“Hold them back! Do not give in to fear! Stand to your posts! Fight!” – LOTR, Return of the King
Chuck Norris threw a boomerang. It’s afraid to come back.
It’s Friday. Thankfully.
On Monday and Wednesday, we have heavy topics. On Friday? It used to be health focused. But then after a year or so I had most of my health topics (things I wanted to say) completed. Sure, more will show up over time, but most of health is either really, really simple or so blisteringly complex that it’s not solvable.
That’s why on Friday (in most recent posts) I have had the ability to focus on: remoralization.
Life has a known beginning. It has a known ending. For religious folks there is a promise of a lot more.
Demoralization is simple: the idea is to make you feel that you’ve lost. Put into context, demoralization is fear. The idea is to make you afraid. And what does fear do? Fear sells products. Fear sells politicians. Fear sells. Heck, even suicide bombers have a fear: dying alone.
When I look at a scene like this, I expect that a coyote and a roadrunner were involved.
Fear is also the basis of almost every negative action. The proof of this is left to the reader, as many of my textbooks in college said. My proof is this: whenever I’ve acted in a manner that was in some way against my values, I can look back and see those actions were based in fear.
Sure, I’d like to place myself in the category of fearless, but I’m human. Or at least I can pass for human in dim light, according to The Mrs. But as I looked back and realized that nearly every action I had ever taken that I regretted was due to fear, I decided to get rid of fear. Thankfully overcoming my fear of escalators was a one-step program.
Does just deciding to not be afraid anymore work?
Well, mostly. Fear is (amazingly) just another choice. I discovered I don’t have to feel fear at all. The decision was simple – I stopped focusing on outcomes. If I worked every minute at my best, and worked according to my values, well, if it turned out wrong? It turned out wrong. Heck, I’m even slowly getting over my fear of speedbumps.
What do you call a chicken crossing the road with no legs? A speedbump.
I discovered something weird. People hate it when you’re not afraid. People want you to focus on fear, especially bosses. I had one conversation where my boss said, “John, do you realize that (my great, great, great grandboss) would be upset about that?”
My response was simple, “Well, I’d love to tell them my story. Have them call me.”
His response was, “Whoa! Why did you bring them (great, great, great grandboss) into it?”
Me: “I didn’t. You did.”
Strangely, that implied threat . . . disappeared. And was never used again.
As I said, people hate that. Especially bosses.
My boss asked me to make fewer mistakes at work. That means I get to come in later!
Another example was when I was working at a company that was experiencing significant financial difficulty. My boss came up to me, and said, “John, do you know what kind of difficulty this company is facing? How can you walk around so happy all the time?”
Weirdly, I have never understood how being unhappy and worrying about impending doom has helped, well, anyone. I explained that to my boss. I told him I would try to appear less happy around the office. And, while I make a lot of jokes in my posts, this isn’t one. This really happened.
I really had a boss upset with me for having too good of an attitude. Go figure.
Being happy is a weird superpower.
It makes people uncomfortable. A salesman makes a joke that, “Hey, I bet you’re overworked and underpaid,” and when I respond, “No, the work is fairly interesting and I’m satisfied with my compensation,” the look I get is priceless.
I love my couch, it makes me feel regal. I am “Sofa King” happy!
I also look at most of my choices like I look at a menu. It’s a choice of something good or something better. “Do I want the ribeye or do I want the . . . of course I want the ribeye.” Seriously, if there’s steak on the menu, all of the other pages are wasted.
To be honest, this superpower wasn’t because I was born on a far-distant planet named Krypton® that orbited a red star. Even though that’s true (I told you I was adopted but wasn’t too specific for, well, reasons) the reason I came to this Truth was the way that I think nearly everyone comes to Truth: the long, dark night of the soul.
As I have found it, this is the Truth. There is no aspect of character that comes without scars. This may be personal, but in my life I recall a very simple pattern:
- Something awful happens. It may or may not be related to my actions. Often it is not.
- There is a decision for me to make. It is a moral decision.
- I think about it. Often (if time allows) I consult people I trust – people of moral character.
- I take action.
The important bullet point is the last one. And when I decided to do whatever was right, regardless of the consequences?
Freedom ensued. When I stopped focusing on the outcome, and started focusing on what is good, True, and beautiful? I stopped caring about the outcome. When I became the embodiment of those things?
I ceased being myself. I was working for a higher purpose. The phrase, “let the chips fall where they may” comes to mind. Oddly, the more I act in accordance with my principles, the better the (average) outcome is. Not that I care.
I’m disappointed. I went into the restaurant restroom and waited for hours. Despite the sign, no employees came to wash my hands.
This is freedom, acting upon principles, regardless of outcome. The secret is a simple one: each of us is capable of doing this. It’s a choice.
Freedom isn’t a document. Freedom isn’t what someone gives us. Freedom is what we take. Freedom is a choice. And the most good and True freedom is acting upon moral principles.
And then? Not caring what happens.
There is a word for that. Courage.
So, there’s a choice, and it’s a choice we face every day. Courage or fear.
When you give in to fear, you have that stain for life. Courage? It outlives us all.
The better news? We all have the seeds of courage inside of us.
The very best news?
We can all let those seeds grow.