Ben Franklin and his Thirteen Virtues

“Only one man in the colonies has a printing press fine enough to make these.  Our good friend Ben Franklin!”

“Uh-oh. Isn’t Franklin in Philadelphia?

“When he’s not in Charlotte or Marybelle or Louisa.” – Futurama

My friend sent me this picture of Prince and Princess PEZ®.  Because when this Royal® Wedding© is long forgotten?  My precious PEZ™ will still be strong!

(I tried to come up with a picture of a Benjamin Franklin PEZ™ dispenser.  No results.  But if you do a search on “Benjamin Franklin PEZ©” an embarrassing number of the images from this blog show up.)

Ben Franklin, at the age of 20, put together a list of 13 virtues.  He decided that he’d try to live up to them daily.  He failed.  As would we all – we’re not angels.  But, over time, he improved.  The results?  In today’s world, he’d be one of the most acclaimed physicists (electricity was a big thing back then), richest businessmen ($10-$15 billion, yes billion in today’s dollars), popular authors (his books were bestsellers), statesmen (he brought France into the Revolution on our side, and negotiated the peace treaty that ended the war), and he was an inventor – refrigeration theory, bifocals, lightning rods, swim fins, and a much improved stove.

Yeah.  Pretty much everyone on Earth today isn’t fit to butter his pancakes.  Sure, that sounds tame today, but in 1760 that meant something scandalous!  His accomplishments outshine almost everyone today.  With the exception of Brian May, guitarist from Queen®, who also holds a Ph.D. in astrophysics.

Anyway, Franklin put the lists of virtues down in his biography.  Here’s a sample page:

Notice he didn’t include Chastity in places where he’d violated his virtues??  Hmm?

I’ve decided that old me can always learn from Young Franklin, so I’ll (maybe) update you on my progress as I attempt to become more virtuous.  Why?  Because it’s never too late to get better.

So, here are the 13 Virtues of Ben Franklin (sounds like a romance novel, doesn’t it?):

1. Temperance.

Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.

Ben put this one first.  If you listen to later stories, it’s obvious that Mr. Franklin really did like to drink.  And did drink.

But he understood it well:

’Tis an old Remark, that Vice always endeavours to assume the Appearance of Virtue: Thus Covetousness calls itself Prudence; Prodigality would be thought Generosity; and so of others. This perhaps arises hence, that, Mankind naturally and universally approve Virtue in their Hearts, and detest Vice; and therefore, whenever thro’ Temptation they fall into a Practice of the latter, they would if possible conceal it from themselves as well as others, under some other Name than that which properly belongs to it.

But Drunkenness is a very unfortunate Vice in this respect. It bears no kind of Similitude with any sort of Virtue, from which it might possibly borrow a Name; and is therefore reduc’d to the wretched Necessity of being express’d by distant round-about Phrases, and of perpetually varying those Phrases, as often as they come to be well understood to signify plainly that a Man is drunk.

Tho’ every one may possibly recollect a Dozen at least of the Expressions us’d on this Occasion, yet I think no one who has not much frequented Taverns would imagine the number of them so great as it really is. It may therefore surprize as well as divert the sober Reader, to have the Sight of a new Piece, lately communicated to me, entitled The Drinker’s Dictionary.

In The Drinker’s Dictionary (LINK) Franklin listed 228 phrases to say that someone was  . . . drunk.  It amuses me (and pleases me) that the government has this on its servers.

Here’s a sample from the letter “C”:

• He’s Cat,
• Cagrin’d,
• Capable,
• Cramp’d,
• Cherubimical,
• Cherry Merry,
• Wamble Crop’d,
• Crack’d,
• Concern’d,
• Half Way to Concord,
• Has taken a Chirriping-Glass,
• Got Corns in his Head,
• A Cup too much,
• Coguy,
• Copey,
• He’s heat his Copper,
• He’s Crocus,
• Catch’d,
• He cuts his Capers,
• He’s been in the Cellar,
• He’s in his Cups,
• Non Compos,
• Cock’d,
• Curv’d,
• Cut,
• Chipper,
• Chickery,
• Loaded his Cart,
• He’s been too free with the Creature,
• Sir Richard has taken off his Considering Cap,
• He’s Chap-fallen.

And that’s just drinking.  Franklin also had a pretty good appetite.  Around here we call drunk “too many Gorns for his cannon.”  Stupid Gorns.

By the time he was in France in 1883, he required four dudes to carry him around.

But the fact is that he did try to control himself.  And did, at least long enough to make your accomplishments (and mine, too) look like a four-year-old’s drawing of a car.

Franklin drew this.  Oh, yeah, he was a noted political cartoonist, whose legacy lives in our national symbols.

2. Silence.

Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation. 

As anyone who knew him would tell you – Franklin was a talker, and a leader.  But he learned . . . that he didn’t learn anything when he was talking.  He learned when he was listening.  He even formed a club that he called a “junto” dedicated to self-improvement.  By its nature, Franklin had to listen.  And learn.

This probably didn’t include chatting up the ladies, but did include not being an idiot, as quoted by him in Poor Richard’s Almanack:

“Silence is not always a sign of wisdom, but babbling is ever a mark of folly.”

But also from Poor Richard’s Almanack, you could see that Franklin had a hard time holding it back:

“Sloth and Silence are a Fool’s Virtues.”

Again, Franklin put his biggest vices at the top.

3. Order.

Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.

Yeah, this one nearly toasted Franklin:

“Strangers who came to see him were amazed to behold papers of the greatest importance scattered in the most careless way over the table and floor.” (LINK)

Franklin had a lot of trouble with this virtue.  By all accounts he failed – and throughout his life he was a messy, messy guy.  Which was cool because he was a billionaire scientist.  Me?  I’d have hired people to fix up my stuff.  But . . . Ben probably wouldn’t have found that virtuous.

4. Resolution.

Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.

Franklin was pretty good about this one.  He managed to accomplish almost everything he set his mind to, which might have been his downfall for practicing the first three perfectly.

5. Frugality.

Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.

Franklin wrote a lot about frugality.  A lot.  Volumes.  “A stitch in time saves nine.”  “Close the door, you’re letting all the heat out – what are we, the Rockefellers?”

Franklin was so concerned about frugality that he regularly wore his cats as a hat, rather than spend money on buying a real hat. 

And his points were simple.  Be happy with what you have and you’re happy.  Don’t spend your money on worthless crap – save it or use it for your business instead.  But to get wealth you had to pair it with the next virtue:

6. Industry.

Lose no time; be always employ’d in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.

He coupled frugality with industry.  Work hard, save your money, and you will be wealthy.

In 1760 this might have worked, but I’ve seen a zillion people that work hard and don’t spend much money.  You have to have industry about things that matter.  Franklin was cheap, sure.  But Franklin also served thousands and thousands of people from the colonies.  He made his fortune not by spending less, not by working hard, but by spending less on crap and working hard on things that provided value to people.

And that’s still the road to fortune today.  Make people happy?  You make yourself rich.

7. Sincerity.

Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

It’s certain that Franklin had to shade the truth a bit in his role as a diplomat in France.  He most certainly had to say things that aren’t true.  And, it’s certain that he had . . . mistresses.  So, there was an older part of him that wasn’t quite so innocent.  Still – as advice goes – this one is golden.  Tell the truth.

8. Justice.

Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

This version of justice is one I can get behind – you do justice by not hurting people, or, by not withholding what is your duty.  On a dark and stormy night, I will help someone.  By calling 911.  I’m totally not letting them into my secluded lakeside cottage so we have to fight after I figure out they’re evil killers.

9. Moderation.

Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

John Adams and Ben Franklin were travelling with the Continental Congress and there were two rooms left for three travelers.  No this isn’t a joke – there were no priests or rabbis involved.  The Continental Congress could easily overwhelm a small colonial town’s hotel infrastructure, like Russell Crowe and his ego showing up at the same place and time.

Somehow (again, this sounds like a joke) Ben Franklin and John Adams got stuck with the same bed.  This is the same Ben Franklin that was a billionaire by today’s standards, stuck sharing a bed with a hayseed lawyer.  In a room slightly (slightly) larger than the bed.  With a window.  And no heating.  Adams walked into the room, and closed the window, sure he’d catch his death of cold.  Franklin walked over to the window and opened it wide, explaining how the cold air was much better for the body and health than being stuck in a suffocating room (with Adams).  Here is a description of the night from Adams:

“The Doctor then began an harrangue, upon Air and cold and Respiration and Perspiration, with which I was so much amused that I soon fell asleep, and left him and his Philosophy together.”

Adams and Franklin never really got along well together.  But if I were to guess – Ben regularly broke Rule Nine.  You can’t throw yourself into industry without avoiding moderation.

Franklin flying a kite in the rainstorm is not a great example of moderation.  It might be closer to a mental problem?  Thankfully he has all of that underage labor to help him . . . .

10. Cleanliness.

Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.

As you can see from the previous virtue, Order, this didn’t mean that everything was put away – it meant that everything was clean.  And Franklin was big on being clean.  He regularly took baths.  Air baths.  He’d stand completely naked with the window open so he could get clean with the cold Philadelphia air.  It’s reasonable to think that Ben smelled better that most of his contemporaries.  And was cleaner.

But you don’t want to look in his window during his air bath . . . ewww.

11. Tranquility.

Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

Ben picked this, because this wasn’t him.  At all.  He was a person who went for the jugular vein in any argument.  As noted above, he would lecture your for hours on his theories just to have the window the way he wanted it.  As a virtue – it’s an awesome one – stoic.  And we can see why Ben tried to make himself better.

12. Chastity.

Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.

Ben earned a solid F on this virtue throughout his life.  There are some historians that count up to fifteen (15!) illegitimate children of Ben Franklin.  Fifteen!  He had more kids than an NFL® cornerback!

But he didn’t have a kid with every woman he had sex with.  He favored women past the age of menopause, so that translates to him having amorous adventures with LOTS of ladies.

13. Humility.

Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

Franklin added this because, when speaking of pride he said:  “for even if could conceive that I had completely overcome it, I should probably be proud of my humility.”

Jesus he picked clearly because of his attitude of service to humanity.  And Socrates?  Socrates felt he knew nothing.  Now Socrates also felt that, even though he knew nothing, the rest of Athens knew even less.  So, there’s humility, but the kind of humility that gets you some nice hemlock.

Despite his failures, Franklin’s pursuit of virtue made him better.  Had he not done that, perhaps he would have been known differently to history . . . .