Penultimate Day: The View From 2021

“Well, I simply observed, sir, that I’m felicitous since during the course of the penultimate solar sojourn, I terminated my uninterrupted categorization of the vocabulary of our post-Norman tongue.” – Blackadder The Third

I invented a time machine so I can view the Resurrection on TV – it’s amazing resolution: ADHD.

Penultimate Day.

This is the only unique Wilder Holiday that I know of. New Year’s Eve? That’s for tourists. It happens every year. It’s the last day of the year. But what about the next-to-last day of the year?

That’s Penultimate Day.

Penultimate Day started as a lark, maybe a decade ago.

The Mrs. decided that she didn’t like her Blackberry™ phone, and wanted to shop for a new phone. We did. The deals were all bad, so we didn’t buy a new phone. What then? We’d driven nearly 100 miles (the closest place to Modern Mayberry that sold phones then) and decided to . . . eat Italian food.

Driving 100 miles home, we made jokes about it, and Christened the day, Penultimate Day. The three tenets:

  1. Shop for a new cell phone (at Best Buy® is best),
  2. Don’t buy a new cell phone (you can decide to not purchase a cell phone nearly anywhere),
  3. Eat Italian food, namely at Olive Garden® (it’s close to Best Buy™). Since, when “You’re Here, You’re Family™” is their motto, I still wonder why they look weird at me when I take off my shoes and put on pajamas to eat with my shirt off.

Where did I go after eating all of those breadsticks? The hospitialiano.

Ta-da! You can celebrate, too! Well, at least you can celebrate next year, since my math shows that December 30, 2021, has (thankfully) perished from the annals of history.

Last year was lame. We were in the midst of (yet another) ‘Rona lockdown – 40 weeks to stop the spread, or something, so we stayed home. This year, though, it was time for a full and hearty observance of Penultimate Day. I arrived from home, ready to not purchase a cell phone.

Sadly, only Pugsley was ready to go. The Mrs. and The Boy claimed that they were deep in the clutches of some evil virus. Since Pugsley was patient zero, and I was in the midst of recovery, well, we let the weak decide the day. Here’s our scorecard:

  1. We didn’t shop for a new cell phone.
  2. We didn’t buy a new cell phone. Win!
  3. We ate Italian food. Win!

We ate Italian food because I made (with assistance) chicken Alfredo for dinner. Since everyone else old enough to drink was sick, it was up to me to drink the wine. I threw myself on that grenade for the family.

I had a real problem when I used a collie for gathering my sheep. I had 48, but he always brought back 50. He was bad about rounding up.

I’m a giver that way.

But what happened this year?

  1. Everybody was sick. Last year? Everywhere was closed. As simple as our task was, we failed it twice in a row.
  2. When we sent Pugsley to buy food for dinner, he reported that one supermarket was entirely out of pasta. Pasta is, well, one of the easiest things to make and distribute. Why is a national grocery store chain out of pasta?
  3. They had chicken. I cooked that, and The Mrs. pronounced it “dry.” She wasn’t being mean – she was being honest. Dry chicken isn’t due to a lack of moisture – dry chicken is due to a lack of fat. My bad. More butter next time. I thought that putting a stick under each of my armpits was enough. I’ll add more in 2022, though I’m unsure of which crevices to put it in.
  4. Pugsley said they were out of Alfredo sauce. Since that’s easier to make than adding water to ice, I gave him the ingredients to make it from scratch. Oops! They had Alfredo sauce. Just the wrong aisle.

The most disturbing thing Pugsley said was this: “It’s weird. It was like there was nothing in the store. Most of the shelves were bare.” Since The Mrs. had just complained, “Why do you tell them to buy more things, our pantry is so full we can hardly buy anything at all,” I smiled. When she said, “And you’ve infected them. When I ask them to buy one, of anything, they buy three.”

I smiled so hard my face ached.

Being a skeleton is nice – nothing gets under his skin.

I will probably go to the store in the next few days. That will be the first time in months. Not because of the ‘Rona, mind you, but because I really hate going to the store because there are people there. I’ll give a look to see what is missing, or what has gone up in price.

But it’s been two years since we’ve properly celebrated Penultimate Day. Before The Boy graduates from college, we have only one more. I’m not thinking that he’ll often decide to come home so we can travel and not purchase cell phones and then eat Italian food. So, we have just one more year where it’s the four of us.

The only hobbit I met was a jerk, a real douchebaggins.

This is the last post I’ll make this year, and even in the 10 years that we’ve been celebrating Penultimate Day I’ve seen very big differences to our lives – Penultimate Day used to be a lark, but now it’s a time to look back. In the failure of this Penultimate Day, I’m wondering – what does it mean? How have we as a nation changed in the last decade? Do we even still like Italian food?

  • Our nation has split apart farther than I ever thought it could go. There is rarely anything either side can agree on, except that they find the other side awful poopy heads.
  • The economy is even more poised for collapse. As it is, I think we’re riding a razor’s edge, where on either side is a collapse in prosperity that will last generations.
  • Alec Baldwin has finally made good on his promise to kill again.
  • The punchline to a joke since at least 1988 (really, look it up) inhabits the Oval Office despite a (legitimate) doubt that he was elected legally. The Left responds as they always do – by doubling down and declaring him the “most” legitimate President in our history.
  • We went from energy dependent to energy independent to energy dependent (and in crisis) in four years.
  • As far as I can tell, yes, everyone still likes Italian food.

We face a very unique crisis – one of cohesion, one of leadership, one of economic collapse. All at the same time. What will happen?

When I was a little kid, my dad made pasta when I was scared – to show me there was nothing to be Alfredo.

Who can know. All I know is that the Alfredo was pretty good tonight. And each day that my family spends together is special, and I cherish each one of those days. I have right now, so I will enjoy it.

As Marcus Aurelius said: “The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have.”

Today I’ll focus and value those things I can control. And when I look at that? Penultimate Day 2021 wasn’t so bad after all. Happy New Year to all.

Author: John

Nobel-Prize Winning, MacArthur Genius Grant Near Recipient writing to you regularly about Fitness, Wealth, and Wisdom - How to be happy and how to be healthy. Oh, and rich.

32 thoughts on “Penultimate Day: The View From 2021”

  1. The prime minister of Canada has now publicly explained that in his view, unvaxxed people are racist misogynists that don’t understand or care about science, but they do take up space, and it is time to decide what to do about them.

    I don’t know what 2022 has in store, but I do know I spent the last two days finishing off my new Scout rifle.

    I suspect we are about to discover just how dark it can get. That is certainly how it looks from here.

    Thank you for your always-cogent insights.

    -M-

  2. It is biblical:

    The first shall be just behind of the penultimate, and those slightly behind the penultimate shall be first….

    Or sumpt’in like that…..

    1. While I still believe that the pen is more ultimate than the sword, I’m not so sure about the screen. Particularly when it has higher and higher resolution…or it gets held in place as a mask, right in front of your eyes.

      Good luck with 2022, everybody. Cinch your seatbelt as tight as possible and keep your hands inside the roller coaster at all times….

  4. “I call it…The Penultimate Supper.”
    “It has three Christs!”
    “Well, the fat one balances out the two skinny ones….”

    As an inventor of holidays and celebrator of the obscure holiday, I heartily support this, although I can assure you that much like The Great Day of Failure (02 August), trying to find a card to cover the thing will be difficult at best.

    I do not think you “End of Year” Assessment is wrong. I find, perhaps oddly, that I am in a better place than I was last year, although the country seems like it is a far worse place. Which, to be frank, was a bit unexpected.

  5. Happy belated penultimate day. And New Year. Or whatever.

    The best way to prepare chicken breasts is not to. Leave them in the grocery store. They’re too low fat; the most useless cut of meat there is – although the difference between chicken and turkey breasts is pretty small. Hard to tell which is worse.

    1. One of my rules of thumb for cooking is that when in doubt add bacon and/or cheese. For chicken breasts I always add both. Wrapped in bacon, then when it’s almost done throw a couple slices of cheese on top.

  6. Ya know what I haven’t heard from a soul in my circle yet? Any mention of ‘resolutions’. I am guessing that we are all so whipsawed by TPTB as they jerk us one way and another that few, if any, feel they have enough agency to effect positive change in their lives. We just want to weather this storm, survive. Sure, we’d all like to lose a little weight, too, but not to empty shelves at the Piggly Wiggly.

    In a radical departure from previous celebrations, I am cheering the passing of 2021 rather then welcoming in 2022. Lord knows what new horrors the next 12 months (8.884 megaparsecs) will bring. All I know for sure is that any predictions I make will be wrong, wrong, wrong.

    Coffee, booze and heart meds is as far as I will stick my neck out. There will be coffee, booze and heart meds.

  7. Your post reminded me I have an Olive Garden gift card given to me on my birthday last August. I guess I could resolve to not forget about it this next year, but I’m not good with resolutions. Maybe I can cash it in for some dry pasta, and a jar of Alfredo sauce. My wife will be thrilled…..probably not. I need to make a resolution.

  8. Love this column (not just this one, but this is a treat to read, three times a week. I only note that you wanted to use the word “tenet” not “tenants”. Happy New Year

  9. “Eat Italian food, namely at Olive Garden® (it’s close to Best Buy™).” – This is exactly true for me as well about 350 yards apart in my town.

    “Where did I go after eating all of those breadsticks? The hospitialiano”.

    And that is exactly true for me as well the last time I ate at Olive Garden. A couple years ago I had a pulmonary embolism. My fireman friend was there. Days later he said he thought I was a goner. I said God wasn’t done with me yet. There really is some funny to my story. Let’s just say when I saw one of my ER nurses a week later I got a funny look from her and, “what are you doing here?” I said taking care of people I love which was true my mother in law. She eventually said they refer to me as the Olive Garden man. Ha ha ha ha.

    May you and all yours have a Happy New Year and even better 2020 – 2

    Soon the only way will be UP. Praise the Lord.

  10. Sure, 100s of thousands of Europeans will likely freeze to death, the Republican wave will pass a BBB-lite and declare victory, we might get in a proxy war with Russia over some wheat fields, and the WNBA might become competitive due to trannies.

    But the memes are going to be hilarious, guaranteeing that 2022 will go down in the anals of history!

  11. “…my math shows that December 30, 2021, has (thankfully) perished from the annals of history.”

    Grammar Tip: Where 2021 is concerned, you’ve used too many “n”s in “annals”.

  13. No way, my stripmall sector has those same stores and Frankenfood outlets. (sarc)
    Still waiting on my cut of the profits from “our” local corporate logo sportsball team.
    Look closely, the enemy is scraping the bottom of the barrel with mental midgets and dementia patients who couldn’t run a brothel on the grounds of a lumber mill let alone outside of one.
    Fear is what holds the smoking mirrors (h/t-LV) Ponzi slow motion train wreck together but nothing lasts forever.

    1. Yup – I think they must have exactly the same demographics that they’re looking to get. And, no, it certainly won’t last forever, and probably not through this decade.

  14. The pasta thing is weird, but my local HEB grocery has been out of dry pasta several times in the past couple of months. They currently have a sign on the shelf blaming others for supply issues, and very little pasta for sale.

    I’ve got buckets full of the stuff if it comes to that, because they USED to have a BOGO sale once a month. Why waste space storing something as cheap and plentiful as pasta??? Well, sometimes it’s neither of those things.

    More worrying, I was at lowes this week and they don’t have any seed display. (they’ve got one small tower display of “organic” seeds for $2.69 per packet. I can’t take those seriously and even then, all but herbs were sold out.) I’ve got a season or two of seeds but they are getting old, and yields are going down with every passing day. I need to hit the Home Depot and see what they’ve got. Lowe’s and Home Depot usually have a double sided display about 4 foot high and 6-8 feet long, plus separate displays for Martha Stewart seeds and some other specialty brands. Could be supply issues. Could be someone wants to squeeze the control over people a bit tighter in the coming months.

    n

    1. What? No seeds at Lowes? That’s not a good sign. In about a month (here) we put some up inside so we have seedlings to plant . . . scary thought . . . .

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