“I thought the garden was the right place for her.” – Alien: Covenant
We could get rid of all of the carbon in the atmosphere by making the oceans carbonated. This would work, because right now, the Earth is flat. (memes mostly as found)
Last week I wrote about the ridiculous idea that electric cars (absent a big technical breakthrough) are the solution to anything other than a rich person trying to smugly signal their virtue like a really, really expensive Bernie Sanders campaign sign. Continuing on the “carbon is bad” mantra of the GloboLeftElite®, the next obvious thing to deal with?
Food.
For some time, the mantra from GloboLeftElite© is that it’s time for you to stop eating the food you’re eaten your entire life, and eat bugs. Why eat steak when you could eat crickets and worms instead? Oh, and have you heard about all of the huge environmental problems that Big Agriculture™ causes? Why, there are huge tractors guzzling diesel fuel as they lumber about the farms! And farmers just love to burn vast ponds of diesel into great geysers of black smoke because they’re so rich and hate the environment.
Farmers I like, but I’ll not get up to defend the current average diet in America – there’s too much corn syrup and too many gallons of seed oils and it apparently makes Amber Heard poop the bed. All American food isn’t bad, but some of the current commercial implementations are. But there’s an alternative for lots of people.
Gardens.
Gardens are one reason a lot more folks didn’t starve back during the Great Depression – people were able to make a lot of their own food (a lot, not all of it) mostly for free. Yup, stick a seed in the ground, fertilize it, water it, keep the weeds and bugs out of the garden, and you get food. During both World Wars kitchen gardens helped people deal with food scarcity.
I mean, that’s the theory. GloboLeftElite™ would prefer you just eat the bugs. A recent article in The Telegraph notes that “the carbon footprint of homegrown food is five times greater than those grown conventionally.”
I thought this meme was a joke. Nope. Real.
Yes, you read that correctly. Gardens, in this case urban gardens, are the next thing that has to go. Why? Well, it’s not the growing of the food that creates the carbon, you see, it’s all the infrastructure.
They count sheds (which, if made of wood, would sequester carbon, but, hey) and sidewalks and things like raised beds, which apparently are single use, since lower carbon can be achieved by “using urban agriculture sites for many years.”
Who knew you could plant crops the next year, too? And who knew that growing things that eat CO2 without using CO2, lead to more CO2?
I’m not kidding.
Yes, they (in this case, idiots with degrees at the University of Michigan) count the sidewalk that is probably already there to get to this ridiculous answer. There were a few foods they were okay with: tomatoes and asparagus, because those used greenhouses to grow and air freight to move them to supermarkets.
I heard OSHA started making porn. They’re experts in NSFW content.
Again, silly answer, but what do you expect from the people who brought you this sad little garden in the CHAZ during the “George had too much fentanyl and died” riots of 2020. Yes, the people at CHAZ were serious.
This is why GloboLeftElites™ want to ban gardens – revenge!
But the GloboLeftElite© wants you to lower your carbon footprint. Oddly, the dinner menu at the World Economic Forum didn’t include a diet of corn syrup, slugs, and microplastics. And none of them arrived by bus.
The propaganda from GloboLeftElite™ has, however, been excellent. People have been brainwashed into believing that vats of gooey insect parts are where healthy food comes from, and tasty cows are the force of pure evil in the world. Soylent Green™ is now no longer dystopian – the rank-and-file GloboLeft® (notice we’re missing the “Elite” part) think that Impossible Meat™ is better.
History has shown the GloboLeftElite® is never, ever right. In fact, I’ll go one better:
- If we don’t do the things that the GloboLeftElite® want us to do, they claim it will destroy us through a magical demon called carbon that has been higher than it is today for most of Earth’s history (after life, that is).
- The truth is that we do the things that the GloboLeftElite© want us to do, it will certainly destroy us.
I know that there’s been a long-time war against meat, at least since the 1960s. Vegetarians, are almost always Lefties, but it’s okay, because they’re weak. Why do they not want us to have meat? Because it makes us strong?
I think vegetarians always lose because they’re too weak for leg day.
The biggest problem for GloboLeftElite© is that food from your garden gives them no profits and gives them no control over you. We have the technology to turn bugs into a tasty protein source: it’s called a chicken egg. But they want you to eat the bugs, because if they humiliate you enough to eat the bugs, they know that they can make you do anything. Anything.
Want proof? Why, when COVIDmania® was ongoing did Michigan ban stores selling anything but essentials, and those essentials didn’t include seeds for food? Why did a group of Amish get raided and arrested for selling food? Control. And GloboLeftElite™ loves that.
Yes, that’s what they think.
Controlling the food as a route to controlling the people has been a strategy employed since the days of Mesopotamia and ancient Egypt. It’s very easy to control a person if they starve when they misbehave based on social credit scores.
Remember that the real source of carbon they want to stop is you, and that if they were serious, they’d ban big yachts and private jets and look outside of the Western world for sources of carbon to cut. No, it’s you, and it’s personal. They want you to eat bugs to help the climate. What did they eat at the Climate Conference in Dubai back in November?
“Traditionally Cooked Smoked Briskets, Smoked Ribs and our Smoked Wagyu Burgers. Our Style of Cooking gives unique taste and technique in Authentic Gourmet Foods.” Think I’m kidding? Here’s the LINK.
Yes, they could cut back.
But they won’t. GloboLeftElite© would never fly commercial. That’s for bug-eating peasants.
Hey, do you have a license for that garden?