add to that the wrinkle of contemporary technology which expands human capabilities in ways that are orders of magnitude greater than anything in human history, and you’ve got a complex problem on your hands.

      But we’ve got to start somewhere and time is short. Here are a few desiderata for building a reasonably good society:

      1) A reasonably good society will keep extended family members in close proximity. Think walking distance. In a typical American suburb or city, we ship the kids off to government-run schools, the grandparents to nursing homes or retirement communities, and both parents to work. No one is at home in the neighborhood, and so there are no genuine neighborhoods. Social mobility has its benefits, but our society has taken it too far. We need to rebuild genuine communities and the fabric of trust and mutual aid that communities bring. At the national level (perhaps even constitutionally), that means respecting and encouraging the principle of subsidiarity. Human needs and policy issues should be addressed at the most local level feasible.

      2) A reasonably good society will balance what I will call city values and rural values. Living in a city tends to encourage creativity and specialization. But these same values (not to mention the congestion and high rents) discourage people from having more than one or two children (if any), much less educating them at home. Rather, they focus more on their careers and personal lives. And, the anonymity of city life encourages crime and grift. On the other hand, living in the country encourages thrift and being a jack-of-all trades, especially in hands-on skills. Plus, since rural life gives real-time feedback on the consequences of your actions in ways that living in the city can never do, it favors the tried and true over the new and exciting. But, it can also encourage an unhealthy insularity. A good society will figure out how to balance these two in such a way that people appreciate the good in each way of living without city peoples’ values dominating public policy.

      3) A reasonably good society will have and preserve distinct cultural practices such as dress, dancing, music, and folk tales that bind its members together. Watch this music video for an example of what I’m talking about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ETBmGSjg2w Look at those cute kids in their traditional Russian garb. If 70 years of communism in Russia didn’t destroy its traditional culture, then it doesn’t have to destroy traditional American culture, either. We can revive American folkways among our people. We can rebuild.

      1. Rebuilding. Sigh.

        I was fortunate enough to visit Dubrovnik on a 25th wedding anniversary cruise a few years ago. It is now a beautiful walled city that has rebuilt, the recent filming backdrop for many scenes in Game of Thrones. You can buy maps that show all of the places inside the walls where the artillery shells landed in the 1990s, all pretty much laboriously repaired. They have a museum there I spent some time in, with photos showing the rubble and chaos from which Dubrovnik and Croatia and all of the former Yugoslavia has since rebuilt. I found its website but they don’t display their collection online.

        http://www.warphotoltd.com/exhibitions/limited-edition-print-room44

        Here’s a pretty good substitute site. This is what Civil War looks like before the rebuilding starts.

        https://cdn.historycollection.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/26.jpg

        Once you’ve rebuilt, your town gets to hold memorial ceremonies with empty red chairs.

        https://cdn.historycollection.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/26.jpg

        Somehow we wouldn’t be talking about “rebuilding” and “John Connor” here if the DNC and RNC did their jobs and produced competent leaders from their ranks and gave us real choices to guide and heal America instead of forcing us to choose between a pair of mentally incompetent septuagenarians. But their candidate tickets are just the end of the grinder where the rotten sausage comes out….our political system has become totally corrupted.

        https://www.theburningplatform.com/2020/10/04/there-are-trillions-at-stake/

        Enjoy the beautiful colors of October while they’re out there, seriously. We’re zipping through this month at 100 MPH, and the brick wall is dead ahead. When we hit it, the rebuilding REALLY begins.

    6. It won’t be one. It will be many. We’re not looking for John Connor – we need George Washington.

      But I think we’ll get Caesar.

  2. I cringe at the people who are crowing “This is it, they are going to start locking people up!”. Nothing is going to happen because the people who would have to prosecute them are the same people who need to be prosecuted. Who is going to jeopardize their future cushy gig by rocking the boat? If you can find a dozen decent human being at the highest levels of government, you must be counting some people twice. Even Barr is a POS and led the cover-up for the FBI murdering Vicki Weaver in cold blood at Ruby Ridge.

    If there is to be a reckoning, it won’t happen via D.C.

    1. Yup. People say, “This is it!”

      It’s never “it.” It’s never gonna be “it” until Omaha (or Peoria, or Cheyenne, or Ft. Wayne) is the captiol and the FBI ceases to exist.

  5. Thanks Ricky for the USA Today article. It is a classic leftist piece, but better than their usual stuff. It does provide the latest info. Checking the Braver America survey: looks like junk work so does not add useful info.

  6. I really don’t want anyone indicted. I do want all security details removed, addresses posted on line, flyers with their crimes listed, and a reward of one year of free I-Hop pancakes for anyone that comes up with the first photo of any of the traitor’s tar and feather party.

    1. While I heartily endorse the sentiment, I would prefer to save the tar for important things, so here’s an alternative:

      Corn Syrup & Feathers, and a quick drive and subsequent abandonment in Glacier National Park in the middle of Grizzly Alley. (Note: I don’t know if there is indeed a place called Grizzly Alley at Glacier, but there ought to be!)

    3. Tar and feathers cost too much and make a mess in the back of the truck.
      Rope and lamp posts or trees are a better idea.

  7. I think the VP debate will be far more eventful. Imagine this, for example:

    Mike Pence stares at Kamala Harris unleashing the full power of his steely gaze. “What did Willy Brown’s whiddlywho taste like, Kamala?” Unphased, Kamala stares right back and replies, “Like America, Mike. Like. America.”

    I’m not sure what happens after that. I’d finish off the bottle and declare on Gab “Best. Debate. Ever!!!” Yes, I’d use three exclamation points.

  8. Maybe the debt will be paid off by illegal immigrants, technology, a zero percent tax rate, or magic fairy dust, but the reality is that the US debt is increasing constantly, no one cares, and spending more money to reduce the debt will only lead to disaster.

    Debt didn’t work out too well for Rome, Germany, Japan, Greece, or Zimbabwe.

    Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

  10. Well, liveblogging the second debate should go considerably easier than the first one.

    And as for 2020: when 2020 passes into oblivion this coming New Year’s, let’s all just agree to never speak of it again.

    Ever.

    Like Voldemort, it will simply become The Year That Shall Not Be Named.

    1. No kidding it will be easier – but now I have to write actual comedy jokes that night!

      Get the supercomputer back up and running?

      I agree. This year has been especially tough on The Mrs. Not interested in a repeat.

      Ever.

      Good call – let’s start that pact now. I’m in.

      1. No, the BlogMaster 2020 isn’t ready to rumble yet, but the gas company is coming by next week to connect the fireball generators, and the PA works. Once I get the giant green head hologram up and running, and get the curtain back around the control booth, I should be good to go.

        And this time, definitely no dogs allowed inside the Great And Powerful Palace.

        Probably be able to kick the tires and light the fires next weekend, just in time for both Halloween, and the Three Ring 2020 Electoral Circus.

        Bonus points for the fact that long before All Saints Day, the Hidin’/Kneepads ticket resurrected two people back from the dead.
        Jehovah was happy with just one.
        (I also have a source at Secret Service who revealed there’s actually a contingency plan there to block people shooting oak stakes with crossbows, or focusing sunlight on either Dumbocrat candidate to turn them into dust.)

        OTOH, I’ve completely finished the floorplan to renovate the palace, so I have a new sidegig to last all the rest of the year, after which Pinky and I can finally take over the world. No, really.

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