“Well, my normal fee is $500, but seeing that it’s for you, I’m gonna need it in advance.” – Futurama
You can always tell an identity thief’s Twitter page. Their pronouns are ‘you/yours.’
Dear Readers and Friends,
This is my 500th post here at Wilder, Wealthy, and Wise, so I’m going to celebrate by writing a letter to you, which is great because I don’t have to steal from other bloggers research notes and prepare. Yay! Up front, I want to say that I appreciate you coming by more than you know, and I appreciate your comments, too.
I thought I’d start out by answering a question I’ve seen on the blog. I have seen more than one comment of the general flavor: Why do you do this? I’m not sure if it was:
- Why do you do this? or,
- Why do you do this? or,
- Why do you do this?
The answer to all of those questions is the same: I really enjoy doing this. That’s at least the start of the answer. Do I have some other goals with this project someday? Sure. Maybe. But I love writing and all of those other projects depend on that fact.
I must love it though: the schedule is rough.
I heard there are no cats on Mars – Curiosity got to them first.
Often I don’t manage to finish writing these gems until it’s 4:30AM or so. On a couple of occasions I’ve jumped right from writing a post overnight into the shower to get ready for work. Why does it take so long? Well, there’s work, and then time with family, and then the time spent smoking cigars that I lit with flaming $100 bills in my hot tub filled with rare Mongolian* champagne.
Those are things I just won’t give up.
So in order to write, I have to replace the one thing that’s sort-of negotiable – sleep.
It didn’t used to take me until 4:30AM to do a post, I’d generally knock them out by 2AM at the latest. I blame The Mrs. for it taking so much longer. The Mrs. told me in 2018, in no uncertain terms, that I wasn’t working at my writing. It was okay, she said.
But.
The Mrs. then told me that the quality of my posts hadn’t gotten better in some time. Really thinking about this, I realized that The Mrs. was right. I’d been coasting in my writing like Nic Cage has been coasting in his acting since 1998.
Despite all my rage, I’m still just Princess Cage.
When I was younger, that sort of criticism might have stung me or I might have ignored it like Nic Cage does. But 2018 me realized that ego is a tool. I can dial it up, or dial it down. And dialing it down is the only way a person can have a receptive mindset so that they will listen, take advice, and improve. So I listened. And I studied. And then I did what I did in college when I had a test in Numerical and Voodoo Simulation Methods for Advanced Partial Derivatives: I worked really, really hard.
The problem with hard work is that it takes time. The odd thing I’ve found is, as I’ve gotten better (my perspective, yours may vary) I cannot abide by turning out work that I consider less than my version of my best effort. I just can’t. And the paradox of this is, as you get better, your best effort does, too. And that takes time.
If only I had low standards like Nic Cage.
Seriously, is he hiding both his receding hairline and his butt?
An example: commenters here are really sharp. One commenter (I’d mention your name, but don’t want to draw attention unless you want me to) mentioned an error I made, and followed up with, “I’m not giving you a hard time, I just got the idea from your writing that you’d want to know.” That was a really, really perceptive statement.
Old me who was driven more by ego? Would he want to know? No.
Me now? Yes.
I want to make these posts as perfect as I can make them. I want to make people laugh, out loud, and be a little embarrassed that they did. I want to present ideas that people haven’t had, and have them be intrigued at the new horizon I’ve opened up. Either one is a win. In my very best posts, I hope I do both, and have you laugh as your mind expands. It’s a good thing, because when you’re laughing as your skull gets bigger, it distracts a little from the pain.
This guy should be feeling zero pain.
What happens when I think I’ve written a great post? I hit “publish” and schedule it for 7:29AM Eastern, and I think I’ve done a good job, I’m as happy and excited as Johnny Depp when he finds out he’s purchased square whiskey bottles that don’t roll under the bed. I find it nearly impossible to sleep because I’m so happy.
When you’ve been up for 22 straight hours and are too excited to go to sleep?
That’s a pleasure. Or it’s Johnny Depp some Hollywood® celebrity on an ether binge.
That joy went from showing up monthly, to showing up weekly to now happening most (but not all) of the time. That’s killer when you have to get up 100 minutes after your head hits the pillow, being so excited you can barely sleep. But I still go to sleep with a smile on my face.
That’s not the whole story. I’ve never heard of a writer that writes only to write and shove boxes of paper in a trunk. A writer writes to be read, even if they’re writing a personal journal – they imagine their kids will read it someday. With me, as I mentioned above, it’s at least partially about making people laugh. Making people surprised at a new fact, idea, or concept works, too. But in order for people to experience that uplifting humor or mind-expanding concept, they’ve got to read it.
I try to write so the message will be timeless. But yet often the messages and the inside jokes are tied to our time and culture. That’s a contradiction.
Yes, a meme on a guy who was burned at the stake 420 years ago. Oh. Burn? 420? How blunt.
I bought Giordano Bruno’s book The Expulsion of the Triumphant Beast (published 1584 A.D.). Why? It was one of the breadcrumbs I was looking at for some reason I can’t remember. Then the book showed up. After about six pages, I realized he was making references to stuff you could have only seen in the 1584 version of The Tiger King®. Let’s be real: in the year 2050 nobody is going to remember Joe Exotic or Stupid Carol unless they follow the footnotes.
Even though Bruno was burnt at the stake for his dangerous thoughts, going through his (relatively half-baked) ideas was going to take twenty minutes a page to sift through the references. Likewise, in the year 2436, I’m pretty sure that no one will get any of my Escape From New York® references about everyone thinking that Snake Plissken™ was dead. The good news is that I don’t expect the Catholic Church in Italy to sentence me to death via Inquisition.
I guess no one expects the Italian Inquisition, which I guess is one of their main weapons?
In the year 2025, if man is still alive, if woman can survive, they may find: Joe Exotic (Zager and Evans and Wilder)
Regardless, I’ll own the topical jokes that I make. It should at least be interesting to the archaeologists in the year 3351, so there’s that. Bruno had friends that put up with him while he was writing his crazy books filled with made up heresy.
And I’ve got you guys.
I spent an hour putting together a list of people and commenters who helped along the way. I got to forty, and realized I wasn’t even halfway close to a good list. Then I had the realization that even when I got to a good list, I’d be leaving someone important off.
Dangit. And I thought I’d be getting to bed early tonight.
I had one guy who worked for me who told me, “John, you’re one of the first people I’ve worked for that says, ‘Thank you’ on a regular basis and I appreciate that.” He’d worked for over forty years when he told me that, and that meant something to me. Too often we walk through life without gratitude to those we are close to, those we work with. And those that care for us. I want to be clear – I’m 100% grateful to the people that have helped me grow and introduced me to larger audiences and commented here.
How long will I keep the writing up? My best guess is at least 750 more posts. That’s five years. And, if this experiment goes the way I think it will? They’ll have to pry the keyboard from my cold, dead hands because I’ll never stop because I’ll be court jester to the new Emperor of North America.
Michael J. Fox was a little shaky on me using this meme.
We will be looking at difficulties in the future – I think we all can feel that. But look around and realize that we can and should be thankful for the people around us, and the good fortune we find. And I am thankful for you, and thankful for the circumstances that brought us all together. If you’re reading this, that includes you.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Sincerely,
John
*0.00075% of my readers are Mongolians (and that’s an actual number). I like to think it’s The Hu.
John Wilder, my face crack is always wider and wilder after reading your blog!! Thank you!
Very good, and thank you for the wonderful comment!!!!
Thank you and keep up the good work.
For work, I sure seem to grin a lot while doing it – and look forward to it all day.
And thank you!!!
I write for me. It is an outlet for things I think about and is a way to be creative. Sometimes it feels like the only thing I can have some control over in a world gone mad. I have been blogging for 16 years and I still think most of my posts suck but they have gotten better. Probably the best part of the blogging world is meeting other bloggers and learning from each other. I am glad to have stumbled across your blog, it usually makes me smile and always makes me think.
Likewise. I know exactly how you feel. And your writing is sharp and incisive!
I like that “Bad Smells” is first on your categories list. Which is naturally followed by “Big Thoughts”.
Keep up the great work John. I learn, laugh, and yell out loud when ever I read your blog. I couldn’t ask for anything more.
Yes, I don’t remember what post it was, but I had the thought . . . “that must smell horrible.” It may have been Kardashian-related.
Thank you very much!!!
John, congratulations on 500 creative, insightful and hilarious posts. I know I speak for all of us when I say we’re looking forward to 750 more!
Curiosity killed the cat on Mars. LOL. Somebody who buys a copy of Bruno should know better than to make a joke about distant planets orbiting a star – even if both are a, er, hot topic right now.
https://phys.org/news/2020-06-approaching-nasa-mars-rover-perseverance.html
https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-020-01699-6
Speaking of pushing through to achieve goals, last night I watched Shackleton’s Captain on Amazon Prime, about the ill-fated journey of the Endurance to Antarctica. Very highly recommended. The whole movie is on Youtube also.
These guys spent around two years clawing their way out of an icebox hell. There are numerous scenes of the Endurance captain, putting pen and pencil to paper amid endless ice and spray and exhaustion to record both their ordeal and the vital sky readings to guide them through – all while cheerfully rallying his crew forward day after day after day.
John, you should really watch this movie some weekend. You and Frank Worsley have a hell of a lot in common.
It even shows why there’s no cats in Antarctica…just like Mars.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mrs_Chippy
The Mrs. especially is a Shackleton fan. I think we should give it a look! Thanks for the recommendation.
And thank you for all of the help and the kind words!!!!!!!
Really liked that meme of Brad with the huge brain.
Got to admire a guy like that…..
He’s always looking up !
Anyhow, Kudos, Mega-Kudos for Fye-Hunnert Additions! Accomplished are you (Yoda)
Thank you John. Thank you very much.
Neuropych, (involuntary) response to big brain/little pain=
laugh out loud.
Bison quit, has a mini cd offer v snail mail.
Sad for me.
Yeah, I’m sad about that one, too. Need to get him my $ for the disk.
And thank you for the kind words!!!
Much thanking you I am!!!
(thankyouverymuch)
John, thanks for creating these funny, creative and thoughtful posts.
I get the ego bit as it applies to young me versus old me. Old me is trying to wisely adapt to an increasingly crazy situation but young me thought it was mostly all about the coin.
Oddly enough, old me is trying to hang on to the America that very young me remembers.
I hope old me succeeds.
I agree. Even 20 years ago, the level of division was minimal compared to today.
It’s almost . . . like it was planned.
Thank you for the complement!!!
Thanks for the posts. I haven’t been reading long, but your delightful blend of humor and current commentary lift my mood and I’ve had to share this site with friends.
Best wishes for the next 750 posts.
Please do share! You’re welcome!!!
Well, that’s a minimum of 750 . . . .
You’re very welcome, and thank you. Godspeed.
And you! I’m very interested to see what happens in that forest!
Congratulations!
Now get back to work!
Lol!
Back at it, sir!!!
Congrats! Thanks for the hard work and the laughs.
You’re welcome. Much more to come . . . .
I finally found the comment section that you keep referring to. I thought it was just some made-up *stuff*.
I discovered this page a few months ago while chasing lynx. Your writing is what I imagine mine would be if I were:
– intelligent
– creative
– witty
– a writer
So, I’ll save you from whatever that disgrace would be…
Thank you for that nice complement!! I would at least get more sleep, but what’s the fun in that?
Thanks for the labor of love. I only ran across your blog in the past couple months and have enjoyed scrolling through the archives. I shared the link with several friends – dry insightful wit is a hot commodity in certain circles. All my best wishes for your next 750 posts – and hopefully the second tranche to follow
You’re welcome! I’m back at the keyboard, and life keeps giving us topics, right?
Thanks for your posts John from down here in New Zealand. I never miss one. Your humor and common sense are refreshing. I am hoping that most of America thinks like you do and not what we see in the news. When you consider that America has a population of around 350 million with some of the best brains in the world and all they can come up with is Joe Biden, then you tend to despair.
You’re more than welcome – I’m glad you’re enjoying them!
Joe Biden – right? There’s NO ONE better? It’s like the system is broken . . . .
I must say I have been reading your posts for a few months and at first it was a different reading experience and that your humor and wit is a little different. I have come to appreciate and enjoy your off beat wit. Sarcasm and wittish (made up word) goes well in your milieu. Keep up the milieu for as long as your cold dead hands can flex and extend…
I’m glad you’re enjoying the posts! And I figured out the cold part – the AC makes the basement REALLY cold in summer. The Mrs. keeps the upstairs around 50F.
My Dearest Mr. Wilder,
I’m so sorry to congratulate you on the pain and suffering of the success in reaching the total and utter failure of your achieving the lackluster and paltry 500th post. Your aimless laser focused ability to render your audience at once unconscious whilst simultaneously educating them in all things punny is truly a gift that you should consider bottling and selling as an aid in the removal of marine grade epoxy adhesives spills. I look forward to reading many mor…oops…nevermind…the nurse is here with my meds, gotta go!
Kind regards and keep up the excellent yet perfunctory work!
Hank Curmudgeon
Ah, Hank, thank you!!!
Tell her I said “hi” and if they every catch me again, well, I guess I’ll do that in person.
Yeah , just what do you make of Bison quitting ? Is IT actually getting scarce in the hinterlands ?
Or did he get Alex Jonesed ?
Thankfully you’re still here !
I think he was really done, and worried about getting his plug pulled, like has happened to so many. If he had good, cheap Internet, I’d bet we’d see him come back.
And thank you!!
The world is fortunate that the title of this post included a comma.
As for Nic Cage in the role of Cinderella, large feet would certainly reduce the chance that the glass slipper would properly fit any of the other ball attendees.
Yes! The power of the comma! Eats shoots and leaves . . .
Keep up the good work that most of us won’t do whether to lack of skill, time or whatever. It has been great reading your posts and comments even on other blogs. The blog community is very educating to us in the hinterlands. Live near Tulsa, last night was great. The report for that is very little roar and lots of unity. The location of the 1921 race riots is only a few blocks from the venue and a lot, I mean a lot of people went over to the Greenwood district after. That area was called black wallstreet before during and since the race riots and they were up all night celebrating. Even Trump supporters were there discussing/arguing their points and no un-civility no matter what you see or hear in the MSM. Thank you again and may God Bless you all the days of your writing.
I had to search and search to find out that thousands of Trump supporters were locked out of the venue. Shameful!!!
Thank you so much for the kind words – each of us has a way to fight the good fight, and this is the best thing I can do, for now. God Bless You as well.
Love the Zager Evans lyric. saw them do it live on the Mike Douglas show.
” Even in the Future nothing works ”
– Dark Helmet, ” Space Balls ”
“I’ve seen things, you people wouldn’t believe, hmm … Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion … I’ve watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate … All those moments, will be lost in time like tears in rain ”
– Roy, “Blade Runner “
Just saw the Critical Drinker’s re-review of Blade Runner. Might want to check that one out!