“Television? My God! If they could market that in pill form, Switzerland would be plunged into a recession.” – Absolutely Fabulous
“Old McDonald had a farm . . .” sang the cheerful repo man.
Note: there’s some meta content at the end on recent site issues at the end of all this. Apologies for any issues. I know that the subscriber stuff didn’t work on Monday, but I have faith it will today. If you’re not a subscriber, I suggest you tempt fate and subscribe in the box over there to the right . . . .
This past week in the economics side of the world there has been a recent dust-up. The generally accepted definition of a recession is that there are two consecutive quarters of economic contraction. I’m not sure exactly how they measure that, but I assume it’s by throwing a bunch of chicken wing bones from the Buffalo Burnin’ Hot® Pizza Hut™ wings into the air and seeing if they fall in a pattern that is pleasing to Gorto, god of the Great Charts of Giza.
Or maybe not. That sounds pretty high-tech for an economist, since it might involve higher economics like counting.
But at least it’s more scientific than how economists judge if there is a recession or not.
Regardless, the White House has suggested that the same definition that’s been used since, oh, I was knee high to Farrah Fawcett-Majors (which wasn’t bad, I’m thinking) is no longer operative. Nope. Now (according to Wikipedia®) recessions only occur when the National Bureau of Economic Research©, a privately held group, says so.
When will they say it’s so?
Probably years after the recession has occurred, and probably then only if it’s something the Left want’s to see.
Winston Smith would be proud.
I can’t help, though, wondering what the conversation was like in the White House when they discussed the horrible economic data that showed there was a recession, or at least what would have been called a recession in every year every except for 2022.
I hear homeless horses never get married. It just isn’t a stable relationship.
Joe Biden (BIDEN): “I’m really glad you all could join me this wharngm *cough* smaglerpump. Anyone have a steak? Oh, wait, can’t eat ‘em. Gets stuck the dentures, you see *wet phlegmy cough*.”
Biden takes dentures out to show group.
Kamala Harris (HARRIS): “Wow! I could have used that trick!”
Secretary of Treasury, Janet Yellen (YELLEN): “Mr. President . . . .”
BIDEN: “Oh, is Barry back? I think I’m sitting in his chair.” Jill Biden (DR. JILL) kicks BIDEN.
BIDEN: “Ow! What??”
YELLEN: “Pardon me, uh, Joe. The recent economic data had come back, and it’s not good. From a technical standpoint, and primarily due to our plan, er, bad luck, er, Putin, we’re showing that the economy of the United States is contracting.”
It could be worse. Gas could be really expensive. Oh, wait.
BIDEN: “Does that mean the baby is close? I think I’m hoping for another boy. I’d like to name one Hunter. What a pure and noble name. No way a man with such a strong name would become a degenerate dissolute drug addict who hires ladies-of-the-night.”
YELLEN: “What?”
BIDEN: “Whores, we used to call ‘em. Street-walkers. Strumpets. *Long series of coughs.* You know, loose women?” Pause. “I mean that. Do you know any loose women?”
YELLEN: “Pardon me, Mr., um, Joe. What I’m trying to tell you is that the economy is a mess. Prices are shooting through the roof, and where we once saw labor shortages due to paying people to not work, now we’re seeing companies starting to lay off people, and demand dropping. Not at all good. It’s what we economists technically call a recession.”
BIDEN: “Recession? What will President Carter say about that when he gets back from Camp David? That’s no good at all. We simply can’t have a recession. We need ideas, people!”
Secretary of State, Antony Blinken (BLINKEN): “Heh heh, we could send that crazy witch Nancy Pelosi to Taiwan. That would distract people. Heck, maybe no one would notice that the price of gasoline requires them to ‘donate’ a kidney to get a fill-up.”
Joe wanted Hunter to slow down on his cocaine habit – he said, that Hunter had to draw a line somewhere.
Secretary of Defense, Lloyd Austin (AUSTIN): “Great idea! We could send over some aircraft carriers. We’ve got dozens of those. Really pump up the tension.”
Secretary of Homeland Security, Alejandro Mayorkas (MAYORKAS): “And import Nicaraguans. Perhaps sixty million of them. They don’t vote.”
Secretary of Transportation, Pete Buttigieg (BUTTIGIEG): “Dr. Jill, what are the first symptoms of monkeypox again?”
DR. JILL: “Pete, I’m not that kind of doctor. I’m the kind of doctor that people have to call “doctor” because I insist they do.”
BUTTIGIEG: “Oh, what was your thesis title?”
DR. JILL: “Student Retention at the Community College: Meeting Students’ Needs.” (J.W. note: this is really the title.)
Vanilla Ice is both more vanilla and more ice than Jill Biden is a doctor.
ALL, except BIDEN, who looks confused: Laughter.
BIDEN, looking at DR. JILL: “Missy, are you new here? I could use a sandwich. But nothing too tough. Dentures. See?” Pulls them out to show her.
ALL, except BIDEN, who looks confused: Laughter.
DR. JILL exits.
BIDEN: “Well, now it’s just us guys. Anyone want to watch a porno? My son Hunter,” long pause “sent me this one. Shared it to me on FacePlant®.”
YELLEN and HARRIS glance at each other.
BIDEN: “So, what’s the plan? I mean we have this regression, I mean digression, er, um, digestion.”
YELLEN: “Mr. Pr . . . er, Joe, it’s a recession.”
BIDEN: Agitated. “No, it’s not! It’s not a recession until Obama says it’s a recession!”
All look at each other in stunned silence.
YELLEN: “That’s perfect. We pretend we’re not in a recession. Just say it isn’t one.”
All nod, except Biden, who is staring vacantly toward the ceiling at a point near the opposite corner.
Chief of Staff Ron Klain (KLAIN): “It’s decided. I’ll mobilize the usual folks. CNN®, the New York Times™, the Washington Post©, and oh, yeah, I’ll mobilize our trolls. Let’s put the old definitions down the memory hole. Start with Reddit® and Wikipedia™. In a couple of weeks, let’s see if we can’t have Twitter© ban anyone using the r-word.”
Meeting adjourns. BIDEN remains seated, looking uncomfortable.
BIDEN: “I was told there would be ice cream.”
Now, the meta content. On Monday, I normally get a copy of the post delivered to my inbox for a couple of reasons: the first is to show that the software worked. Since it’s worked nearly 800 times, I was surprised it didn’t. The second is to make sure the content showed up.
On Monday, that didn’t happen. Why? I’m still not sure. I went to the website and saw that the website itself was down. Why? Still not sure. It turns out that I’ve been fighting the hosting company of the site for the better part of four calls (over three hours of time) and it seemed like everything they did made things worse.
I think it’s all working now, though. Let me know if the RSS or any other component isn’t working.
I can’t help, though, wondering what the conversation was like in the White House when they discussed the horrible economic data that showed there was what would have been called a recession in every year every except for 2022.
It is either one word too many or one too few.
Yup. A bit of a rough sentence. Fixed now. Thanks!
While we are on the subject of redefinition of words, whether “recession”, or “vaccine”, or “monkeypox” being a “disease primarily among men having sex with other men” instead of “a gay disease”, let me share with you the definition of a new word I saw in a recent thoughtful article: “transfinancial”.
See, your current financial status is a social construct that is totally unrelated to what material the spoon in your mouth was made from when you were born or the amount of paper cash you’ve currently got stuffed down your pants or how big the bulge it makes there. So if you decide today that you are a billionaire, then you are. You don’t have to be a rich person born in a poor person’s body. You can be transfinancial!
Transfinancialism is in the Constitution: all are created equal. As a transfinancial, banks giving you a FICO score less than 850 or putting any spending limit on your credit card are microaggressions. Billionaires such as Musk or Bezos or Gates must treat you as if you are as rich as they are themselves and it is a hate crime if they do not.
Mark my words, once the WHite House gets people to accept new definitions for “recession”, then “transfinancial” is their next project.
Ricky,
Funny and clever. TY
And don’t for get about trans-age, which is much less of an intrinsic property than sex.
I read somewhere on the internet that it is less expensive to snort cocaine and run everywhere instead of paying for gasoline for your vehicle.
Hunter Biden is willing to take that challenge.
BTW, no feed on Monday. Sadly, I doubt the discourse in this post is the standard banter at cabinet meetings. It’s probably more infantile.
If Buttplug gets the Monkeypox, look for PSAs with him lecturing that straight white males cause the pox, not fags.
We should be there now. Yeah, and when did it become “-ist” to note that when a particular demographic group gets sick, they should deal with it?
Got the email this morning and the new post is showing up in my feed so it seems to be fixed.
Thanks, Arthur.
I think if you ask Pete, he could probably give you a few synonyms for WordPress.
Grrrrr . . . . but, when it works . . . .
We are a pickle in pickle juice, (someone drank 1/2 of the juice) so now we have to ration?
It is actually worse than that, but that’s for next week.
Well…they got away with changing the definition of ‘vaccine’.
So, wth not go for it with ‘recession’
What a vivid imagination you have. To come up with the idea that there would ever be a discussion in the oval office that was this coherent!
Yeah, I imagine it’s pretty bad now.
Indeed. If only someone had written a book about this . . . Or well.
Word propaganda is of course the hallmark of communist ideology. I’m waiting for new definitions of “liquidated”, and “incarcerated”, and “mental illness”.
They’re working on it. And the FBI/DOJ is working to become the equivalent of the KGB.