“Well, that’s the end of the film. Now, here’s the meaning of life.” – Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life
When my boss died, I spent a moment at his coffin. “Who’s think outside the box now, Terry?”
I have (sometimes) in my life found myself in a weird and uncomfortable place. No, it’s not the backseat of a VW® Beetle®. No, it is something that normally people are happy about. I had accomplished most of what I wanted to do, and then I asked myself, “Now what?”
That is a difficult question. I have long made it a practice to observe people, or at least I did until the restraining order. Okay. Restraining orders. My observation is that feeling like I felt came normally comes from:
- a lack of ambition,
- waking up with amnesia
- too much success, or
- having goals set too low.
In my case, it was probably the last one. I can (happily!) say that I’ve accomplished almost everything that I’ve wanted to do in my career, and I’ve done a lot. Do you know the team that got Osama Bin Laden? Not to brag, but I’ll have you know I read a news story about them once.
It must be nice being a Democrat, knowing who voted before the election.
Could I have accomplished more than I have? Probably.
I suppose that could be viewed as a lack of ambition. In my defense, I’ve seen a lot of jobs that I don’t want. And a lot of those jobs come with compromises I simply won’t make anymore. At one point, when I was much younger, I had a job where I was on the road an average of three days per week. I can recall one time my boss wanted me to travel to Chicago and I didn’t want to go, so we compromised – I traveled to Chicago.
I’ll admit, travel was fun at first. One week I started Monday in Portland, Maine and ate lobster, flew to San Antonio and had Tex-Mex, and ended up in Fresno, which is known as the “Akron of the Pacific”. When I was young, that was a pretty nifty gig, plus the work was fun and varied.
At first.
I ordered a “Chicago style” pizza. It started shooting right out of the box.
It actually got to the point where I was on the road for eight straight months in the southern part of Chicago. I did manage to come home alternate weekends – I will say that Midway airport is the only place I’ve ever been that rents cars with a slot for a tail gunner. The charm of traveling went away. The fortunate thing is that it cost me a marriage.
But I’m done traveling like that. There are compromises that I’m not willing to make. And, as I said, I’ve done most of the things I want to do with my career.
So, it’s not that.
What, then?
If anyone has no family and will be alone this Thanksgiving, let me know. I need to borrow chairs.
What about family? Family is always a challenge because being a parent requires almost as much responsibility from me as that one night when they asked me to be a designated driver. But when kids are grown, it’s up to them to determine what course their lives will take. Oh, sure, they sometimes want to chat with the old man, but for the most part, they’re independent. That’s the way I raised them – drop a Bowie knife and some paracord into the crib and if they make it the first month, they’re keepers. The result of this type of parenting (I think the technical term for it is “neglect”), though, is that the kids are able to make decisions and take action between therapy sessions. No family is ever perfect, but mine is pretty good.
Okay. Work was fine. Family was fine. What now?
That’s what I was struggling with. What now?
Then I remembered Joe.
Joe is a friend that I’ve known for years. Talked to him last week. I’ve mentioned Joe before. Pure genius. Joe, however, wasn’t challenged at his job. So, he’d let projects go until there were almost due, and then start work on them at the point where he thought that it was just nearly possible that he might not be able to make the deadline and then work at a furious pace. If Joe had been a chef, the danger would have been that he might have run out of thyme.
Instead, it was a way to keep himself challenged and in the game.
Being a blanket weaver must be the worst. They always have a looming deadline.
That’s not for me, either. The challenge was a real challenge, but it was artificial. It didn’t make Joe better. It just kept Joe’s job interesting enough so he wasn’t bored enough at work to dial random numbers and say, “I’ve hidden the body. Now what?”
So, I thought about it. And thought about it.
What was a challenge big enough? What could be my vision?
It turned out it was this place. That’s the reason I keep hitting my deadlines on my posts. Not every post ends up the way I imagined it would when the idea came into my head – sometimes the posts take on a life of their own in the writing. And sometimes I have to take two or three runs at an idea until I get exactly the post I was looking for.
I was looking for a challenge, for meaning.
What’s the difference between death and taxes? Death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.
So, I decided to give my life more meaning than that poor man who installs turn signals on BMWs®. Now, on a given day when I come home from work, I’m a bit tired, but when I reach for the keyboard, it feels good. I have a goal, a challenge, and meaning.
These things don’t come from without, they come from within. Even if the circumstances are already there, they have to be recognized and acted upon.
Now what?
If you don’t have a vision of what you want to achieve, make one.
If your life doesn’t have meaning, give it meaning.
These things are in your hands.
That’s what.
Ha, good stuff. In the exact situation. Became secretary to a large club and write a newsletter each month, don’t know where it comes from (failed English 101 3 times in college,lol) but fun to do and everybody has a good laugh over it. I’ve run a laboratory for 30 hrs, time to pass on the burden.
It does come down to passing it on – sometimes, that becomes our legacy . . .
Yep, goals / challenges/ and help a neighbor especially if there’s chainsaws involved. I was a man of the sea for years then a farmer/gardener. Strengths built on those near and learning who to trust. Keep on keeping on!
Farmer and gardner are going to be skills in demand this year . . . !
Sigh. I always feel so inadequate when you write one of you “Get off your ass and DO something” articles. When I was in high school I picked for my yearbook senior quote from the magnificent poem Ulysses (https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45392/ulysses) :
Come, my friends,
‘Tis not too late to seek a newer world….
…for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
Idealism is a young man easily embracing the words of an old man. When you’re actually the old man, it’s much harder to be idealistic. And much more necessary.
I *really* like that last paragraph. I’m intending to steal it – but will be honest enough to attribute it to ‘-Ricky’.
I hope you’ll enjoy your new found fame. The fortune part is up to you.
(I had a friend that used to say that given a choice between fame and fortune, he’d choose fortune. He said that if you have enough money, fame is easy.)
I’m honored. Thanks for the tip o the hat.
My highschool poem below. Not feeling up to the Wilder snuff, much less that of the [patriarch’s last name, redacted] these days.
Thank God for men willing to say “You can do better. You must.”
Be strong!
We are not here to play, to dream, to drift;
We have hard work to do, and loads to lift;
Shun not the struggle–face it; ’tis God’s gift.
Be strong!
Say not, “The days are evil. Who’s to blame?”
And fold the hands and acquiesce–oh shame!
Stand up, speak out, and bravely, in God’s name.
Be strong!
It matters not how deep intrenched the wrong,
How hard the battle goes, the day how long;
Faint not–fight on! To-morrow comes the song.
Excellent, excellent stuff.
Very good stuff. We’ve only got so many days – it’s how we use them . . .
‘…to dial random numbers and say, “I’ve hidden the body. Now what?” ‘
I miss the ’90s. You’d be Karen’d if you tried that today.
Yep – CallerID took all the fun out of prank calls…
Yup, I got caller ID for $4 a month and ruined at least one kid’s afternoon . . .
Business travel was pretty cool for a short time. You mean I am required to stay at the Ritz Carlton and I get $50 for meals? What, not $50 per day but $50 per meal? Cool, sign me up! That quickly turned into waking up and wondering what city I was in.
You had a better budget and better accommodations than I did for business travel. Motels were often between the pawn shop, strip club, and liquor store. Dinner on one trip was a microwave burrito at an all night truck stop. Was told to save money while traveling, but don’t stay anywhere you feel you are in danger. Good times, and I learned a lot.
So, avoid New Jersey?
Yeah, I’ve had the same experience. Or a variation where staying in REALLY nice hotels sucks because the per diem for food is gone after breakfast. Like hotels with a “bath concierge” to help you with your bathing options…
I certainly saw the inside of a lot of hotels, convention centers, airports, and client offices. I occasionally saw something heartbreakingly beautiful, or that no one else would ever see again, but those were much less frequent than seeing bodily fluids on the walls or windows of the hotel room.
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@Arthur – been there, done that. At one time, it got so bad that I had to look for the phone book to verify what city I was in. So – yep.
Reaper cushions. Grooooooaaaaaaan. Buncha truly awful ones today! Bravo!
Thank you!
Our rule varied – mainly “eat like you eat at home” so I had ramen and chicken soup, which tastes like poverty.
Actually, I had more than my share of lobster.
Your post puts me in mind of the challenge I faced ages ago after dragging my wife and me out of credit hell. We were very young and very stupid with money and very quickly ended up very deep in debt. Crippling, crushing debt. I was making great money on overtime, but we spent it faster than I earned it, landing us in credit gaol.
Too proud and too responsible to declare bankruptcy, I could not simply walk away. So I had my epiphany, shredded ALL the cards, paid cash for everything and devised a fiendishly clever plan for our resurrection. ‘Fiendishly clever’ being a euphemism for ‘Went to work on Monday and came home to visit sporadically through the next two years until all of the debt was paid off’.
Only then came the challenge, to wit, NOW what do I do? We were out of debt, but flat-a$$ broke, too. Pitching pennies into the till (i.e. saving money) was no fun at all when the bottom line would only increase from $50 to $55 on a week without O/T. I recall feeling directionless and demoralized without that debt windmill, terrible as it was, to tilt at. Elaborate spreadsheets showing where every nickel was going, updated weekly for two years, suddenly became pointless.
So I took up knitting.
No, actually, I forced myself to redirect my focus toward saving money, rather than spending it, and became a world-class cheapskate (hence ‘Two Buck’ Chuck, which my bride will likely insist is actually a rather generous assessment). And I learned to like it. The challenge became How little can we live on while still maintaining dignity and avoid being arrested for vagrancy?
Now that it has become as easy so late in our careers as shooting fish in a barrel, we are trying to teach ourselves how to spend it again. Responsibly, this time.
Being cheap is a virtue, especially if you do it really well. If you have shelter, food, and each other, most everything else is a luxury.
John, since you visit my blog you already know I’m in a big “What now?” period of life. To be honest, I haven’t had to ask myself that question because I’ve got The Missus, who is really really good at making To Do lists. As an alternative I’m considering dipping my toes into some type of crime, preferably one that comes with about six months of solitary confinement. It’ll provide some needed “Me” time.
Other than that, retirement is going well.
Bawahahaha. Don’t tell my husband of your plan. : )
The Mrs. here has the same thing, but I like sleep sooooo much.
Similar issue here, John. Daughter #1 is finishing her junior year of college Animal Science (and sitting on a 529 account). I took Daughter #2 to the airport Thursday morning for her one-year Army deployment. Wife is happy at her job. We carry no debt at all.
I was let go my full-time job at the end of first quarter, presumably for “working while being a white male.” I’m looking only at part-time now as I’d rather add to the stable of my fourteen novels in what little time is left to me.
Excellent idea! I need to catch up on those!
Mr. Wilder, I thank you. You have inspired me. I have a blog. I average maybe two posts a month. As a result, there’s a vague haze of Blog Guilt hovering around me. If you ever seem to see a cloud walking down the street, it’s probably me.
Or was. I hereby commit to a M – W – F posting routine, just like my role model. Memes and humor will be seldom-to-never, as I’m not trying to totally copy you. But … M – W – F.
M-W-F works for me – gives me days to sleep and catch up.
“:give it meaning”
Excellent point. 33 yrs ago, started my own business. Rough road for 2-3 years. Besides my daughters, it gives me a reason to get at it every day.
Indeed. And after we’ve accomplished big things, we need to look to what’s next.
Out of town projects took me away from my home to places too far to drive daily. It involved staying at motels, eating on what per-diem allowed (More than enough.) and dealing with new suppliers or contractors.
When I was younger, it was an adventure. As I aged, there was no thrill, and other than having the opportunity to explore new places, it wasn’t what I would call an adventure any longer. Added to the daily things to deal with, there was always something I needed to do at home, and had to wait. Catching up required more work with less time. All in all, the money reached the point it wasn’t enough to replace what I was missing, or neglecting. My ex-wife insured the money was spent foolishly, and my hopes of retiring early eventually disappeared when dissolving the marriage dissolved too much of my savings.
Retirement brought peace of mind. My challenge is to adapt to my new life, make the most of it, and avoid having to do what was demanded, but not fulfilling. I don’t have as much to spend, but money doesn’t buy time. That’s my diminishing resource, and more precious than ever before.
Indeed – time is all we have. That’s what life is made of.
John, I think your point about making less compromises is important. I find that as I get “older”, I am the same. Life is becoming a little shorter every day, and to spend it on things that are halfhearted or do not really have an impact is simply no longer acceptable.
And yes – for me, writing is the same. There is something about committing my words – even if they are pretty lousy sometimes – that is like nothing else.
Yes, even when I don’t end up with quite what I wanted, I learn something.