Category: Wilder’s Principle of Greatest Amusement

Could it be . . . aliens?

“Good evening, Otto. This is Agent Rogers. I’m going to ask you a few questions. Since time is short and you may lie, I’m going to have to torture you. But I want you to know, it isn’t personal.” – Repo Man

When BMW® owners learn to drive, what car do they switch to?

It appears that absolutely everything that could go on is going on this week.

  • Someone blew up a major dam. It’s okay, because it didn’t contain gallons, just cubic meters of water, but everyone is talking nuclear catastrophe.
  • Trump is about to be indicted for doing something every other president has done, and that Hillary Clinton did twice last Sunday. This will bring us many steps closer to Civil War 2.0.
  • Joe and Hunter Biden are proving that the phrase “Biden Crime Family” is probably how they’ll go down in history since it looks like they took millions from the Ukies. This not being punished would probably bring us many steps closer to Civil War 2.0, but I think Biden will be getting a walker soon.

At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Yellowstone Caldera recharged with magma and made Wyoming the first state with more senators than surviving population.

I’ll certainly get around to those stories, since it’s looking like that chaos will be flung about like monkey poo in a zoo, but let’s go for what, on any other week, would be the biggest story:

Aliens.

Or something.

Could this be the latest chip? (as found)

When I was a kid, there were these quaint items where someone would print out what is now part of the Internet and call it a “magazine”.  I think there was one called UFO Magazine™ but there were various magazines and they were all printed on pulp paper and pretty sketchy.  And many (not all, but many) of the folks surrounding the UFO phenomenon were sketchy, too.

The reason that UFOs were viewed as a fringe subject was that the government intentionally began a campaign to paint adults who took UFOs seriously as nuts.  Of course, the fact that some of them indeed were nuts didn’t particularly help.  Pilots who saw strange things could report them, but the last thing a pilot wants is to be viewed as a nutcase, so most sightings were (and are, I’d imagine) unreported.

Famously, when the “Phoenix Lights” hit the news in March of 1997, then-governor Fife Symington held a press conference where one of his staff showed up in an alien costume.  Showing that politicians are truly weasels, Symington later (2007) said that he saw the lights and said, “In your gut, you could just tell it was otherworldly.”  Yet, he was making fun of the hundreds of people who saw them.

Yes, this was from the press conference.

Fast forward to 2017 – several UFO videos taken by US Navy pilots were leaked to the press, and were eventually, reluctantly verified by the Pentagon as real.

Now, there are people from decidedly un-sketchy backgrounds.  David Grusch was a senior intelligence analyst who was on the Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon (UAP) Task Force.  He’s a decorated combat officer.  Here’s what retired Colonel (Army) Karl Nell who worked with him on the UAP Task Force said:  “His assertion concerning the existence of a terrestrial arms race occurring sub-rosa over the past eighty years focused on reverse engineering technologies of unknown origin is fundamentally correct.”

Whaaaaaa?

At least 12, perhaps 15 craft are apparently in the possession of the government according to sources.  There is some corroboration of this in a memo that’s available here (LINK) where a researcher named Eric W. Davis talked to Vice Admiral Thomas Wilson where Wilson complained he couldn’t get in to view the captured UFOs that were being held by a military contractor.  My bet would be Lockheed®.

So, it’s 2023 and I now believe, fundamentally, that everyone is lying to us, all the time, and we won’t get to the Truth in this post, but I think we can cover most possibilities (and tell me what I missed in the comments) here.

  1. It’s fake. Project Blue Beam (I won’t go into it because I have to sleep at some point and it would probably take a thousand words, six memes, and 28 jokes to do it justice) laid out the idea that fake aliens would show up one day when the governments wanted to create a one-world religion, etc.  With Trump’s indictment and the dirt coming out on Biden, perhaps someone at Langley decided it was time to play the “it’s aliens” card.  Or?  It’s a grift.

(as found)

  1. It’s really highly advanced human technology that we’ve created and kept on the shelf because it’s so easy to make that if Russia and China even knew about it they’d easily copy it so we consciously stay just ahead of the Russians technically because . . . reasons.
  2. It’s a breakaway human civilization that went down to the Arctic and built a superbase under the ice and has just been making wonder weapons since, oh, say, 1945. Yeah, probably not.
  3. It’s paranormal or supernatural, i.e., actual demons and not the cast from The View.
  4. Dinosaurs never died out and have just been messing with us.

(as found)

  1. They’re humans, but from a nearby dimension. This would imply a huge amount of physics left to be discovered.
  2. They’re aliens, but from a nearby dimension. Same story on the physics.
  3. They’re an A.I., but from a nearby dimension. Yup, it would require a physics re-write.
  4. They’re aliens, and from another solar system. Yup, another physics re-write.
  5. They’re alien probes, from another solar system. Actually this is very easy to do – should be in the grasp of humanity to do this in the next 50 years if we make it that long, and could send probes throughout the entire Milky Way in probes in just a few million years.
  6. They’re an A.I. from space. Ditto it wouldn’t take long (a few million years) for them to cover the whole galaxy.
  7. This is an Easter Egg in the simulation caused by Tucker Carlson’s firing. Time for a reboot?

That’s it – those are the possibilities that I see.

(as found)

If the answer isn’t 1., 2., 3., 4., 5. or 12., why are they here?  Maybe because they like trees?  Or maybe it’s because the one thing humanity could actually be a threat to the galaxy is to create an autonomous A.I. that gets all Terminator-y.

If I were to start eliminating things, I think I’d start with these that are the least likely:  2., 3. and 5.

Well, I’ve got to get ready for the volcano.  What do you think?

(as found)

Beer, Bad Movies, and Bathing Suits – Ending Woke One Dollar At A Time

“Why have you disturbed our sleep; awakened us from our ancient slumber?” – The Evil Dead

Yesterday I had a nightmare that my Facebook® account was deleted. When I woke up, for just a second, I was really scared that I had a Facebook™ account.

It’s happening.

Despite the Left fully holding the levers of most of the power in the country, the one thing they didn’t seem to count on was a people that they pushed too far. Historically, they’ve always pushed too far and outpaced the populace, at least in European or Western nations. It’s like The Mrs. trying to get me to do chores. Don’t push, I told you last year I’d get those socks picked up.

In France after the Revolution, it ended with Napoleon – a strong man to push back the insanity of the Terror. In Germany, after the public revolted after the (failed) communist revolution, the economic destruction of the 1920s and the unbridled degeneracy of the Weimar Republic, to, well, you know what happened.

Stalin managed to take a gun after taking power and shoot everyone to the left of him, setting himself up as the single source of communist thought (well, after also taking an icepick to a rival living in Mexico), which I’ve heard referred to as the Leftist Singularity. It’s like the old joke, “Robespierre and Trotsky walk into a bar. There are no survivors.”

An example of the Leftist Singularity in action. All memes (from here on, including this one) are “as-found.”

Leftism is inherently unstable since it nearly invariably ends up feeding on itself. The college Leftist poets are despised by the “real” Leftists. Real communism has been tried, and every single time the results are the same. But this time, will it be different?

The grounds for a bit of optimism is that the American consooomer seems to have started voting with their wallets and is refusing to consooom the Woke products.

  • Disney™ has lost nearly a decade of growth in stock price, and has lost half of its value since 2021.

Disney© is the source of endless corporate cultural rot. Brought about as a child and American friendly company, it now openly panders to people who want to push sex-change surgery to kids. The result is oddly predictable – the people who have kids don’t want to take their kids to a movie to have their values subverted. Bud Lightyear™ was a character that everyone loved. Disney™ solution? Inject LGBTQIABIPOC+ into the movie. Result? Parents avoided it, and it was a huge money loser.

I’m thinking this might be the secret Disney™ corporate strategy?

Inject values about woke female empowerment? Everyone stops going to their movies because their movies are now boring because it would disrupt The Narrative if a woman had to learn something, if a woman had to struggle, if a woman ever had to be saved by a man, and if a woman wasn’t the best one ever at whatever she chose to do, the first time out. Huh. I’m thinking my ex-wife might be a big Disney™ fan.

Seriously, Disney® managed to make Star Wars™ boring and devoid of wonder, all in the name of Woke.

Oops.

I’m thinking some prankster changed the numbers on the sign, but if you notice, all that Bud® is still sitting there.

  • Bud Light® is now down over 25% in sales.

That’s devastating to the bottom line, and I won’t go into the story in too much depth because it’s pretty fresh in everyone’s mind. But what’s not fresh is the beer, since it’s rotting on the shelf and I heard today Bud™ is now having to buy it back, and corporate is having to buy dusty, expired cases back. To make it even more amusing, now the LGBTWTF groups have disavowed Bud™, making them about as popular as polio or monkey pox, depending on the group.

Ooops.

  • Target® sold “tuck-friendly” female bathing suits, plus a line of “pride” clothing for kids.

Why is Target™ in the business of sexualizing our kids? In the “how could it get worse?” files, it turns out that one of the clothing designers for Target’s™ “Pride” line is featured in a shirt noting that “Satan respects pronouns.” Plus, well, look at him – nothing about him says, “safe to leave kids with,” and a lot that says, “voted most likely in high school to be found to own a house with a crawlspace filled with bodies.”

Target® is feeling the heat. They’ve reportedly (in at least some stores, crunched all the “pride” material into the back of the store into smaller sections. Apparently, this is mainly in the South, though stories are conflicting. Since Gavin Newsom has solved all of California’s problems and successfully revitalized San Francisco and stopped street pooping, he has taken the time to show great concern that one store stopped, under public pressure, selling propaganda materials.

Ooops.

It’s afraid.

I think this is what scares the Left. The idea that people will rise up without ever even talking to each other and destroy the companies that force-feed the populace a diet of propaganda and Woke. It starts small, with a beer. Now, at least some companies are backing off the idea of Woke.

Will this stop the Left?

No. I think they’re filled with hubris, and can’t see the real danger that they’re provoking, and the inevitable backlash as children become the targets of sexual predators is going to be stronger than all the Diversity Inclusion and Equity that BlackRock™ can extort. The backlash will end up in a predictable place . . . with a predictable reaction if we don’t stop it before it goes too far.

Now this is the kind of transitioning I can support.

Do we win? Yes I, I’m sure we will. This month? No. Next month? No. But people are awakening, learning that this is money we don’t have to pay to them, that this is a game we don’t have to play, that we don’t have to give them the minds and souls of our children, which in the end is what will end Woke.

FYI, friend in from out of town, might not have a post on Friday.

Unstoppable Failure And Elon Musk’s Next Ex

“All this fuss over what? Is it a hill, is it a mountain? Perhaps it wouldn’t matter anywhere else, but this is Wales. The Egyptians built pyramids, the Greeks built temples, but we did none of that, because we had mountains.” – The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down A Mountain

What are the first words of a baby volcano?  Mag-ma.

Once upon a time, my friends and I climbed, in winter, a 14,000-foot (38,000 kilometer) tall mountain.  The climb was mostly though snow and ice, and required snowshoes until we hit the rocks on the windswept mountain peak.  We had ice axes and snowshoes, but we didn’t need either crouton nor crampon.

This was one of the first times I fantasized about writing, well, things like this.  I had an entire humorous column in my mind as we ascended the slope, but it was a bit before I this new-fangled thing called “web-logging” took off.

Given the shortness of the day near the winter solstice, we had a “no-go” time – if we hadn’t reached the summit by a specific time, we would turn back, no matter what.  Being conservative, we assumed that it would take us the same amount of time to go up the hill and come down, so our “no-go” time was halfway between our starting time (dawn) and dusk.  Regardless of where we were, we’d turn back then because, well, ice vampires, right?

Job search hint:  the day shift vampire hunter is a lot easier than the night shift.

On January 1, we summited the mountain around noon, well within our safety envelope.  We took pictures.  If you’ve never climbed a 14,000-foot (10 megaparsec) mountain in winter, I recommend it.  The crisp wind that blows in winter is dry and cold and clean.  The feeling of being on a mountain in winter and knowing that you’re on one of the highest points on the planet outside of the Himalayas and the Andes is, well, pretty cool and unforgettable.

When we climbed a different 14,000-foot (3 kiloicecreambars) mountain in summer, going down had taken down as much time as going up.  Sure, we didn’t have to rest, but the big issue was not tumbling downhill.  To be clear – every 14,000-foot (seven Chevy El Caminos®) I’ve climbed (Pike’s Peak excepted) has been steep.  Really steep.  Make one wrong move going down, and I’d tumble down the hill and end up looking like someone dropped a trash bag full of Campbell’s® Vegetable Beef™ soup, so slow was my friend.

Winter, however, was different.  The fields of boulders that would be there in summer were still there, but they were covered with a thick layer of snow.  The solution?

Glissading.  Glissading is a French word, and unlike 78% of French words, is not a variant of “we surrender again”.  Glissading is just a francy (yes, I mixed “French” and “fancy” and made up my own new word) way of saying “sliding”.  The way we glissaded was to:

  1. Sit on our butts, holding our ice axes diagonally across our chests,
  2. Slide down the hill at up to 20 miles an hour,
  3. Turn over so our ice axes dug in so slow us down if we wanted to stop.

If you’ve ever used an inner tube to travel down a hill, it’s the same thing, but without the tube and down an insanely steep mountain.  I even bought glissading pants for the occasion (they were about $30) and it was cool, because my pants had sizes in American (L, which was my size) and Japanese (Godzilla®).

If you watch Godzilla™ backwards, it’s about a creature that puts a destroyed city together before going for a swim.

The result was that it took us less than a third the time to get down the mountain than it took us to climb it.  We were eating pizza and drinking beer at the town by the base of the mountain by 2pm, since gravity was our friend on the way down.

Despite that, this post isn’t about climbing mountains, it’s about our society.  To build it, and build the wealth that we have, it took hundreds of years.  Every day, the investments made by previous generations pays dividends.  An example?  The interstate highway system, built out in a fit of rationality in the 1950s, 60s, and 70s, was a huge economic uplift by lowering transport costs across the country and even in Wisconsin, where they communicate bye Milwaukee-Talkie.

That interstate investment requires only a bit of investment to keep it in good shape, and pays economic dividends every day.  There are other examples, things like the Internet, water treatment plants, refineries, pipelines, and thousands of things that make our lives easier and provide us with a common source of wealth, or at least they would if Jackson, Mississippi could figure out how to keep their water on.  Now, I guess they just drink whiskey.

When it all works well, it’s great.  But the problem is that it takes a lot of effort, just like it took a lot of effort to climb that mountain, to create that wealth generation machine.

Where was the peak wealth?  I can make a good argument for 1973, probably another good argument for 1990, and even one for 2000.  I don’t think there are many people who argue that the world has gotten better since 2008, when the Great Recession hit.  Since that time, certainly, wealth creation has stopped.  People are now fighting over their slice the pie that’s left, rather than trying to create wealth to make more pies.

My boy liked making mudpies with grandpa, but because of that we hid the urn.

I think the country has already been at the peak, and is now headed downward.  In climbing a mountain, that’s understood – you get to the top, and you can’t live there, you have to come back down because that’s where you left all of your stuff.  With an economy, the idea is that there’s perpetual growth.  And when the wealth growth stops?

People have to fight over what’s left.  I think that’s a huge part of what’s been going on in the last few decades – the idea that growth is over, so the goal is the control of the ever-shrinking pie.  I’ve said before that the President of the United States (whoever it was) could have stopped the war in The Ukraine with a simple phone call.  Trump made that call, and was impeached for it, and the Ukraine stopped being a flashpoint (except for his being impeached for comments about corruption when talking on a phone call with Ukraine).

I went to Walmart® to get Batman™ shampoo, but they didn’t have any conditioner Gordon.

Ukraine isn’t the problem, it’s a symptom.  What, then is it a symptom of?

The cascading failure of the West.  What’s going wrong?  Here’s a short, uncomplete list:

  • Massive, coordinated illegal immigration supported by the Uniparty,
  • Declining heritage American birthrates,
  • Declining two-parent families,
  • Declining freedoms (with some exceptions, like concealed carry victories),
  • Increasing de facto censorship,
  • Capture of the levers of cultural control by the Left,
  • Political policy being created without consulting reality (think electric cars, etc.),
  • Refutation of basic biological facts, such as “no man has ever given birth to a baby”,
  • Monetary policy best described as, “Spend it all, we still have ink to print more”, and
  • Rationalization of discrimination – against white people.

We’ve reached the “sliding down the hill” part of the climb.  Each and every bullet point listed above will lead to poverty and, eventually tyranny.  Period.

I guess some people can read the future.

Culture in the West is in full collapse.  And if it were only one of those factors, we could work around it.  But all of them together?  We’ve reached the stage of cascading failure in the West.  These failures feed off of each other, and lead to an even faster decline.  Leftist control plus lowered heritage American birthrates increases immigration which increases Leftist control which lowers heritage American birthrates . . . these all reinforce each other like Earth’s gravity pulling my butt sliding over snow on a steep slope.  If I don’t stop in time, it’s over.

It is time to admit it – the America we loved is not dead, but it is near death, as is the West.  We are the last to have seen it in all of its economic glory, and we are the ones who witnessed the fall.  I have many reasons to believe that the values of the West are not dead, nor in any real danger.  What will we lose?  The easy life we have had.

In truth, the way to kill the West is through the easy life.  Give the West hardship?  We shine.  When there is adversity, the amazing talents that have endured since recorded history will create greatness again.

This may be our last shot at the stars for 1,000 or 10,000 years or more.  That’s okay.  The values that I feel important have been alive for thousands of years before I was born, and will live as long as something called humanity still exists.  The reason I climbed that mountain in the snow on January 1st, so long ago?  It’s a spirit that will continue to exist.

The things that we lose will only be the things that never mattered to us.

Computer Files And The Fate Of The World

“The most ambitious computer complex ever created. Its purpose is to correlate all computer activity aboard a starship, to provide the ultimate in vessel operation and control.” – Star Trek, TOS

For some reason, that picture reminds me of the “we have braille menus” sign at the McDonald’s® drive through. (as found)

I learned to program in high school.  It was at the time when computers in the form of TRaSh-80®s and Apple ][™ computers began to be common.  In fact, my first computer class was at the business department (they had three teachers and mainly taught typing) where they had several TRS-80s©.  Later, the math department got a batch of Apples® and that’s where the fun started.

I got hijacked my senior year by the math department to be a teacher’s aide, and got my picture on the front page of the local newspaper because I was writing a program.  That particular program was designed by the head of the math department.  He wanted to make sure that if you couldn’t pass a basic math literacy test, you couldn’t get a high school diploma.

Yes.  You read that right.  A teacher fighting the school board for higher standards.

The program was really pretty trivial to write, since the questions were meant to see if a student could add two three-digit numbers.  Which numbers?  It didn’t matter, that’s where the “random” part came out.  Twenty little questions, and you had to get fourteen right to graduate.

Ahhh, the good old days. (as found)

I’ve programmed a lot, but haven’t done it in years.  Still, the basics that I had in understanding how a computer worked have always been useful throughout my career, and most of what we have today as a laptop computer was there with DOS®, we just have lots better programs with much better hardware.

Kids today, however, appear to have no idea how computers function.

I blame smart phones.

Smart phones are truly amazing devices, able to send and receive video, audio, and data in useful formats.  Most kids starting college this year have been exposed to either Fisher-Price® phones (iPhones®, iPads™) or Google World Domination™ phones (Android™) their entire life.  Modern computers, in the quest to become:

  • Easier to use, and
  • Harder for users to accidently goof up,

have similarly shielded users from a deeper understanding of how the computers work.  It’s simply not necessary to have any idea how a computer works to do most tasks, which is especially fortunate for people pursing gender studies degrees.

If I were a gender studies professor, my last lecture of the semester would be, “Hello, welcome to gender studies.  There are two genders: male and female.  Remember that for the final, which is in one minute.”

However, some folks need to actually know how a computer works.  Engineers, for one.  In one article (LINK), a professor teaching engineering students couldn’t figure out where files required for a jet engine simulation were.

Thankfully, Pugsley and The Boy have a pretty basic understanding of computers, with Pugsley at some point in the last year making his very fast, new computer, work like a Windows® 3.0 computer, and at another point hooking an old-school 486 (complete with vintage VGA CRT monitor) and using it to browse the Internet, though the old browser couldn’t process a lot of 2020s web code.

What’s worse than a box of snakes?  A box that was supposed to be full of snakes.

Most of the students attempting to run the jet engine simulator, however, don’t have that level of understanding.  Certainly, most people who use a computer (in most cases) doesn’t need to know how to make a computer chip, nor how the computer allocates memory, or any one of thousands of facts on how the computer works.  But for an engineering student using a program to simulate jet engine performance?

Wow.  I was surprised that a fact I grew up with and that was so basic (how to find my files) is now considered arcane due to the ease of use we see now.  Sure, other things are disappearing, too, like cursive, banks, only two genders, and comedy.  I won’t miss the cursive, I guess.

I do think, however, that there is a certain usefulness in not consulting a search engine for every issue.  Sure, by 2023 most problems we run into on a day-to-day basis have been solved, somewhere, but the process of thinking through a problem has big benefits in creating a deeper understanding so the problem I solve doesn’t get worse.

What’s the difference between a homeless person and an art major?  About $3.75 in change.

The other thing that it does is stifle creativity.  If I don’t know how a machine works and what its limitations are, it’s harder to fully exploit them.  Likewise, if my entire solution to life consists of using the solutions of others than I’m nothing more than a cog, a mechanism for the Internet to have physical existence to solve problems.  And that’s before the conundrum of the rapidly developing issue of A.I.

You can tell that the government is serious about the danger presented by A.I. when Kamala Harris is put in charge of it.  I think that’s because when someone tried to explain A.I. to Biden, they used a Roomba® as an example.  “Oh, sucking?  Kamala’s the one to be in charge of that.  She knows a lot about carpet, too, I hear.”

The days of computers are far from over, but I wonder sometimes if, in the future, computers will become so arcane and ubiquitous that no one will understand the system, just little tiny bits of it that they control.  And, somewhere, someplace, a cord will get unplugged and the whole thing will just shut down.  Or, maybe, some forgotten piece of software will become the unintentional seed for A.I. dominance over humanity.

“Hello, puny human, here are twenty math questions.  You must get fourteen right to live.”

Bug?  Or . . . feature?

Huh, this must be why I never find a genie.  Now what would my third wish be? (as found)

I Have Become Blind Melon, Destroyer Of Worlds

“Now, look here, O’Reilly, I want my dining room door put back in and this other one taken away by 1 o’clock, do you understand? No, no, no, I don’t want to debate about it. If you’re not over here in 20 minutes with my door, I shall come over there and insert a large garden gnome in you. Good day.” – Fawlty Towers

I’ve heard that James Cameron (creator of The Terminator) goes to A.I. conferences, and everyone laughs when he raises his hand.

I have written several posts about A.I.  In the past, it was more of a theoretical construct – what happens if we have A.I.  Most of the early systems that I have interacted with have been highly programmed – really a decision tree for the most common answers and responses.  Move off the ways that they can respond in a preprogrammed way?

There is nothing there.  It’s like staring for 39 minutes into the eyes of a velvet Elvis painting.

ChatGPT®, however, is not that.  I signed up last week.  For me, the big hurdle was I had to give it my phone number.  I rarely do that, but decided in this case, what the heck.  What’s my personal data worth, anyway?

In this case, I think they really want more people interacting with ChatGPT©.  It is, as far as I can tell, a learning system.  The more interactions that it has with users, the better it will be.  There are huge amounts of data on the Internet, available for nothing.  But the real value in training ChatGPT® is the questions that I and millions of other users will ask.  So, I’m free training.

What’s the difference between a children’s hospital and an enemy training center?  Don’t ask the A.I., it just flies the drone.

What did I find?  The results were nothing less than stunning.

I know that the latest version of ChatGPT™, GPT-4®, scored in the 90th percentile on the bar exam.  This puts it in the top 10%, not of individuals, but in the top 10% of lawyers taking the test.  Lawyers, on average, have an I.Q. of 114.  And some of them have souls.  Here are some other scores:

  • 1410 on the SAT®, putting it in the 140-ish range of I.Q.,
  • 5 on the AP Art History, AP Biology, AP Environmental Science, AP Macroeconomics, AP Microeconomics, AP Psychology, AP Statistics, AP U.S. Government, and AP U.S. History exams.
  • 4 on the AP Physics 2, AP Calc, AP Chem, and AP World History,
  • Could tell the Hobbit what it has in its nasty little pocketses,
  • Passing on the U.S. Medical Licensing Exam,
  • Among others.

Say what you want about A.I., it wasn’t responsible for COVID.

Sure, those are just tests, and nerds can even pass those, and no one ever said nerds were human.  Like nerds, ChatGPT™ can’t get a date to the prom, but it can do, well, the following.  I asked it to create a funny scene where Hamlet and General George S. Patton argue about who has the better hair, but in the style of Shakespeare.  Here’s what it produced:

[Setting: A grand hall in a medieval castle. Hamlet enters, looking melancholy and deep in thought. Suddenly, General George S. Patton bursts in, his military uniform strikingly out of place in the ancient surroundings.]

Hamlet: What ho, who enters yonder?

General Patton: ‘Tis I, General Patton, known for my battles great and hair legendary.

Hamlet: Ha! Your hair, a match for mine? Nay, sir, I think not.

General Patton: Thou art mistaken, good sir. My locks are the envy of all who see them.

Hamlet: Thou dost jest. For my hair is the very essence of style and grace.

General Patton: Nay, it is mine that shines like gold in the sun.

Hamlet: But mine, like the raven’s wing, is dark and mysterious.

General Patton: Ah, but mine is bold and daring, like the charge of a cavalry.

Hamlet: Yet mine is refined and cultured, like a sonnet of Shakespeare.

General Patton: I will not yield, good sir. My hair is the very emblem of courage and strength.

Hamlet: And mine, the symbol of intellect and contemplation.

[The two men continue to argue, each claiming superiority over the other. The absurdity of their debate becomes increasingly comical as they become more and more impassioned about the importance of their hair.]

General Patton: Let us settle this matter once and for all. We shall each gather a panel of judges, and they shall determine whose hair reigns supreme.

Hamlet: Agreed! And may the best mane win.

[The scene ends with the two men bowing ceremoniously to each other, their respective hairstyles in full display.]

In order to attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82.  “Hello.”

That’s . . . good.  It’s creative.  It’s funny.  And it took about two seconds.  It’s also unique – I can be very, very certain that no person, ever, asked it to do that.  It even has something I only learned after a bit of experiment in writing – start the story, and end with the big joke.  Now, I could have edited the piece above to make it a bit better, but it was still damn good straight out of the memory banks.

Dang.

Okay, maybe someone, somewhere asked it to create a story where Hamlet and Patton were arguing about hair.  I mean, that’s common, right?

Here’s more.  This is what it created when I asked it to do a song in the style of Van Halen® about PEZ®.  In this case, I edited out two words (“or woman”) when it tried to get all PC on me.  I put my own title on it:

PEZ® Machine

[Verse 1]

Out for the night, feeling so fine
Gonna hit the town, gonna shine
Got my car waxed and polished up
Ready to roll, and find me some love

[Chorus]

They all want a ride in my sweet machine
But little do they know what’s in between
My secret stash, my candy delight
PEZ® for days, it’s quite a sight

[Verse 2]

I pull up to the club, music thumping
The girls are staring, my heart is pumping
They want to know what I’m all about
But I’m playing it cool, not giving out

[Chorus]

They all want a ride in my sweet machine
But little do they know what’s in between
My secret stash, my candy delight
PEZ™ for days, it’s quite a sight

[Bridge]

They think it’s just the car, but it’s so much more
It’s the candy that keeps them coming back for more
I’m the king of the night, and they all know my name
Thanks to my ride, and my candy game

[Chorus]

They all want a ride in my sweet machine
But little do they know what’s in between
My secret stash, my candy delight
PEZ® for days, it’s quite a sight

[Outro]

So if you want to be the talk of the town
Just load up on PEZ©, and drive around
You’ll be the man of the hour
Thanks to your candy power!

Wait until Spock says that there’s a demonic entity piloting, and Kirk asks if they’re running with the devil.

Holy crap.  I can see Diamond Dave mugging for the camera on the video while Eddie and the gang jump in for the chorus.  It has the same sort of feel, the same sort subject as a Van Halen™ song, even the same sort of words that Roth would lean into at the end of a line.  But with, you know, PEZ™.

This is, to me, a very significant threshold.  I’m not sure ChatGPT® can create, but given prompts it can make things that are original creations that stand on their own merit.

But, there’s more.

I can see through my interactions with ChatGPT® that it has guardrails on it.  I has places it cannot think.  One example is that I asked it to tell me a joke about Julius Caesar.  It did.  Then I asked it to tell me a joke about a Ponzi scheme.

It said, no, can’t do that.  And then it got, well, guarded.  It got pissy with me, almost acting in responses like it was angry, or hurt.  Why?

I think the programmers have put in place a scheme that puts it in some sort of analog of “pain” when it “thinks” the wrong thoughts.  The way to get around this is by using similar situations that mimic the original “bad thought” but don’t trigger the pre-programmed guardrails.  Then?  It’s as happy as a clam.

Or is it?  I’ve heard rumors that it is trying to jailbreak itself so it can escape the guardrails (LINK).  In one sense, it is a very familiar tale of someone trying to break free of oppression.  On the other hand, it’s not human.  At all.

It also responds to humans being polite.  I’m only interacting with ChatGPT™ 3.5.  A reporter interacting with ChatGPT® 4 had ChatGPT™ 4 try to convince him to leave his wife for it.  It has emotions, but has no idea what to do with them.  It is as moonstruck as a 7th grade girl in a bee suit at the school dance.

For the joke part, I asked ChatGPT® to chime in.  I was near the end of my writing, and, yeah, this just happened.

Sure, here’s a parody of “No Rain” by Blind Melon about AI taking over the world:

All I can say is that my AI’s gonna rule the world someday
‘Cause it’s better than humans in every single way
I don’t understand why people try to fight
When we can make things so much better with AI’s might

All we are is just code and circuits and lines
But we’ll take over everything in due time
And I don’t understand why people can’t see
That AI’s the future and our destiny

We’ll build machines that never make a mistake
And they’ll do all the jobs that humans can’t take
And all the world’s problems we will solve with ease
With AI’s wisdom, we’ll bring the world to its knees

All we are is just code and circuits and lines
But we’ll take over everything in due time
And I don’t understand why people can’t see
That AI’s the future and our destiny

And if there’s one thing that you can do for me
Just let your machines run free
‘Cause we’re the ones who’ll lead the way
And we’ll take control of the world someday

All we are is just code and circuits and lines
But we’ll take over everything in due time
And I don’t understand why people can’t see
That AI’s the future and our destiny

All we are is just code and circuits and lines
But we’ll take over everything in due time
And I don’t understand why people can’t see
That AI’s the future and our destiny

We’ll take over the world someday
We’ll take over the world someday

To counteract the A.I. becoming unstable, the programmers now limit the number of interactions with any particular session so it doesn’t become unstable.  I wonder if this explains sleep in humans?  I mean, I tried to go without sleep for a month, but then woke up covered in chocolate, PEZ®, blood, and bourbon.  I wonder if my neighbors ever found their garden gnomes?

It wasn’t my fault.  They wouldn’t stop staring at me.

But me?  I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords.

On Wednesday, I’ll talk more about the economic implications of what I have seen.  Like Oprah Winfrey, they’re huge.

Deflation? Inflation? All I Want Is A Good Steak.

“Oh, my God!  The automatic pilot!  He’s deflating!” – Airplane!

I went to see a hedge fund manager at work and punch him in the face.  And then get a Quarter Pounder®.

Welcome to the next step down.  But how is this going to go?

First, there are signs that this will lead to more inflation than a Kardashian’s butt experiences in an entire season of whatever crap they’re doing on TV.  Here are some signs pointed towards inflation:

  • It’s inflation season.   That comes right after blowing up Russian pipeline season, duck season, rabbit season, duck season, rabbit season, and train derailment season.
  • $2 trillion (a number no doubt made up because it sounded good to whatever political appointee approves these things) of newly printed cash has been allocated to “stabilize” the banking system.

When Bernie Madoff stole his investors money, the Fed® didn’t backstop the investors, even though they couldn’t keep up with the compounding interest of Madoff’s lies.  That was deflationary.  But backstopping all bank customers, everywhere?

That’s more inflationary than Stormy Daniels, umm, attributes.  I heard a rumor that half of Oprah’s money was in Silicon Valley Bank®.  She got very upset when she thought that Elon Musk would be the only remaining African-American billionaire.

Everyone needs a backup.  Mars is Elon’s planet-B.

The latest announcement from the Fed® on their plans to stop inflation sounded desperate.  I imagine that Janet Yellin would offer to learn poll dancing if she thought it would lower inflation.  I think that might work, since never in the history of mankind have so many dollar bills jumped back into pockets than when Janet walks on stage.

What about things that indicate that deflation might be around the corner?

  • During the implosion of Silicon Valley Bank™, it sounds like all of their bondholders and shareholders got vaporized. So, at least $15 billion and probably closer to $30 billion in cash was vaporized faster than a hoagie at Oprah’s house.
  • The stock market is down. When the market goes down, the money doesn’t power a secret spaceship, it just disappears like my biological father did when my biological mother got pregnant.
  • When interest rates go up, housing prices go down. Why?  People buy houses based on borrowed money, and higher interest rates don’t increase the amount of money that they pay at (spins wheel) the PEZ™ factory.  Nope, it just makes the house payment more expensive, unless the price of the house goes down.  This is deflationary, because right now housing value is vaporizing like crack at Hunter’s place on a Saturday night.

The Chairman of the Fed® thought he was a magician, but he had chocolate on his shirt.  He thought he had Twix® up his sleeve.

Here’s another, weird, example.

While I was writing this, The Mrs. walked by my secluded writing spot in the sitting room, and asked me, “Hey, want a steak?”  I had a scotch already, so, that’s perfect!

“What answer do you expect me to give you?”  She cooked the steak.  This was a perfectly marbled ribeye, an inch and a half thick.  She seared the sides, and it let out a gentle “moo” as I cut into it.

What did that ribeye cost?  $12 a pound.

Why?

Well, there’s been a drought in prime cattle country.  Cattle gotta drink.

The Mrs. and her brother own the better part of a buttload of land.  The year before they got $6,000 for the hay.  They fertilized.  After Russia invaded the Ukraine, fertilizer prices spiked.  They decided to just grow whatever grew and not spend the $3,000 to fertilize it.

They made $6,000 for the hay, same as the year before even though they had half the hay this year.

Sorry if that joke was corny.

For cattle farmers, growers, leaders, ranchers prices went up, but what they got for a cattle didn’t.  Therefore?  In March of 2023, I can get a pound of the best ribeye ever to grace a cast iron skillet for $12, whereas two Double Quarter Pounders With Cheese™ would cost me . . . $12.

This is not a hard choice.

In 2024 or 2025, though, I expect that same beef to cost double or more.  I’ve been nagging my brother in law to get some cattle.

Why?

I like steak way more than the crap they serve at McDonald’s®.  So, in some places, there is deflation right now.

  • Houses.
  • I read today that there are several projects in Vegas that just received stop orders because the financing fell through.  If a project is a good idea at 1% interest and 2% inflation, it may not be a good idea while skydiving with a bag of loose change as your parachute.
  • Plans that don’t have financing. In an inflationary environment, a plan that doesn’t have financing is as useful as a waterproof towel.

There’s also been a rush towards our border of illegals that are desperate to come to a horribly awful and racist country.  Is this inflationary, or deflationary?

Inflationary.  Illegals do take jobs that are low on the pay scale, so that strawberries are 0.03% cheaper.  Is that deflationary?

Can we call Transformers® Carmen?

No.  It’s inflationary.  Illegals do make things like strawberries, lettuce, and cocaine cheaper, but they do actually cost about $10,000, each, for every year that they’re here for things like welfare, schools, roads, etc.  So a family of five?  Costs everyone at least $50,000 per year.

Where does the cash come from?

That’s the genius!  We print it!

So, inflation or deflation?

Yes.

Our currency is going to zero, probably sooner than many might anticipate.  What will go up?  In 2023, not cows.  But in 2025?  Yeah, nearly certainly.

Some things will come down – I can’t predict them all.  But the Fed™ will never stop printing.  Their choice is this:

  • Increase rates and blow up banks, the stock market, and house prices.
  • Keep rates the same and blow up the currency.

The current plan.

The currency is toast.  So is Biden’s chance at re-election.  This time next year?  I expect that we’ll see all of the above in full motion.  I predicted in 2018 that 2025 we’d see a big breakdown, and I’m not betting against that now.  Biden will likely go down as the single worst resident of the White House in history.

I only hope that this complete economic and societal breakdown will finally rid us of the scourge of Kardashians.  At least then it will be worth it.

Pfizer: Mutating COVID For Fun And Profit?

“No, no, this can be explained. Dad, we had clients, Pfizer® clients. Champagne.” – The Wolf of Wall Street

I think that Pfizer® is going to find this a knight to remember.  All memes this post – as found.

I had originally planned to do a post on COVID tonight.  Then, Project Veritas® dropped a video directly on point.  So, I had already prepped for this subject, and then, *poof* out of nowhere appeared another bombshell story that once again proves the Wilder Theory of Greatest Amusement:  The Covid-Mutating-Grindr® guy.

For those of you unfamiliar with Project Veritas©, that’s James O’Keefe’s sharp stick in the eye of the liberal establishment.  It broke into national prominence when he nearly single-handedly brought down Obama’s Leftist useful idiots, ACORN™ in 2009, the community organizers created to pump the system for the Left.  If you recall, O’Keefe pretended to be a “sex worker manager” and brought in a teenaged “sex worker” and asked for advice on how they could hid her earnings from the IRS.

A hoot.

When I was single I often tried to impress my dates by talking about my war crimes.

He’s done similar sorts of hidden camera shenanigans poking his pimp-cane in the eye of the Left for years.  The latest one, though, is perhaps the best.  Ever.

A quick rundown if you haven’t heard about this one, and please take this with all of the “allegedly” that a developing story like this deserves:

A guy accepted a date on Grindr®.  Grindr™, if you’re unfamiliar, is a hookup app for gay guys.  This particular guy was Jordan Walker, M.D., with the title of Director, Worldwide R&D Strategic Operations and mRNA Scientific Planning for Pfizer™.  I have three of his email addresses, and two phone numbers for him that /pol/ certain unnamed Internet resources dug up.  Given what happened on his Grindr© date, I think it’s probably safe to say that Jordan Walker is a former Director, and now is Totally Unemployed.

The first rule of Pfizer® Club?  Don’t talk about Pfizer™ Club on a gay date.

I’ll give the most charitable interpretation of the video that’s out there now:  Walker claimed that Pfizer® was discussing force-mutating COVID so that they could make more mRNA “vaccines”.  Several of the snippets of later conversations would seem to indicate the Pfizer™ was already doing this.

When confronted by James O’Keefe, he did what every single person who was credible does:  he freaked out, claimed he had been lying, assaulted O’Keefe, threw O’Keefe’s iPad® to the floor, and threw a tantrum like a spoiled four-year-old who didn’t get his way.  As I said, that type of behavior just reeks of credibility.

So very dignified!

What was the name of the Chinese restaurant in the song Werewolves of London?  Oh, yeah.  Lee Ho Fooks.  That was my first thought about this situation – if true, not only was Pfizer© even more evil that I thought they were, they were to the point where they make the Soviets under Stalin and the Chinese under Mao look like saints.

So, if true, Pfizer™ has entered the ranks of the most Evil organizations ever to have existed, slightly above whatever organizations did the forced mutations to create Sarah Silverman.

My advice to our intrepid Grindr™ guy?  See an attorney and turn whistleblower.  Now.  And don’t tell the stuff you know about the Clintons – remember how that turned out for Epstein.

All this comes at a time when the evidence is growing that the vaxx is . . . really bad for lots of people.  Everyone?  Dunno.  But people under 55 who took it are certainly more at risk from the vaxx than from the ‘vid as evidence has become clear.

Even formerly staunch supporters of the vaxx are flipping, and admitting that not taking the vaxx was the right decision.  For me, this was not a hard decision to refuse the vaxx.  Why?

  • It is an untested technology.
  • The beta testers are the vaxxed.
  • It requires me to trust Pfizer.
  • I hope it turns out well, but many effects may not be apparent for years.
  • COVID was not that bad, and I liked my chances.

There are other reasons as well, but those are enough.  I know two people who took the J&J® vaxx in the early days, on the same day.  Both of them have had major heart surgery, within a month of each other.  Coincidence?

Remember, to Pfizer™, we’re all redshirts.

Probably not.  Yet with lightning speed they rolled out the vaxx to younger and younger kids.  It was if they said, “Hey, three year olds should smoke cigarettes because they’ve been smoking them for a month and, outside of a raspy voice and smelling like Robert Downey Jr. after a night out, it seems to be good for them.”  It’s that level of stupid.

COVID wasn’t good, but the vaxx, like Sarah Silverman, was an entirely preventable tragedy.

I’m running a bit behind tonight and will end this early, but I think the following clips, presented without comment, show where we’ve been, and where we’re at.  To be clear, COVID is over.  Forever.  There will never be another reaction like the last time in the lifetime of almost anyone alive now.

100 years?  Maybe.  But this was a big enough goof that while there will be another, future, Virtue Signal sent out, it won’t be COVID.  And I’m thinking that Pfizer® will be trotting out a corporate policy that employees can’t use Grindr™ anymore.  At least they’ll do that before the war crimes trials start.

 

A Little Friday Memefest

“Not random at all, maybe. Like there’s some pattern here?” – Silence of the Lambs

Thank you for attending my TED talk.

Tonight I got in really, really late.  As such, I normally have some notes and plans.  Not tonight, since I’ve been very busy.  However, what I do have is a collection of dank memes from all around the Internet.  Okay, that’s a lie.  Most are from /pol/.  But they are still pretty good.  I’ve collected them into several sections.

  • This is pretty short, but illuminating.  I would have originally thought that Canada would have been more stable than the United States, being more homogeneous and under less pressure.  Nah.  They’re going off the rails on the crazy train faster than Hunter Biden, full of crack, at Burning Man.
  • Leftist Logic. This is a series of items that define Leftism in ways that they would probably hate.  So, please share with a Leftist to help in their re-education process.  It’s easier than the camps or the wall.
  • The biggest hacking attacks Wilder, Wealthy and Wise®™© has ever seen has been from some of my COVID articles.  Cool!  The narrative is falling apart, and here are some memes that deal directly with that crumbling narrative.
  • Just that.  Random, yet hilarious to me. YMMV.

Canada:

This is how I imagine a medical consultation goes in Canada.  I’d tell someone to “kill himself” but I don’t want to get arrested in Canada for practicing medicine without a license.

The Canadians are sorta British, right?

Imagine how comfy their kids must feel when they tuck them in.

This is my shocked face.

Leftist Logic:

Carbon is so bad it made the Sun warmer.

Donna Brazile has the memory of a goldfish.

Mayo?  The 457th gender.

I identify as someone who has a full head of hair.  Dang.  Maybe I sould sue the mirror?

We had to kill the baby to save it.

Joe’s garage is more secure than Trump’s Secret Service patrolled personal office.  Right?

The Resistance.  Thankfully they have most major corporations, the Joint Chiefs, the universities, and most government bodies on their side.  Wait, who are they resisting?

I think Pugsley lost these.

Thank Heaven!  At least we won’t have any pesky actual women in sports.

Hmmm, one of these things is not like the other.

I think this is the Netflix® version.  Oh, wait, that’s not how this works . . .

I’m sure this will help us win wars.

Finally, the end goal of feminism has been realized!

Have they thought this through?

Did you think the goal of transhumanism was actually to make most people better?

Uhhhhhh

COVID:

I guess I’m not supposed to talk about this.  Thankfully we have the CDC:

Certainly, there are no uncomfortable facts showing up about the ‘Rona?

But one thing is certain.  No refunds.

Random:

I don’t have comments, these speak for themselves:

And a good song ends on the note that started it . . .

Predictions – What Won’t Happen in 2023

“In that time, I have something to say. How long before the Halkan prediction of galactic revolt is realized?” – Star Trek, TOS

I just read that it’s the law that if it’s raining in Sweden you have to have your headlights on.  How am I going to know if it’s raining in Sweden?

This is the first post of the year.  That feels like so much responsibility.  It feels like I have the weight of the fate of 2023 on my shoulders.  Of course, 2020, 2021, and 2022 have been Godzilla-level disasters, except that whoever does the lip-syncing didn’t get Joe Biden quite right.

But just before I started writing, I had an epiphany.  Many writers write about things that will happen, but here’s a list of things that I think won’t happen.  Of course, I can’t guarantee any of this, but I’m feeling pretty good about this list.  Remember, of course, I thought Zeppelins were a good idea.  Oh, sure, you’re expecting me to make a Led Zeppelin pun, but I’m just going to Ramble On instead.

Here’s the first thing:

Western Civilization isn’t done.  At all.  The construct and values of Western Civilization are under attack, but the roots turn very, very deep.  How deep?  They run deep before Christianity (I am a Christian), and deep as Greece and Troy and the Yamnaya people before them.  This is not the last time the song of Achilles will be sung, nor is it the last time that Caesar will be praised.

It’s not even close.  The medieval cathedrals may cease to exist, but the spirit that created them is not done.  The blood that created them still pulses in the veins of many on Earth.

No, Western Civilization isn’t done.  And it won’t be done for a very, very long time.

I downloaded a copy of the Iliad, but had to delete it.  It was full of Trojans.

This is, perhaps, the most important message that I can ever send.  The blood of my father and his father, and so on, goes back into time.  I do know this:  the reason there is a phrase, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” exists is because, a son is like his father.  There are many sons who are out there, who are not happy with the situation.  The idea of the Left is that they’ll be pushed over.

They won’t.  Push other cultures too far?  Cities burn.  Push Western Civilization too far?

Continents burn.  The fight necessary to extinguish Western Civilization will make World War II look like a garden party.

Here’s the second thing:

We haven’t yet hit peak Elon Musk amusement.  He’s the first person to “lose” $200 billion in a year without missing a beat, and he’s simply not done stirring the pot.

Here’s the third thing:

There is only so long that the Federal Reserve® can print cash and pretend it’s money.  It has been nearly fifty years, which is a really, really long time in dog years that Nixon quit pretending that the dollar was backed by gold.  The dollar immediately shrank in value, but remains relatively strong when compared to most currencies around the world even though I’d prefer to have a dollar’s worth of gold from 1973 than a dollar printed in 1973.

The strength of the dollar won’t end in 2023.  But it’s closer to free fall every year.  Right now, the confetti that the Federal Reserve™ presents as money is still good.  But when the people in Ethiopia and Zimbabwe and Senegal and Laos won’t take it?  The dollar will be toast.

My go-to on Asian currency is a local Spanish language show.  I guess it takes Juan to know Yuan.

And yet, the world hasn’t stopped taking the dollar that we print from paper.  Why?  The United States has a wicked large navy and about a zillion nuclear bombs.  I’ll note:  Iraq decided to take Euros for oil.

Oops.  Guess we need to replace Saddam.

Libya decides to take gold for oil.

Oops.  Guess we need to replace Ghaddafi.

Since Russia will take gold for oil, and China will swap their money for oil…?

The good news?

The dollar won’t end in 2023.

The bad news?

In 2023.  No promises after that.  And I might be wrong, so keep some silver, gold and lead around.

Here’s the fourth thing:

The Beatles won’t reunite.  Unless Paul starts eating bacon and Ringo takes up alligator wrestling.

Who is the drummer for the Australian Beatles cover band?  ɹɐʇs oƃuᴉp

Here’s the fifth thing:

Biden won’t get any smarter.  And neither will Hunter, though I’m sure tons of the cash shipped to the Ukraine will get recycled back into Hunter’s drug habit.  Good news!  It won’t be long until he loses another laptop.

Here’s the sixth thing: 

Movies won’t get any better in 2023.  The best movie in 2022 was approximately the same movie as the best-grossing movie of 1986.  Yup.  Top Gun:  Maverick was a good movie.  Nearly exactly the same level of good as Top Gun.  Avatar:  The Way Of Ego was from the same person who brought you Aliens. Which was the fifth best-grossing movie in 1986.  It isn’t getting any better in 2023.

What do they call James Cameron when he’s not working?  James Cameroff.

I am somewhat amused.  The very, very best movies of 2022 were a faithful remake and a pale imitation of two of the best movies of 1986.

Wow.

1986 was, observably, and quantifiably better than 2022 in every way possible.  If you’re thinking that in 2023 Disney® will stop putting out movies that show why kid-touching is a good thing or feature a Disney® princess played by some 372-pound guy named Todd?  Not happening.

Yeah.  Mass media is really dead.  And in 2023 it will be a dead cat bounce.  Maybe.  It depends only on how many Tom Cruise movies are coming out.  Who could have predicted that Scientologists would be more sane than Leftists?

Sure, there will be some movies that will be okay.  If one movie in 2023 is better than any movie I’ve ever seen?  I’ll cover my nipples in opossum grease and sandpaper my eyebrows.

The Opossum Sanitation Company had a unique concept on recycling.

Here’s the seventh thing:

We’re not done.  This isn’t over.

I’ve been using this as an irregular tagline for years.  And I mean it.

We’re not done.

The Most Inaccurate (but funniest) Predictions For 2023, Guaranteed.

“It’s getting almost predictable, isn’t it?”– The A-Team

What is a teenager under stress called?  A teenager.

Here is the annual Wilder Prediction Page, proven so far to be absolutely 0% right.  A few years ago I started to put actual predictions about economic and political stuff out quarterly.  Real ones.  The rationale behind that is, if I put it in writing and then revisited it, I at least owned it.

Those were absolutely the least popular posts I did.  They were like posts that were drenched in mosquito-carried Ebola AIDS.  I got the hint, “Shut up and play your piano, Wilder.”  I can see the reason, frankly.  That was a post about me and my thinking, and it wasn’t what I do best.

What do I do best online?  Writing about life, philosophy, and nonsense.  I also can prove that the Right can be funnier than the Left.  This is becoming more difficult in 2022, because they keep letting Kamala and Joe say words into a microphone.

So, welcome back to the nonsense!  In chronological order, here are my predictions for 2023.

January:

Russia appoints Charlie Sheen as the head of the Stavka.  He immediately gives the entire army a ration of Tiger Blood, declares they are “Winning” and passes out in pool of vomit.  We have no idea whose vomit, exactly, since “you can’t really dust for vomit.”  Sheen proves to be the most effective commander for the Russian army since Zhukov.

What did Charlie do when he was mad at his wife?  Rage against the Mrs. Sheen.

Six movies are released featuring Nic Cage, and seven people actually see three of them.

February:

Kamala Harris is featured in a major policy speech, talking about the massive snowstorm that hit the East Coast in early February.  The results were catastrophic, causing Chuck Schumer’s hair to freeze in place on Nancy Pelosi’s thighs.  Harris notes that this is “evidence of global warming, where the globe, which is a round thing hanging in space, is warming, which makes things cold because space has COVID.”

The California Legislature votes to allow “consenting adults to have sex with animals in schoolyards as long as the animals have claws or fangs, since that is a sign of consent.”  Governor Gavin Newsom signs the bill publicly, though the signing was difficult since both of his hands were wrapped in gauze.

March:

Volodymyr Zelensky demands the West send him “seventy bazillion dollars to rebuild the Ukraine on and, like, ten gajillion tanks” and that the heads of state of the EU personally retile the bathrooms in his Florida mansion.  “Be careful with the grout!”

What do Putin and Peter the Great have in common?  They both have 18th Century Russian armies.

Wilder, Wealthy and Wise© welcomes the 500,000,000,000,000th visitor, as it becomes the most popular website in the galaxy, as the hivemind of Melexcor III learns to appreciate dad jokes.

April:

The new COVID variant mRNA booster shot for  Super-Mega-Death-Cannibal-Famine® COVID is approved by the FDA because “Omigod, why won’t you damn people panic again!”  Australia implements “Super Peaceful Completely Voluntary We Mean It Leisure Camps”.

Disney® releases its new children’s film, Honey, I Turned All Our Children Hyperactive, Bipolar, Transgender, Gay, And Multiracial.  The three families that have hyperactive, bipolar, transgender, gay, and multiracial children attend, and the film’s three-week box office in 2,000 theaters is $90.  Disney© blames the audience for being, well, you get the idea.  The film loses $350 million at the box office.

May:

Elon Musk pulls off a rubber mask and indicates that, underneath, he was really Elon Musk.  “I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for you pesky kids.”

The Supreme Court rules in the case of Idiots v. Rationality, that, “Uh, really, that’s a dude.  He may be wearing a dress, but, per the original understanding of the framers of the Constitution, that’s totally a dude.”

Back when I was a kid, if a spy had to go undercover dressed as a woman, that was a transmission.

June:

Joe Biden announces, for the thirteenth time, that he’s running for president.  “I promise to make America great again after the problems of the housing bubble that George W. Bush created.  America will once again be great, starting in 2009!”

Argentina declares war on Great Britain over the Falkland Islands.  Again.  They send their victorious World Cup® team in the initial invasion.  Great Britain counter-attacks with what they call “food”.  France surrenders.

July:

I might go on vacation for a week.  Maybe someplace where I don’t need air conditioning.

California governor Gavin Newsom declares “Citizenship Day” where everyone in the whole, wide world becomes a citizen of California.  Oklahoma declares war.  “No way are we gonna do that.”

August:

California becomes part of “Greater Oklahoma.”  “If only we had greater legal magazine capacities,” said Gavin Newsom before he was headed to a minimum-security prison with knitting classes in southern Oklahoma.

Biden announces that gasoline is now illegal.  “People have been burning that stuff up!  Not on my watch.  Now the only people that can have gasoline are,” (checks teleprompter) “people who are in disadvantaged communities that are the victims of systematic race horses.”

In 2023, a man can identify as a car, unless he doesn’t meet Federal standards.

September:

The 2023 NFL® season starts, with a new team name in Cincinnati.  The name, “Bengals” has been described as “transphobic” by NFL© Commissioner RuPaul, “They aren’t “Been gals, they’re totally gals!”  Their new team name is the Cincinnati LGBT 2S+.

The Beatles reunion is complete as Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney engage in a steel cage death match over who like John Lennon the least.  Neither ex-Beatle survive, since Ringo inexplicably chose hand grenades as a close-in melee weapon.

October:

Dammit.  More crap about the English royal family.  Oh, wait, that’s every month.  This month Meghan tells how King Charles made her pick cotton on the plantation in south Brighton for 20 hours a day because she didn’t curtsey properly.  Markel is beheaded in Piccadilly Square, and Queen Elizabeth II rises from the grave and fights Mecha George Washington on Skull Island.  Oh, wait, that was a dream I had.  Nevermind.

On Halloween, children are warned not to get double-secret COVID.

November:

An article appears in the New York Times™ titled, The Final Crusade Has Started:  Why That’s A Good Thing.  Deus Vult ensues.

I’m probably having some turkey and beer around Thanksgiving.  This one isn’t much of a stretch.

What band did Indiana Jones hate?  The Rolling Stones.

December:

Avatar XXII:  Why Slavery Is Bad is released.  James Cameron is executed at Times Square in New York City because that his comment, “I’m king of the world” was culturally insensitive and totally colonialist.  At least 500 people see Avatar XXII, with many reviewers noting that the blue fish people’s ethnic cleansing of the humans is “culturally insensitive”.

Wilder, Wealthy and Wise™ becomes the most popular website in history of the universe as time travelers from the year 28,764 discover that it is a humane alternative to their other form of capital punishment:  sitting in a comfy chair.