“There have been many theories which say that life has been deliberately sent to Earth from another planet. Some experts ridicule these ideas. And such theories might have remained unbelievable, except for disclosures such as these, which continue to be found year after year.” – In Search Of . . .
Did you know all of the web addresses are piled up in Russia? It’s called the URL Mountains. (Not my meme.)
I’ll start with the apology.
I had not one, but three topics for tonight. None of them (for various reasons) are cooked enough for my usual post. I blame, (spins excuse wheel) hamsters in the wiring of my secret volcano lair. Sure. That works. I mean, my secret volcano lair would work.
Except for the stupid hamsters.
So, instead of being focused, this one will start off with some bloggy news, have some actual real news in the middle, and end up with some silly commentary. In a just and verdant world, filled with love and free Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup®, Sprite™, and Trump Antibody Blood© for battling the ‘Rona, well, this would be a unified post.
Not tonight. Unless you can get me some Trump Antibody Blood©. No, I don’t have the ‘Rona. But, could Trump Antibody Blood™ hurt?
Trump just banned shredded cheese – he wants to Make America Grate Again. (Not my meme.)
But the good news? You’ll find we’re extra funny tonight.
First – bloggy news.
I try not to write too much about writing. I don’t want to feel like Stephen King, especially since The Mrs. has officially ruled him as “a hack.” That happened about 1991, so according to The Mrs., old Steve has been a hack longer than Russia has been Russia. See, kids? If you’re a writer, never quit cocaine*.
*Assuming you’ve started. I never did. I get by based on my disagreeable personality, questionable personal hygiene and those U.N. war crime charges I keep dodging. Who knew there was an international law governing nuns, orphans and free-range poodles?
Here’s the actual news:
I had so much fun liveblogging the first Presidential Debate©, that I’m planning on doing the second and third ones as well. I’ll put up a post the night before, and use the comments of that post for the liveblogging. I intend to start the show about fifteen minutes before the debate starts. I fully expect Trump will transform on television into a trans-dimensional entity clothed entirely in sold gold and wielding the power of a thousand Suns during the third debate. If he doesn’t, I expect that Trump will at least unleash a hammer wielding midget from the meth cage and sic the midget on Joe Biden. The Mrs. originally thought the midget would be in a penalty box, but we both agreed a meth cage was better.
Further “behind the scenes” commentary: The Mrs. and I started this joke even before we were married. When New York outlawed dwarf tossing, The Mrs. (then The Miss) suggested that we just let them fight. I suggested it would be more humane if we restricted it to midgets, but allowed them to have normal claw hammers. You know, for the sake of the children. Or something.
Midget machete fighting? That’s for tourists.
Regardless, if there’s a midget in a meth cage, you’re already on his bad side. (This had The Mrs. in stitches at Pugsley’s latest football game. If you’re wondering, Pugsley tackled the quarterback and the ball popped up and one of his much faster teammates ran it in for six. Since our team was 43 points up, that allowed them to add a 12th player. You guessed it: I suggested the hammer wielding midget from the meth cage. So, now you know.)
I do not intend to liveblog the Vice Presidential Debate®. Pence will do his job of being calm and collected and aware. He’s like a potted plant: he’s alive, there, quiet, and will live forever if you keep him watered and in the appropriate amount of sunlight. That’s okay – it’s his job to be exactly those things. The only real potential for amusement is if Kamala goes shrill and nutsy or tries to have sex with the moderator to get bonus debate points. Regardless of whatever Kamala does, as long as Pence appears more like a fern or one of those hanging spider plants Ma Wilder fancied, he wins.
Second – real news.
Whoa.
The last time a Clinton clinched this hard involved an intern and . . . well, I’ll stop there.
This might be the first time you read this, which would give me a scoop. I’ve had several other scoops, but most of them showed up when I was 75% complete with a post. That means I got the news at 2:30AM. I said, no, no scoop. I may be a comedic genius who has nightmares about little people with claw hammers, but I have to get some sleep sometime.
This news should surprise no one, but yet it does.
Trump specifically told us back at some time I’m not going to look up because you have DuckDuckGo®, too that he’s saving the real fireworks for October, 2020.
The first of those firework shots is declassification of all documents, without redaction, related to the Russia Hoax. I expect this to not be the biggest revelation from Trump before the election, only the first. I expect the biggest one the week before the election.
National security and the Department of Justice. Hmm. Stay tuned.
My bet? That revelation the week before the election will be film of Joe Biden personally sabotaging the space shuttle Challenger or John Podesta caught on a double date with Osama Bin Laden. Their double date partners? George Soros and Whoopi Goldberg.
Oh, wait. Maybe the final revelation of 2020 is . . .
Bin Laden.
Biden.
Bin Biden?
Bin Laden and Bin Biden, brothers separated at birth?
Now that would be an October Surprise.
This is cruel. They should at least offer him some spirit cooking for his last meal. Also, (not my meme.)
Third – some commentary.
I don’t really expect that anyone of real power will ever be indicted on charges. Why? That would upset the system. Obama is safe to go from corporation to corporation looting tens of millions in delayed payoffs. The Real Rulers™ can do whatever they want and never face justice. Why?
They hired the people that prosecute the cases that they’re involved in. They know secrets that even more powerful people don’t want told, like who really killed JFK and where my remote control is.
I’ll take things that will never happen for $1000, Alex. Also? (Not my meme.)
Regardless of that, there is no way that you’ve heard the weirdest thing yet from 2020. I stand by that. Trump, in the hospital for the ‘Rona? Not even close. We have 86 days left in 2020. That’s nearly 25% of the year.
My bet? We get 80% of the drama of 2020 in the last 25% of 2020.
What does that leave on the table?
- Aliens buying San Francisco and replacing it with decent parking.
- Dogs and cats, living together.
- Elon Musk disclosing his wife is really a robot cat girl, and thus she is not eligible for alimony.
- Places like Europe, Australia and New Zealand finally adopting reasonable, common-sense recreational nuclear device policies of no more than ten megatons per recreational nuke.
- Justin Trudeau vows to one day learn the alphabet.
- Kim Kardashian discovers that she is pregnant, and wonders if it is her baby.
- Joe Biden admits he can’t dial 911 on the telephone because he doesn’t have an eleven key.
Well, none of those things are likely.
But was 2020 likely in the first place?
