2022 In Review. When Is The Next Asteroid?

”I could end this review here, but I’m really just getting started. I do have to go to traffic court soon though, I accidentally ran over a Korean family with my car.” – The Phantom Menace Review

The Romans were really good at killing people.  They really nailed the execution.

It’s not the exact end of the year yet, but it’s close enough to look at 2022 in the rearview mirror.  Me?  I say good riddance.  It also marks the sixth year I can’t jog because of my knees.  In 2017, no jogging. In 2018, no jogging.  In 2019, no jogging.  In 2020, no jogging.  In 2021, no jogging.  In 2022?  Again, no jogging.

I guess that’s a running joke.

So let’s run down the events of 2022:

January

January 10 – the first transplant of a heart from a pig to a human was accomplished.  I’m not sure what you call a person who has a heart from a pig.  But they did also breed a pig with four eyes.  I guess you call that a piiiig.

January 28 – the vaxx dose was injected for the 10 billionth time.  Kamala Harris declared it an “amateur”.   There are several jokes about what will happen to people who took an essentially untested mRNA gene therapy.  They never get old.

Looks like lead pipes are back on the menu, boys!

February

February 4 – the Winter Olympics® start in China.  The country that brought the most athletes to the games was Brazil.  I hear they brought eight Brazilian athletes.

February 26 – Russia commences its Special Military Operation in the Ukraine.  It’s scheduled to be concluded in two weeks.

March

March, date unknown – The Democratic Republic of Congo gets its first phone, and prank calls Angola.

March, date unknown – Joe Biden starts wandering around the White House claiming that water is now only legal in three states – liquid, solid, and gas.

April

April 6 – The first fossil that could be tied explicitly to a dinosaur that died because of the impact of the asteroid at the Yucatan Peninsula 66 million years ago was found.  He was named “Lucky Larry”.

What do you get if you cross a T-Rex with a human?  A T-Rex.

April 24 – The Large Hadron Collider was turned back on and changed its power level from Incredibly Large to Mindbending.  Of course, history has been changed, again, and now it turns out I’ve been wearing my underwear backward.

The one on the left?  Never existed as a logo according to the world.  Not according to me.  I’d swear on a stack of Bibles that it was on my tighty -whities.

May

May 6 – Monkey Pox discovered in the wild!  Panic!!!!!

May 7 – People don’t panic.

June

June 14 – Canada and Denmark end the Whiskey War.  This 50-year-old conflict was a dispute over a barren wasteland (see “Hillary Clinton”) that started in 1978.  It was called the Whiskey War because the Canadians left a bottle of booze and put up a Canadian flag in 1984.  The Danes took it down, put up the Danish flag, (while politely folding the Canuck flag and putting it up) and left the Canucks a bottle of schnapps.  On June 14 the island was split between the two countries.  Previously, Denmark had one border (Germany – never a good choice) and Canada had one border (guess).

This really happened.

June 21 – I think I had a burger at lunch that day.  Tasty.

July

July 11 – the James Webb Space Telescope returned its first picture (see below).

How does Bigfoot tell time?  He has a sasq-watch.

July 23 – Monkey Pox still not a thing, since it was discovered mainly to transmit through non-heterosexual relations.  Everyone ignore!

August

August 4 – the Chinese military drill Taiwan, and then don’t call.

August 15 – Disney® finds way 7,328 to ruin a movie.

September

September 6 – Liz Truss is now Prime Minister of Great Britain, making the first time two people named Liz are in charge of Great Britain.

September 8 – Oops!  Lost one Liz.  Spoiler?  Pretty soon it’s zero people named Liz.

October

October 8 – Russia celebrates the several hundred-day anniversary of two weeks.

October 28 – Elon Musk buys Twitter® for reasons that no one can really figure out, and seems to have a lot of fun with it.

Oops, he doesn’t have a wife.

November

November 8 – there are 8 billion people now in the world.  Kamala Harris is quoted as “Well, that’s somewhat of a challenge, I’ve got some catching up to do.”

November 16 – Several days months years behind schedule, NASA launches Artemis 1.  The idea is to launch several dummies around the Moon.  Sadly no Antifa® members are in the capsule.

December

Thankfully, no Leftists read here, so I don’t need to remind you what happened in the last 9 days.

We’ll look at the future in my Amazingly Accurate Predictions for 2023 post that’s coming up.  I would take some time off and go running, but my knees are worse than Kamala’s.