Wilder’s Principle of Greatest Amusement – Page 3

Predictions – What Won’t Happen in 2023

“In that time, I have something to say. How long before the Halkan prediction of galactic revolt is realized?” – Star Trek, TOS

I just read that it’s the law that if it’s raining in Sweden you have to have your headlights on. How am I going to know if it’s raining in Sweden?

This is the first post of the year. That feels like so much responsibility. It feels like I have the weight of the fate of 2023 on my shoulders. Of course, 2020, 2021, and 2022 have been Godzilla-level disasters, except that whoever does the lip-syncing didn’t get Joe Biden quite right.

But just before I started writing, I had an epiphany. Many writers write about things that will happen, but here’s a list of things that I think won’t happen. Of course, I can’t guarantee any of this, but I’m feeling pretty good about this list. Remember, of course, I thought Zeppelins were a good idea. Oh, sure, you’re expecting me to make a Led Zeppelin pun, but I’m just going to Ramble On instead.

Here’s the first thing:

Western Civilization isn’t done. At all. The construct and values of Western Civilization are under attack, but the roots turn very, very deep. How deep? They run deep before Christianity (I am a Christian), and deep as Greece and Troy and the Yamnaya people before them. This is not the last time the song of Achilles will be sung, nor is it the last time that Caesar will be praised.

It’s not even close. The medieval cathedrals may cease to exist, but the spirit that created them is not done. The blood that created them still pulses in the veins of many on Earth.

No, Western Civilization isn’t done. And it won’t be done for a very, very long time.

I downloaded a copy of the Iliad, but had to delete it. It was full of Trojans.

This is, perhaps, the most important message that I can ever send. The blood of my father and his father, and so on, goes back into time. I do know this: the reason there is a phrase, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” exists is because, a son is like his father. There are many sons who are out there, who are not happy with the situation. The idea of the Left is that they’ll be pushed over.

They won’t. Push other cultures too far? Cities burn. Push Western Civilization too far?

Continents burn. The fight necessary to extinguish Western Civilization will make World War II look like a garden party.

Here’s the second thing:

We haven’t yet hit peak Elon Musk amusement. He’s the first person to “lose” $200 billion in a year without missing a beat, and he’s simply not done stirring the pot.

Here’s the third thing:

There is only so long that the Federal Reserve® can print cash and pretend it’s money. It has been nearly fifty years, which is a really, really long time in dog years that Nixon quit pretending that the dollar was backed by gold. The dollar immediately shrank in value, but remains relatively strong when compared to most currencies around the world even though I’d prefer to have a dollar’s worth of gold from 1973 than a dollar printed in 1973.

The strength of the dollar won’t end in 2023. But it’s closer to free fall every year. Right now, the confetti that the Federal Reserve™ presents as money is still good. But when the people in Ethiopia and Zimbabwe and Senegal and Laos won’t take it? The dollar will be toast.

My go-to on Asian currency is a local Spanish language show. I guess it takes Juan to know Yuan.

And yet, the world hasn’t stopped taking the dollar that we print from paper. Why? The United States has a wicked large navy and about a zillion nuclear bombs. I’ll note: Iraq decided to take Euros for oil.

Oops. Guess we need to replace Saddam.

Libya decides to take gold for oil.

Oops. Guess we need to replace Ghaddafi.

Since Russia will take gold for oil, and China will swap their money for oil…?

The good news?

The dollar won’t end in 2023.

The bad news?

In 2023. No promises after that. And I might be wrong, so keep some silver, gold and lead around.

Here’s the fourth thing:

The Beatles won’t reunite. Unless Paul starts eating bacon and Ringo takes up alligator wrestling.

Who is the drummer for the Australian Beatles cover band? ɹɐʇs oƃuᴉp

Here’s the fifth thing:

Biden won’t get any smarter. And neither will Hunter, though I’m sure tons of the cash shipped to the Ukraine will get recycled back into Hunter’s drug habit. Good news! It won’t be long until he loses another laptop.

Here’s the sixth thing:

Movies won’t get any better in 2023. The best movie in 2022 was approximately the same movie as the best-grossing movie of 1986. Yup. Top Gun: Maverick was a good movie. Nearly exactly the same level of good as Top Gun. Avatar: The Way Of Ego was from the same person who brought you Aliens. Which was the fifth best-grossing movie in 1986. It isn’t getting any better in 2023.

What do they call James Cameron when he’s not working? James Cameroff.

I am somewhat amused. The very, very best movies of 2022 were a faithful remake and a pale imitation of two of the best movies of 1986.

Wow.

1986 was, observably, and quantifiably better than 2022 in every way possible. If you’re thinking that in 2023 Disney® will stop putting out movies that show why kid-touching is a good thing or feature a Disney® princess played by some 372-pound guy named Todd? Not happening.

Yeah. Mass media is really dead. And in 2023 it will be a dead cat bounce. Maybe. It depends only on how many Tom Cruise movies are coming out. Who could have predicted that Scientologists would be more sane than Leftists?

Sure, there will be some movies that will be okay. If one movie in 2023 is better than any movie I’ve ever seen? I’ll cover my nipples in opossum grease and sandpaper my eyebrows.

The Opossum Sanitation Company had a unique concept on recycling.

Here’s the seventh thing:

We’re not done. This isn’t over.

I’ve been using this as an irregular tagline for years. And I mean it.

We’re not done.

The Most Inaccurate (but funniest) Predictions For 2023, Guaranteed.

“It’s getting almost predictable, isn’t it?”– The A-Team

What is a teenager under stress called? A teenager.

Here is the annual Wilder Prediction Page, proven so far to be absolutely 0% right. A few years ago I started to put actual predictions about economic and political stuff out quarterly. Real ones. The rationale behind that is, if I put it in writing and then revisited it, I at least owned it.

Those were absolutely the least popular posts I did. They were like posts that were drenched in mosquito-carried Ebola AIDS. I got the hint, “Shut up and play your piano, Wilder.” I can see the reason, frankly. That was a post about me and my thinking, and it wasn’t what I do best.

What do I do best online? Writing about life, philosophy, and nonsense. I also can prove that the Right can be funnier than the Left. This is becoming more difficult in 2022, because they keep letting Kamala and Joe say words into a microphone.

So, welcome back to the nonsense! In chronological order, here are my predictions for 2023.

January:

Russia appoints Charlie Sheen as the head of the Stavka. He immediately gives the entire army a ration of Tiger Blood, declares they are “Winning” and passes out in pool of vomit. We have no idea whose vomit, exactly, since “you can’t really dust for vomit.” Sheen proves to be the most effective commander for the Russian army since Zhukov.

What did Charlie do when he was mad at his wife? Rage against the Mrs. Sheen.

Six movies are released featuring Nic Cage, and seven people actually see three of them.

February:

Kamala Harris is featured in a major policy speech, talking about the massive snowstorm that hit the East Coast in early February. The results were catastrophic, causing Chuck Schumer’s hair to freeze in place on Nancy Pelosi’s thighs. Harris notes that this is “evidence of global warming, where the globe, which is a round thing hanging in space, is warming, which makes things cold because space has COVID.”

The California Legislature votes to allow “consenting adults to have sex with animals in schoolyards as long as the animals have claws or fangs, since that is a sign of consent.” Governor Gavin Newsom signs the bill publicly, though the signing was difficult since both of his hands were wrapped in gauze.

March:

Volodymyr Zelensky demands the West send him “seventy bazillion dollars to rebuild the Ukraine on and, like, ten gajillion tanks” and that the heads of state of the EU personally retile the bathrooms in his Florida mansion. “Be careful with the grout!”

What do Putin and Peter the Great have in common? They both have 18^th Century Russian armies.

Wilder, Wealthy and Wise© welcomes the 500,000,000,000,000^th visitor, as it becomes the most popular website in the galaxy, as the hivemind of Melexcor III learns to appreciate dad jokes.

April:

The new COVID variant mRNA booster shot for Super-Mega-Death-Cannibal-Famine® COVID is approved by the FDA because “Omigod, why won’t you damn people panic again!” Australia implements “Super Peaceful Completely Voluntary We Mean It Leisure Camps”.

Disney® releases its new children’s film, Honey, I Turned All Our Children Hyperactive, Bipolar, Transgender, Gay, And Multiracial. The three families that have hyperactive, bipolar, transgender, gay, and multiracial children attend, and the film’s three-week box office in 2,000 theaters is $90. Disney© blames the audience for being, well, you get the idea. The film loses $350 million at the box office.

May:

Elon Musk pulls off a rubber mask and indicates that, underneath, he was really Elon Musk. “I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for you pesky kids.”

The Supreme Court rules in the case of Idiots v. Rationality, that, “Uh, really, that’s a dude. He may be wearing a dress, but, per the original understanding of the framers of the Constitution, that’s totally a dude.”

Back when I was a kid, if a spy had to go undercover dressed as a woman, that was a transmission.

June:

Joe Biden announces, for the thirteenth time, that he’s running for president. “I promise to make America great again after the problems of the housing bubble that George W. Bush created. America will once again be great, starting in 2009!”

Argentina declares war on Great Britain over the Falkland Islands. Again. They send their victorious World Cup® team in the initial invasion. Great Britain counter-attacks with what they call “food”. France surrenders.

July:

I might go on vacation for a week. Maybe someplace where I don’t need air conditioning.

California governor Gavin Newsom declares “Citizenship Day” where everyone in the whole, wide world becomes a citizen of California. Oklahoma declares war. “No way are we gonna do that.”

August:

California becomes part of “Greater Oklahoma.” “If only we had greater legal magazine capacities,” said Gavin Newsom before he was headed to a minimum-security prison with knitting classes in southern Oklahoma.

Biden announces that gasoline is now illegal. “People have been burning that stuff up! Not on my watch. Now the only people that can have gasoline are,” (checks teleprompter) “people who are in disadvantaged communities that are the victims of systematic race horses.”

In 2023, a man can identify as a car, unless he doesn’t meet Federal standards.

September:

The 2023 NFL® season starts, with a new team name in Cincinnati. The name, “Bengals” has been described as “transphobic” by NFL© Commissioner RuPaul, “They aren’t “Been gals, they’re totally gals!” Their new team name is the Cincinnati LGBT 2S+.

The Beatles reunion is complete as Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney engage in a steel cage death match over who like John Lennon the least. Neither ex-Beatle survive, since Ringo inexplicably chose hand grenades as a close-in melee weapon.

October:

Dammit. More crap about the English royal family. Oh, wait, that’s every month. This month Meghan tells how King Charles made her pick cotton on the plantation in south Brighton for 20 hours a day because she didn’t curtsey properly. Markel is beheaded in Piccadilly Square, and Queen Elizabeth II rises from the grave and fights Mecha George Washington on Skull Island. Oh, wait, that was a dream I had. Nevermind.

On Halloween, children are warned not to get double-secret COVID.

November:

An article appears in the New York Times™ titled, The Final Crusade Has Started: Why That’s A Good Thing. Deus Vult ensues.

I’m probably having some turkey and beer around Thanksgiving. This one isn’t much of a stretch.

What band did Indiana Jones hate? The Rolling Stones.

December:

Avatar XXII: Why Slavery Is Bad is released. James Cameron is executed at Times Square in New York City because that his comment, “I’m king of the world” was culturally insensitive and totally colonialist. At least 500 people see Avatar XXII, with many reviewers noting that the blue fish people’s ethnic cleansing of the humans is “culturally insensitive”.

Wilder, Wealthy and Wise™ becomes the most popular website in history of the universe as time travelers from the year 28,764 discover that it is a humane alternative to their other form of capital punishment: sitting in a comfy chair.

The Narrative: Crumbling in 2023?

“Oh, well, please, for goodness sake, narrate me down from here.” – Winnie the Pooh

I guess Scott should learn that in space, no one can hear you meme. (all memes this post, as found)

This isn’t my prediction post for 2023, but one thing that I’m seeing is that toward the end of 2022, the oddest thing seems to be happening – The Narrative is crumbling.

Good. Now do the January 6 Committee.

As you can see from Elon’s Tweet® above, Musk has enough data to realize what most readers here have known for a long time: Fauci has always been on his own side, and was tied into some pretty shady stuff. The Twitter© purchase gave Musk more public power than being an okay car manufacturer for niche cars that are (at least presently) wholly impractical for widespread use or a really good rocket manufacturer that has revolutionized space travel.

If humans ever set foot on Mars, it will be because of the work that Musk started with SpaceX®.

Sure, that might change the history of humanity and eventually turn us into a multiplanetary species, but his purchase of Twitter™ is changing the world, now. As I’ve written about before, Twitter™ is different. It was pumped up by the Left and eventually co-opted by them as one of their means to rapidly reprogram their NPCs.

Diogenes, getting ready to reprogram Plato. Again.

As such, that left evidence. I was a user of Twitter© for a while, and had individual Tweets© that got a lot of response – some of them in the tens of thousands. They weren’t anything in particular, merely reacting against the Leftist narrative.

That wasn’t allowed, apparently. After a year and a half, I noted that my Tweet reach was now very, very limited. That was fine. I could take my ball and just spend time writing here instead of Tweeting®. The Leftist tactic of silencing the Right worked in my case.

Now Musk has the keys to the data, and has already started showing the slime-trail that the Leftists always leave behind. The rot was inside, of course. Leftists tend to try to hire their own, and it turns out that the Federal Government was directing (in some cases) the stories what stories would be told, and what stories would be suppressed.

I’m sure that the guys who put this together said, “The science is settled! What are you, ignorant?” But they would have said it in German, so it would have sounded even meaner.

Wonder what data exists in the private messages of the Very Important? Probably only one person has greater access to that data (outside of the .gov people) and that’s Mark Zuckerberg. Mark won’t be telling anyone, because as Elon heads out to space, the Zuck seems to be suffering a reboot as Faceborg© slowly loses billions of dollars in value.

This makes me wonder if 2023 isn’t the year that The Narrative finally cracks. Disney’s™ stock value has plummeted, and they can’t make movies that people don’t want to see forever. Eventually, they have to have some cash coming in to pay for the LGBTQ+ chat rooms and employee abortions and transition surgery.

When did the Babylon Bee® become non-fiction?

That’s another thing that’s past its sell-by date: the trans (and trans indoctrination) movement. Parents will put up with a lot, but when you start messing with their kids? They push back. And they are pushing back. Parents are pushing back at school board meetings, and the woke can’t stand the light.

This one, in particular, opened a lot of eyes. But, hey, the science is settled that there’s no difference between men and women, right?

The Narrative on the COVID vaxx is also fading. It is now inescapable and proven that the vaxx has killed more people than any vaccine in history, and the long-term effects are unknown. I certainly don’t hope that all the people who took it die, since I know several people I really like that got the vaxx.

I think it’s also becoming clear that a very, very large number of the people who are Leftist activists are . . . crazy. The recent Department of Energy, um, person in charge of nuclear waste is now accused of (spins wheel) lifting luggage at airports. Clearly this, um, person is nuts, and we’re lucky that they were stopped after lifting a few bags, rather than after they went full “where can I bury all these bodies?” But that seems to be a qualification to be placed into high office in Biden’s administration.

You may see a crazy person, but I see someone who could be a Supreme Court justice, or take care of the nuclear codes, or decide educational policy impacting millions of children.

Ayn Rand was really wrong about a lot of things, but she knocked it out of the park with one particular statement: “We can ignore reality, but we cannot ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.” That’s what The Narrative does. And the consequences of ignoring reality are showing up again and again here at the end of 2022. Will 2023

Looks like I’ve found the Biden motto on how to govern.

Even the virtue signaling, when it doesn’t have a basis in reality can lead to failure. When the symptoms of the situation are addressed, but the root cause isn’t, the problem will rot and fester. The sooner The Narrative crumbles and people are brought, face to face with reality, the sooner actual solutions can be found.

I’m sure that some people would rather that The Narrative would have crumbled a few months earlier, and probably would have made other choices. Including losing the “Where’s Waldo” hat. And if you think that’s mean, he called me an idiot first.

2022 In Review. When Is The Next Asteroid?

”I could end this review here, but I’m really just getting started. I do have to go to traffic court soon though, I accidentally ran over a Korean family with my car.” – The Phantom Menace Review

The Romans were really good at killing people. They really nailed the execution.

It’s not the exact end of the year yet, but it’s close enough to look at 2022 in the rearview mirror. Me? I say good riddance. It also marks the sixth year I can’t jog because of my knees. In 2017, no jogging. In 2018, no jogging. In 2019, no jogging. In 2020, no jogging. In 2021, no jogging. In 2022? Again, no jogging.

I guess that’s a running joke.

So let’s run down the events of 2022:

January

January 10 – the first transplant of a heart from a pig to a human was accomplished. I’m not sure what you call a person who has a heart from a pig. But they did also breed a pig with four eyes. I guess you call that a piiiig.

January 28 – the vaxx dose was injected for the 10 billionth time. Kamala Harris declared it an “amateur”. There are several jokes about what will happen to people who took an essentially untested mRNA gene therapy. They never get old.

Looks like lead pipes are back on the menu, boys!

February

February 4 – the Winter Olympics® start in China. The country that brought the most athletes to the games was Brazil. I hear they brought eight Brazilian athletes.

February 26 – Russia commences its Special Military Operation in the Ukraine. It’s scheduled to be concluded in two weeks.

March

March, date unknown – The Democratic Republic of Congo gets its first phone, and prank calls Angola.

March, date unknown – Joe Biden starts wandering around the White House claiming that water is now only legal in three states – liquid, solid, and gas.

April

April 6 – The first fossil that could be tied explicitly to a dinosaur that died because of the impact of the asteroid at the Yucatan Peninsula 66 million years ago was found. He was named “Lucky Larry”.

What do you get if you cross a T-Rex with a human? A T-Rex.

April 24 – The Large Hadron Collider was turned back on and changed its power level from Incredibly Large to Mindbending. Of course, history has been changed, again, and now it turns out I’ve been wearing my underwear backward.

The one on the left? Never existed as a logo according to the world. Not according to me. I’d swear on a stack of Bibles that it was on my tighty -whities.

May

May 6 – Monkey Pox discovered in the wild! Panic!!!!!

May 7 – People don’t panic.

June

June 14 – Canada and Denmark end the Whiskey War. This 50-year-old conflict was a dispute over a barren wasteland (see “Hillary Clinton”) that started in 1978. It was called the Whiskey War because the Canadians left a bottle of booze and put up a Canadian flag in 1984. The Danes took it down, put up the Danish flag, (while politely folding the Canuck flag and putting it up) and left the Canucks a bottle of schnapps. On June 14 the island was split between the two countries. Previously, Denmark had one border (Germany – never a good choice) and Canada had one border (guess).

This really happened.

June 21 – I think I had a burger at lunch that day. Tasty.

July

July 11 – the James Webb Space Telescope returned its first picture (see below).

How does Bigfoot tell time? He has a sasq-watch.

July 23 – Monkey Pox still not a thing, since it was discovered mainly to transmit through non-heterosexual relations. Everyone ignore!

August

August 4 – the Chinese military drill Taiwan, and then don’t call.

August 15 – Disney® finds way 7,328 to ruin a movie.

September

September 6 – Liz Truss is now Prime Minister of Great Britain, making the first time two people named Liz are in charge of Great Britain.

September 8 – Oops! Lost one Liz. Spoiler? Pretty soon it’s zero people named Liz.

October

October 8 – Russia celebrates the several hundred-day anniversary of two weeks.

October 28 – Elon Musk buys Twitter® for reasons that no one can really figure out, and seems to have a lot of fun with it.

Oops, he doesn’t have a wife.

November

November 8 – there are 8 billion people now in the world. Kamala Harris is quoted as “Well, that’s somewhat of a challenge, I’ve got some catching up to do.”

November 16 – Several days months years behind schedule, NASA launches Artemis 1. The idea is to launch several dummies around the Moon. Sadly no Antifa® members are in the capsule.

December

Thankfully, no Leftists read here, so I don’t need to remind you what happened in the last 9 days.

We’ll look at the future in my Amazingly Accurate Predictions for 2023 post that’s coming up. I would take some time off and go running, but my knees are worse than Kamala’s.

Wilder’s Black Friday Meme Sale, 90% Off!!!

“A present for my friends . . . at Thanksgiving.” – A Scanner Darkly

I guess she and Harry Potter never had a dry spell.

Tonight was a wonderful Thanksgiving, even though everyone has the same virus at the same time. I’ve already had leftovers, and my wonderful family has learned one of the oldest lessons: don’t engage Dad in a strategy game on a major holiday. It is a cardinal rule, such as, “don’t get involved in a land war in Asia” which is (it turns out) exactly what they did.

So, tonight, we’re watching a movie, and I’ll probably be goofing with the family for the rest of the night. As such, I’ve prepared a low-effort treat.

I collect memes throughout the year. Some of them I batch into categories, and they form the backbone of posts about a specific subject. Here, though is the Wilder Black Friday special: memes that are on sale. They are memes I collected but just haven’t used, and probably won’t use.

That isn’t to say that they don’t amuse me for one reason or another. So, here it is, at nearly 90% off – the first-ever Wilder Black Friday Meme Sale. Also, if you’re avoiding the malls and stores like we are, here’s our latest podcast.

Everyone, enjoy!

And here are the memes – starting with someone who didn’t get the memo:

The Funniest Post You’ll Ever Read About: Money. Sex. Football. Corruption. Oh, And War.

“No respected psychic will come on this show. They all think you’re a fraud.” – Ghostbusters II

On one side, we have a liar that preys on unsuspecting youth, and on the other, his son Hunter.

It starts with an election.

I know that I was a bit surprised by Pennsylvania. The candidates weren’t great. The Republicans tossed a greasy TV fraud who, until he started running, believed in everything Woke. Ugh.

His opponent? Sling Blade™, an actually mentally impaired man who had a stroke. Before Sling Blade© had a stroke, though, he was as socialist as Trotsky on the day rent was due.

So, who gets the win? Uhhh-humn.

Can’t you see him on a ticket with Biden?

One little win like that, and sure, it makes sense. People like idiots better than frauds. But it wasn’t one little win. It was everywhere that mail-in or bulk ballot boxes exist and where the Left needed to win elections in order to keep control.

I had done the math after a discussion with a friend. In 2020, mail-in votes were tracked in most places by the party affiliation of who had requested them. Leftists had certainly requested them more frequently, so often made up more than 50% of the total.

Fine. More people on the Right vote on the day of the election, so that makes sense. But when you looked how those mail-in ballots voted in Pennsylvania, Biden got all of the Democrat ballots, plus almost all of the independent vote, plus a chunk of those registered as Republican.

I did these numbers based on NBC© and Newsweek™ data and if the mail-in ballots behaved like other places, Trump was cheated out of around 120,000 votes, more than twice what was required for him to win Pennsylvania.

I was thinking that the Democrats might have been interested in having the Republicans have control of the House in 2023, because then the Left could blame them in 2024 for not having all the answers. Nope. They apparently drank their own Kool-Aid® that this was the biggest and most important election, ever. They cheated. How can we tell?

Everywhere the vote didn’t matter, the Left didn’t spend the time and money to shift the election. Look at New York . . . the last time a Republican won as Governor his name was Pataki, and he was last elected 20 years ago. Before him? Nelson Rockefeller. Yup. New York could be called Blue York. So, letting it shift to the Right was fine. But Michigan? They had to get their governor, Waddles Whitmer re-elected.

Why did they have to get Waddles back in the chair? So that they could keep the voting laws favorable to the Left. That’s it. From the standpoint of the Left, it is literally her only job. In Illinois? The Left didn’t need it, so people could vote however. Besides, Chicago is so corrupt that they could generate however many votes they needed in an afternoon with a bored school secretary and a mimeograph machine.

Even in races that were virtual locks for the Right (which historically underpolls) you ended up with blatant theft. What does Washington have? Mail-in voting.

And they don’t even bother to hide it at times, or, rather, hide it in full view:

So, we have the “What” and the When” – a stolen election in 2022. Again. We have the “How” and the “Where” – mainly mail-in and drop-off ballots. We have the “Why” – to change voting laws so that the Left can maintain power, forever. What about the “Who”?

That’s simple. And you may not like it.

Bert knows. Consider this a warning.

Upfront, this is a developing story, and the following is the best version that I can source right now. Take everything here with a big helping of allegedly, because I can’t independently verify lots of bits.

Let’s go back in time. On April 25, 2019, Biden announces he’s running for President. Thirteen days later, on May 8, 2019 Sam Bankman-Fried launches the FTX crypto exchange. Oh, and his mother? She’s a Leftist political fundraiser and organizer when not teaching law. Sam Bankman-Fried is 27 at this time. FTX makes Sam a multi-billionaire a few months later.

What a coincidence! Leftist needs money to fund Democrats, and immediately becomes a billionaire.

Sam becomes the number two Democrat donor to aid Biden in becoming elected. And Bankman-Fried has donated (according to some sources) over $100 million dollars to the Democrats during the last two election cycles.

How did he make his money? Well, in a lot of cases, he just printed it. In others, he used the deposits of people in (what appears to be) a Ponzi scheme. He got high-profile people to invest big bucks in to his firm, and even pressured employees to invest in his company. This is Sam Bankman-Fried:

I hear his favorite sport is phishing. Also, that’s my grandma’s hairstyle.

So, Bankman-Fried did the usual, by begging for money from famous people. And, he was amazingly good at that. He convinced Tom and Gisele (by some accounts) to give him hundreds of millions of dollars to invest. Want proof?

Is it just me, or does he give off a creepy vibe?

And the rich and powerful are now paying the price. Tom Brady and his ex-squeeze Gisele? They were worth hundreds of millions of dollars. I wonder how much they trusted Bankman?

That’s a pretty good hairline for 65.

But Sam Bankman-Fried didn’t date supermodels. Nope. He dated his CTO(?), a 28 year-old Harry Potter® fan. Here’s her picture:

Her name is Caroline Ellison and she’s the reason for Bert’s earlier warning. She manages to simultaneously look like a 12-year-old and also an 80-year-old grandmother which is an odd choice for the girlfriend of a billionaire. Or anyone.

Not gonna lie, I’m hoping both of these kids hit prison so neither of them can take a dip in the gene pool. Me? If I ever get to the tres comma club, I’m gonna follow this man’s example:

But why settle for that, when you can go international? Reports coming in today indicate that tens of billions of dollars were laundered from US government funds sent to the Ukraine. Yup. Money sent to Ukraine was sent, by Ukraine, to FTX, where Sam Bankman-Fried, son of hardcore Leftist operatives, funneled the cash back into the Democratic coffers.

Or, graphically:

If you’re not mad by this point, your name isn’t Tom Brady (hi, Tom!) or you’re not dedicated to the actual rule of law in this country. This is a scandal of global proportions. Again, rumor has it that Sam Bankman-Fried is trying to figure out how to escape the Bahamas to join up with his creepy girlfriend in Hong Kong so they can move to someplace that doesn’t have extradition back to the United States so he can avoid ending up like Bernie Madoff, or, more likely, Jeffery Epstein.

So, if you wanted additional proof of Wilder’s Principle of Greatest Amusement (given the equal likelihood of two events occurring, the most amusing event will happen) here it is. This event has everything.

Mathematically provable corruption and stolen elections. Senile, likely incontinent usurper presidents, Tom Brady, the theft of billions, a brewing world war, the ugliest girl to ever date a “billionaire”, and an actual supermodel. If this was a movie plot, there are exactly zero people that would believe it.

What could make it more amusing?

Okay, that’s close. But, hear me out. What if Sam Bankman-Fried escapes to Venezuela, and Tom Brady joins with a group of Navy Seals to sneak in and take revenge? And Fetterman was really Tom Brady’s brother, who had a pet mouse named George? And then Tom was elected President?

I’d buy that for a dollar.