Thanksgiving 2023: PEZ, Garfield, and Lab-Grown Poodle

“Look, sit down, all right.  It ain’t cool being no jive turkey so close to Thanksgiving.” – Trading Places

(All memes A.I. today)

Turkeys can be thankful – they never have to worry about buying Christmas presents.

I’ve mentioned before, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  Most of the time it’s four or more days off for me, long enough not to be rushed.  It’s also a holiday that doesn’t have the desperation of Christmas, nor the somber elation of Easter.  Thanksgiving is peaceful for me.

Although I like to do this fairly often, at this time of year, I do like to sit back and think about the things that I’m thankful for.  It’s a long list, so, here it goes the Thanksgiving 2023 version:

I’m thankful for Pa and Ma Wilder, who took me in and then didn’t drown me.  I was an awful child.  How bad?  I caused more damage to our house than the First Gulf War.  To be fair, the First Gulf War didn’t really do much damage to our house.

If we’re not careful, Iraq may have to invade us to make sure our elections are free of corruption.

I’m thankful to my big brother, John Wilder, who pushed me into things that I needed to do, things that weren’t comfortable to me that helped me face difficulty and learn to overcome it.  I also threw up all over his school clothes one year.  Not sure how you get vomit out of a leather belt.

I’m thankful for Joe Biden, because there’s never been an easier, more corrupt, or more incompetent president to mock.  Joe has single-handedly turned more Zoomers to the Right than any living man.

I’m thankful for winter, because no matter how cold it gets I can still put on more clothes.  In the summer, there is a limit to how much clothing I can take off, or at least that’s what the police tell me.

I’m thankful for hot coffee on a cold winter morning when it’s silent as the snow keeps falling.

I’m thankful for PEZ®.  Because it’s PEZ™.

The Abyss, it speaks through Garfield®.  Odie™?  Not so much.

I’m thankful for each morning.  I hate mornings, but they’re better than the alternative.  Oh, wait, I like afternoons.  Sadly, everyone gets cross when I sleep into the afternoon.

I’m thankful that I have so few moments in life that are truly awful, and knowing that I can get over them because the world is actually a pretty great place, and I always know that there’s someone I can talk to, if I need to.  Thankfully, I don’t have many feelings like you humans er, nevermind.

I’m thankful for firearms.  They cause a lot of damage in the wrong hands, I’ll admit.  But they cause even more damage when they’re only in the hands of the government.  So if the government wants to have a gun-free world, they can disarm first.

I’m thankful for cats and dogs, but sorry cows taste so good.  Cows look like they might be good bros and fun to hang with, but, sorry.  They’re just too tasty.

I’m sorry, but how else will I create cowlamari?

I’m thankful for my close family, {The Mrs., kids).  For whatever reason, most of them seem to put up with me, or at least haven’t filed restraining orders.

I’m thankful that you, reader, come here on a regular basis to share your ideas with me.  I’m hopeful you get a chuckle or two.

I’m thankful for the taste of a turkey sandwich the day after Thanksgiving.  Toasted bread, mayo, turkey, mustard, some salt and pepper are enough.  Add in some lettuce and tomato if you have them, but they’re not required.

I’m very thankful for the time I have, and just wish there were more hours in a day.  As I grow older, I know the most precious of all things is our time and attention.  Of course, if I hadn’t eaten in a month or so, I’d probably be even more thankful for a gnawed pork chop bone.  But sitting here, right now?  It’s time.

In the future, will the Chinese be satisfied with lab-grown poodle?

I’m thankful to live in the time and place that I do.  I’m sure the past was wonderful, and I’m sure the future will be wonderful.  But, you know, there’s a problem with both of those.  My stuff is all here, and I’m not even sure how to pack for 1850 or 2432, I mean, what’s the weather like?

Lastly (and firstly), I’m thankful to the Creator.  It has been a weird ride so far, but enjoyable.  I’m sure I’ll figure out the “why” part in the end.  As Soren Kierkegard said, we can only understand the past from the vantage point of the future.  But he said it in Danish, so he probably sounded like the Swedish Chef® when he said it.

If the Swedish Chef™ is actually Danish, does that make him an artificial Swedener?

I hope that your Thanksgiving is peaceful, joyful, and that you are surrounded by those that love you, or at least by PEZ™ dispensers from another cosmic realm that may eat your soul.  Whichever you prefer.

What did I miss?  What are you thankful for?

Author: John

Nobel-Prize Winning, MacArthur Genius Grant Near Recipient writing to you regularly about Fitness, Wealth, and Wisdom - How to be happy and how to be healthy. Oh, and rich.

34 thoughts on “Thanksgiving 2023: PEZ, Garfield, and Lab-Grown Poodle”

  1. ” It’s a long list, so, here it goes the Thanksgiving 2024 version: ”

    I’m thankful that John W. is patient with copy-editor quibbling. Thanksgiving 2024 is a year out. Of course, it could be that John’s just being hyper-proactive, taking care of next year’s work now.

    Don’t know if I’ll make it to the livestream tonight or not. I seem to have a few of those pesky “things to do.”

    — James

  2. I am thankful for people with common sense, manners and some modicum of decency. I am thankful for music, most any kind, but have been settling into light jazz lately and it seems to suit the times for me. I am thankful for my family and friends. And I am thankful I have found a bit of community with you John, and the other like minded bloggers out there. Happy Thanksgiving everybody. Eat too much and take naps!

    1. Cows are a lot better bros than a large percentage of the humans I have to deal with

    2. Okay. I just saw one once that I thought might be cool to hang out and have a beer with. She’s off the list, now.

  4. John, I am thankful for the InterWeb – as aggravating as it is all the time, it has allowed us to build community (to be a fair, mostly a semi-literate dysfunctional community) where 40 years ago we were literally on our own. And all the usual stuff – family, friends, pets, swords (I mean, what is Thanksgiving without a katana?).

    Happiest of Thanksgivings.

  5. I am most thankful that God is getting ready to deal with this world. How do i know that? It was in the Bible that in the end times good will be bad and bad will be good and that everyone would do what they think is right in their own eyes.

    If that is not now I am sure i would have started to come back to rationality

  6. What am I thankful for? Good books. Sunny days. The crash of surf on the beach. Single malt scotch. The love of a good woman. Healthy children.

    Used books are cheap, Oban 14 is pricey, but the rest are free to the willing and fortunate.

    Have a joyous Thanksgiving, all.

  7. Firstly, I’m thankful for this blog that goads me to sometimes adjust my viewpoint. Thank you, John.

    Secondly, I’m thankful that, after the four F-35s flew over and our hearing returned, me and the total stranger in the supermarket parking lot could have a conversation which revealed our opposing viewpoints and we still parted amicably.

  8. Thankful for my family: wife who works so hard (I don’t) and my two daughters with Secret clearances who are likely doing things I do not want to know.

    I am thankful to God that, when I had my mid-life crisis nine years ago, he made me a SF writer instead of divorcing my wife, marrying a 20-yr-old hot blonde, and buying a fiery-red sportscar. The path I’m on now is MUCH cheaper.

    Aside: when it comes to living in the past, my go-to quote – from I forget who – is “Want to live in the past? I’ve one word for you, just one word: dentistry.”

  9. I just started reading your website a few months ago….and the more I read, the more I’m convinced that you are my evil twin (or maybe I’m the evil one but who’s counting?). You bring up esoteric thoughts that are identical to mine and are the sort of things that very few people ever think about. . My wife thinks I’m crazy when I say some of these things, and then I go onto your website and see you thinking the same thing. Weird huh? I would say “please get out of my head” but then I can show my wife your website and explain to her that I’m not the only one thinking these things. So I am thankful for you and your website, both for the humor and for helping to prove to my wife that I’m not crazy. You even mentioned in an earlier posting that you did numerical analysis (FEA I believe) in an earlier life. I still do it on a fairly regular basis and I’m sure you are aware of just how few people in the world can even relate to what is involved. It’s not like I can go to a party and strike up a conversation about new algorithms for matrix manipulation. Hope you have a great Thanksgiving and thanks again for proving to my wife that I’m not crazy.

  10. No Lettuce and Tomato are necessary, but CRANBERRIES on the sandwich are MANDATORY!

  11. My short list:
    • My dogs, both past and present.
    • The Missus, who chose me over 31 years ago (and I’ve been questioning her judgment ever since).
    • That she and I had the foresight to purchase the secluded land we live on over 25 years ago at a price that seems like pocket change compared to the current market.
    • A working septic system (honestly, I have nightmares in which it fails drastically).
    • That we collectively live better than Kings and Queens of just a hundred years ago.
    • Jellied cranberries with the indentations from the can, just like the first Thanksgiving.
    • Chainsaws.

  12. I’m thankful for John and others like him that can share a smile while pointing out where civilization is collapsing on the off chance some of it can be stopped. Nice writing sir!!

  13. Get used to talking to Father throughout your day, especially when something pleases you. Christ recommended it, so it’s probably at least as good as PEZ. Zesty and so tangy! People yammer about relationship with God, but never actually talk to Him.

    Each time you visit your dad, does he want to hear you asking for stuff? Not too much no. Some folks get thinking Papa’s a 7-11, just better stocked.

    Gratitude is the best prayer. His ear never tires hearing it, and then the door always stays open.

      1. Just talk to Him, amigo. It’s not a ceremony, it’s Papa. When something delights you, when you feel appreciative of a person, a piece of music, food on the plate, whatever, those are especially good times.

        And ditto. I am still a little confused that God, yep God, would even bother with me, much less bless me so generously. Not something I expected. Never gave God much thought most of my life.

    2. He also told us to. Yammer away about everything that troubles us, I mean. Think about when you were a little kid, Dad didn’t want you keeping your worries, and woes, and screwups, and hopes, and so on to yourself. He wanted you to fess up to them, and to ask for help when you need it. And accept his butt-kicking as well as his gentle hands.

      And yes, be grateful. Ask Him for help if you are not :-p One of His favorite wayward children did “Restore to me the joy of Thy salvation”. Sing it even.

      Grateful for all the frens I’ve made (those afar and present), and the fam I still have, and the beautiful world I get to live in.

      (N.B. Praying for other people helps. Not sure why, but that’s anoter one He said to do. When the great Designer hands you the cheat codes to Reality, why not use them?)

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