Fat Logic: Choosing to be Fat

“I’m not fat, I’m big-boned.”- South Park

These girls are only 250,000 Twinkies© away from being good Marxists.

It was 6:35 A.M. around the Wilder house.  The Wilders are not morning people.  Left to our own, we would soon start going to bed at 5 A.M. and getting up at 2 P.M.  I know it’s not the way the rest of the world works, but it’s the way that we’re wired.  How do you tell a true Wilder baby?  Sleeping until noon on day two home from the hospital.

Wilders do, however, realize that the rest of the world is on this whole “getting up at 6 A.M. and going to bed at 10 P.M.” even though we aren’t.  We deal with it, but at 6 A.M. our collective family I.Q. is lower than a two week old bowl of linguini, or of congress.  We’re just not smart at 6 A.M.

“WHERE IS MY TRACK UNIFORM?”  This was from Pugsley.  He had about five minutes to get ready to leave to meet the bus that was going to take him to the track meet.   He was yelling.  Namely, he was yelling at his older brother:  “WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT?”

Being Dad, I was amused.  This was a learning opportunity.  I stopped Pugsley.

“Pugsley, stop.  If you want to know who is responsible for your track uniform, go into the bathroom.  Face the sink. And look up, into the mirror.  It’s that guy.”  Pugsley found his uniform.  He got to his track meet.  He actually threw his shot put for a personal record that day and got a medal.  All was well.

But the bigger point was this:  somewhere around middle school there’s a switch in the brain that comes on full force.  It does this automatically.  It’s a very simple setting.  It’s a universal setting.  It’s a setting that implants an idea straight to the brain, “it’s not my fault.”

Building personal responsibility, from my observation, takes place in early adolescence, around the ages of 13 through 15.  It requires an actual family – a “strong, brave single mother” can’t do it, and in my opinion our culture of divorce weakens the role of the father.  Mothers represent love, caring.  Fathers represent justice, and rules.  To make a decent child, you need to have both.  And to have both?  You require a mother and a father.

But personal responsibility is the first lesson that’s required for civilization.  Personal responsibility is a core concept for society.  Personal responsibility drives the basic social interactions that make life easy.  Personal responsibility makes contracts enforceable.  Personal responsibility is the very lubrication of society.  When it drops away, so does society.

I’ve recently found a subreddit (a subgroup on the website Reddit that’s focused on a particular topic) that describes this lack of responsibility very well – it’s here (LINK).  It’s called Fat Logic.  The brilliant and brutal idea of the group is that you find people who will go to any lengths to self-justify being fat.  And not a little over weight, but in many cases “have to buy two seats on an airplane” fat.

In my mind there’s a huge difference between the mindset of being so fat you have to buy two seats on an airplane, and being so fat you have to buy two seats on an airplane and COMPLETELY BLAME SOCIETY FOR THE INJUSTICE AND FATAPHOBIA.  Yes.  There are actual, living and breathing people like that.  And the things they say are skewered brilliantly on Fat Logic.

A note:  I’m on a journey to reach my goal weight.  For the record, I’m not attempting to gain weight.  I need to lose a few pounds (as of today I’m halfway to my goal).  But I recognize that my weight is my responsibility.  It’s not genes.  It’s not chemicals in the environment.  It’s not that my mother failed to buy me comics when I was a kid.  It’s the Ruffles® Cheddar and Sour Cream chips I ate for the past five years.

Me, dieting with cookies in the house.

In other words:  it’s because I’ve eaten too much.  And that is the story of every fat person on Earth today.  Losing weight isn’t necessarily easy, but it is simple, and I’ll go through that in more detail next week.  Thankfully, I’ve cracked that code.

The Fat Logic Subreddit, however, is the best motivation I’ve ever seen for losing weight.  It takes the comments (like you see on this post) and points out the failed logic that people self-generate to maintain their illusion that being fat enough that asteroids orbit you is okay.  I’d be willing to bet that Reddit will ban this subreddit sooner rather than later – being truthful seems to be the fastest way to get banned from the Internet these days.

Fat Logic introduced me to two concepts I’ve never heard of, namely HAES (Healthy At Every Size) and Intuitive Eating.

HAES is devastating.  It removes the link between weight and health.  Certainly, being underweight is unhealthy as well, but HAES takes that fact and multiplies it into a logic bomb pointed at anyone who dares suggest that being morbidly obese isn’t totally the way that they should go through life.  HAES people hate any sort of objective measurement.  Like weight.  Or daylight.  Or money.

Intuitive Eating might be worse, but that’s like taking a pick between Stalin© and Mao™.  Intuitive Eating means exactly that – eating whatever you want in whatever quantities you want.  So, if you have a dozen doughnuts?  Eat them all if you want to.  It’s exactly the sort of diet that you’d get if you put three year olds in charge of dinner every night.  And we all know that three year olds are the perfect judges of what’s healthy.

Fat logic is a collection of . . . lies.  But they’re the worst kinds of lies – lies we tell ourselves to justify what we want.  Want another Twinkie®?  Sure, have one.  Have two, if that’s what your intuition tells you.  There’s no problem – you are healthy no matter what size you are.  Except for your joints, your pancreas, your liver . . . oh, I could go on, but that’s not the point.  The point is that Intuitive Eating and Healthy At Every Size are simply Marxism® for fat people.

Marxism©, at its heart, is a religion based upon envy.  Even in the highly unrealistic case that morbidly obese people don’t envy skinny people, they still can’t wrap their heads around . . . I swear I’m not making this up . . . thin privilege.  Yes.  Being thin is a sin.

Thankfully this sin can be overcome by the penance of embracing Marx, HAES, and Intuitive Eating.  Heck, if you’ve got that down, why bother going to track?  I’ll just skip the responsibility lessons with Pugsley – then he could intuitively eat his way to 600 pounds.  He’d be healthy there, right?

Sure.  Healthy At Every Size.