The People’s Sick Day™: Commies . . . Not Working. Again.

“Uh, yeah, sure, no I’d be happy to, yeah you, uh, you just produce a corpse, and uh, I’ll release Sloane.  I wanna see this dead grandmother first hand.” – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

If I take LSD before a vision exam, I always pass with flying colors.

In one of the more interesting moves, the remnants of the pot-addled hippies that were protesting in the 1960s have emerged from their Volkswagen™ camper vans and finally figured out that Jerry Garcia is as dead as Hubert Humphrey and the Equal Rights Amendment.  They looked around, and decided that, heck, there wasn’t near enough communism going around, so they needed more.

Their cunning plan?  A three-day sick day.  When is it going to happen?  Sometime.  They don’t want to say when, because they don’t want The Man to know.  The idea isn’t for them to show how little the world needs all the communists who have jobs in HR or making PowerPoints™ so they can pay someone to ignore their out-of-wedlock child (if they’re lucky) or cats (if they’re not).

Nope, that’s not it at all.

The idea is to point out who they are so that they’ll be easier to recognize in the future.  As if the blue hair and nose rings, “gender dysphoria” or pronouns in their bios weren’t enough.

What do you call a polygamous hippie’s wives?  One Mrs. Hippie, Two Mrs. Hippie, . . .

I digress.

Thankfully, on their Discord© server they have a list of their demands, and, a professional journalist waded through the GloboLeftist coping and seething and published them on MSNBC®(LINK).  This is good, because the demands are so cringe that it’s hardly sporting to make fun of them.  But I will, because I’m hardly sporting.

Why don’t I have PTSD?  I’m the traumatic event.

I’ll list their demand (The People’s Sick Day™ Totally Stupid Demand, or PTSD), and my counter-demand (Wilder Talking Facts, or WTF):

PTSD:  Calling for the impeachment, removal, and arrest of Donald John Trump and the Republican administration for knowingly manipulating the U.S. stock market, ignoring the U.S. Constitution, trafficking humans, and destroying our federal workforce. HE IS A CRIMINAL! LOCK HIM UP.

WTF:  What happens in 2028 when Trump runs for his third term is no longer the face of the opposition?  Who will drive them insane with hate?  Regardless, my reasonable response is:  No.

PTSD:  Demanding HANDS OFF Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, SNAP, and veterans’ benefits

WTF:  No.  Most of SNAP should go.  Most of Medicaid (not all) should go.  Social Security should be phased out with the kids below 30 so that they don’t have an excuse to complain when the whole thing falls over.  Also, eliminate Social Security on half of Americans based on birth year.  Heads, eliminate odd years.  Tails, eliminate even years.  Just for giggles and it would be fun to watch the chaos.

Moses was also the first person to use CTRL-C as a shortcut.

PTSD:  Demanding the removal of caps on Social Security

WTF:  Do the checks really come with hats?

PTSD:  Demanding NO MORE tax breaks for the rich — TAX THEM ALL!

WTF:  Yes!  Tax everyone!  Tax everyone at the exact same rate for ALL income at 20%.  Then everyone has skin in the game.  And, make sure that people are taxed with on an Alternative Minimum Income:  The minimum people are taxed is based on the federal minimum wage and if you can’t pay we deport you to Australia, for old times’ sake.

PTSD:  Demanding an end to unlimited corporate profits and economic injustice

WTF:  I demand an end to economic progress and creation of worldwide famine.  See?  I said exactly the same thing, but with way fewer words.

PTSD:  Demanding an end to lobbyist and SUPER PAC funding

WTF:  Nice try, since you own the media.  No.  My counter?  I demand that CNN® be forced to feature nothing but things I’ve written.  I mean, I guess I could stand for less exposure than I have now, but it’s a different audience – the CNN® crowd can’t read.

PTSD:  Demanding the elimination of Citizens United

WTF:  Man, panties are sure in a wad that they can’t stack the game, aren’t they?

PTSD:  Demanding an increase in the federal minimum wage to $20 an hour, with adjustments for inflation as needed

WTF:  Make it $100 an hour.  No, $1,000 an hour.  No, $10,000 an hour.  See, you can joke, and I can, too.  And there won’t be inflation, because only gold and silver will be money.

What’s the hardest part of making a vegan pizza?  Catching the vegan.

PTSD:  Demanding a cap on CEO pay at no more than 35% above the lowest worker’s salary

WTF:  Welcome to not understanding what a contract worker is or what nested corporations are.  Do they give you guys Crayons™ and a placemat to color on your Discord©?

PTSD:  Demanding that wages for elected officials be capped at the median salary of their district

WTF:  Sold.  And no investments, either – they can only keep cash and they must rent, and this includes wages and investments for their extended family.  AOC goes back to being a barista because it pays more.

PTSD:  Demanding caps on rent, grocery, and insurance costs

WTF:  Agreed.  I demand unicorns as well, because they’d be good company as I lived on the street with no food or insurance.

PTSD:  Demanding universal healthcare for all U.S. citizens and federal protection for sick time

WTF:  I demand zero insurance for anyone and federal prosecution for anyone who starts an insurance company.  I demand that anyone who takes a sick day from work without being near death be flogged if they don’t get away with it.  Just kidding, like anyone will have a job if the PTSD proposals are enacted.

That dog looks like a brrrrito.

PTSD:  Demanding term limits for all members of Congress and the U.S. Supreme Court

WTF:  Yes to Congress and no to SCOTUS.  I would like treason charges for judges that violate the Constitution, and judges to be put in prison if someone they let out without bail injures anyone.  And the robes should be form-fitting.  For . . . reasons.

PTSD:  Demanding reform of immigration policies

WTF:  Agreed!  Send them all home.  All of them.  Now.

PTSD:  Demanding gun law reform — PROTECT OUR KIDS!

WTF:  Agreed!  Mail order machine guns and crew-served weapons, which are much more suited for children because they can work together to get that Ma Deuce warmed up.  Besides, the hands of children are small and they generally have good eyesight, so field stripping an M60 should be a breeze.

PTSD:  Demanding codified women’s rights to choose

WTF:  You mean paper or plastic?  It’s a stretch because I don’t trust the collective choices of women, but I’ll allow it.

PTSD:  Demanding codified DEI and affirmative action

WTF:  You mean penalties for having DEI and affirmative action?  I’m in favor of that, and maybe you can talk me into making it a felony.

PTSD:  Demanding the elimination of the Electoral College and a ban on gerrymandering

WTF:  No.

PTSD:  Demanding ranked-choice voting in all federal and state elections

WTF:  No.  Counter-demand:  no voting until the family has been in the country for three generations, and one vote per family (mother/father, married).  Otherwise, votes for military-aged males only.

PTSD:  Demanding the taxation of mega-churches

WTF:  And the taxation of micro-churches.  And commie non-profits.  And NPR® – those tote bags cause cancer.

My friend Gomez has a dismembered hand.  I guess it’s okay, but it’s not my Thing.

PTSD:  Demanding free post-secondary education

WTF:  Only for students with an ACT of above 30 majoring in engineering, physics, or math who maintain a 3.5 GPA.  And not fake engineering like “engineering tech” or fake astrophysics like “astronomy”.  Real engineering.  Real physics.

Okay, that about does it.  Since I’ve solved all of those problems, I guess I’ll go back to work.

Take a sick day?  I ain’t got time to bleed.