âThis is your life, and itâs ending one minute at a time.â â Fight Club
In life, donât burn your bridges. Theyâre all made of steel and concrete now.
I was talking with an acquaintance the other day, and asked him what exactly it was that he wanted out of life. I know that sounds weird. But I like to understand people, so I ask them weird questions. The really odd part of that is if you ask someone a question (especially an odd one), most of the time they wonât lie.
I have no idea why. Itâs the same reason that when you ask Joe Biden a question he says, âUmm, er, ahhh, blonde leg hairs, wanna touch âem?â See, not all politicians lie. Just the ones who donât have dementia.
Back to my acquaintance. âWhat do you want out of life?â He paused. It was a longer pause, so I was expecting something profound.
âYou know, I think Iâm looking forward to being old enough to retire.â
This particular gentleman is in his thirties, and plans to retire at 65.
Rowan Atkinson is now a has-Bean.
First, retirement at 65 might be a dream for most people in their thirties today. I have no idea what the future economy will look like. It may involve Bitcoin® and jetpacks, or it might involve cannibalism and burning old VHS tapes of Whoâs The Boss? so Tony Danza can keep us all warm with family-friendly humor and the thermal energy from burning plastic. In 2021 Iâm betting on Tony Danza.
Second, I can recall being in my thirties pretty well. The one thing I certainly wasnât thinking about was retirement. I was thinking of ways to have fun, and ways to contribute to humanity. Heck, back then I thought I might even start writing at some point in my life to both contribute and have fun.
At some point.
Here, among people I know, is an example of a person who is actively sleepwalking his way to being 65. My acquaintance is wishing his life away. Now, I have a lot of faults and have done things that would have made the Portrait of Dorian Gray melt like the reactor at Chernobyl, but wishing my life away isnât one of those sins. (I do apologize for green chili flavored-PEZâ¢, which was sort-of my fault.)
Yes, there have been times that I couldnât wait for something to finish, especially when it was the end of a seemingly endless stream of 84 hour work weeks. Yeah, I was glad when that was over. But Iâm also glad I did it. Nothing tells you what you can do until youâve done more that you thought you ever could.
Whatâs Joe Bidenâs favorite gum flavor? Retire-mint.
Ben Franklin said it best, in a quote that Iâve used multiple times: âDost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that’s the stuff life is made of.â He was right. And Franklin was not known for wasting time, especially when it came to the ladies. The man was a beast on Tinderâ¢. Here is his message to Mistress Fancy Pantaloons 1769:
âIf thou desire many things, many things will seem but a few. A few compared to my most magnificent biceps and firmly corrugated abdominal musculature.â
I have become convinced that a significant number of people in society have not only started squandering time, but are intentionally doing so. They are stuck shuffling their feet, mark time, until some future event when âthings will be better.â What future event?
There are many:
I was ready to go home after a few days on a sleepover, and called my Mom. âMom, Iâm ready to go home.â Her response?
Ma Wilder just said, âJohn, youâre married.â Yeah, my first marriage was pretty bad.
So, I object to wishing your life away. I mean, unless Iâm at the dentist. I just want that stuff over with. But each and every moment of my life has one thing in common â it is a minute of my life that is forever lost.
Died in 1973:Â Still releasing books on a more regular pace than George R.R. Martin.
Certainly, there are minutes that I cherish more than others. But as I get older, I find that I have fewer minutes that I want to spend on bad movies. If Iâm going to spend some time in someone elseâs dream, it had better be a damn good dream, and not the ones I have when Iâm sleeping about forgetting to wear my pants to the White House and finding that Joe liked that idea.
(shudder)
As I get older, I find that I certainly think differently than I did when I was just a kid. Fluid intelligence, that innovative creative rush that allows physicists to intuitively feel their way to ever more accurate and complex models of reality at both the subatomic and galactic levels seems to peak at around thirty. I still wonder why my âthe Universe is actually a melty plate of cheesy spaghetti with meat sauceâ theory never got the attention it deserved. I guess that the other physicists thought I was an impasta.
Thankfully, for older folks, thereâs more than one dimension of intelligence. Crystallized intelligence, which consists of the increasing ability to connect ideas and increasing ability to communicate them seems to be dominant later in life. This may explain while an older professor might not be doing world-shaking innovation, but might still have much to add to science, and would almost always be a better teacher.
Regardless, whatever I end up doing, I know that for me to make the most of life I actually have to live it in the here and now. Sure, I have to reminisce about the past â thatâs how I learn. And I have to plan for the future â thatâs how I avoid criminal charges for tax evasion and fines for my grass being too long.
Communism is like tax fraud. Both seem great at first, but both end with government agents knocking at your door.
Dwelling in the past is a recipe to live with regret. Dwelling in the future is a way to live in the false opiate of the dream. To make the past worth the scars you earned and the future possible, you have to live and take action in the present.
Action.
Action is what men do.
If the action is worth taking? It requires courage. Courage, because failure is always a possibility. Courage, because a future worth taking action for isnât an easy decision. And courage is required to stand up to the school bully, even though itâs been quite a few decades since Iâve beaten up a seventh-grader.
Iâm not saying it didnât feel good, but when I had my lawyer sue her? That was the best.
The good thing about the past is, at least, that itâs over. The bad thing is that if the scar tissue is too deep, it can cause me to hesitate. There are tons of different ways that things can go bad, and in my life, Iâve explored more than one of them. Heck, when I told The Mrs. she should embrace her mistakes, she hugged me.
There is hope, however. A friend of mine once told me when I was down: âJohn, if you had a line of troubles in front of you, half that youâd lived through, and have that you hadnât youâd always pick the ones that you have already conquered.â
Most problems (not all) that make me the most apprehensive are the problems I havenât faced. Is that a lack of faith in me, or a fear of the unknown?
Iâm not sure. And Iâm not sure that it matters.
Why did PETA send cats to Mars? They heard about the Curiosity rover.
But I do know this: each and every day I have a choice whether to phone it in, or to give it everything I have. I wonât lie, there are days I phone it in. And there are days when I get in the car to come home and say, âYeah, that was utterly worth it. Nobody could have done that better.â
Those days normally run like a breeze â I walk in the door and canât believe itâs time to walk out.
Sadly, by doing more and being more, subjectively, Iâll burn through my time much faster than my acquaintance. Thatâs okay. Iâm living for something, not just passing the time.
And when I type these words, Iâm doing everything. Iâm living in the moment. Iâm using my past. And Iâm doing whatever little bit I can to help the future.
Donât just exist. Mean something. Be significant.